that's a question that I ask myself all the time. he has a lot of money but can't get us good catering? 🥲 anyway, how was your first day with us? excited? nerve-wracking? a mix of both maybe? if it is then don't worry, it's like that all the time around here backstage.
yes, i do! and don't worry, i was like that once. twenty-two year old me was a mess when it came to baking, but thankfully, i mastered the craft. i made red velvet brownies yesterday which was the most delicious thing ever!
@bladerunncr — um, here's your haunter. well, your mega gengar since i managed to evolve him. anyway, hope you have a nice day and i'm sorry for everything.
i got a call from my mom, who was trying to make me feel bad and ask for forgiveness at the same time. bold move of her. i snapped and went ... a bit overboard. pretty sure i told you about her but not too sure, though.
@bladerunncr — um, here's your haunter. well, your mega gengar since i managed to evolve him. anyway, hope you have a nice day and i'm sorry for everything.
it's a normal response, and i shouldn't have said that. don't make poor choices like i did yesterday by throwing my phone at the wall and had to get a new phone. beside the point, you're fine. i wasn't even angry at you or the whole situation. i was angry at myself since i wasn't with you.
@bladerunncr — um, here's your haunter. well, your mega gengar since i managed to evolve him. anyway, hope you have a nice day and i'm sorry for everything.
hey, i know you're asleep right now with the dogs, but i wanted to let you know i'm ok and made it safely. if you see me sleeping on the couch, don't freak out. i didn't wanna wake you up since you looked peaceful.
i want to tell you that i talked to austin ... i know i shouldn't have, but it was a conversation that was long overdue. nothing bad happened, i promise. i don't want to hide anything from you. that's why i'm saying it before the stupid gossip blog reveals it.
jamie and i got into an argument. i had been trying to take austin to the house since he was out. jamie was persistent, we'd get ice cream, and i said no. we were going back and forth. he lashed out, and of course, i said something stupid. which was he should go look for david instead of getting ice cream. austin admitted we were a thing. that's when things got worse. how i dont tell him everything. i don't want jamie to know all the stuff i went through when he's going through a lot. i wanna apologize, but he'll ignore my texts or stop talking to me. doesn't mean i'll stop caring even if it's from a distance.
[ sms ] — stooop, don't remind me about that. i managed to save a few golden photos which was mostly the old days and leia. sigh. time to take more pictures tonight, tomorrow, and the day before tomorrow.
[ sms ] — velocipaster....? maybe we should do something more exciting cause that movie sounds jarring. i was gonna say we should go to halloween horror nights since they have some fun haunted houses.
hey, i know you're asleep right now with the dogs, but i wanted to let you know i'm ok and made it safely. if you see me sleeping on the couch, don't freak out. i didn't wanna wake you up since you looked peaceful.
i want to tell you that i talked to austin ... i know i shouldn't have, but it was a conversation that was long overdue. nothing bad happened, i promise. i don't want to hide anything from you. that's why i'm saying it before the stupid gossip blog reveals it.
jamie and i got into an argument. i had been trying to take austin to the house since he was out. jamie was persistent, we'd get ice cream, and i said no. we were going back and forth. he lashed out, and of course, i said something stupid. which was he should go look for david instead of getting ice cream. austin admitted we were a thing. that's when things got worse. how i dont tell him everything. i don't want jamie to know all the stuff i went through when he's going through a lot. i wanna apologize, but he'll ignore my texts or stop talking to me. doesn't mean i'll stop caring even if it's from a distance.
[ sms ] — it felt good i said all the things i wanted to tell her without feeling bad. i'm too old to deal with her. the only thing i feel bad about is hurting my phone.
[ sms ] — enough about her. i wanted to ask if you wanna watch some campy horror movies on halloween? you can pick whichever one you wanna watchhhh.
hey, i know you're asleep right now with the dogs, but i wanted to let you know i'm ok and made it safely. if you see me sleeping on the couch, don't freak out. i didn't wanna wake you up since you looked peaceful.
i want to tell you that i talked to austin ... i know i shouldn't have, but it was a conversation that was long overdue. nothing bad happened, i promise. i don't want to hide anything from you. that's why i'm saying it before the stupid gossip blog reveals it.
jamie and i got into an argument. i had been trying to take austin to the house since he was out. jamie was persistent, we'd get ice cream, and i said no. we were going back and forth. he lashed out, and of course, i said something stupid. which was he should go look for david instead of getting ice cream. austin admitted we were a thing. that's when things got worse. how i dont tell him everything. i don't want jamie to know all the stuff i went through when he's going through a lot. i wanna apologize, but he'll ignore my texts or stop talking to me. doesn't mean i'll stop caring even if it's from a distance.
