Henlo! I’m Despair (you can also call me Elk, whichever you prefer)
I’m here to post links to my fics. Yeah. Requests open!
My main is despairing-rage
Ao3 is despairing_rage
Tags:
Fanfic links / updates: lemme be cryptid fics
Snippets / drabbles : lemme be cryptid writing
Random: lemme be cryptid rambles
All my blogs and my (good) fics under the cut: (note: italic ones are finished)
Heroes au 1 blog: @never-trust-heroes
Heroes au 2 blog: @powers-and-chaos
2b2t Tommy au blog: @aiernem
Painful words - series:
Words Left Behind (that should have been said sooner) - First one
What Can’t Be Said Outloud (but should be written anyways) - Good ending
Words of Regret (that remain unheard) - Bad ending part 1
Words Spilling out (that can never be read) - Bad ending part 2
When the Lines Blur - series:
Never Trust a Hero - First one
Shorts:
He Died Smiling (might actually continue)
Does That Sound Right?
Random:
Is There Such Thing as a Happy Ending?
Ok but like what happened?
A New Start and a Last Ending - series:
‘ghosts of the past’ is Dumb, the Ghosts Are Right Here - First one
I'm looking to put together a team of authors to rewrite the entire Dream SMP as a fanfiction! This has been an idea of mine since early 2021, but I couldn't do it alone.
Each person will be assigned one chapter at least to write (you may ask for more, or attempt to combine chapters). We will be going off of the Dream SMP Wiki's categorization of chapters.
If you're interested in being a part of this, please apply via this google form!
Hi! I'm Acid! I want to get together a team of writers to rewrite the Dream SMP in it's entirety! I plan to create an AO3 account, and post
Title: ‘ghosts of the past’ is Dumb, the Ghosts Are Right Here
Rating: General audiences
Warnings: Death (non-graphic)
Summary:
Tubbo has been deaf since year 3, and Tommy has been mute since year 4. As the only two people who could communicate with each other, they’re glued to each other’s side. Add in the new kid at school, and they find themselves truly happy for what feels like the first time.
However, when Tommy is struck with a tragedy, everything begins to spiral.
That is, until he starts to see people out of the corner of his eye. Transparent people. But Tommy doesn’t believe in ghosts. He really doesn’t. No, it’s not because he’s scared out of his mind. Certainly not.
‘ghosts of the past’ is Dumb, the Ghosts Are Right Here - Chapter 3
NOTE: The rating has changed to teen and up, and the summary has been changed to better fit the story.
New summary:
Tubbo has been deaf since year 3, and Tommy has been mute since year 4. As the only two people who could communicate with each other, they’re glued to each other’s side. Add in the new kid at school, and they find themselves truly happy for what feels like the first time.
But nothing good can last forever.
After the tragedy, Tommy’s world was thrown into darkness. He was left with nothing but withering memories haunting him; all he had was nightmares of an accident that took his voice and the echoes of a dying man’s laugh.
That is, until he first started to see them. People that lingered in the corner of his eye. Transparent people. People that could save him… if he let them. Because, as much as he wanted to be better, Tommy didn’t believe in ghosts. He knew better than to hope like that… he was beyond saving anyways.
Title: tear through my ribcage and scatter the pieces
Warnings: mentions of death, panic attacks
Rating: teen and up
Chapter status: 3/??
Summary: It is a beautiful day on the Hermitcraft sever, and Mythro is a horrible goose
(Mythro wakes up in Hermitcraft after years of running and escaping prisons. Cue mischief but also a LOT of angst)
Title: ‘ghosts of the past’ is Dumb, the Ghosts Are Right Here
Rating: General audiences
Warnings: Death (non-graphic)
Summary:
Tubbo has been deaf since year 3, and Tommy has been mute since year 4. As the only two people who could communicate with each other, they’re glued to each other’s side. Add in the new kid at school, and they find themselves truly happy for what feels like the first time.
However, when Tommy is struck with a tragedy, everything begins to spiral.
That is, until he starts to see people out of the corner of his eye. Transparent people. But Tommy doesn’t believe in ghosts. He really doesn’t. No, it’s not because he’s scared out of his mind. Certainly not.
‘ghosts of the past’ is Dumb, the Ghosts Are Right Here - Chapter 3
NOTE: The rating has changed to teen and up, and the summary has been changed to better fit the story.
New summary:
Tubbo has been deaf since year 3, and Tommy has been mute since year 4. As the only two people who could communicate with each other, they’re glued to each other’s side. Add in the new kid at school, and they find themselves truly happy for what feels like the first time.
But nothing good can last forever.
After the tragedy, Tommy’s world was thrown into darkness. He was left with nothing but withering memories haunting him; all he had was nightmares of an accident that took his voice and the echoes of a dying man’s laugh.
