'cause all the pain and the truth, i wear like a battle wound. so ashamed, so confused - i'm not broken or bruised Shalom fans, friends and acquaintances. I'm Rachel Barbra Berry, twenty-six years old hailing from the quaint city of Lima, Ohio. Although I'm a small town girl, I've always had big city dreams which is why I moved to New York to attend NYADA after graduating. As of right now I'm working at the Spotlight Diner but I'm soon to be on my way to a stage near you. Currently separated from Sam Evans...
GENERAL NOTES: An excited Rachel goes to her first doctor's appointment concerning her pregnancy... only to come out with some less than expected news.
“I think I’m pregnant…”
She took both.
Both came out positive.
The moment she told Sam instantly became one of the best moments of her life. Next to graduating high school, next to graduating college, next to her engagement, and next to her wedding – this compared to all those events and so much more. She knew how much Sam wanted this, she wanted it to and the amount of work they put into this was clear. Plus it was a lot of fun trying to make a baby of their own, if she might add.
When she told Tina, the women screamed and cried for hours as they planned the baby room and talked about names while customers angrily left the diner after the poor service that day. She couldn’t help it though, she was going to have a baby for Christ sake!
Rachel waited a month and a few weeks after taking the tests to calculate her missed periods and the weeks before she made a doctor’s appointment to officially confirm if everything was good to go. She took the prenatal vitamins, she slept more and she held her breath that morning sickness wouldn’t start up at all. Up until the day of her appointment her eating habits had changed dramatically. She made Sam go out for ice cream runs late at night and even craved a burger from the diner where she worked on one Sunday afternoon. It was funny; Rachel hadn’t craved anything that dealt with meat since she was ten years old. Though she knew craving weren't supposed to start this early, however she figured every women was different. That’s how she knew, clearly her body was telling her that all systems were a go for a beautiful or handsome baby to be brought into the world.
The day had finally arrived and Rachel was thirty minutes early for her appointment. Sitting in the warm waiting room surrounded by women who were about to pop any day now, to women who seemed to be in the same predicament as her or just about three months pregnant.
“Mrs. Evans, the doctor will see you now.”
Her nerves skyrocketed as she was led to a room and told to strip down into nothing but the uncomfortable revealing gown and prepare for a series of tests. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours as she was poked, prodded and told to pee in a cup several times. Rachel didn’t think she’d have to go through all this just to figure out if she was having a baby but she couldn’t help but be excited as soon as she was told that she could put her clothes back on.
She smiled as the doctor came back in but her presence didn’t feel like the first time she walked into the room that dimly lighted cold room, this felt different. She felt hesitant, distant and her smile didn’t reach her eyes at all.
“I don’t know how to tell you this, Mrs. Evans.”
No.
“This happens all the time; you’re not the only one that this has happened to.”
No.
“I think you’ve experienced something that I’ve seen quite a bit of in my time in this practice. A false pregnancy, you receive the same symptoms as a normal pregnancy. It’s a mental thing, if you think about it. You’re so happy that you’re receiving a bundle of joy-“ the lady kept going on and on but all Rachel could hear was nothing. In fact, she was pretty sure her heart stopped. Her hand self-consciously rested upon her stomach as tears filled her eyes.
No baby, false pregnancy.
The doctors words cut deeply as the brunette walked out into the cold weather, folding up the paper work she spent so long filling out only to receive a copy of them but not a copy of the news that her and Sam were having a baby.
Nothing. Just paper.
Rachel quickly dialed Sam’s number as she sat on the empty Subway that led her straight to their apartment. The brunette didn’t care if he was working with someone; she knew that he wanted her to call her as soon as she got out of her appointment so he could hear the news officially. She could hear her heart cracking as she dialed his number, after two rings and the sound of her sweet husband’s voice filled her ears she immediately broke down into loud sobs.
GENERAL NOTES: After great news and a big paycheck from his company, Sam becomes inspired by the life changes. With all the good things surrounding him, he springs up a big request on his wife, Rachel.
