Lesbian Advice

Lesbian advice from lesbians without the hate, but full of love. mod Azure they/them mod Jan she/her

[lesbian--advice]

Hey, do you have any advice on how to confess your love to a girl who is most probably straight and not gonna reciprocrate you feelings any way(even if she is into girls)?

Hello,

Honestly, just throw caution to the wind and go for it. If they're straight and you're not worrying about consequences. Just go straight for it.

Throw caution to the wind my dear. 💋

- Azure

[lesbian--advice]

(2)...Once she told me her plan what kind of men to date at what time and when I wanted to object something she cut me off and said bluntly "yeah that works with women too. Do you want to tell me something?" I was really confused and gave an evasive answer but she looked so smug when I answered and I don't know how she knows I'm gay like no one ever suspects that, I'm always passing for straight. Do you think I should tell her I have feelings for her? (Sorry for the long text)

Hiii! I think that you should tell her that you like her! Hopefully it all goes well.

Hope this helps ❤️❤️

~Jan🌻🥰

[lesbian--advice]

hi so i came out as a lesbian like 5 years ago but i went through a messy breakup and thought maybe i was bisexual but i’m dating a guy right now and he’d been my friends for years and now i think i am actually a lesbian and i just don’t know what to do and i can’t break up with him bc it would hurt him and ruin our friend group but i just don’t want to date guys anymore i just want to be a lesbian and talk to women and i feel stuck and trapped and idk what to do next

Hiii! I don’t think you should stay where you’re not happy. I think that you should be open and honest with him. If he’s truly a friend he will understand!

Hope this helps!

~Jan🌻💕

[lesbian--advice]

for some time now i’ve identified as bi and only told my closest friend but lately i’ve been thinking that maybe i’m lesbian bc i’ve realized that my relationships with men have never been lasting and i’ve never really felt anything. my problem is that i haven’t been with a woman ever, so idk if i should just wait until i’ve had experiences with women to label my sexuality correctly?

Hiii! You should try out some experiences with women before you decide!

Hope this helps 💗

~Jan🌻💜

[lesbian--advice]

so there’s this girl I’ve been texting. We both like girls. We both compliment each other all the time. We text every night and say i love you but like as friends I guess. I think I’m into her. Help?

Hii! I think that you should tell her that you like her and see where it goes.

Hope this helps😍

~Jan🌻

[lesbian--advice]

Okay so uhh,, I have a crush on my best friend. We’ve been friends for a few months, and close for a few weeks. They don’t want a relationship atm (which I’m fine w lol) but that doesn’t stop my a-hole heart 🤩 I just need to get this out somewhere I’m,,, pretty sure they don’t have an account lol. Anyways right now, it’s kinda to the point we’re virtual roommates (multiple day streak falling asleep on call, calling most times were free, etc.) and yeAH! Might add onto this later but any advice?

Hello,

If they’re not ready for a relationship. Then they’re not ready. It’s not a choice you can make for them. You need to either move on or be stuck in eternal pinning. You’re always welcome to come rant to us though.

It’s just not something that's up to you.  💋

- Azure

[lesbian--advice]

So... I've had a massive crush on one of my close friends who lives in another country for the better part of 3-4 years. It's one of those ones that kind of goes away (either on its own or because I try to ignore it). I'd like to say something to them, but I also don't want to run the risk of ruining or making our friendship awkward. We're both lesbians and single and I'd love the chance to actually try out dating, but I also have terrible anxiety over it. (NTM I've never actually dated before)

Hello,

Darling I know it's scary. But the best thing to do is jump. Take the leap. Tell her what you just told me. You don't want to ruin the friendship, but you like her. If she doesn't like you back cool. If she does, try it out. You guys can always go back to being friends if dating doesn't work out. Unless either of you do something really stupid.

It's a leap of faith and you gotta take the plunge. 💋

- Azure

[lesbian--advice]

hello so um I am a non binary lesbian and I’ve been struggling with really liking this girl wanting to tell her but also being in the closet at home/in a homophobic environment. how should I go about telling her without like....outing myself to my family? Is the risk of my family knowing even worth it? I’ve really been wanting a relationship, specifically with her, and idk what to do.

Hello,

Darling you don't need to come out to anyone you don't want to. Now as for the girl. You can date her and be in the closet. You just have to lie a little or stretch the truth. Wanna go on a date, then you're studying with a friend or grabbing coffee with a schoolmate. I'm not advising lie to your parents about everything. Just this. Just tell her "hey I'm not out to my parents" and don't hang out at your house.

