hey friends. so this is pretty important and i’d appreciate it if you took the time to read this.if you don’t, that’s okay. the long story short of everything i’m about to say is that i’ve made the decision to drop leo and sullivan. i’ll be helping meg make a final decision about the main, but if we do stay open, i’ll be dropping from that too. and i’m going to explain why. i can’t promise it’ll be clear because of the state my mind is in right now but i’m gonna try.
i’m saying right now that this is going to be very trigger heavy so read with caution.
i want to stay on a positive note by saying this has been the longest lasting and easily the best group i’ve ever opened / been apart of. groups die out so easily now and i was so mesmerized and impressed with how well we did. i love all of you guys, even my newest friends, and i thank you for you endless support.
however, as of recently, we’ve been under fire for some issues and i’ve been addressing it on the main but nothing seems to be working. in fact, i posted a long, detailed post about inclusion and diversity, and someone took it upon themselves to send out hate right after. that’s literally just ... ridiculous. it’s ridiculous. i try to address things as professionally possible but at this point, there’s too many issues sprouting from 700 directions and i’m no longer able to control it. there’s hate against the main, there’s hate against the members, there’s hate against people who aren’t even in the group anymore. there’s too much hate being spread. and i’m not blaming anything or anyone specifically. but i am saying that no matter how many times i try to campaign for this to be a better, safer place, there’s more hate spread. i want to make a quick note that because i covered the diversity issues on the dash yesterday, i likely won’t be covering that in this post because it’s already going to be very long but please note that that is a huge underlying topic of this post.
every group is going to have issues and yes, i know that we had/have things that need to be resolved and i was working to resolve them. meg and i were putting measures in place to make it more diverse ( with the help of suggestions ), measures in place to make it more welcoming, etc. etc. and for a minute, i was confident that things would be good. however, the constant sending of hate has once again became and issue, and now targeted one of our members. where this typically would’ve been something we could address on the main, the way things have been handled lately just . ... isn’t allowing that. it’s like we’re expected to take a guess at who’s sending hate and kick them out. and i know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s true.
the big picture right now is that this has been blown so heavily out of proportion that any means i have to attempt to resolve issues is just backfiring and honestly, feels completely useless. i’m in no means saying that there weren’t issues; however, these are things that could’ve been fixed if the whole situation was handled differently. i am always, 100% willing to talk but it’s come to the point where i can make admin posts until my face is blue and i’ll be lucky is 10 of you read it and take it to heart. clearly, the one yesterday went completely unnoticed by someone. and i know that if this entire thing was addressed differently, if we could talk things out privately instead of spreading hate, we would’ve been able to ratify it in a different way.
my point here is that you can’t ratify hate with hate. you can’t fight for something by sending hate. and this is a blanket statement to anyone involved who’s contributed to hate. i’m in no mood to point fingers because at this point, i’m too tired and mentally ill to keep myself going.
my decision to leaves spouts from the fact that i am pushing myself to the very limit trying to pull this group out of the ground and normally, i wouldn’t stop fighting but my mental health is suffering and that’s not fair to me. i’ve been open with you guys about my depression and my anxiety, and if a damn roleplay group is bringing back thoughts i haven’t had in months, i think it’s time for me to call it quits. it’s honestly just ridiculous that it has to come to this and i am so so saddened to even be making this post. i care for you guys so much, but i have to put myself first. i have to think about what’s best for my mental health and right now, being petrified to open the inbox because i’m nervous i’m going to see name calling and death threats and all this other shit is just ... it’s not okay. it’s not okay that this has gotten so bad that it’s making myself and others mentally ill.
my main point here is that this is a group. this is for fun. i understand that it deals with real life issues but everyone has to understand there’s an appropriate way to seek change and everything that’s been going on here isn’t it. this is absolutely no way to hope things get better. like i said, you can’t ratify hate with hate. you can’t expect things to change by sending hateful messages or making hateful posts. and i’m not putting the blame on anyone in specific, i’m saying everyone involved; posters, the admins, the anons, etc. none of us handled this situation properly and it’s beyond the point of repair. for me, at least. it needs to be understood the effects that hate has on people.
again, please note that i’m not trying to act like there weren’t issues. i am aware and i wanted nothing more than to be able to fix it. and do i think we could’ve had this been addressed differently? absolutely. but right now, i think it’s best that i step down because it’s more important to me, as someone who suffers from severe mental health issues, to part while i’m still able to control my thoughts.
if you read all the way down here, thank you for taking the time to hear my thoughts. i do love you guys, and if you’d like to contact me, please send me an im for my discord or skype because i’d be more than happy to keep in touch.
love, ren.
