i've been having the same nightmare every night the past few weeks. i'm walking through an empty field. i start running, and suddenly im stopped by some strange force, as if a forcefield is just in front of me, preventing me to move on, as if im missing a certain quest or item, and i cant move on until i have it in my inventory, in my hand. suddenly, this enormous monster with no real shape appears in front of me, and it just stares. it doesnt speak, it doesnt move, it just stands there. all of a sudden, it'll just jump at me, and i wake up. and it keeps repeating. but last night, it was different. i can tell when my dreams are dreams, but this one felt real. it started out as normal, in a field, monster appears, but this time, he - it? - speaks to me.
"why do you keep coming back?" he asks, "i'm sorry? what do you mean by that?", i'm confused, astounded by how he accuses me of such a thing, as if i was choosing to come back here every night.
"well, i always tell you never to come back, but you keep coming back. at first i thought you just didn't understand the language i was speaking in, but after trying every language in the human dialect, i decided you were just ignoring my warnings.", it explains this to me as if im a child, and this was the easiest concept to understand.
"well i'm sorry to break it to you, but you haven't said anything to me ever. and it's not like i have a choice, this is a dream after all. you aren't real, you're just in my head".
"oh sweet child, you can't even tell the difference between fantasy and reality. you humans are all the same..." he pauses, looks at me with curiosity, " although, i suppose you aren't human, unlike the others who show up here", he continues.
at this point, im afraid and confused. what does he mean by 'not human'? of course i'm human, i live on earth, what else could i possibly be? and what could he mean by the 'others'? are other people having this same dream?
"well, you must have me mistake then, i am human. maybe you thought i was someone else? perhaps a relative of one of the 'others'? which, out of curiosity, what does that even mean? 'others'?", forget confused, im curious now. i want to know what this thing is and why it's been living in my head the past few weeks.
"oh you haven't heard? well i guess you are pretty new at this whole thing. but like i told you earlier, and the many times before that, you should leave. and stop coming back here, it's dangerous for your kind". he starts to usher me away, but i'm not going that easy.
i stand firm in my place, and as two hands emerge from his body to push me out, they pass right through me. i dont flinch, but the monster does, as if this shocks him, as if he wasn't expecting this to happen.
"not happening. you implied i wasn't human, and said it was dangerous here for my 'kind'. what the hell does that mean? and why do you seem so scared of me right now?" im shooting question after question out at this thing, waiting for an answer within the 1-second intervals i'm giving in-between each question my brain comes up with and shoots out.
"how do you not know what your own kind is? and how do you not realise on your own why i'm scared of you? we're not even speaking in human dialect! haven't you realized?!" instead of questions, he starts asking even more questions back, and all of a sudden he's waiting for an answer from me, whereas i am becoming more confused by the second.
"how about this, i'll ask the questions first, and for every answer you give, i'll answer one of your crazy questions? deal?", i hold out my hand for him to shake. warily, he grabs it, and it's like i feel something being torn away from me. i guess we'll find out in time what that thing is.
"fine. first of all, no, you are not human, i'd know if you were. all humans have a stench to them. thing is, i'm not entirely sure what you are, but if you'd let me search your soul i'm sure we'll both find an answer we're happy with. second of all, i wasn't that scared, mostly confused by you and what you managed to do." he stops for a moment, "now it's your turn to answer my questions." he stares at me suggestively, "well? im waiting... go on!" he urges me.
"if you don't know what my 'kind' is, how did you expect me to know? i'm not entirely sure what i did or what i even am, so honestly, i'm scared and confused too. and i hadn't realised we weren';t speaking in 'human dialect', so please, explain, what language are we speaking in?". this goes on for ages. question and answer, question and answer, over and over again.
eventually we get somewhere, and between each answer he gives me, i get a flash of memories in front of my eyes, and im starting to see things much clearer.
suddenly, we both stop and just stare at each other. he starts to shrink down to my size, and he asks me one final question:
"so tell me, creature..." he stares at me, expecting the most amazing answer to a question i havent even heard yet, "why do you keep trying to understand me?".
i stare at him for a moment, trying to think of an answer to a question that i hadn't even considered until this very moment.
i start, "i guess we all just need to be understood, even when we don't understand ourselves. don't you think?".
romaincrisis
2087
amandla
turnnoffyourmind
vaporwave
origamiaround
