Heal What Has Been Hurt

That’s because I am.

You’re right, I can’t. But I can be there for you whenever you start to feel yourself slipping, and if you’re really scared of it, and you don’t want it to happen, you’ll call me.

Are you just confirming that I'm the master at pushing people away? And you've just avoided it and now you're the one that I'm stuck with?

Well no promises. My old habits usually included me being one of the most anti-social bitches around.

Hey, you’ve got me, never forget that, okay? I’m here for you, screw up or no, because let’s be honest here, we’re all screw ups. I’ll watch out for you and make sure you don’t slip up. How’s that sound?

Somehow I feel like you're the only person that I've known this whole time that I've been able to not push away completely. Good luck with that, it's not like you can keep an eye on me at all times. But alright, do you best I guess.

Then tell me.

Besides the fact that I'm still getting over losing my child... I guess I've just being feeling like more of a screw up lately, and I'm trying really hard not to fall back into my old habits when I feel like that. So.

Because I’m your friend.

It's not really important anyways.

If You Put it Down, Maybe We Could Fall in Love || Rapunzeen

Happy.

If Rapunzel hadn’t mentioned that word, Nav thought maybe he could have kept up the act he’d spent the last few months crafting. He thought maybe he could even have a future with being an actor should he ever felt the need to pursue such a thing, because his ability to fake a smile had become second nature.

“You didn’t,” Nav said, his voice cracking with a sort of pain he hadn’t been able to express yet. It was the kind of pain you ignored, buried, smothered because acknowledging it made the cause of the pain real, and Nav wasn’t ready to face that yet.

His hand slipped from Rapunzel’s cheek and fell back to his side as he stood up, burying his face in his hands as his features crumbled into something unrecognizable.

“God, Rapunzel, how do I even say those things and act like they’re true?” he spat out, not in anger, but in hurt. He wanted the words as far away from him as possible, because they were dirty, and wrong, and awful because Wendy was his wife. She was supposed to be his wife, his forever, and instead he could feel her slipping through his fingers the way her hair did as he carded his hands through the locks, her chest rising and falling as she slept, probably dreaming of being somewhere else.

“It hurts. It fucking hurts. I grew, and I changed, and I matured and became someone I’m damn proud of being, but what the hell is it even worth if the person who caused that change is finding solace and warmth from someone else?” he choked out, alarmed to feel tears slip onto his cheeks, his voice strained and tired, feeling like his whole body was on fire. He wondered how hard it would be to run to the nearest cliff and fling himself from it. He imagined the rocks would be softer than whatever it was he was feeling in that moment.

“I can’t do it,” Nav admitted, sitting back down, this time on the ground. “I can’t lose her, and I can’t pretend that losing her won’t destroy me for your sake. I love you, Rapunzel, in so many ways that I don’t even fully understand, but Wendy is Wendy. And she’s my wife and it’s not supposed to be like this.”

He pounded the ground with his fist, not caring that it was concrete, that his knuckles split open, as he yelled out this time, voice hurt and shattering like glass.

“It’s not supposed to be like this!”

Rapunzel felt a pang of pain, and a little bit of guilt run through her at the way the words sounded coming out of his mouth. She let out a deep breath as his hand disappeared from her cheek, biting down on her bottom lip gently as she listened to him. She didn't know what to say, or what to do. She'd never seen Nav so bent out of shape. And it hurt, oh God did it hurt to see him like this.

She listened as he went off about how it hurt, how he couldn't lose Wendy, how she had changed him for the better, her hands gripping the edge of the bench as he did so. Part of her couldn't help but feel like she'd caused this pain, even if he had said it wasn't her fault.

She watched him, watched as he practically fell apart in front of her. She hated seeing him like this, so torn up and upset. It hurt though, to hear those words slip from his lips. She nodded a bit, biting down on her lip harder to fight back her own tears that wanted to cascade down her cheeks. She flinched away when he slammed his fist into the ground.

