Literature is gay.

May//she/her//studyblr?//English Literature and Creative Writing, 1st year//poetry lover :)//send me book reccomendations!

[lemonadewonderland]

This is my desk!! It’s a little messy at the moment, and my pens are scattered around the back of my laptop (I haven’t managed to go into town yet to get some pots- if anyone has any good suggestions for places to get them from, lmk!). 

It’s officially my first week of uni! I had a lecture Monday, and a welcome talk today (or yesterday, it’s about 12:44am right now whoops) but I’m really loving my course so far :) Everything counts to get that first!!! Saying that, I need to try and work more during the day rather than at night. 

Until tomorrow! Or the next time I update this...

[lemonadewonderland]

Freshers Week in lockdown.

This is something I wrote the other day, and I am still not 100% sure about posting something this honest and raw, but I think it’s important to post this.  Here goes.

I moved in exactly a week ago, and for the first couple nights, I went to some parties, drank a lot and generally just enjoyed myself. But days went by incredibly fast, and with no control over what happens, it got scary pretty quick. 

I stopped going out and socialising with others four days ago. I still partied and drank more than I should have with my flatmates, but I no longer venture past our kitchen. My flatmates still do, and I can’t do anything about that, which I’ve accepted. 

There’s police cars and security that drive past my window every single night after 10pm. I hear drunk people shouting “RUN!” and I pull down every blind in our flat, in case the police knock on our door. I turn off the oven, every kitchen appliance to avoid any noise. I wear a hoodie everywhere, my hands shake, and I watch Netflix until I can convince myself that it’s okay to fall asleep. 

But I also hear people making friends. My flatmates having deep, heart-to-heart drunk conversations in the hall they’ll probably forget in the morning. People singing along to Come On Eileen at two in the morning. I feel left out. I should be able to do those things. But I can’t. 

Someone living near me has been tested positive for coronavirus. I can still hear the parties raging on tonight, the tipsy singing. My meaningless concern for others remain; so does the inexplicable, inescapable feeling of being left behind.

[lemonadewonderland]

I apologise how crap this video is! I made it on tiktok, I wanted to make a little post about my uni pencil cases and things, but I don’t actually know how to make proper “studytube” videos. Anyway, this is what i keep in my pencil cases, and yes I know, I have a stationery addiction.

[lemonadewonderland]

Where can I find cheap books?

Why are uni-specific books so expensive? I’m somehow expected to buy a criticism book that costs £32 :((( eek!! If anyone can give me any websites to get cheap books, it will be very much appreciated!! (I buy a lot from amazon used/ebay but anything else would be so great!!)

[lemonadewonderland]

Study playlist

So I think that maybe no one cares, but here’s my study playlist! I regularly add more songs to it, but this thing keeps me going for AGES. Four hours to be exact! See it here!

[lemonadewonderland]

Fuelling my highlighter addiction... I FINALLY got some Mildliners! I absolutely love the grey one (a weird highlighting colour) and the lime green. I can’t quite get the hang of the loopy cursive aesthetic writing people are doing, but they don’t go through book pages as I’ve found sometimes the more bright highlighters do. Also I just bought some BIC pastel ones! I love the variety of colour and plus they were on offer for £5! Not as cheap as the standard pink/green/yellow ones, but it made my day :)

[lemonadewonderland]

Apologies for the absolute STATE of these- I am desperately running out of note cards, pens and highlighters (I’ve ordered some mildliners!). But I wanted to show some of my driving theory revision, since I’m trying to make this a studyblr. I probably won’t be starting any uni stuff until maybe the end of this month. Apart from maybe reading some of the books on the list. 

[lemonadewonderland]

My actual A level grades

Thankfully!! The government has decided to use our centre assessed grades, meaning I actually got BCC in my a levels. I’m so much more pleased! Even though part of me really wishes I could’ve taken my exams, and I really really really wanted a B in Psychology and an A in English, I am glad I got BCC as my final grades. I think my original D in psychology is why I was so down on results day, even though I got into my dream university and dream course. It really didn’t feel reflective of the work I had done in Psychology, and I am hella relieved to find out my teacher sent in for a C for me! 

Part of me still thinks I shouldn’t have got in, and that I wouldn’t have actually got those grades had I sat the exam. But I also massivley overthink everything and have so much self doubt all the time and never think I’m going to succeed ever, so, I guess I’m really taking myself and my own judgements with a pinch of salt! 

[lemonadewonderland]

driving theory test ://

So I have my driving theory test in FOUR days and ummm I know next to nothing. I know some basic signs, and by that I mean the stop and give way signs. 

BUT, one thing the DVLA don’t know is, I’m a professional procrastinator. I can stretch one hour worth of work over six hours or complete six hours worth of work in half an hour. I think I got this. 

[lemonadewonderland]

The reading list?!

Ummm so,,,,,, I can’t find the reading list for my course and I’m on a group chat with some of my future classmates and I already feel insanely behind. I feel like everyone else is a genius! Also I keep name dropping LGBTQ+ writers and no one is picking up and I’m dying a little. aaa it is what it is I guess! eek! feeling a little out of depth.

[lemonadewonderland]

A level results day!

Okay, so huge day!! To be perfectly honest, I was absolutely shitting myself. I stayed up all night researching clearing (even though I already had an in-depth travel-itinerary style back up plan, colour coded to death on word, printed out, and saved on a memory stick. Just in case my laptop crashed, y’know?) and I binge watched Jack Edwards and all the other studytubers. I watched more and more of people opening their A levels. I wrote nine solid pages of anxiety in my brand new journal from Typo, and cried. A lot.

I started refreshing the UCAS page and my college website at around six am and got more scared every time I clicked the button. Safe to say, it really wasn’t fun when the whole site and my college site crashed at 8am. I finally got on the site at 8:47am, and realised I’d got into Cardiff!!!! I’m so happy, it was my late application and hence first choice, and I’m still so over the moon. 

Until,,,,, I looked at my actual results. I got a B in English Literature and Language (incredibly happy), a C in Sociology (wowie), a D in Psychology (I’m kinda mad, I’m getting it appealed hopefully to change to a C), and a C in my Extended project (highkey very disheartened). Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that I got into Cardiff, but I really wanted to take those exams. I know BCD isn’t anything to be ashamed of, and I am really happy with English and Sociology, but it’s hard to look at results lower than my mock and predicted and be completely happy. I guess I just feel a bit let down because there isn’t a lot I can do about it now apart from hope it can be changed. 

I went into my college to see my friends, which was so lush, I saw my teachers too so that was great! I was so excited to tell my English teacher I got into Cardiff (I already kinda emailed her but I was literally jumping I was so happy) and we were chatting about it for a bit. My first year teacher said I was the happiest student they’d see all day and it made her day which was so sweet and I was absolutely vibing. I saw one of my friends who I haven’t seen in SIX MONTHS (whaaat) and I found out my friend from Psychology is also going Cardiff!  I got my picture taken with my mum and we went home and I slept for an hour, I was absolutely shattered :’) I went to the beach, swam in the sea and had fish and chips with my mum and my best friend.

Overall, biggest hype I got into CARDIFF UNIVERSITY :))) and I’m going to try and get my appeal through. But I’m a very happy bunny.