Sur la terre.

Lea, Human, Earth.

[jlhgiyftr75587ityjgfhdsetljdse]

I am an old person and tumblr is the porch

[spokenitalics]

@ mutuals this is how i see us

[euryalus-deactivated20220430]

me and my mutuals

[longjump5o6]

Literally anyone on still on here from 2012 or earlier

[thoughtkick]

“There will always be someone who can’t see your worth. Don’t let it be you.”

— Unknown

[mybeautifulpoland]

Nowy Targ, Poland by Bogdan Bafii

[thelatestkate]

My fridge magnet collection is coming along quite nicely, I must say!

I send out monthly encouraging magnets to my patrons, so please feel welcome to sign up if you’re into this kinda thing. ^^

[thelatestkate]

Shop, Patreon, Books and Cards, Mailing List

[adhdanalogbrain]

Hi there! I don't have adhd myself, but all three of my roommates do. It makes it almost impossible for them to notice when chores need done, or to even motivate to do chores when reminded (whether by me or the chore apps we've tried). I don't want to resent my friends but I'm getting close, since I'm the only person in the house who does household chores. Do you have any tips on how I can help them, and how they can help themselves?

Ok so I’ve been chewing on this response for a while. Because there’s no one technique or life hack that can solve this situation easily – BUT i do believe you and your roommates have the power to solve it, with understanding and a helluva lot of communication. First Im going to explain how the adhd brain can react to chores, them I’m going to share how you can outwit the adhd brain through the power of friendship (e.g., communication, teamwork, and the benefit of the doubt).

So, for a lot of people with executive dysfunction problems, chores are THE WORST.

1. Some of them happen regularly, and others are intermittent. Since it’s already hard for us to notice the existence of time, this fact hits us coming and going.

2. Some of them are suuuuuuuuuuuuper boring, which is absolute agony and makes 10 minutes feel like 2 hours of torture.

3. Some require multiple steps, so we cant figure out how to get started, so we get overwhelmed and freak out.

4. Starting a new thing – overcoming the inertia of I’m Already Doing Something Else – is really hard.

5. If there is any kind of obstacle to getting started on the chore, our motivation to do the thing can fizzle out.

6. Many of us associate chores with punishment / bad feelings, because we grew up in households that didn’t acknowledge our difficulties, or blamed us, or guilt tripped us, or used chores as a punishment.

But!!! All is not lost!! This is where the power of Friendship comes in, because it sounds like there are at least 4 people in your house, which means there’s 4 people to help each other outsmart their brains and get stuff done.

The first thing to do is sit down with your roommates and have an honest conversation about the chores. This is NOT a, “Chris you didnt do the dishes the last 3 weeks” conversation! The theme of this conversation is: “The chores gotta get done. Let’s brainstorm together how to get that done.”

Here are some things that you all, as a group, gotta figure out together:

1. What are the communal chores that need doing, and how regularly do they need to get done?

-Write this all down! Right there at the table! ADHD brains can sometimes need things pinned down in letters on a page before we can grok them. And some things that seem Really Big out loud can turn out to look a lot less intimidating on paper.

-Sometimes people have different expectations for what a specific chore requires. My spouse balked at vacuuming for a long time before I realized that for him, vacuuming meant moving all the furniture to get every single speck of carpet in the house. Me saying “God no please just vacuum the carpet you can easily reach” solved that issue.

2. What chores do people hate? Why?

- The “Why?” is important. If someone hates doing dishes because it makes their hands wet and they have to touch Gross Things, that doesn’t mean they never have to do dishes – it means they should try wearing rubber dish gloves to see if that helps.

3. What chores do people not mind doing?

-My spouse haaaates folding laundry, and I dont mind it, so voila, that is now my task.

4. What sorts of things stand in the way of getting chores done?

Examples might include:

- I wanted to put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, but the clean dishes were still in there, and my brain was so set on dirties -> dishwasher I couldn’t brain how to switch over to putting the clean stuff away first. (Solution: “Dishes” might be broken up into more discrete tasks)

-I was supposed to sweep but there were Things on the floor (Solution: “It’s ok to sweep around things on the floor.”)