[ sms ] — sorry i didn't text you earlier. i kinda had a crash out? that's what the kids are calling it these days. but i had to buy a new phone since i broke my old one ...
[ sms ] — actually cause i'm angry, and it wasn't about what happened a couple of nights ago. remember i told you about my mom? she thought it was fun to "check up" on me when i never gave her my number.
[ sms ] — the worst part is she begged me to forgive her. i snapped and told her everything i couldn't say to her back then. that if she truly was "sorry", she would've said it when she had the opportunity to do before i left. sorry if i didn't text you and feel bad i got you worried.
being in the sewing room was her comfort. especially when she needs to cool off after an intense argument with jamie. guilt was consuming her while reading the gossip blog. 'alessa seems to have a type' and couldn't help but laugh."more like the type where i ruin them for not being honest." mutttering to herself and shaking her head, she went back to work. there was no point in texting jamie because she knew he wouldn't answer them or blocked her. it wouldn't surprise her, but that's her fault for bringing up david out. she didn't mean to mention him. it was frustration when he lashed out at her where she lost her temper. all she wanted was to help austin since he was completely out of it. then the back and forth began, and now here she is; all alone.
as hours passed, her hands were starting to get sore from how much she'd been sewing and making adjustments. there was a possibility her hand might getting sprained but didn't care since she was hyper focused on her work. another realization hit her and it was the reason why she was a workaholic is because she didn't like dealing with her issues instead of solving them. this was something she definitely needed to work on. right now, all lessa wanted was to forget about the shit show from yesterday.
maybe going to that halloween event wasn't a great idea. especially since she was still suffering the consequences of her drinking five sangrias. the headache wasn't feeling either. she could go and rest but didn't. just continued on with commissions and projects she needed to get done before the due date. letting out a deep sigh, she stopped and turned off the sewing machine, slumping against her seat and running her fingers through her curls. her phone was right there. no one had texted her yet, which was a little surprising since she had tons of clients to work with. she stared at it for a moment before it rang out.
her hands reached for it but it only said unknown number. her brow arched slightly, wondering who it might be. alessa had always made sure she had everyone's names listed but this number didn't have one. her finger hovered over the accept option, she was hesitant but there was no reason to be. no one outside of knew her contact number. only her friends and clients. that's it. so who the hell is this? only one way to find out.
"this is alessa speaking, how can i help you?" she asked through the line, getting up from her chair with her phone still to her ear. it was silent, and lessa was about to end the call, but a voice was heard on the other end, and she froze right there.
"¿es así como le hablas a tu madre?"
how the fuck did she find her number? she never gave her the new number after getting a new phone. so who gave it to her? alessa was quiet because she was trying to figure out if she was dreaming, but heard her voice again. this time sharper than she remembered. "¿hola, estás ahí? ¿por qué no me respondes, alessandra?"
her jaw clenched as she heard her call her by her first name. she knew that alessa didn't like it, yet she used it when she didn't respond right away. alessa wasn't going let her speak to her in that manner. she wasn't a kid anymore. she was a woman who was trying to make her life a little less chaotic. "hey natalie, how did you find my number?" that wasn't her name, but it was the name of a famous actress since she remembers her mother wanted to be an actress except it didn't work out for her. if she was going to endure this unexpected call, she might as well get under her skin. an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. "can you explain to me how the hell you have my number? because last time i checked, i never gave it to you."
an exhausted sigh came from the other end. "dios, alessandra, ¿por qué lo pones todo dramático? ¿por qué no puedo llamar a mi hija y verificar si está bien?"
alessa was ready to end this call because talking to her mother was making her upset each time she spoke. "can you cut the bullshit and tell me why you're calling me when you have other people to talk to? her patience with her was getting worse, and never in her life did she want to throw her phone, but she didn't do that. letting out a deep sigh, she began speaking in her native language. "bien, ya que quieres actuar como un niña, te hablaré en español. ¿eso te hace feliz? si lo hace, no me sorprendería porque siempre has sido el tipo de conseguir lo que quieras. así que date prisa y dilo. ¿qué diablos quieres?" her tone sounded venomous, and she was quick to clear her throat. the way she said it made her feel ashamed of herself for talking that way.
