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Actress. Singer. Fresca Enthusiast. Some times I am interesting. Often times I am not. This is an account of both of those statements.

[lessthanamuffin]

I just stress Ate a Bag of Rice

Because I'm sad. Because I'm scared. Not for me, you see, but for us all. And that sucks. This world can make my heart break so easily, and there's not much I can do to save it. I have no words. I have nothing to say. But I will continue, from the bottom of my heart, to send as much love as humanly possible to all those that are hurting, hurt, lost, saved, or otherwise effected by great tragedy. What else can we do. "Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”

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Next time I put pictures up on my Facebook, I want to have my status say "New album droppin' soon" so people know I'm serious about my art.

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Top 10 Movies of 2014

I NEVER do year-end lists like this, but I actually saw a lot of movies this year. So now you can read what I have to say about them. Or not. I don’t curr.

1. Birdman

I can’t stop thinking about this movie. It’s everything I love about film set in a theatre. It’s a commentary on art, as it stands. Commercial vs. indie. Critical acclaim vs. Obscurity. Fame vs. Infamy. Artists vs. the Machine. Ultimately becoming the machine you fought so hard against. It’s weird, it’s hilarious, it’s super meta without being unrelatable, it’s heartbreaking, it boasts some killer performances, and is visually gorgeous and exciting. This movie reminded me why I love what I do, at a time when I felt overwhelmed and lost in between the spectrum of Broadway fluff and artsy fartsy pretension.

2. Whiplash

Another one about art and what price you would pay to be the best. Killer, and kind of evil, performances by Miles Teller and J.K. Simmons. While watching, you feel the bleeding hands, you digest every verbal insult, and by the end you feel like you’ve been repeatedly punched in the stomach. And the music is awesome.

3. Nightcrawler

This movie is creepy as shit. Seriously. I’m also a little obsessed with macabre stuff like crime scenes and serial killers, as well as the nightly news and it’s obsession with catastrophe. Rene Russo is older lady hot, and Jake Gyllenhaal finally gives the performance we knew he was capable of all along. He’s finally found his voice, and I am so excited to see what else he’s got.

4. The Lego Movie

I didn’t laugh more in a movie this year than I did with this one. It’s hyperactive, flashy, and just so much fun. Also, I shed a tear at the end. I know they’re Legos and it was made on a computer and they aren’t real. Shuh uhp.

5. The Grand Budapest Hotel

I actually went and saw this by myself on a cold, rainy, day because I was sad and this movie made me un-sad. I’m a sucker for whimsy and Wes Anderson, so maybe I’m bias, but this is definitely one of his best. The style isn’t heavy handed and Ralph Fiennes is so darn charming and oh so good as our hero.

6. The Tribe

This is another one I can’t stop thinking about. I’m still not entirely sure I ranked it correctly, but I don’t particularly care. I’ve had nightmares about this film and have told everybody I know about it. Did I enjoy it? Not particularly. But shit. I saw it. And it needs to be somewhere. Told entirely in Russian sign language with no subtitles (yeah, even if you know American Sign Language, you have no idea what’s up) it’s a fairly classic “rising in ranks in a private school with no laws” tale, but it is so much more than that. It also boasts an uncensored abortion scene, at least two unsimulated sex scenes, and not one, but FOUR, head bashings. Reminiscent of another movie I can’t get out of me head, Irreversible.

It’s animalistic. It’s dirty. It’s horrifyingly graphic. And I can’t stop thinking about it.

7. Gone Girl

Number 7 mostly for Fincher’s flashy, and slick, camera skills (one scene in particular. See it and you’ll know what I mean) and also because I really like stories of “you assholes deserve each other.” Fincher is real good at setting crime mysteries in an almost dystopian world. His color palettes are also always on point.

8. The One I Love

This movie kicked me right in the proverbial balls. Simple, chilling, and sad. What happens when a couple goes on a weekend retreat to fix their relationship, and then things start to get surreal. It brings up questions of what our “true self” really is and what to do when we fall out of love with real people and start wanting them to be perfect.

