Drifting Aimlessly

Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside. Please forgive me I’ve got demons in my head.

[madam-kindergore]

Random th1nsp0 for August

[2thebones]

Daily thinsp0 :)

✨I will be looking like this by the end of January✨

[analogangell]

Me when im skinny

[letskickrocks]

I miss the old unfiltered, uncensored, tumblr. Let me get deep in my feels, not ask “is everything ok?” Like go tf away and let me scroll

[becherdireinen]

to be so understanding and never understood is draining.

[thememedaddy]

[letskickrocks]

Finally! After way too long I reached my goal weight of 135 lbs. it took way longer than I wanted it to. I wanted to reach this by summer and yesterday was Thanksgiving. I’ve been stuck around 140 for most of this year, but I recently buckled down with watching what I eat, counting calories, measuring things, and weighing my food.

My lowest weight as a teen/adult was 110 lbs I think. My next goal weight is 125 lbs. For my height and body frame I want to be a size 4 so maybe ultimate goal weight of 118-120lbs? I NEVER thought I’d ever reach 150lbs as an adult again and I’ve been crushing these goals and pushing myself to be better about my health.

[nofuckingideawho]

being mentally ill AND self aware? zero stars, would not recommend

[sugaglos]

"Trust your gut" bitch I can't trust my feelings that change every five minutes tf you mean trust your gut

[hellhoundzzz]

mfs be like "I can handle your disorders" until your disorders disorder disorderly

[letskickrocks]

It’s September, I did not reach my ultimate goal weight of 135 by the end of summer. My scale said 138 this morning, but at least I’m not gaining weight I suppose. I feel like I’ve plateaued and should just accept it. Going from 228lbs to 138lbs in one year is a 90lb weight loss which is pretty incredible in itself. But, also being borderline, I have that inner voice telling me I failed. Telling me people still look at you and see how overweight you are. You aren’t trying hard enough.

With a weight of 138lbs, which I NEVER thought I’d reach again, especially in my mid thirties, my mind keeps thinking that’s still too fat. Your ultimate goal weight should be 125 and then you’ll be thin enough. But I keep my inner thoughts bottled up. Project confidence.

[letskickrocks]

In February I set an ultimate goal weight of 135 by summer. It’s July and I’m 4 lbs away from that goal. My scale said 139 today. I have not seen 139 on a scale I am standing on since high school.

And in case anyone is wondering, yes I still see all my imperfections despite the weight loss. I still don’t like what I see in the mirror. I probably never will

[visilepoem15192x]

[letskickrocks]

Why is it when I have a dream about a person from my past I will ruminate on it for DAYS letting it consume me. It’s exhausting. I hate it, but here I am yet again.

[letskickrocks]

Went to the doctor for the flu this week and as I was reading over my after visit summary I saw that they added they counseled me on dietary management for obesity BMI 30+

Not only did they not counsel me, but they didn’t even look at my weight. They looked at old data and couldn’t be bothered to compare it to the new.

I DON’T NEED DIETARY COUNSELING. I’ve now lost 78 lbs since last year from diet and exercise. BMI is an archaic way to judge people, but if you want to use it doc, sure. My BMI is actually 24.2 which is what falls into the “healthy” category now.

I know doctor’s offices are busy, and this is a trivial mistake, but it made me feel invalidated over all the work I’ve been doing.

In other news, I hit my second goal weight of 150 lbs. Should I set a new goal of 135 lbs? Maybe 135 by summer? I don’t even know what an ultimate goal weight would be for me anymore because honestly, I NEVER thought I’d see the scales say 150s again.

[letskickrocks]

I went from a size 18 to an 8.

XL/XXL shirt to a Medium

Lost over 70 lbs.

Yet when I look in the mirror all I see is that size 18 girl staring back looking miserable. Wondering if others see how fat that girl in the mirror is. Judging her for daring to take up so much space.

I feel better physically through all this, but mentally…. I’m struggling

[cut-n-snared]

i hate when people ask how i’m doing like.. horrible. next question