Sam: [Sam couldn't help but become completely lost in the way Rachel breathed. It was the little sounds she made that made him miss her the most. The small, audible, sigh she expressed took him back to their first night together; the night she slept over. Shaking his head, he tried his best to contain his nostalgia. Remembering those things would break him down easily.] "Don't take the fault, alright? She's my sister, and I should've told her. But I didn't have the courage to... I still don't." [Peeping inside from the porch, he watched as Stacey plopped herself back onto the couch to watch her favorite daytime talk shows. She seemed better than when he left her, but he wouldn't take a chance on talking to her right now. The Evans weren't big believers in divorce, so he knew that eventually it'll all have to come out.] "Yeah, I'll try." [Which was a lie, he didn't have any intention of speaking to her until his parents came to drive them back to Ohio.] "Thanks, um, again? Just.. thanks for seeing her."
Rachel:[It took everything inside Rachel not to tell him that he shouldn’t have to tell his sister, they shouldn’t be in this predicament now and to tell him to just come home but she stopped herself, she had to.] “That’s understandable… it’s not an easy subject to discuss.” [She should know, it was hard for her to even let her closest friends know or anyone at that because it wasn’t their business or for the fact that it didn’t feel right. She especially had that painful gut feeling as she pictures Stacey’s face afterwards, it felt like she’d taken the whole world and crushed it over the young woman’s heart. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat as she started to pack her stuff up to prepare for another shift.] “N- no problem, Sam. Anytime… that is if she ever wants to see me again.” [She couldn’t imagine seeing her ex-extended family again but by the looks of everything that’s what everything was leading to.] “Be patient with her."
Sam: [He just knew it. Shutting his eyes tightly, he listened to his estranged wife tell him everything he didn't want to hear.] "I didn't think we would've gone through this. I didn't think we would've gone through with the divorce, but here we are, y'know?" [The initial call was for Stacey. He wanted to know what hurt his little sister so much, but now that he was in this conversation with Rachel it was easy to see this discussion was much more for him. How selfish.] "I've never wanted to come between you and your dreams for Broadway, Rach. And... I don't want to be your back up either. Maybe that's selfish and unfair, but all I've ever wanted was you." [Tucking in his lips, he glanced around the neighborhood after feeling a tear trail down his cheek. Sam quickly caught with the pad of his thumb, taking a deep breath.] "And... I'm sorry for putting you in that spot, with havin to tell Stacey. I shouldn't have done that but- I guess a part of me was kinda hoping for a different outcome." [Shrugging to himself, the blonde licked over his lips nervously. This was not in the cards and he hated it so much.]
Rachel: [A sigh escaped past her lips as she nodded her head in agreement, he could see it but she didn't think they'd get to this point either.] "Yeah, here we are." [She mumbled, it was hard to believe they were a happy couple so long ago. That it was just them against the world but now it was her, him and the world against them.] "You didn't come in between my dreams, Sam. You didn't. I came between my own dream and that's not selfish..." [It wasn't selfish because she wanted him but she wanted Broadway too, now that was selfish of her.] "It's okay, I understand why you didn't tell her and I should have taken that into consideration when I was talking to her or when said yes to going to dinner with her. [She paused after that, taking a moment to wipe her face and soak in all the emotions that were going through her at once.] "Try talking to her, even if it's in front of a closed door. Stacey loves you unconditionally, hearing your side of things could make her feel better."
Sam: [Despite her switch up, Sam was hurt. He didn't believe that she didn't mean what she told Stacey. Not one bit. They weren't false, maybe it was time to let go of the false hope of getting back together. Rachel would never be the type to just run back to him, he needed to get that through his head.] "I don't want an explanation for what you told my sister. I-- I get it." [Sam placed his free hand on his head and sighed. He didn't want to cry through this conversations; he'd done enough of that months ago.] "Keep twisting? What? What am I twisting, Rachel? I filed for the divorce, that didn't mean you had to go through with it! I wanted kids! We both did! We had a plan and we were gonna rock that plan together. And you.... you still had your own plans. For yourself. And /ours/? Ours... they got put on hold." [Sucking in air, Sam wiped his eye quickly before a tear could push its way out.] "Yeah, for better or worse, and hopes of plan postponement. I'll read the fine print next time." [She loved him, but he loves her. It hurt, and it broke his heart. But reality hurt and it cut like a knife.] "Can you answer this for me... Where are you now? Tell me where you are, and I'll tell you what you'll always love most."