9. Guardians of the Galaxy

After this and the Lego Movie, Chris Pratt is my dream (but stay with Anna Faris because she’s also perfect) husband. Tons of fun, killer soundtrack, and actually pretty touching.

10. A Coffee in Berlin

Another lost “20-something” movie that hit waaaaaay too close to home for me to remiss in mentioning it. Big fan of foreign movies, because they force me to pay attention. This was another one I saw alone, in the theatre because I was in a bad mood. It didn’t necessarily make me happy, but it did give me comfort in knowing that most people’s stories at this age are very similar.

A little late, but boom, bitches. I actually finished a blog post.

[lessthanamuffin]

Motown: the Musical

Saw the Academy of Music’s tour of “Motown; the Musical” and  man, those were some singers who have some pipes on them. Seriously. It was fun.

As far as the show is concerned, the book clearly relies on nostalgia, but is that so bad? I was definitely the youngest person in the crowd (I acquired a ticket from my mother and her gaggle of lady friends who have subscriptions to the season) so some of the inside jokes may be lost on a younger generation. I’m a bit of a motown savant, since I grew up listening to nothing but oldies radio, but the show is pretty straightforward. Honestly, perhaps the book and the story of Berry Gordy is a tad bit distracting from the real star of the show: the music.

Everything was flashy and colorful and sequined and pop. Spectacle to the nth degree. Is it a good show? Well, it's a musical whose music pleases the masses. But, unfortunately, even a jukebox musical needs characters we actually care about. Does it try to say too much? Eh, maybe. But the songs are an awesome reminder of the importance of black music in mainstream culture.

There were obvious flaws in the production. I was a little distracted by a white chorus member who was performing with the all black groups. As a person who is 100% for “colorblind casting”, if the show is about race and how dumb the white man is (there are several instances of the idiot white man), it needs to be about race and stand by its principals. Also, there is a fairly unsettling father reference made by Marvin Gaye (who was shot, and killed, by his father) that might have tried to be a joke, but reeeeeally failed. There are also a dizzying amount of songs. One after another after another, and the songs that are supposed to serve the story and move the book along seem weird and forced. The show is better when it feels like a concert.

But hey, the cast is super talented, the music is incredible, and the audience was singing along like they would at home. And, ya know what, sometimes that’s the point of theatre. Not to tell a particularly complex story, but to give the people a sense of nostalgia and comfort. It's not my cup of tea, but I enjoyed it for the fluff it was. My mother on the other hand, looooooooved it, and she's the target audience, therefore her opinion matters more. So it goes. But oh man, I’d be lying if when little Michael Jackson appears I didn’t sit forward in my seat. That kid was incredible.

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A Review of Sorts: "Red Speedo"

So I saw Theatre Exile's production of "Red Speedo." Holy shit and nice butts (not the shit, but literally the butts) is that a fucking complete and tight script.

I sat there, in the crowded theatre, the smell of chlorine hitting me with waves of nostalgia from the swim club when I was younger. The characters are as sterile inside as that smell, and not a single one is particularly likable or morally sound. They all have agendas and they are all, in one way or another, complete idiots. Ray (the "speedo") is actually kind of a dumb dumb, Peter (the lawyer brother) is an egomaniac, Coach (the coach) is manipulative, and Lydia (the ex-girlfriend) is more than a little vengeful.

So, the gist: An olympic qualifying swimmer...

Also, when I was in Mock Trial for that one time in high school because I was forced to do a ton of activities because I was a bad kid, the case they assigned us was suuuuuuper similar to this. Fun fact over.

Anyway. An olympic qualifying swimmer takes HGH and beats Michael Phelps and blah blah blah and everybody pushes him really hard to succeed and blah blah blah. That's not the fun part of this show. The fun part is the stuff underneath. The fact that an actor was holding fake vomit in his mouth, unseen, for an entire scene and then threw up onstage. The fact that an onstage combat fight was actually so dangerous that my friend wound up getting a bruised rib and winding up in the hospital. The fact that the only time anybody is in the pool is when a character's head is submerged in the water for a frighteningly long amount of time.