"calma, quería llamarte y decirte que lo siento. lo siento por qué? por lo que te hice cuando estabas creciendo. cómo te hice sentir como si no fueras suficiente. lo siento por todo."
listening to her words, alessa couldn't help but laugh while her mother was asking her what was so funny. her laugh died down before she put her phone on speaker; her hands were getting sore. "no te refieres a nada de eso porque si lo hicieras lo harías más natural, pero no lo es y sé que me estás llamando. estás solo, ¿verdad? ¿te dejó robert? ¿es por eso que estás llamando? ¿por qué ahora no tienes a nadie?"
she grabbed a bottle of water to clear her throat to ease her nerves. alessa had never spoken to her that way. her younger self would immediately apologize profusely, but now that she's older. it's different. "well, i hate to break to you but you're suffering from the actions of your consequences. now i don't really know how to feel about robert since he never didn't do anything. he was a stranger that happened to be my dad." she paused before continuing on. "but i can say i have somewhat of a respect for him. you wanna know why? because he apologized to me when we had that huge fight in 2013 while you were throwing a temper tantrum, and that says a lot."
a huff was heard at the end of the line. "realmente lo siento. estoy tratando de ser mejor y—"
"no." a quick response came from her before her mother could say anything, alessa decided to stand up to her. she couldn't do it then, but now she can. "you had all the opportunities to apologize to me when growing up, but you never did! you're making it worse, actually, because i'm overwhelmed about everything in my life. so excuse my language, but fuck you." hanging up the call, alessa could feel herself tense, so much rage was in her, and it seemed like her mind was all over the place. she was clutching the phone tightly until she threw it against the wall, hearing the crack.
"oh shit, oh shit, oh shit", rubbing her face with the back of her palm and walking over to grab her phone that was broken then looked at the wall, cringing how she left it. yup, she needed to get out and grab some fresh air and a new phone. "why the fuck did i do that?" asking herself and taking a deep breath. "okay, change of plans. time to get out of here. get a new phone. get something to eat and drink. go home and relax then sleep." this day was going to be a long one but she needed to do it because there was a lot alessa was going to think and reflect on.
hey, i know you're asleep right now with the dogs, but i wanted to let you know i'm ok and made it safely. if you see me sleeping on the couch, don't freak out. i didn't wanna wake you up since you looked peaceful.
i want to tell you that i talked to austin ... i know i shouldn't have, but it was a conversation that was long overdue. nothing bad happened, i promise. i don't want to hide anything from you. that's why i'm saying it before the stupid gossip blog reveals it.
jamie and i got into an argument. i had been trying to take austin to the house since he was out. jamie was persistent, we'd get ice cream, and i said no. we were going back and forth. he lashed out, and of course, i said something stupid. which was he should go look for david instead of getting ice cream. austin admitted we were a thing. that's when things got worse. how i dont tell him everything. i don't want jamie to know all the stuff i went through when he's going through a lot. i wanna apologize, but he'll ignore my texts or stop talking to me. doesn't mean i'll stop caring even if it's from a distance.
this is the part where i would fight with fire for fire, but truth is i'm tired. all of this shit getting thrown in my face. i was wrong for bringing david up. i shouldn't have said it, but i did, and that's my fault. my emotions get the best of me. i'm sorry i did that to you when you wanted ice cream. i put austin in bed, and he should be ok. this conversation is over.
don't lash out on me just cause you didn't catch up with a certain someone. he's probably here, so go look for him instead of getting mad over some god damn ice cream.
i beg your pardon? ew, i sounded too american. but i'm not cozy up with austin. i don't know what you're on about. but right now, he's out of it. he's not in any condition to get up.
“You seriously have nothing to apologize for. Anything you did was justified. Honest. I was a complete asshole. You never have to say sorry or anything.” Austin shakes his head like a wet dog, just so Alessa could get the point. He really means it, no where in his recollection does she have a single thing to be sorry for. He is actually surprised she did not want to see him grovel to his knees or something for an apology, But then again she had always been rather soft hearted.