Rachel:[The conversation was wearing on Rachel and she knew Sam was far from happy with her just by his tone. She knew her words seemed harsh but they weren't intended to be. She didn't want to sugar coat anything for Stacey, she was old enough to not be lied to but still she knew she could have went about it in a different way.] "Exactly, Sam! /You/ filed for divorce, not me! You! What else was I supposed to think? When you serve someone divorce papers that doesn't give them a positive sign that things are going to be okay! [The brunette roughly wiped the tears from her face as she inhaled and exhaled deeply to keep herself from full on crying. That wouldn't help the situation at all.] "I know the plan, and you knew since day one that I wanted more than anything to have kids and live comfortably. I wanted that! I still want that but I want Broadway too. I thought I could have both that you would wait for me and support me. [But this words had already done the damage, "hopes of pan postponement." It was like she was listening to every glimmer of hope float away.] "I'm..." [She stated off saying, she couldn't possibly tell him she was struggling to keep waking up with a brave face when she knew she wasn't going to get a call back. She couldn't tell him how miserable she was or how hard it was to keep paying bills with her low salary income or that she missed him and wanted him to come home.] "That's not fair, Sam. That's not fair at all." [She whispered, she could say that a thousand times but she knew what she was doing to him wasn't fair either but she selfishly wanted her childhood dream and a happy marriage as well.]
Sam: "Crap.." [Every word from her sent a knife through his heart. One by one, pieces of his heart fell to the ground. The reality of their situation becoming unavoidable. It felt like October of 2013 all over again. Sam felt like he'd almost stopped breathing for a moment, especially when Rachel admitted to not wanting to get back together. Maybe they wouldn't; maybe they'd never be anything more than two people held together by a system that won't let love die. He wished it weren't true... He wished to have heard a crack in her voice, or even a sentence dropped. But it seemed like every word, from beginning to end, was meant.] "Wow..." [Sam was at a lost for words of his own, his eyes began to swell and he eventually looked up to avoid his tears.] "You know, I definitely can see how that would've hurt her, y'know? I mean... hearing it myself... Yeah. [Shaking his head, he placed a hand on his hip and paced back and forth on the stoop. The resentment laid thick in his throat, and it cracked as he spoke again.] "Did you-- Did you even love me at all? Was our marriage just one long date to you? I think I just gotta know now. I mean we're doing all this therapy, and now I'm finding out that it really is for nothing, huh?"
Rachel: [Tears clouded her vision as she listened to his voice. She couldn’t lie and say she didn’t miss hearing it or just seeing him in general. They could be lying in dead silence and she’d love it, his presence made her happy but now… well now she didn’t know, it didn’t feel the same anymore.] “It wasn’t… I didn’t mean for it to come off like I didn’t care, it wasn’t easy telling her or seeing her angelic face melt.” [She admitted and his voice over the phone wasn’t making this any better for her. Sure she clearly chose her career over their marriage but in her mind how could she make someone happy if she wasn’t fully happy herself?] “Sam…” [Her voice barely audible as she shook her head, trying to keep herself composed.] “Of course I love – I loved you. I would have never married you if I didn’t, how could you say that?” [His words hurt; they slapped her right in the face as she stared at the white wall in front of her. Even if it was her lunch break she was no longer hungry as her throat got tighter and tighter.] “You can’t keep twisting this and making it sound like this was all my fault. That’s not fair and it wasn’t all for nothing, I meant everything I said in my vows.”
Sam: "Don't-- I'm not taking the whole blame! There wouldn't be a divorce if you hadn't--" [Sam stopped himself abruptly, refusing to make this about them. Sure, their disagreeing had a lot to do with their separation. Sure, Sam should've told Stacey the truth. But he could barely admit the truth to himself, how could he ever communicate it to his sister too? Biting back his tone, Sam took a minute before starting up again.] "She won't talk to me, Rachel. She won't-- I don't know what to say because I don't know how the conversation went and I-- I need to know. I need to know how to talk my sister... but I-I can't because you-- because of you. I don't know what you said that upset her this much."
