sadjalygirl

good in self destruction

[letsnottalkaboutlove]

No one talks about the pain and guilt of being a hypocrite. Tell me about it.

Imagine, kat of euphoria feeling so bad about not loving ethan when he has everything a girl wants? But is so afraid of letting him go because duh? He didnt do anything wrong, its also an advantage having him around because what else is better than having someone head over heels about you, right?

But she carries the pain of suffering silently because she knew deep inside that there's actually nothing negative about him.. its just that she doesn't have feelings for him.

Instead of him being an advantage, it actually turns out being a burden. You just can't learn and force how to love someone. Period. You would if you can, but it isnt easy.

You know you shouldn't let them go because having them will give you leverage on so many things, but your feelings tells you otherwise. No matter how much time you take on making sense of it, you understand, you know all facts, your feelings just dont align.

Its the literal Me vs. Me

Anyway.... Its exactly how i feel about my job. I just used Kat as an example because it looks so poetic lol. +++ Im binge watching euphoria now 🤣

[letsnottalkaboutlove]

spiraling down again... should i blame it to my nervous system

[letsnottalkaboutlove]

2025 I lost my sparks on writing

Planning to get it all back this 2026. I wanna remember the joy writing gives me, I realised I'm more focused when I end my day writing!

Too many blank pages, 2025. Let's not make the same mistakes this year. 🙂‍↕️

[hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard]

does anyone else have like, an almost pathological avoidance of media that you think you’d like? i keep finding myself either consuming whatever i already know or things I know will be mediocre because i just. don’t have the time or energy to get really into something new

[perfectfeelings]

“Don’t allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not.”

— Paulo Coelho

[letsnottalkaboutlove]

People are weird, so as their intentions. I kinda hate how easy it is for some to manipulate people into thinking that they matter, when obviously they don't. They just need them to some extent. Its actually scary, I wonder how they do it. Like how do you sleep knowing you confused someone? If you're not a hundred percent sure about how you actually feel for someone, try to supress whatever feelings or emotions you have to avoid regrets. Most specially if the person continuously tried to warned you. Also, why do people need to tell someone "I can't imagine life without you" but flirt with tons of girls at the same time? For what? If there's a lot of girls replying to your text why do you need that specific girl to be head over heels for you? I mean, if that's exactly how you feel abt her, then where was I? What were those words and actions you've shown? This isn't biased, and I have really no hard feelings with these people. It just scares me how convincing and how spot on they are on locating your weakness. I hate myself for being so naive about these things. But I'm happy I learned about it, atleast there's knowledge gained on the process so I'll be wary of the trust I'll be gving next time. This is so new to me and I hate to admit I was somehow manipulated. Not the easy way around but I'm making peace on the fact that I'm young and there's still a lot to learn. Lord, please help me avoid manipulators and if ever I'm one, please slap me hard

[letsnottalkaboutlove]

everytime i bump to a post about being one's self, i always feel so so heavy, how can you be yourself when you don't even know who you actually are?

Sometimes, i look at myself in the mirror and all i can see is a stranger. this is no longer me. Im saying it in the most disgusting way.

not just physically, but emotionally and morally too.

i am once fierce and strong, you can't put me down easily without a fight, you rarely see me back down. I have a faccade of embodying Venus, a very strong independent woman. I always remember people asking me for help, advices, expecting me to know exactly what to do, say and feel. I am emotionally strong. I know I am. Or atleast i once was.

The girl i see in the mirror isn't. she doesn't know how to cry. she just feels heavy all the time which causes her overall aura to be very timid and dark, dumb and weak. she isn't crying, but she's always on the verge of breaking down, hanging by a very thin thread that's about to break in every single instance. she's fragile.

I once uphold high morals of always doing what is right and just. Im okay of being compromised as long as I'm doing what I thought is right. I'm a people pleaser, I always want to follow what's right in the crowd's vision. I'm afraid of tarnishing my good reputation to the extent that I shame those who doesn't share the same morals that I have.

The girl in the mirror is someone I promised myself i wouldn't become. She does all the things opposite to what my morals advocates.

I hate that instead of evolving to a better version of me, Im turning to be the worst.

Is this the price I have to pay for growing up and maturing too fast? Creating a version of me that craves the fun in immaturity and finds joy on defying rules i set for myself?

I wish I could just turn back time. Its hard to reintroduce yourself here. Everyone's either taking advantage or judging.

[sunsetquotes]

But don’t forget who you really are. And I’m not talking about your so-called real name. All names are made up by someone else, even the one your parents gave you. You know who you really are. When you’re alone at night, looking up at the stars, or maybe lying in your bed in total darkness, you know that nameless person inside you.

Louis Sachar

[mournfulroses]

Nikita Gill, from her book titled "Hekate: the Witch: Poems", published in 2025

[thoughtkick]

“Inside every person there’s a person you don’t know.”

— Unknown

[remanence-of-love]

[letsnottalkaboutlove]

the sudden realization that you were used and manipulated. god how can i be so dumb for not noticing that

[sunsetquotes]

I have survived. I am here. Confused and screwed up, but here.

Laurie Halse Anderson; Speak

[quotefeeling]

“One of the most healing things you can do is recognize where in your life you are your own poison.”

— Steve Maraboli

[letsnottalkaboutlove]

Its that familiar feeling of not being enough again. I always say "life is just fair because it is unfair to everyone", but boy did it hurt

Why do I always have to feel like I'm falling short when I'm doing all I can to boost everyone's ego so they'll feel big.

2025 continues to make me realise that this isn't working. this isn't worthwile, we both know. I don't know why we're still keeping each other when we know how exactly this will end.

Maybe I craved other people's warm touch not because I thought I'm inlove, but maybe to learn that starting over isn't that bad.

Or maybe to just try and feed my curiosity?

Or maybe to simply feel what love might look like if I'll give it another try?

Or maybe to get revenge and see his reaction?

Or maybe to simply destroy due to jealousy because how could love hatch so perfectly on them but not on us?

Sometimes I wish I could go back and stop myself from doing it, so that my conscience will remain intact, so my guilt would stop haunting me. But he's always giving me a reason to think that it was what I needed most during that time and I should show no remorse of doing it because I learned anyway. I got even.

Lord help me.

[sunsetquotes]

All I ever wanted was to know what to do.

Dave Eggers; You Shall Know Our Velocity!

[sunsetquotes]

I don’t want just words. If that’s all you have for me, you’d better go.

F. Scott Fitzgerald; The Beautiful and Damned