Rapunzel slid from the bench to the ground with him, swallowing back her tears and own pain to look at him. "Nav, shhh." She cooed, letting out a shaky breath. "Look, it's like I said, I don't want you to think because I said that I love you that I'm expecting you to act on it. I know how much you love and care for Wendy. I've been around since the beginning of your two. Hell, I was your best woman at the wedding. I would never ask you to leave her for me. I mean, if we're being honest Wendy's the obvious choice." She breathed. "But that's besides the point. You love her, and she has to love you too because she married you, and I can see the way she looks at you, and you at her.

Maybe you guys are going through a rough patch. I think you guys can make it through it though. Like I said, I've been there since the beginning. No matter what you guys do to make it through whatever this rough patch is, I think it'll end up for the better for you guys." She nodded a bit, looking down at his hand before back up to him.

"I didn't mean to do this to you," she breathed out shakily, her previous emotions returning to her now that she was done trying to make him feel better. "I shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry." She stood back up so that she wasn't at eye level with him anymore, so he couldn't see the tears pooling in her eyes. "You should go to the nurse for your hand." She nodded. "I think I should go now, I mean, I feel like I'm not doing any good here." Her voice cracked a bit, and a few tears leaked down her cheek. Why was she crying? Maybe it was the build up of everything that had happened.

"Call me or something if you wanna hang out or need a friend. And, you should talk to Wendy too." She nodded, turning on her heel quickly and moving away from him with another pang of pain. She just didn't want him to see her like this.

#it hurt to readddddd

You’re not going to elaborate, are you?

Why should I?

Only alright? What’s up?

Just, stuff.

I’m doing really well. You?

That's good. I've been alright, I suppose.

#nice

Hey Rapunzel. Long time no see.

the-hobbit-that-lived-in-a--blog

Yeah, just a little bit. How're you doing?

#Well alrighty then #xD

runt-of-olympus liked your photoset

Hi Hades.

walternatebishop

#face

#face

If You Put it Down, Maybe We Could Fall in Love || Rapunzeen

Nav spotted a bench and sat down, leaving Rapunzel the option to continue to stand if she wanted. “You wouldn’t be imposing. I think it might actually be impossible to impose on Wendy, she’s the most accommodating person I’ve ever met.” Nav caught himself doing that a lot lately. He didn’t spend his time gushing about his wife, and when he did they were qualities that one wouldn’t normally expect a husband to gush about.

He listened to Rapunzel, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “It’s hard not to admire your strength, you know. Realizing you’re no longer in love with someone isn’t an easy thing to come to terms with, if you ever do.” He leaned back against the back of the bench, tucking his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. “It’s also selfless of you. Nobody wants to marry under false pretenses, and no marriage that begins like that will ever end well. Because it’ll have an ending.”

And then without any warning, though if he were being honest with himself, there had always been plenty of warning, Rapunzel’s heart was sitting in front of him. She was inviting him to take it without really inviting him. Because she was Rapunzel. Beautiful, selfless, self sacrificing Rapunzel who would be the first to tell him to always be with Wendy, and the last to ask him to be with her.

He listened, let her get it all out, and waited a long moment before speaking.

“I asked Wendy to marry me so that I wouldn’t lose her,” Nav said, memories of the panic he’d felt at losing the Darling girl forever rushing through him. “And because I loved her, granted. But if not presented with that situation, I don’t think Wendy and I would be married right now. And she could say the same thing. I’m almost certain she would say the same thing.”

Nav closed his eyes for a moment, smiling softly for a moment. “I needed Wendy. I always did. Without her, I would still be that boy you met on the first day, with the cocky smile and attitude to match. I still have all that, but I like to think I’m a lot nicer with it.”

He laughed at himself suddenly, lifting a hand and cupping Rapunzel’s cheek, studying her face, her eyes, the way her breath met the cold. “I don’t even know what I’m saying. It’s like I’m sitting here justifying my marriage to you, to myself, to everyone when I’ve been trying to avoid the inevitable fact that it’s over. Love bites on your wife that you know you didn’t leave behind doesn’t speak of a faithful relationship. And I can never hold any resentment toward Wendy for that, because as much as I loved and still do love her, I’ll never be able to say that she was the girl that I saw coming toward me on the path that I knew would be the reason I could never leave this school behind.”