You just gotta be careful about it. 💋

- Azure

[lesbian--advice]

hii, i have a bit of a problem. ive identified as asexual in the past, even though i’ve had a boyfriend (things never progressed as far as sex because i was always uncomfortable), but a couple of days ago me and my 2 best friends got drunk. one of them is openly gay. so she cuddled me for like 2 hours, we talked and almost kissed and for the last couple of days i’ve been having gay thoughts™️. also i’ve never gotten aroused when thinking about sexual stuff with men, but it’s different with her

Hello,

You can be biromantic and homosexual. You can be an asexual lesbian. Labels are for you to decide. You can just say you’re queer or gay. If you like girls, you like girls. Don’t want sex. Don’t have it. Just be yourself and date whoever you want. 

Just be yourself. 💋

- Azure

[lesbian--advice]

1 i had sex w my gf yesterday for the 1 time & i dont think she liked it i looked at how 2s & diagrams but honestly i couldn’t really tell where all her stuff was bc it looked so different from mine i couldn’t spread it & there was some hair. i ended up hlping her finish w just my fingers while we kissed. i think she felt bored just laying there when i was in her legs. 2 she likes when i take control push her around a bit but im shy&i dont have experience but i want 2 make things good 4 her hlp

Hello,

So it sounds like you need to talk to her about this. Ask her what she would like you to do next time. Talk to her about what you’re comfortable with. If you guys can’t agree on something, you don’t need sex to have a healthy relationship. If you’re happy together, that’s all you need. 

Communication is the most important thing. 💋

- Azure

[lesbian--advice]

Hey so I'm in a relationship at the moment with an amazing girlfriend, I'm worried that I will make a mistake that I won't be able to "fix" or we won't be able to work it out. What should I do about this? It almost seems like it's going too well to be true. Just reply when you can, no rush and thanks for any advice that you may have

Hello,

So first, take a deep breath. It just sounds like you’re having anxiety, which is normal. Just talk to her. Let her know this is something you’re anxious about. Communication is key. Text her if that’s easier for you. Just have the conversation and make your worries known. You never know. She might have some same fears and worries.  

Just talk to her. It’s the easiest way. 💋

- Azure

[lesbian--advice]

Hi, I recently started work in a factory and my team leader called me aside and started asking me questions e.g. hobbies. And it turns out we're both from the same place nationality wise, so she kept probing me and eventually I told her I've studied sports and fitness is my passion she said "That confirms my suspicions, that you're gay". I have been questioning my sexuality lately so I panicked and said no I'm not gay. However our culture/religion doesn't allow same sex relations ~ part 1

Part 2 ~ and she said she doesn't mind and that she knows loads of girls of our race to be closet gays and that shes been observing me and I must be gay, with how I dress, walk and talk. She said even if I don't realise it right now I will later on. I honestly feel confused and just need help because I do like girls but when I was confronted like that I got scared. Any advice would be great thank you

Hello,

It’s not up to anyone else who you are. Congrats you give off gay vibes, that doesn't mean you are. You’re allowed to just be you. Be attracted to whoever you’re attracted to. Honestly, she sounds rude. Who does she think she is that she can decide who you are for you? A god? I think not. 

It’s not her place to tell you who you are. So be yourself. 💋

- Azure

[lesbian--advice]

If a girl gets aroused by girls but doesn’t think about sex with girls does that mean she is a lesbian? Like every time I see a girls butt jiggle I loose my mind. Idk if straight girls look at girls butts. I haven’t had an actually crush on a girl. So in my mind I am straight. I’ve been wondering why I feel this way when I see hot girls. Thank you!

Hello,

Being a lesbian is being sexually and romantically attracted to women. So yeah, if you’re thinking some ladies are hot, then you’re a lesbian. But keep an open mind, you could always be bi or biromantic and homosexual. None of those are bad things. Really, it’s up to you what you label yourself as. You can just say you're queer or gay. If you find out later you’re not, that’s okay too. You’re allowed to change your labels. You’re allowed to explore who you are and who you’re attracted to. 

You’re allowed to be you. Labels or not. 💋

- Azure

[enby-life]

Nonbinary lesbians are ACTUALLY nonbinary. They’re not “confused women”

Nonbinary lesbians are ACTUALLY lesbians. They’re not “stealing terminology”

Nonbinary lesbians exist. Nonbinary lesbians are wonderful. Nonbinary lesbians deserve every bit of love and respect that we give to other members of the community.