-I know I’m supposed to take the trash out every Sunday but I didn’t realize it was Sunday until Monday started (Solution: “Take the trash out on Monday and let it sit there till the following Sunday” OR “Put the trash bags right in front of the door so you cant miss them when you leave the house”)

- The pile of dishes was so big i got overwhelmed and left the room (Solution: “You don’t have to do ALL the dishes, just a sinkful” OR “Step 1 of doing dishes is restacking them more neatly on the counter”)

5. What are some workarounds we can figure out around the above obstacles to help each other get everything done?

- In my house, we don’t have a dishwasher. I will wake up in the morning and start a load in the sink, and wash enough dishes to fill the dish rack. When my spouse wakes up an hour later, he puts the clean dishes away. Over the course of a day, by tagging in and out, we get all the dishes done (mostly).

-We talk ALL THE TIME about what we need to get done and what is stopping us, and how we can help each other overcome the mental obstacle.

Example: “I know i need to do some dishes but the size of the stack is killing me.” “Would it help if I washed the two big saucepans so that the stack is smaller?” “OH GOD YES.”

-We ask each other for help when we need it! “Hey I can do all the laundry if you could just carry the basket downstairs for me.”

So.

I know you are getting irritated by the current chore situation. You also dont want to “nag” people or be, like, some sort of parental figure dispensing chore assignments to your grumbling roommates. And you don’t want to be left doing all the chores all the time, slowly seething.

None of that needs to happen.

Talk with your roomates. Have an honest conversation focused on problem solving. No blame. No pointing fingers. Y'all are the Avengers, or the Justice League, or your Found-Family-Trope Of Choice. The only rules are:

1. COMMUNICATE

2. Work together

3. Communicate some more. Ongoing communication. Regular check-ins. Task-swapping. Teamwork.

4. Give each other the benefit of the doubt. No one is skipping chores to be mean, or to punish anyone else. If something gets missed, talk and brainstorm and help each other.

You’re a really great friend, to reach out for help about this! You can do it!

[rowandriftwood]

I have ADHD, so I … uh … may not have read all of this very long post, but one thing I have found works for me is printing up a regular weekly chore chart, so everyone has a clear idea of what their responsibilities are, and when they complete them, they get a sticker! I know that looking around at everything that needs to be done makes me feel overwhelmed, but if I have a clear, finite understanding of which responsibilities are mine, it’s easier for me to tackle them. “Oh god clean the house????” is too much, but “Clean the cat box? I can do that in 15 minutes, and later I will load the dishwasher!” is a lot easier.

The one I made for my household looks like this:

[asexualfitzroy]

I can and will romanticize my aroace life. I can and will believe that I have found the best lifestyle for myself. When I am alone, when I am out in the world, passing bakeries and stopping to stare at pools of water and flipping through funny birthday cards in the convenience store, I feel loved. I feel like the world was made for me, specifically. The universe has collaborated to make this one moment for me, alone at a bus stop at 2am, spinning a Pokestop under a dark sky.

My aroace experience has been loving my friends with all my heart, yes. But it's also been loving my existence, loving where my feet take me when I go for long walks, loving my own presence, a steady and reliable calm.

I am never lonely, never, not ever, least of all when I'm alone.

[liiinde]

Notre bonhomme de neige de nouvel an est toujours là ☃️

[tea-with-mrs-mourning-dove]

[allthingseurope]

Berlin (by ashkey)

[queenjulia24]

HOLD UP HOW WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS

[lichpire]

was gonna leave my comment in the tags but tbh i’m silent enough about this as it is.

seeing stuff like this is so upsetting because these terms were well known and widespread in the ace community but because of exclusionists many people stopped using terms like this because they felt uncomfortable and unsafe.

i loved these terms when i was in highschool, i loved the feeling of community, but i lost that because i didn’t feel comfortable openly and proudly calling myself asexual.

they’ve hurt so many people and damaged our community badly and i will never forgive them for that. we deserve to use our own terminology and feel safe within our community.

[atasteforsuicidal]

sometimes i notice i haven’t seen “grace” (grey-ace) in a while and consequently wonder if i made it up.

[slenders1ckn3ss]

I remember ppl - even other ace ppl - saying the card suit thing was “cringey” and “straight ppl aren’t gonna take us seriously” (sounds familiar?) So i guess the community wound up abandoning it. We were also having severe issues at the time with aces being stereotyped as “childish/immature” for associating things like cake, dragons, and space with asexuality, plus in general as most aces just don’t “get” allosexual things in media and irl. We were starting to be viewed as ignorant, virginal, childish, losers, etc. I haven’t seen an ace-cake thing in a good while now.

This was the infancy of exclusionary influence on us. I didn’t realize it did more damage than just closeting us. Whole symbols and terms have been lost. Community has been lost.