That is, until he first started to see them. People that lingered in the corner of his eye. Transparent people. People that could save him… if he let them. Because, as much as he wanted to be better, Tommy didn’t believe in ghosts. He knew better than to hope like that… he was beyond saving anyways.
Chapter 5 summary: 2b2t Tommy has an angsty conversation with Phil and Techno
TW: threat of violence at the end
“You aren’t from 2b2t Tommy. That cursed hellscape isn’t your home, that isn’t where you belong!”
Phil took in a shuddering breath. Tommy found it pathetic.
“This place,” he waved a trembling hand towards the dilapidated house, “is where you’re from! Not 2b2t, you’re from our family Tommy, why did you forget that?!”
“I think that you’re the one forgetting things Phil.”
If it was a different situation, Tommy could have laughed at the stricken expression on Phil’s face. Call him vindictive, but there’s no denying that Phil deserved this.
“I may have been raised here, but this place isn’t my home. Yes, I survived in this hell. But that doesn’t mean I was really living. Do you want me to start listing why?”
“Tommy, I just-”
“Nope! I don’t give even a singular fuck about whatever bullshit you have to say!”
“Please, I-”
“What did I literally just say?”
Phil clutched his chest and blinked rapidly, trying to shake away tears building up against his will. Tommy smiled. Not the same warm smile he used to have, it was a dark expression on his scarred face.
“What, gonna have a heart attack old man?”
Phil’s eyes widened, and his horrified expression made Tommy grin more. However, Phil shook his head and smoothed out his expression. Despite that, Tommy could still see the heartbreak in his eyes.
Tommy was just about to mock Phil some more, but before he could open his mouth he heard a twig snap to his left. He turned his head as little as possible, so he could see Phil in his peripheral vision. When he saw who it was, he couldn’t help but give an annoyed sigh.
Technoblade. The only one who could actually pose a threat.
Just his luck.
There was a long, awkward pause only interrupted by Phil’s choked attempts at breathing. Tommy reveled in the fact that neither of his family members the people he once loved had anything to say.
As Tommy took his time enjoying the near silence, he noticed that Techno had been inching closer. What an idiot.
“You know Techno, I’m not blind. I can see you getting closer.” Tommy’s smile widened. “And if you keep trying to get close, well, I’ve been thinking of this moment for a long time. You won’t like what happens next.”
Techno stopped and slowly put his hands up in an attempt to soothe Tommy. It didn’t work.
“Hmm… I didn’t think you’d have become a coward. What a pity.”
Tommy had never seen Techno so visibly hurt. Techno opened and closed his mouth, clearly trying to think of what to say, but nothing came out. After a beat of silence, Phil spoke up.
“Tommy, please… just listen, give us a chance…”
Tommy sighed.
“For fucks sake, will you fuckers give up already? I’m sick and tired of your pathetic attempts to trick me.”
Techno finally found something to say. “We aren’t trying to trick you. You’re my brother… you know that-”
“Listen fucker, the only thing I know is that you’re a bastard who’s trying- and failing- to manipulate me.” Tommy gestured towards Phil.
“You aren’t my father.” Malice dripped from his words. Then, seemingly to Phil and Techno’s surprise, Tommy started laughing before abruptly cutting himself off.
“Now, I’m gonna make one thing crystal fucking clear.” He put a hand on the hilt of his sword and reached into his satchel to grab a strength potion.
“If you don’t leave me the fuck alone,” Tommy drew his sword and took out the potion. “I’ll do what the voices have been telling me to do.”
Aren’t you tired of my childish antics?
Isn’t it hard to deal with all I’ve put you through?
Everything I’ve gotten myself into, And everything I can never do.
Aren’t you tired of all these semantics?
Isn’t it exhausting to pretend?
To pretend it’s not coming to an end,
And pretend I deserve you as my friend?
Aren’t you tired of me?
Isn’t it easier to let me go?
In the end, I thought you would know.
So, I’m sorry. I didn't want this… but please forgive me Tubbo.
Xelqua really didn't mean to go through the portal; he didn't get close to it specifically because the other watchers told him not to, thank you very much.
Regardless, when he fell through he wasn't expecting a whole lot. He'd probably just be in a void until someone else came to grab him. So, you can imagine his surprise when he opened his eyes and saw a blue sky and trees.
I’ve decided to finish a fic I gave up on a while back. I don’t know how long it’ll take, probably a while, but at some point I hope to start on it again.
Title (link to first chapter): What Can't Be Said Outloud (but should be written anyways)
Rating: General audiences
Warnings: None except angst
Summary:
It's been a year since Tommy ran away. A year since they found his letters left behind.
A week since they got the first letters back.
(This will make a lot more sense if you read the first one, Words Left Behind (that should have been said sooner). This is an alternate ending to the series, with the other ending being Words of Regret (that remain unheard). You don't have to read that ending for this ending to make sense)
My writing has actually improved?? What??? My old works are really bad compared to my current works??? (Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret writing them, but oh man are they bad)
