For the Growing Pains Series (featuring our gorgeous CEO Victor LI), check MasterList. If you have requests you want to make, featuring our Tsundere, feel free to ask (I don't mind writing hard subjects). I can't promise to do them all, but I will try. Also, I love interacting with people (you should see how giddy I get) so feel free to message me! Lots of love, beautiful people!
For those that are new to my work, this is an AU story, five years after chapter 18 in the MLQC game! I decided to make a Masterlist so you can easily find all the chapters, since they are so many...
If you prefer, here is my AO3 page, where I also have other works:
https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lia_Jones/works
Growing Pains - Part One of Growing Pains Series
Chapter One - Despite You, I’ll Be Happy
Chapter Two - Victor, Not Sir
Chapter Three - Andrea, Not Idiot
Chapter Four - My Office. NOW.
Chapter Five - Two Shades of Bully
Chapter Six - When We Dance
Chapter Seven - Ogres Can Be Honorable Too
Chapter Eight - Dry Cleaning and Peanut Butter Cookies
Chapter Twenty Six - The Rube Goldberg Trap (Final Chapter)
Growing Stronger - Part Two of Growing Pains Series
Chapter One - Andrea’s Breakup Recovery Guide
Chapter Two - Pulling Strings
Chapter Three - Happy Birthday, Andrea! (Victor’s POV)
Chapter Four - Happy Birthday, Andrea! (Andrea’s POV)
Chapter Five - There’s No Glory Without Tears (Andrea’s POV)
Chapter Six - There’s No Glory Without Tears (Victor’s POV)
Chapter Seven - You Have No Right
Chapter Eight - Tipsy Lullaby
Chapter Nine - Wild Goose Chase
Chapter Ten - Goldman’s Wedding
Chapter Eleven - I Won’t Give Up
Chapter Twelve - Painful and Unpredictable
Chapter Thirteen - The Fling and the Almighty
Chapter Fourteen - I’m Batman
Chapter Fifteen - The Perfect Trap
Chapter Sixteen - Making Amends
Chapter Seventeen - The Tie That Binds
Chapter 18 - Where My Demons Hide
Chapter Nineteen - Letting Me In
Chapter Twenty - The Toothfairy Isn’t Real
Chapter Twenty-One - Items One and Two
Chapter Twenty-Two - To Be Two
Chapter Twenty-Three - It Takes Four to Salsa
Chapter Twenty-Four - Olives and Handkerchiefs
Chapter Twenty-Five - Lost In Translation
Chapter Twenty-Six - So Far, Yet So Close
Chapter Twenty-Seven - Memories
Chapter Twenty-Eight - The Life-Changing Word
Chapter Twenty-Nine - Who Wants To Be Rich and Famous
Chapter Thirty - Fifty Shades of Gold(man)
Chapter Thirty-One - So Close, Yet So Far
Chapter Thirty-Two - Loveland’s Hottest Couple
Chapter Thirty-Three - Amidst the Fog
Chapter Thirty-Four - Leave Me As Usual
Chapter Thirty-Five - The Gift That Keeps On Giving
Chapter Thirty-Six - Preview of What's to Come
Chapter Thirty-Six - The Father of the Bride
Chapter Thirty-Seven - Brandy and Wedding Rings
Growing Together - Part Three of Growing Pains Series
Chapter One - With Her Blessing
Chapter Two - No Monkey Business
Chapter Three - Rising Star
Chapter Four - Back to Humdrum
Chapter Five - The Loving Puppeteer
Chapter Six - To Wish Impossible Things
Chapter Seven - Storms and Earthquakes
Chapter Eight - Aftermath
Chapter Nine - Working On a Dream
Chapter Ten - How Far We've Come
Chapter Eleven - Bonding Over Crickets
Chapter Twelve - Father Material
Chapter Thirteen - Like Ants Do
Chapter Fourteen - Learning to Fly
Chapter Fifteen - Learning to Pray
Chapter Sixteen - No Surprises
Chapter Seventeen - One Guest Too Many
Chapter Eighteen - What We Leave Behind
Chapter Nineteen - Hamsa
Chapter Twenty - The Green Eyed Monster
Chapter Twenty-One - Ghostlight
Chapter Twenty-Two - Goodbye Is a Silent Word (Part One)
Chapter Twenty- Three - Goodbye is a Silent Word (Part Two)
Chapter Twenty- Four - Broken
Chapter Twenty - Five - Kintsugi
Chapter Twenty-Six - Dura Lex, Sed Lex
Chapter Twenty-Seven - Footsteps
Chapter Twenty-Eight - The Proof Is In the Brownie
Chapter Twenty-Nive - Reap
Resistance - Evol - Part Four of the Growing Pains Series
Chapter One: The Magician
Chapter Two : Fear
This is a labor of love, and I have been working on this series for almost two years now, and plan to do so probably for the next year! So if you enjoy it, please fuel my writing fingers by commenting or reblogging. Sharing is caring, people!