Do yourself a favor, kids, read some Lucas Hnath. I didn't do the show justice in this post because I had gotten busy and abandoned it in my "drafts" folder. But the writing is really something special. So much heart and a lot to say without ever feeling preachy or unimportant.

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This is a fair representation of the way I feel when dealing with cold weather.

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And so the world is like the surface of a frozen lake, we walk along, we slip, we try and keep our balance and not to fall, but then one day there's a crack - and so we learn that underneath us is an unimagined depth just below.

James Joyce's 'The Dead'

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Some Lady Parts

HEY. I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT.

Ladies. Men. All theatrically inclined people and all none theatrically inclined people. I know I've probably hinted at the world of casting calls, etc. But my beautiful and amazingly talented friend has made this awesome tumblr that's getting all sorts of attention in the world about just some of the unfairness and the insane expectations that come along with being an actor for hire.

As a performer who doesn't fit a traditional definition of the concept of "beauty" or typecasting, this is a concept that is extremely important to me. I know I don't take to the internet with extremely real and truthful posts that often, but this is a conversation that needs to be had. I figured out my "type" at a reasonable age, but I still can't tell you the number of times I have been called back for things and been told "Well. I mean. You're just not pretty enough to be the lead, and not ugly enough to be the quirky, funny, friend. So no thank you. Next." Or "well, there are about 15 other small white girls here that look like you, but are much prettier, so, ya know." Which is a flaming load of horseshit. We are all unique. There is nobody else like us, and some casting directors can shove it. They can't make us feel useless anymore.

Side note: Men deal with the same unfair expectations as well, don't get me wrong. It's just not as clear cut and unabashedly hurtful because, well, statistically, there are simply less of them in the industry. That doesn't mean their struggle is any less significant, or they haven't been hurt in the same way, it just means it isn't as prevalent. And Yes. We should also be having this conversation regarding race, as well as gender.

http://someladyparts.com/

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We could be sad about the passing of Joan Rivers. Or we can rejoice at the fact that she died doing what she loved most: Getting surgery.

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DRUNK ON KNOWLEDGE.

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10 Reasons Why Philadelphia is the Weirdest and the Bestest (In my honest and completely bias opinion)

10. South Philly Hipsters vs. North Philly Hipsters

Sure. They have the Barbary and Barcade, but we have the P.O.P.E. and American Sardine Bar. It doesn't matter much, though, because since I don't own a dog or sport any sort of body modification I am in an EXTREME minority.

9. In case you forgot, the name of our baseball team is just a shortened version of our city.

Because the "Philadelphia Philadelphians" was just too long. But Phillies? Perfect. Signed, sealed, delivered.

8. The word "jawn."

It isn't said as often as people make it out to be said. But when it is said, it is a treat. And rarely helps the conversation along. But it adds some spice.

7. The possibility of getting shanked changes block to block.

13th and Reed? Totally cool. 16th and reed? Body bag.

6. Outside of center city, nobody takes cash.

Come to Passyunk Square. Every bar and coffee shop (and coffee shop bar) is cash only. It's bizarre.

5. Out of towners don't feel safe walking around at night

Bitch. Grow up.

4. The Theatre/Music/Comedy/Dance/Art Scene

No. Seriously. There is something weird and fantastic happening every night for either the commercially minded, old heads, young heads, or artsy-fartsy-weirdo-fucks like me.

3. Hidden buildings and businesses

I turn a corner every day and find a new mosaic or painting on a building front. There's one around the corner from my house in South Philly that is two chalk outlines halfway up a three story row-home. It's awesome.

2. The People. (And the homeless.)

Sit in Rittenhouse for an afternoon in mid-August. Or if you're really feeling bold, head on out to Northern Liberties or FDR Park. It's a treat.

As far as the homeless is concerned?

Well.

