Dear James, Hey..How are you…Where are you..Who are you..? I want you to know that I’ve never hated you. I need you to know that you genuinely have impacted my life in ways you will never understand. Also, I want you to know that my mom says “hello”. I’m writing a letter to anyone who has ever made me think twice, hurt me, loved me, or anyone who has changed me for the better or worse. You fit into all of these categories. The absolute truth is, things between us have always been messy in one way or another, we were so good for each other, but so bad for each other all at the same time. We made our love a war, and no one really could ever win. I miss you, but in other words... you are missed, dearly. The miles you walked have no clue how lucky they are to have had your efforts. You have left pieces of yourself in so many places, with so many people who will never know you like I used too. You have so many poems written about you, you have never even read because they are titled with someone else’s name. You are the one I can’t let go of. The one who everyone else needs me to let go of. The one I try my hardest to erase, because I know it’s better for both of us if I do. But I can’t. You are permanent marker on every white sweater I own, but I wear it anyways. You broke me into pieces that I am still picking up. We never spent nights drinking cheap booze on a futon together, but we might as well have. I almost sometimes wish we had. Because if we had, I could throw you in the pile of every other guy who never had a chance, but you would be at the top of the pile, staring back at me knowing you didn’t belong there. That was years ago, and my heart was an awful lot smaller then. But I still dream of you, often. In zombie apocalypse scenarios to fall asleep. The gore is comforting, and I’ve never been scared of you. But I am so sorry. I’m sorry for every wrong I’ve ever caused you, and every anguish you’ve felt because of me. I’m sorry I never got to kiss you, not even once. I’m sorry that I was who I was then-to you. I’d like to think that I’ve grown. I’d like to think that we’ve grown. I’ve never wanted to anyone’s friend more than I’ve wanted to be yours. You’ve never been an experiment. You’ve never been a project. I’m not sure if you know that, but you need to. You need to love yourself better. You need to look in a mirror and realize that I am not the only person who sees this love and this light in you. You deserve chances that no one has given you yet. You deserve more than what has been dealt to you. You deserve more from this life that you’ve ever given yourself credit for. You are so beautiful. You can be an asshole, but you’re a beautiful one. If this is God’s way of testing you then what a sick bastard he must be. You are so strong, and I’m not. I’ve needed to write this for so long, and it’s taken time. I’m finally doing what I was never good at; telling the truth. I’ll always love you, I forgive you, I hope you can forgive me after all this time. I’ve said what I came here to say. I can let you go now. I can let you live your life happily, sadly, all at once or in stages. I can let you live your life with or without me, and be at peace each way. Thank you. With sincerity, Chase