Nav exhaled softly, shrugging.

“That girl was you.”

Rapunzel stood there, too nervous to sit. A smile graced her lips a bit at that. Wendy really was one of the most accommodating people she'd met. If there was one thing she regretted about the sweet Darling girl, it was that she didn't get to know her all that well. Well, that, and the fact that she was in love with her husband. Wendy would never be one that Rapunzel would wish pain and hurt upon, and if anything she was more afraid of that than anything. Wendy didn't deserve it. But how could Rapunzel hide that she loved him for much longer?

She huffed a bit as Nav mused over her selflessness and her strength. The only time she ever felt strong was around Nav, and he was the thing she was most selfish about. "I'm not that strong, you know." She mused, looking at her hands, now fidgeting out in the cold air. "I think I've been out of love with him for a while now, possibly even before I accepted his engagement. I think....I think I just thought that he would be the only one who would come along and want me. How is that even selfless? I shouldn't have said yes in the first place." She breathed, choking up a bit but not letting it really get to her.

The chill in the air stung at the skin on her hands, reddening them with a tint of color. She listened to him talk of Wendy, and how he'd worried that he would lose her. In one way or another, that would be another reason that Rapunzel envied the sweet girl. People all over the place seemed to be afraid of losing her, and Nav, he had feared losing her as well. Where Rapunzel had wondered if anyone feared losing her. Her mother certainly did not, and Flynn had be so quick to leave her at the first sight of losing her, he hadn't even fought. Perhaps that was her weakness. One of them.

Rapunzel finally moved over to the bench after a moment, propping herself on the edge of it so that she could somewhat face Nav, now she listened to how he didn't think they would be married if not for the fear of losing her. She smiled a bit at the memory of the cocky, grinning prince he had been when he arrived. She opened her mouth to tell him he'd grown since then, but shut her mouth again without a word. Instead she continued listening to his words, taking in everyone as if her very life depended on them. She didn't want things to change for them. But in a way, she guessed that she did. She wanted to be with him, to hear that he loved her too. But never would she ask for it.

She glanced up in time for his hand to cup her cheek, and she leaned into it, warmth leaking out of it from being in his pocket. It was such a simple gesture, and yet it settled some of the knotting nerves in her stomach. Her eyes stayed with his, and her breath came out evenly, appearing in front of her face before becoming unknown once more. With every new word that left his lips, she felt as if she was dreaming. Never in a million years would she have guessed that Nav would say his marriage was over, that he loved Wendy, but that she wasn't necessarily the one for him anymore. She watched his own breath leave him and appear in the chill of the air before dissipating, just like hers had. It took a moment for her heart to catch up with her head, and for the words to process enough to make sense to her.

She didn't know whether to feel sorry for the fact that he and Wendy weren't all they'd started out to be, or to feel joy over the words that had left his lips. "Nav...I...I hope I didn't cause problems with Wendy..." She breathed, her heart screaming at her for saying such words. Of all the things she could say, that was what she chose? "I just want you to be happy."

#these two

If You Put it Down, Maybe We Could Fall in Love || Rapunzeen

Nav threw his arm around Rapunzel’s shoulder, tucking her neatly into his side as they started off along the path. “I try to give people gifts that reflect who they are, so naturally everything I’ve gotten you has been beautiful, my dear Pepper.” He grinned, letting out a small laugh that became a visual in the cold, Scotland air. “We certainly shall. It’s been too long.”

Rapunzel had barely had time to state that she wasn’t going home for break before Nav was waving the hand not gripping her shoulder, letting out a small scoff. He knew he didn’t need to mollycoddle her, didn’t need to offer her a tissue or a night to insult the male race as a whole because her relationship was obviously going to shit. She was Rapunzel, and all she’d ever expected from him was his presence. So he could give that. “Nonsense. You can come to the castle. We have more rooms than we know what to do with, and if my mother keeps harassing me about ‘that lovely Rapunzel girl’ I might have to lock myself in our damn dungeons.” He squeezed her shoulders. “You’re not staying here for Christmas, my silly little wench.”