[lesbian--advice]

hi, this is gonna sound super weird but i need help dealing with some really bad lesbophobia. i've just started calling myself actually "lesbian" (i id'd as bi until this year) & now that i'm more or less ok with my attraction to women / non-attraction to men, i thought my internalized stuff would be gone but it's back as just homophobia? i keep thinking i'm "not like other lesbians" or feeling revulsion for ppl i deem as "fake lesbians" :( i don't want to feel disconnected from wlw like this

Hi

I'm not really sure how to help other than to offer my sympathies and understanding. Internal lesbophobia is just that internal. It's a struggle inside you. I know it's hard but this is something you have to do. You're always welcome to come and talk and ask questions. Try seeking out positivity.

I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help. 💋

- Azure

[sapphos-darlings]

Hi, I hope you won’t mind me cutting in to throw my own two cents here!

I think most lesbians go through something like this, and so many of us can relate. Your experience is not something that cuts your off from the rest of us, but a pain we can understand. Hang in there!

Also, the fact that you have come to realize that you are a lesbian and have started to call yourself that tells me that you are in fact dealing with your internal conflict. You have just taken a huge step forward, recognized your feelings and accepted the true nature of them. You know you are a lesbian. That’s definitely something, and you should remember that especially now that you’re struggling towards the next step.

Feelings of insecurity and doubting others stem from your internalized lesbophobia and fear. You feel bad, so you reflect that back to others. It sounds to me like you both fear belonging and not belonging among lesbians. Perhaps you feel like a newcomer yourself since you have previously thought you were bi?

It’s okay. In your message you have recognized several problems that you’re having and categorized them. You are processing your problems, and that’s good! You are thinking about them, talking about them and searching for solutions. You’re doing great, Anon! Yes, it’s hard and the struggle is indeed real, it takes time and effort, but don’t think you’re stuck.

My advice is: Keep thinking and processing. Listen to your thoughts and feelings, reflect upon them and consider your options and other points of view. Talk to others like you’e doing now, reach out to friends and your community. By actively processing you’ll find solutions, and it gets easier with time.

Practice self-acceptance. Take a moment in a safe place and conciously forget about everyone else, don’t concern yourself with what others might be thinking about you and don’t burden yourself with expectations. Quiet your mind and let yourself be. Listen to your own thoughts, both good and bad, and let them come, inspect them, accept them, and then let them pass. They are just thoughts, and what actually matters is which ones you let stick and how you will act.

With self-acceptance comes confidence. It will take time to build up, but when you know yourself and can be at ease with yourself, you won’t feel like you need to rise up to some bar set by others nor do you want to judge others according to your standards.

Also remember that other wlw are just people. There’s a lot of us, each of us different, and it’s a given that we won’t all get along or agree on everything. We are connected only by our same-sex attraction, and besides that we come from all walks of life. That’s okay! You can’t control others, so all you can do is be kind, honest and practice good faith yourself, and you’ll find the people you like and who like you. Those are the ones you’ll find friendship, community and love with.

It’ll take time, but you’re definitely getting there! You’ve gone through a shift, and getting comfortable and confident takes time, but with that other good things will come. Keep working on yourself and it’ll be okay!

- Lavender

[lesbian--advice]

hi, this is gonna sound super weird but i need help dealing with some really bad lesbophobia. i've just started calling myself actually "lesbian" (i id'd as bi until this year) & now that i'm more or less ok with my attraction to women / non-attraction to men, i thought my internalized stuff would be gone but it's back as just homophobia? i keep thinking i'm "not like other lesbians" or feeling revulsion for ppl i deem as "fake lesbians" :( i don't want to feel disconnected from wlw like this

Hi

I'm not really sure how to help other than to offer my sympathies and understanding. Internal lesbophobia is just that internal. It's a struggle inside you. I know it's hard but this is something you have to do. You're always welcome to come and talk and ask questions. Try seeking out positivity.

I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help. 💋

- Azure

[lesbian--advice]

Can I consider myself a lesbian if I'm genderfluid? I'm not sure if I can or not

Hello

Yes you can! It's a little hard for me to explain due to some past experiences I've had but for me it's just a feeling. I am fem leaning and calling myself straight for only having an attraction to women just doesn't feel right. Even on days when I don't feel fem, or just really want to be nothing but a human shaped being with no gender, calling myself straight feels like an insult. Like I'm hurting myself. Now these are just my experiences and I don't speak for everyone but to answer your question straight on, yes you can be a genderfluid lesbian. Hell there's probably already a flag for it!

If you do want to find the flag, I'd ask @birds-and-the-enbys

Fuck what the TERFs say. Be true to yourself.💋

- Azure