@leiiptr sent: “it’s good to see you again, my love, even if this is only a dream”
to see her linger on here is a comfort to me. even amidst so incorporeal a place, even while plagued by whatever dreams ljósálfheimr dares to bestow. this is a plesant one, and even if i am to know i am dreaming, i do not mind. what my eyes behold is enough for me. to know i have not forgotten her face, from her eyes to her smile, is enough. i will strike a deal to remember it every night if i could, if this is the only way i would. that, however, is a matter for the waking. i want to dream. i want to see her more completely, bereft of all the burdens she carried.
nothing in this world is fair, but i knew that already. i knew that from the start. i knew and i loved anyway, i knew and i lost anyway. why is it that good cannot last while my tears are to flow forever?? i wouldn’t think myself able to live a life like this, for my love to come to me only at night, but i do. for her, if only to have her so close, her face up against mine. how horrible it is that i am too afraid to speak, too afraid to touch. i fear she’ll vanish, or that i’ll disturb her like still water. i cannot even get myself to blink. my eyelids are heavy but i promise to carry that weight. i will cherish it, never waivering, never breaking. to see her just a little longer. it is all i want, all i need. just a little longer and i will be alright. i smile at her, it’s all i can manage without risking having this slip through my fingers. it’s all i can do to tell her i am living the best way i know how. i want her to wake with me, there’s so much i could tell her there. i’ve met plenty of new people and learned so many new things. i want to ask for just one day, we could sit over tea and talk for awhile. i could get her to laugh, tell her how much i miss her. i think it’d be easier for me to that way.
what i want does not matter, what i do to remain doesn’t either. whatever laws this world abides by demands i must wake eventually, no matter the dream. how cruel it is that they’d take it from me, something so sweet and benign. how quickly guilt rolls through me. there are so many things i should’ve done, but i just stood there and stared. i knew it wasn’t real. it is only when faced with reality that i realize that didn’t matter to me. i could’ve held her, and above all else, i could have simply said:
yeah, it’s good see you again too.