His eyes wandered to her empty finger, and he felt a pang of empathy in his chest for his best friend. “Or you could pawn it, if you feel the need to be stressful,” he said with a small laugh. “I really am sorry, though. For whatever happened. And I’m here. But you know that.” Nav raised an eyebrow, glancing down at her. “Oh? Okay. I’m all ears. All two of them.”

She leaned into him a bit as he threw an arm around her shoulders, laughing a bit when he told her she could stay at his place for the holidays. It warmed her heart a bit to hear that his mother talked about her, since she hadn't had time to talk to her favorite mother figure with everything going on. "I don't want to impose on your Christmas with Wendy..." She breathed, though she didn't much like the idea of being nearly alone on campus all break. "I'll just hang out with your mother, we can catch up and talk about how cute you were as a child, and wonder what happened to you." She teased, scrunching her nose a bit for good taste.

She elbowed him in the side a bit playfully when he offered that she pawn it. "I'm not going to do that. It was a lovely ring, and I'm sure Flynn spent far too much money on it." She shrugged lightly, and good-heartedly when he apologized. "It's alright, I just came to the realization that I love him, but I'm not in love with him. To be honest, there's a lot about it that was wrong, and it wouldn't be fair for me to marry him knowing that."

She chewed on her bottom lip gently for a moment before letting out a breath, which appeared and disappeared in front of her face thanks to the chill. "I've been thinking about this a lot lately, Nav. Like a lot, so I know this isn't me just throwing out some rebound type situation thing." She started. "You're my best friend, and honestly, no one makes me feel better than you do. I don't feel like the Rapunzel from the tower, or the little girl I was before the tower, and even more so, I don't feel like the broken, drink her way out of feeling version of myself. You don't pity me, or pretend like at any moment I'm going to snap or relapse. Even more than that, you make me feel pretty, and like I'm more than just my looks."

Rapunzel spared a glance at her best friend, before beginning again. "You're there when I need a hug, or I need to go out and get a cup of coffee. You don't tell me to suck it up, you let me cry. Even if I have no good reason to do it. I just...what I'm getting at is, there's no one that makes me feel like you do. And I think I've quite honestly fallen in love with you. I just needed you to know that, even if you don't feel that way, which I wouldn't blame you, and I know you're married to Wendy, and I wouldn't ever dream of hurting either of you, but I wanted you to know. And if you want to forget I ever said this, we can do that. As long as whatever comes out of this you'll still be Tony, and I'll still be Pepper. Navie and wench." There, she'd said it. There wasn't any turning back now. All she could do was wait. Wait for his response.

#always

If You Put it Down, Maybe We Could Fall in Love || Rapunzeen

Nav fished around for a clean hoodie as the printer finished spitting out a picture of Rapunzel’s gift, since the real one still hadn’t arrived. He found a dark brown one, tugging it on over his undershirt, glad he’d already had on jeans. The room was empty, no Wendy in sight, though her little tornado of schoolwork left evidence that she did still exist. During the end of the semester, they both fell into the routine of being normal high school students, swamped with work, and the only time he saw her was when they fell asleep in each other’s arms each night. But thankfully, Christmas approached and soon he would get some actual time with his wife.

The printer finished its job, and that brought Nav’s mind back to the other woman in his life that he was excited to spend quality time with: Rapunzel. They hadn’t necessarily drifted this semester, but they’d certainly seen less and less of each other, and he wanted to check up on his best friend. He had no idea what the status of her pregnancy was, of her baby, of anything really. And he wanted to change that.

Picture in hand, Nav had barely stepped outside before arms were wrapped around his waist. “Hey, you,” he said, noticing with a pang that her stomach was definitely not carrying a baby any longer. “I told you I’d bring a picture of your present.”