Good Night, Dear and Sweet Dreams Vol. 08 Jean Kirstein
"Jean. …Jean. Are you up?"
Jean turned over in his bed and stuck his head out of his blankets. He saw the same barracks as always.
The quiet voice continued to call him.
"I was up… I couldn't sleep. What about you? It's rare for you to be up."
"Well, it happens every now and then."
"It's not like anything in particular happened, but… You know, we went through a lot in Trost District."
"You're right. Who knows how it could have turned out if it wasn't for Armin's plan and that suicide bastard's powers," the voice chuckled.
"You did a lot too, Jean. If it wasn't for your orders when our supplies got cut off, Mikasa would have been eaten after charging toward that Titan by herself."
"That was…just something I decided I needed to do. It could have just as easily been you."
"But you were the one who ended up doing it in reality," the voice replied. It was as soft and kind as it could be.
"I know you'll make a good Survey Corpsman, Jean."
"Huh? If you're saying that, then what about you? You'd--"
Jean tried searching through his foggy mind to recall where his kind conversation partner was going to go.
He felt a prick in his heart.
Marco… That's right, an MP…He's going to become an MP.
"Oh, I know. You're going to be an MP, right? You've always been saying that. Go out there and protect the King, I know you'll be able to do it."
Jean continued to speak in rapid succession, trying to get out every word he could without so much as waiting for a response. It was as if they were chains that would tie down the man he spoke to, keeping him from leaving.
"It's okay, I guarantee you'll rise up the ranks, and you'll be able…to…live…a safe life in the Interior …"
Jean began to gasp what was happening…
But he also knew that a full grasp on the situation would bring an end to this warm discussion. A shiver ran through his entire body. The barracks seemed to distort before his eyes.
Jean reached out in the direction he spoke, but it was no good. He didn't want to believe it, he wanted this to be his reality, it should be reality--
"…I wish we could keep talking. But…"
"No, don't disappear! Marco, you idiot!!"
Jean leapt awake, drenched in sweat. The feeling of perspiration dripping onto the tip of his nose made it undeniable that this was reality.
He cursed his still-shaking hands and grabbed one wrist with his other hand, forcing the tremors to stop. There was a dim brightness outside, and everyone around him still slept quietly. They would be asked what branch of the military they wanted to join today. The others must have been up until late struggling with the question before falling sound asleep.
The empty beds stood out in particular--those of their fallen corpsmates. And among them…
"Marco… Why… Why did you have to…"
Though Jean hung his head, he did not cry. He could hear someone inside of his heart telling him to hold his head high.
"…That's right. I made a decision. My will…is going to choose what I need to do now."
Jean clenched a determined fist in the barely lit barracks. He felt as though the afterglow of his warm dream pushed him onward.
SOURCE: Attack on Titan: Short Stories.
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