How are uu ?I hope u are doing amazing and good it’s been some time since and we all miss u
ALSO I MISS MY DEAR OWEN AND VIC AND ANDREA IM ALWAYS INTERESTED
So yeah again I hope u are having fun in this warm summer
Also German is really hard but keep going u can do it 🩷
Dear @ashisbored!
Ok, Im doing it. Im gonna take Vic, Andy and Owen out of the drawer. Dont know what will come of it, but you'll let me know later. ;)
And yes, German is hard, especially taking classes after a whole day of work. Im wipping up my Latin knowledge, as well as my english skills to see if i can cope with it.
Wish me luck, and ill be posting a new chapter sometime soon!
Huge hug and thanks for the support!
Staying in a relationship just because you love someone is not worth it. love is not all you need. Respect is what you need. Time is what you need. Reassurance is what you need. Happiness is what you need. A bestfriend is what you need.
hi lia!!!
i hope everything is going well with you, in every aspect of your life! i had sent in an ask quite a while ago, but honestly i wasn't sure if it had sent all the way through because my internet conveniently decided to flunk out while i was sending it. anyways, i do hope to hear from you soon!
much love,
🌸 anon
Hello beautiful anon!
I actually let go of tumblr for a while and only now returned to realize i have a few asks!
So, as a quick explanation, burn out is a very real thing, and i felt it deeeply.
Between learning German, writing, working on my promotion, having a family, my marriage going into shambles.... It was a bit too much, to put it mildly.
Not all is solved, I still have a few loose ends to deal with, but im doing therapy and finally accepted that I can not shoulder the entire world (this was a hard one to learn, trust me, lol).
Anyhoo, I was going through my playlist the other day and I wondered if i could pick up Andrea and Victor again.
Are people still interested? If yes, please comment on this post. Maybe it can shake me into writing again. There's a lot of plot to explore, and i may try and post a chapter here and there, although definitely not as often due to my health.
Anyhoo, Yes, I am alive and now I can say I am well. Ready to take on the world again, with the difference that I will remember to be kind to myself. Thank you for your concern and wishing you a woooonderful weekend, month, year, life!
Huge hug!
I feel really bad that I didn’t check my tumblr sooner im sorrryy
how are you.? I missed u and your writing so much but I understand that life is just too much sometimes and we all need to just set back and relax
So please take care of your selfff and know YOUR AMAZING ♥️
Thank you so much, my beautiful!
Things are slowly falling into place, and I actually picked up my laptop to see if I could make the juices flow again, so fingers crossed! Huge hug!
You are so amazing as well. This definitely put a smile on my face. :)
i know it's been quite a while (and honestly i feel a bit bad for leaving you in the dark for so long), but i sort of left tumblr for a while,,,i needed a little break from social media for a bit since i wasn't in the best head space, and recently school started for me again, so things have been quite busy. also, i think you'd be happy to hear that i did really well in the exams i wrote earlier this year!
anyways, how are things with you? i see you haven't posted anything, but since all my exams are done, i finally have time to catch up on your most recent chapters!
i can't wait to hear from you!!!