[cobraonthecob]

I remember three-four years ago I got myself into the ace community on Insta, and I came across these terms. People in these circles would talk about cake, space, dragons, and the black ring on the middle finger. Then, a year or two later, ace content fizzled out (I thought it was Insta’s algorithm figuring out that I knew all this and didn’t bring me the old stuff) and young aces had no idea what any of these were - including the black ring. Finding out young aces had no idea what the black ring meant nearly snapped my heart in two - I proudly wore the black ring, I drew characters with it, and it was my quiet way of communicating to others what my sexuality was. I was baffled at the lack of knowledge - and it turns out that exclusionists got their hands into our community and snuffed us out. 

Anyways, we need to bring this back. I thought the card suite thing was cool, it taught people the different ways people can experience attraction, I loved making jokes about preferring cake, I loved wearing the black ring and talking about it with my fellow queer people at my highschool QSA club. 

[kriss-watches-stuff]

I’m sorry, people don’t know about the cake or ring anymore? I remember being welcomed with spams of cake gifs, photos, and MS Paint drawings. I also distinctly remember that the block solo ring in the midle was meant as reference to the Ace of Spades (black, solo, middle of card). Only thing I didn’t know was that other aces could represent a more refined nuance. Let’s see if we can get this all rolling again.

Welcome to anyone who is interested in helping with the culture revival.

[raavenb2619]

While I’m generally in favor of ace culture and remembering things that have been forgotten, the situation about card suits is more complicated than it might first appear. This post goes into detail, but the short version is that expectations of compulsory card suit usage caused problems within the ace community because it assumes that everyone has a romantic orientation (let alone one that easily fits into the model), which simply isn’t the case.

We didn’t stop using the card suit model because of exclusionists; we stopped using it because people within our own community had legitimate complaints about it.

[ranmagender]

Public Domain Day 2021

Yesterday on January 1st was public domain day, the day when new things become public domain. So as I did last year I’ll feature some of the highlights of what has become public domain.

In Europe (and other areas with life of author + 70 years copyright)

The entire bibliography of Edgar Rice Burroughs, however do keep in mind to not use Tarzan or John Carter in the titles because ERB Inc owns the trademark for those.

George Orwell’s Animal Farm and 1984 are now public domain, along with all his other works.

George Bernard Shaw´s bibliography

In Canada, Japan, New Zealand (and other areas with life of author + 50 years copyright)

Erich Maria Remarque’s All Quiet on the Western Front

Guy Endore´s The Werewolf of Paris

All Perry Mason books written by Eric Stanley Gardner

In the United States

In the United States all things published before 1976 retain copyright for 95 years. All films, books and songs published in 1925 are now public domain including:

F.Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby

Sinclair Lewis´ Arrowsmith

P. G. Wodehouse’s Carry On, Jeeves

Virginia Woolf’s Mrs Dalloway

T.S Elliot’s The Hollow Men

Charlie Chaplin’s The Gold Rush

You can now find a lot of these over at Project Gutenberg or the Internet Archive.

[thoughtkick]

“I am a complicated person with a simple life.”

— Charlotte Eriksson

[nankingdecade]

What I mean when I say "toxic monogamy culture"

the normalization of jealousy as an indicator of love

the idea that a sufficiently intense love is enough to overcome any practical incompatibilities

the idea that you should meet your partner’s every need, and if you don’t, you’re either inadequate or they’re too needy

the idea that a sufficiently intense love should cause you to cease to be attracted to anyone else

the idea that commitment is synonymous with exclusivity

the idea that marriage and children are the only valid teleological justifications for being committed to a relationship

the idea that your insecurities are always your partner’s responsibility to tip-toe around and never your responsibility to work on

the idea that your value to a partner is directly proportional to the amount of time and energy they spend on you, and it is in zero-sum competition with everything else they value in life

the idea that being of value to a partner should always make up a large chunk of how you value yourself

[chien-espagnol]

This is excellent

[even-the-losers]

I’m literally gonna reblog this on every single tumblr I have

[wild-cabins]

Copenhagen Wilderness

[headspace-hotel]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you can’t “ruin” 2021 by making hopeful statements about it, people on the internet are not making prophecies, bad things don’t happen because you dare to hope for good things.

I know all the jokes are fun but I would like to earnestly and sincerely remind you that none of it is real. Nothing anyone says, hopes or “predicts” about the year to come has the power to cause future events. You’re allowed to say that you hope 2021 brings good things for you. You will not be somehow punished for that.

[alsjakdj]

Wait, you haven’t seen any dragon plushies today??

Let’s fix that.