Rachel: [Immediately she felt her face heat up with anger and her heart began to race because she knew this was going to lead into yet another argument between them. However when he stopped himself, she was just about to tell him to go ahead and continue because apparently their divorce was all her fault in his eyes. After taking a deep breath, Rachel shook her head as she poked around with her veggie burger.] “I didn’t say much and I didn’t place the blame all on you.” [She ended that with a snappy tone but quickly recovered herself once she continued.] “The conversation started off good, she told me about where she wanted to go to college and what she wanted to do. We talked about where I worked and then she saw that I wasn’t wearing my wedding ring…” [She paused as she swallowed the lump in her throat as she replayed the memory, seeing a crushed young woman in front of her clearly.] “She asked and I told her that we-we’re separated. She asked me if I thought we would get back together and I… I told her that wasn't going to happen. She just kept saying ‘no, no, no’ over and over again, that this wasn’t possible and that we’re soul mates and her inspiration. She started crying after that and… honestly I don’t think there’s anything you can say to her to make it better.”
Sam: [Without a blink, the blonde boy rolled his eyes. Just the way she answered grated his nerves.] "Don't you 'Samuel' me. [Clenching his jaw tightly, Sam took one more glance around the room and quickly noticed Stacey had made her way into the living room to browse the internet on her laptop. He remained quiet for only a minute before making his way onto the front stoop from his living room.] "What did you do? Better yet, should I ask by you hate me so much?" [The anger in him kept him vague, but steam was coming from his ears and there was no way he could form proper sentences.]
Rachel: [It took everything Rachel had inside of her not to hang up the phone in his face, but instead the brunette kept her composure.] "That's your Name, Sam jeez." [She replied with an eye roll as she waited for him to continue on because she surely knew he didn't call her to tell her that he missed her or anything of the sort.] "What are you talking about?" [Rachel snapped back as she looked up to see her co-workers still peeking, with her jaw clenched tightly she turned in the hopes they'd lose interest.] "If you're talking about my dinner with Stacey, how in the world was I suppose to know she didn't know? Better yet, why would you put me in that predicament if you knew you didn't tell her!"
Sam: [Needless to say, the blonde boy had fumes coming from his ears. Sure, for no good reason, it's not like this was anyone's fault but his own for not telling Stacey about his separation from Rachel. Did Rachel really have to go and tell her /everything/ though? It'd been almost 48 hours since Sam heard a peep out of his little sister, and when she finally spilled the beans about knowing the truth about his relationship, the devastation in her eyes couldn't have harmed the guy any worst. Without even letting him explain, Stacey slammed the bathroom door shut and has been in there for almost. Desperate for answers, Sam quickly presses a few keys on his phone before dialing Rachel's number (which could've easily been accessed had he just gone to his speed dial, but refused to take a short cut to acknowledge her status which was still so high on his list of people) and hoping she had time to talk.] "You better pick up, Rachel Berry..."
Rachel: [Since her dinner with Stacey, Rachel had been on edge. She filled her day with everything she could, dance lessons, a vocal lesson and a double shift at the diner in order to get the conversation out of her head. It was a hard one for her, she loved (loves) Sam, especially his family so to break the news to her sister-in-law (ex) was the most devastating thing she could do. However, Rachel was furious at Sam. How could he not tell his sister? The petite brunette thought he shared everything with his sister and brother so how was she supposed to know that Stacey didn’t know. Rachel tried to move past the awful look on Stacey’s face when she told her about the separation, the complete opposite of what her face looked like the day her and Sam said their I do’s. Shaking her head, she looked down at her phone while she was on her lunch break, her breath caught in her throat once she saw his photo and name flash across her screen. She hadn’t even bothered to change his screensaver or the little hearts by his name but that would change after this.] “Samuel. What can I help you with?” [She answered as calmly as possible, watching some of her co-workers peek around the corner as if they thought she couldn’t see them trying to listen in.]
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