- 🌸 anon
Hello Dear Anon 🌸
It turns out... burnout is a real thing. And it hit pretty bad, along with some other issues from my personal life. I went full-on hermit mode, and writing has been on the back burner.
I'm slowly coming back to my old self, and I have been taking the chapters one by one from my mental shelf. I still don't feel my old writing mojo, but I'll get there. And once I do, I think I will fully return to who I was.
Good news though! I was promoted in December and climbed 5 levels on the corporate ladder. This took a huge toll on me, but it was worth it. After that, though, I really could use every second I had to rest.
Andrea and Victor are not forgotten, nor they will be until this story is done. Looking forward to opinions, ideas, best/worst moments, so I get my juices flowing again!
Lots of love to you (and whoever reads this) and I'm sorry for the long absence.
Not dead. :) Definitely back. And hopefully soon some chapters as well.
Resistance - Evol: Chapter 29 - No matter what happens
“This will hurt a little.” He warned, gently pressing the gauze pad with Betadine on my cut. “Let me know if I’m pressing too hard.”
I nodded in silence, enduring the sharp sting on my hand as he applied the antiseptic. I couldn’t even face him, ashamed of my meltdown. Not long before, I had left him. I had rejected him, blamed him for his past, when mine was even worse. He was the one that had every reason to want to be away from me. And still, he was tending to my cut, his white shirt stained with my blood and tears.
“You should’ve known better than to pick up the shards.” He scolded me.
I nodded again, resigned, taking whatever backlash he had saved for me. I had been a coward. I still wasn't sure if I was one for trying to take my life or for not going through with it. He let out a tired sigh.
“I’m sorry. I’m not very good at this.”
I felt despicable. Not only was I keeping very important secrets from him and adding to his burden with my problems, but now I was making him feel guilty and inadequate. I held his shoulder with my left hand.
“You’re doing great.” I managed to speak through the lump in my throat. “Thank you for doing this.”
“You don’t need to thank me for any of it.”
He looked me in the eyes. I could see an ocean of sadness in that beautiful gray.
The sounds of the outside world trickled into our silent conversation: A door opening, followed by children’s laughter. My brother’s voice fooling around soon followed.
“They’re here.” I jumped from the bed. “And Cristina is here with the kids too. They can’t see-”
“Go greet them downstairs.” Victor got up as well, his poker face on. “I’ll clean it up.”
I looked myself in the mirror. My eyes were puffy, my makeup was a mess, and there was a large bandage on my hand. I tried my best to clean the smudged mascara, hoping a little attitude would help cover up.
“Hey, Bug!” I opened my arms as I reach downstairs, welcoming him into a hug. “Oh God, I missed you so much!” I squeezed him in my arms. “How was your day?”
“We went to the Science Museum!” He practically shone as he spoke. “We made a lot of cool experiments, learned about insects and smaller organisms, and we got to pet a dog!”
“A dog?” I smiled, confused.
“It belonged to an old lady we came across on the street, but the dog was nice, and she let us pet him.” He looked down. “What happened to your hand?”
“Just a minor accident, nothing serious.”
“Dad?” Owen looked behind me. “Dad!”
Victor barely had the time to lift the towel he was holding before Owen wrapped his arms around his waist.
“Careful, this is sharp, it can hurt you.” He put the towel full of mirror shards on the counter, kneeling to hug his son. “And I should wash my hands too, I must have glass dust on me. But I think one hug won’t be a problem.”
“I didn’t know you were here!” Owen walked around his father, as he dumped the towel in the trash. “Aunt Cristina took me and Ana to the science museum, I was going to tell you all about it when I called you tonight.”
