You left me today. Your death was my first time reckoning with reality. When you died I learned that nothing lasts forever and that we are all on borrowed time. You taught me the importance of enjoying the people you love, “now” because “later” lingers and limps in the air; eligible to get cut down by a “bad day.” In the face of tragedy I’m frequently told, “things get better.” What I should’ve been told is that, “sometimes things get better, and sometimes they don’t,” which would’ve been the truth. Trauma repeats itself, and sometimes I wonder if the repetition of that trauma is trying to teach me something. I can still hear our banter back and forth, feel your arm punch as you pass me in the kitchen, aggravating of course - something I would give anything to have again. Wrestling in the living room floor - me winning because, well duh. But actually winning because Mom and your Dad made you quit being rough with me. You chasing me with a dead snake... traumatizing me until this day. But most of all remembering the hugs, the laughs, the shopping and lunch dates, and the difficult phone calls guiding you through your hardships, although it broke my heart to know that you were hurting. I pray that you are watching over us and smiling from heaven. I have learned that the most cliché sayings are cliché because they are the truth. "It's the little things that mean the most", "you find out who your true friends are," and "don't take things for granted," are just a few that come to mind. Although, most of these sayings I have found to be true, some however are not. Time does not heal all wounds. In my personal opinion, time heals nothing. Time does not bring you back or change what happened. I only have learned different ways to cope with this tragedy and how to comfort those around me who have been affected as well. Time doesn't take the pain away, we only learn how to deal with it in better ways. In the short 25 years that I got to have such an amazing person in my life, you taught me so much. Although, you were the younger one, I looked up to you. I tried my best to get you the help you deserved. When you're growing up you picture certain life events and you were in every single one of them. The thought that you will not physically be at birthdays, holidays, graduations, and weddings are something that instantly bring tears to my eyes. I want people with siblings to give them that extra minute of their time or call them just to chat. Tell them you love them. Let them know how important they are to you. We really don't realize how lucky we are and we should cherish our loved ones while we have our time with them. I want you to know how much I cherished you and our relationship. In the end, I hope that you're happy with the decisions I'm making, and I want you to be proud of me and the person I'm trying to become. You were truly one of a kind and one of the good ones.
2087
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