“Don’t remind me. I think everyday I am waking up with some brand new pain or injury that I have no idea where I even got it from.” There's a scoff before he reaches out. “I’d like that a lot though. I think...it will help. Not only now but for later on in life. I want to be there for you whenever you need me, to feel comfort to know that I will be in your corner. It will take work, I wont deny that but I think it will be worth it.” Smiling a little, he reaches his arms out.
now alessa knew that she could make him grovel but that wasn't the type of person she was. she wasn't her old self anymore. her therapist had said holding onto grudges would do great harm to her and they were right. lessa didn't want to fight anymore. she wanted peace. it wasn't going to be easy given their history together. "well, i do have to apologize for the neighbors filming that day and doing whatever the hell they were doing." a soft laugh escaped from her lips, her smile slowly coming back. the neighbors filming them that day was the most insane she'd ever seen.
another laugh came from her and shook her head. "you do know we're only two years apart right? so you don't have to worry about feeling old." a genuine smile appeared on her for the first time. "that would mean a lot actually. having a friend who i can talk to and maybe ask for advice." her words were genuine and she meant it. lessa would do the same thing because truth is, she's always been the caring person and that part of her would never leave.
a hug was certainly lessa didn't expect. though she wasn't going to deny a hug. perhaps this was someway of a truce. a little hesitant, but eventually, she embraced him in a hug. "i accept your hug of forgiveness. but we're still going to try and do this whole journey of forgiveness."
“You sure? I think you have the costco one ready in the holster again.” Austin smiles at her, giving her a once over before he lets out a soft sigh from his nose. “I did not mean to scare you. I was just...letting you figure yourself out. Again, giving you your space. You tend to get into Psyduck mode whenever something is a little overwhelming.” Austin puts his hands over his head as he makes a small noise, a small point of him pretending to be the Pokemon. Clearing his throat he puts his hands back down and walks closer, maybe at least to where hes 2 feet away from her. “It will be that, I promised that too.”
Looking down over his hands he holds them together, interlocking his own fingers. “Listen, Lessi, I…” Swallowing hard he shakes his head, inhaling sharp. “—I'm sorry. I really am. For every single thing I did and said. I know my words and any actions cannot make up for it but I mean it. And If anyone deserves anything is you. I owe you many apologizes, I just owe you a lot. I can never really make up for how I treated you, our relationship…” Looking back up he makes sure he looks into her eyes. “You should know that you are a lovely person, someone kind and caring, and you should not feel like you aren’t deserved of love. You deserve it all. I’m sorry Alessa.”
Wetting his mouth he swallows down the nerves that seem to want to crawl over him. “And like you said, I don’t expect your forgiveness, its not that easy. But I would really like to just get to know you again. If not like a friend, at least like a co-worker.” Nodding to himself, he waits to see what she may say, how she might react—what this would really mean for them. Its crazy that its happening now, here in such an event. He knows it should be fun, lively, but there was no way he was going to let this opportunity slip through his fingers.
her lip twitched into a smile when he mentioned how she's in psyduck mode. "sorry, it's just i don't know why i get so overwhelmed. the list would be endless if i list them." chuckling a little before, focusing on austin completely. she was going to do her best not to freak out during this conversation. she knew it was going to happen at some point but didn't expect it to be sudden. though this was long overdue. alessa was still weary about this but kept her composure. "okay, adults are talking. no nonsense will be happening. just two people talking it out." the last sentence was a bit ironic since she remembered they didn't because of their intense fight years ago. she never forgot since the words austin told her haunted her.
listening to austin apologize was foreign to her. sure, he'd apologize to her back when they were together, but it never meant anything. now they sound more sincere and genuine. she wondered why he was saying this to her, again, lessa would try her best to avoid him and keep their conversations lax. looking at him, he wasn't the austin she last saw him. forgiveness wasn't going to be easy for lessa. though she was willing to try. she couldn't be the woman she was in the past. lessa was a different person and had done a lot of reflecting over the years.
after a moment of silence, lessa cleared her throat and spoke. "i appreciate your apology, austin. i'm not saying this in a dismissing way. i mean it. it takes a lot for someone to acknowledge their mistakes from the past and taking accountability. but i want to apologize too since i said hurtful things to you back then. i know i was upset but it doesn't excuse it." letting out a breath, she glanced over him. "we can start over." she stated, nodding her head. "i think a small reset would be nice. plus, we're getting older and holding grudges isn't good for me— for the both of us."
