I'm blogging my weight-loss journey, reminding me that it is, in fact, a journey
But I'm on it. Version 2.0
I'm figuring this out as I go. I lost 90 lbs and stayed stable for 6-7 months. Once I hit summer, life happened. New goal: bring my weight back down to my low point and keep going from there. Figure out how to go out & have a social life, be happy and carefree with my amazing guy, but stay healthy, & keep it down & off for more than 6 months. And never again get to the low point in my life that happened for too many years, up until 2 years ago.. There's so much life to live,
and I like living it.
::sarah:: Why I Decided to Change My Life
...and the first steps I took... I take pictures of the food that I eat...
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lessthan260 [at] gmail [dot] com
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My History & Mini Goals [ Day One - Oct 17, 2009 ]
[ First Major Goal - 10% - Met March 15, 2010 ]
[ Second Goal - 50 lbs - Met June 10, 2010 ]
[Mini Goal - less than 200 lbs - Met July 22, 2010 ]
[Third Goal - BMI "Overweight" (at 180 lbs) - Met Oct 28, 2010 ] November 2011. Left Denver and moved to Houston, TX. January 2012. Restart. Let's go [Fourth Goal - 165 lbs- ??? ]
Going by this One: But Just Keeping This Here... var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-18669111-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();
What started as emotional stress moved into work stress which just took over everything and I let it. I know I let it, I didn't stop it.
And I'm not in a good place, I did exactly what I said I'd never do. I worked too hard to do it. And then little by little, that happened. I'm back (mostly) (close enough)
And it makes me miserable and I'm sick & tired of being miserable.
I started another awhile back when I had a couple day burst of energy, but it didn't last. I'm going to pick back up there.
Sarah v3.0
I've never been a huge draw-er of support from here, it's mostly been a place to through out thoughts, but you know, I really wouldn't mind it now. It's not as easy this time around...
Last night when we got home from work, we put the (Hungry Girl) chili back in the crock to reheat while we went for a walk. It was only down to the end of the street and back, maybe 20 minutes, but it was something.
When we came back, a kind neighbor saw us and told us of someone who was peppersprayed & mugged on the road we were just on (it's an unlit undeveloped road, so yeahhhh, maybe not the smartest move). so yeah for kindness of strangers?
We got home, finished heating the chili, ate dinner at the table (and 1 bowlful of it apiece), and enjoyed the rest of the nice.
Good little improvements.
(Boyfriend jokingly cursed the walking before dinner. Normally he'd go back for seconds, but didn't feel like it anymore)
I ate almost a whole small italian rosemary loaf today after work. Some on the way home from the store. Some while heating up soup. Some with soup. some while making chili in the crock pot (why I actually bought the bread). And now it is gone (except for the last rip of bread) so I can't. And I cannot buy more. I had a glass of wine. And have a 2nd sitting in front of me I can't even finish. Usually I'm better at home. Work is where I struggle. With the gummy worms amd cookies and crap and things. I'm supposed to be better at home. I'm supposed to fit into my clothes. Into the clothes that are sizes I haven't worn in years and not in a good way. Not terribly terrible, but definitely 1 higher than where I feel comfortably higher. Which is 2 higher than I would want to be my high. BUT. I'm not DOING anything about it. I'm exhausted and cranky after work all the time. Boy just got here and I want to spend any time with him. Which is dumb. I should. I should. I can.
Love this idea, mostly because fresh herbs are crazy expensive and I never use them all up before they go bad: chop up your herbs and stick them into an ice cube tray, then cover with olive oil and freeze.
Toss a cube or two into your pan whenever you’re in need, and presto: fresh herbs, all winter long.
I don't feel good on a daily basis. I don't feel in control. I hate the extra fat all over me.
I've been working minimum 12 hr days for the past week, plus. I had 2 days off when the boy came to visit, which was the first time since June, so it was us time. And it's been all work since.
If I could wake up earlier, I used it to get into work, not go to the gym. And I'm not going to the gym at 3am, sorry.
I feel like crap. I don't know who to talk to about it. So I'm throwing it into cyberspace.
And my mind is playing these terrible mental games. I feel terrible. And I know there are 2 ways of being in control. I can control my body by going to the gym, eating right etc. But with my mind set now, that has bordered on just not eating, I can control that. Then it flips to the other spectrum. I can't control anything else, but I want something sweet, and that's one thing I can do for myself, so eat it. And I do.
I feel like we're completely stagnant instead of moving forward like we've been talking about. I know it's not a terrible thing, but I don't know how to bring it up without the possibility of things ending badly. And I don't want things to end badly. I feel like I cry all the time. About once a day. Like right now as I write this. I'm just so frustrated with our situation, and it's not anyone's fault. And I know he's working on applying and talking for interviews, and doing his thing, I just don't know what I can do. I don't know what I can do to help him get here. I know he does want to. I know he loves me. But I can't do long distance forever without a plan. It tears me apart. I love him so much. I miss him so much.
I'm distancing myself from friends. I can feel it. I feel like I'm annoying them. Especially the girl who's been my closest friend since the day I showed up in Texas. The girl who got me through the first hard months of being in a new place. I feel like whenever we text or I try to hang out, I'm bothering her. The only time it doesn't is phone calls at work. It's times like this it makes it really hard to keep trying when I'd rather just stay in my apartment all day and work is the only thing keeping me productive.
Hence I'm going to put in a full day at the office. On Labor Day. I'm the only one here.
I'm in a wedding in 2 weeks. I'm terrified my dress won't fit. It was a close call in the store. I don't know what to do...
Between a splash of wine, a bunch of herbs, and a mess of veggies, this sauce is delicious, I don't even care if I get to the noodles under here... too bad I don't really know what i added so I could duplicate it... (Taken with Instagram)
Why I said no to treats at work today... so mug better than yogurt pretzels, fries, or a trail.mix of dried bananas, caramel, chocolate, & marshmallow.... #wine #cheese #wineandcheese (Taken with Instagram)
Late Afternoon Snacks: cucumber (most of one) + 3oz Hummus
Pre Sweat Session Snack: banana
Dinner: Noodles w meat sauce (3oz ground turkey w tofu shirataki noodles, onion, mushroom, tomatoes)
Sweat: Jogged 1 mile in 14 min. Did 1.5 miles total. Jogged for 1/2 mile straight to start. Intensely lame, but I haven't jogged anything in an embarrassingly long time, so I just went. The lifted some weights in the limited ways I know how...
Until I came back to this saved post, I actually forgot I worked today. I thought that was yesterday. I worked till almost 4pm. I guess it's been one of those.