My favorite is the man on Sansom street (arguably the smelliest street in the city) who makes him home out of cardboard boxes and shoves a fully-iced chocolate cake in his mouth while lying on the dirty street.

My least favorite is the lady in Old City who dresses like an upscale shopper while holding shopping bags, and asking for money for the bus. Fuck her.

1. Dive Bars

Bonnie's. The Handlebar. Oscar's. Green Room. Dolphin Tavern. Locust Bar. Bob and Barbara's. Dirty Franks. Raven Lounge's third floor. Quig's. Medusa Lounge. Ray's Happy Birthday Bar.

Find your "Cheers" and cheers to your cheers. And make sure you play erotic photo hunt for/with me.

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It all brings to mind the story of the man who goes to see his doctor. He tells him he is depressed, feels lonely and anxious. "Do you know the best thing you can do?" says the doctor. "Go to the circus and watch the great clown. He will make you laugh and you'll feel much better." The man bursts into tears. "But doctor," he says. "I am the clown."

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Thoughts on: Racism

Food for thought.

I heard the term "reverse racism" in reference to a black person being racist against a white person. But "reverse racism" would just be tolerance, wouldn't it? So I guess the former was just good, ol' fashioned racism.

Nice.

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Re: Headline: "Child Dies At Jackson Elementary in South Philly"

A little reminder, in case you forgot.

You have two jobs, school systems.

1. Teach something. (Duh.) 2. Keep children safe. (Also duh.)

A 6th grader died from an asthma attack in a school around the corner from my new apartment yesterday. His classmates and educators watched him suffer, attempted CPR and called and ambulance, but to no avail.

Due to budget cuts, the school only hires a nurse on Thursdays and every other Friday.

Wait. Hold on. ….What.

Because kids don’t get sick Monday-Wednesday.

Because emergencies can’t happen at any moment.

Because in an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, where human beings are literally cess pools of germs because kids pick their noses and sneeze without covering their mouths and eat old chewing gum from under tables and fall because they have dumb little kid arms and legs, a nurse isn’t necessary.

As a person who works regularly with children (and just somebody with a sense of basic moral responsibility) I saw this horseshit article and my heart hurt.

My heart hurt because the idea of “budget” is more important than a human’s life.

My heart hurt because this kid had an asthma attack. Yeah. Asthma. Something fairly common place and easily remedied with the proper care from a health care professional.

My heart hurt because growing up in a city isn’t always safe for a 6th grader. Sometimes all they have is school.

My heart hurt because I love this city and I want it to get better at taking care of itself.

So really, Philadelphia. Get your shit together. The inevitable lawsuit coming along with this incident is about to bend you over and fuck your budget system so hard, it won’t be able to walk in the morning.

Real talk.

Here’s a link to the full article, as seen on Philly.com, in case you felt like being sad today.

http://www.philly.com/philly/education/20140522_First-grader_at_Jackson_Elementary_in_South_Phila__dies_at_school.html

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Is "Tumblr" supposed to be the electronic manifestation of a 90's teenage girl?

Every time I get an email from them it's like "Your page, lyke, totally had a great week. Whatever! As if! MOM YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE, UGH!"

And then it slams its bedroom door in my face.

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Watsky: Tiny Glowing Screens Part 2.

"We live in a house made of each other, and if that sounds strange, that's because it is."

Awesome.

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Where was "Cherub" when I was in College?

I just gave the album MoM & DaD a good listen, two years too late, and this is some shit I've never heard before. They've got the beats to play in a club and the lyrics to make even the most hard-nosed lyric snob sit up and scratch their chin in a pleased manner. It's snarky, it's fun, it's heartbreaking and catchy. I'm such a turd for not being aware of their existence until now. And they're BALLER live. I'm looking forward to their appearance in Philly on May 3rd.

Who can dislike a song that uses the term "punk ass fucks" to describe their haters? I'm just pissed I didn't write it first.

Doses and Mimosas URL below. Give it a listen. It's the bestest and the restest.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfTje59G-4I