A healthy relationship while having BPD doesnât mean you never have incidents or meltdowns or splitting or lash out.
That means having complete control over your BPD. While having a lot of control is important, complete control is fucking impossible. Itâd be like requiring me to not have any fibromyalgia symptoms that could hurt or disrupt my partner in order to have a healthy relationship. Itâs not possible.
What DOES determine a healthy relationship is how you communicate and do damage control and take responsibility and be accountable and LISTEN and ask questions.
I tell my partners when my brain is being an asshole.
âHey, I keep thinking youâre stupid for this. I donât actually believe this, or feel this way, but Iâm BPD splitting. I thought u should know. Itâs not u, donât worry. Iâm sorry if I get impatient or split or lash out. Let me know if anything bothers you, okay?â
Itâs not that you never split, you never say stupid shit or hurt each other or lash out or fight (even if itâs just because your brain wants a fight). Itâs that you accomodate that and account for it with communication. Itâs hard to learn and no one teaches you it. But you can do it.
And thatâs literally ANY relationship, whether someone in it is sick, or not. Almost always, relationships get hurt and fuck up and heal, just like the people in them. Like everyone.
Healthy relationships donât require being healthy.
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