marlo blog

it's hard to imagine that nothing at all could be so exciting, could be this much fun

[portalibis]

3 depictions of Naga Couple Naga and Nagini, 9th-10 Century CE. First is in Indian Museum, Kolkata and last two in State Museum, Bhopal. India

[boykathy]

[illusoryfem]

[oneheadtoanother]

[leisureaddiction]

saw a new therapist and she was so alarmist about how i'm on seroquel and not in SS/SNRI's that i never want to go back. lol. also i don't think i like her more generally, for one she thinks anxiety is curable which it obviously isn't and anybody who thinks they can fix me is just going to find me frustrating because i'm so highly therapised. but having to speedrun my whole fucked life situation to somebody i don't like is horrible enough as it is and I feel sick hours later. i know everybody thinks it's all my fault because i don't meditate and do yoga and go to the gym and apply for 20 jobs a month or just brute force it through going off seroquel or think of something to study And Then apply for 20 jobs a month until i die bc I'm 34 and a qualification isn't going to matter when i have worked so little like I'm 5 years away from being so old nobody wants to hire you anymore anyway and i can't even think of a single qualified job that doesn't fill me with fear and dread anyway that isn't so insanely competitive I'd have a hope in hell of ever persevering long enough to get it. i try to think of anything small i could do to work towards things getting better but all the answers are so huge and hopeless in the amount of work and distress they would take with no promise of a light at the end of the tunnel. i'm too weak in spirit to persevere with things that are brutalizing but also have incredibly low dividends. the kind of effort i would have to put in to try and overcome a life spent not doing any of the stuff you're supposed to do

[leisureaddiction]

i just wish i could think of literally anything. and by literally anything i mean things that won't be so enormously difficult they are probably unachievable and risk blowing up my spot for nothing except further self-loathing and hopelessness. something like where i might actually succeed. to start fixing my life somehow

[leisureaddiction]

wish my health were better and my job were less fucked and i could bear to work more. im back to barely sustaining myself with the money i get from work and interest rates. and if i were on the DSP without the interest money and paying body corp on an apartment it would be even worse. and if i can't get DSP and end up being insecure on job seeker forever what will i even do. i wish there was financial counselling that was actually helpful and not a grift. i don't think that even becoming a landlord, my final option, would even allow me to have any savings. i would be renting myself, living hand to mouth and still unable to save and therefore unable to afford the expenses of maintaining the property

[leisureaddiction]

it's so fucking retarded that it costs me $35 every time to see a doctor because my regular one who out of the kindness of their heart bulk bills me is on leave. not realising i needed two scripts refilled not one is going to cost me $70 and i feel like killing myself over it

[kudeita]

corridors, pt. 2

[leisureaddiction]

sucks that i associate all my favourite podcasts with being at work so it stresses me out to listen to them at other times now

[sobcat]

i can't believe they let me be in charge of myself

[erotic4e]

[leisureaddiction]

i hate the daily smoothie i have to have for basic nutrition given my general distate for cooking and eating. but i make and consume it anyway

[bleedthebeat]

[bleedthebeat]

[bleedthebeat]

don’t worry about it

[dreamstars]

[lourensz]

[achillesinhighheels]