“Was that the bathroom mirror?” Josh pulled me aside, whispering to me. “What happened? I told Dad he shouldn’t have let you come with him, what did he do to you?”
“He did nothing to me.” I pulled him to the greenhouse before he remembered to go throw punches. “He was there for me, he bandaged my hand.”
“Stop defending him! I know Mom was up to something, this feels like Daniel all over again.” Josh gritted between his teeth. “And if he hurt you in any way, Tiny, I swear to God-”
“Quit being a twat, he’s not Daniel!” I smacked him with my left hand. “This is nothing like Daniel, Josh… He is a good man, he’s nothing like him. If anything, in this situation, I’m Daniel.”
“Andy, no, don’t say that…”
“I am.” I looked him in the eyes. “I’m the one hurting him, not the other way around. I’m the toxic one. He’s better off without me, trust me. Actually, everyone is.”
“That can’t be true…” Josh half smiled at me. “Andy, what happened on that island? Is it still your illness, you’re pushing him away because you are dying, is that it?” He looked at me with tears in his eyes. “Tell me, are you?”
I remembered having the weight of impending death on my shoulders, the fear of what and who I would leave behind. Those days felt so simple now.
“No, it’s all under control.” I gave him a weak reassuring smile. “I’m not dying.”
“Then what’s happening, Andrea?” He almost pleaded.
“Where’s Vó Bia? And Dad, for that matter?”
“Vó Bia didn’t want to stay for lunch, she drove back north with the uncles.” Josh shrugged, resigned with my non-answer. “Dad said he wanted to lie down when we were in the car, I guess that’s where he went.”
“It’s almost noon, these people will want to eat.” I walked towards the kitchen. “I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“You’re really not going to tell me?” Josh stood in place, a hurt look on his face. “Your own brother?”
“There’s nothing to tell, Josh. People die, marriages end.” I smiled weakly at him. “And we move on.”
I found Victor in the kitchen, wearing an apron, cutting vegetables for lunch. Cristina was beside him, yammering about everything they had seen at the science museum, almost as excited as the kids. Beneath her loose shirt, one could tell a baby bump starting to show. I noticed my father looking at it, sitting by the kitchen island, an empty glass and a bottle of whiskey beside him.
“Undecided?” I sat beside him.
“Your mother wouldn’t let me drink before noon. Today is about her, I should respect her wishes.”
“Do I have to respect her wishes?” I took a glass from the cabinet, taking the bottle to myself.
“No alcohol before lunch.” Victor casually took the bottle away. Like a devoted husband. Like we were still together. I didn’t argue back. That small familiar gesture, that little piece of warmth, it brought me comfort. A reminder of happier days.
It’s weird how the lack of one can make a whole place feel empty, no matter how many people are in it. And I guess everyone could feel that emptiness because they let it be filled with silence, each one of us lost in our own thoughts. I left the kitchen and went to the room that led to the greenhouse, where my piano was. I sat at it, noticing how empty the straw chair beside it looked. The chair where she sat.
Play that one I like.
Tiny Dancer, an Elton John song. Actually, my love for Elton John and his prowess at the piano came from her, and from how happy she looked whenever I played his songs. I opened the piano lid slowly, tracing the keys with the tip of my fingers. I had been feeling so lost lately, maybe the music would remind me of who I was. But that seemed to be long gone. I couldn’t make a sound of it.
“Undecided?” I heard my father speak from behind me.
“Something like that.” I closed the piano lid. He sat in my mother’s chair.
“Your husband is here.” He whispered softly, smiling at me.
“You called him, didn’t you?” I gave him an accusatory look.
“He called me, asking for permission to come. I said that, as always, he would be welcomed into my home as one of my own children. And now he’s making us lunch.”
“Yes.” I smiled briefly, looking at the door. For someone whose life was practically spent bossing others around, it was uncanny how Victor understood the value of these little acts of service, and how willing he always was to do them.
“And for the first time since you got here, the shadow in your eyes is gone.”
“Dad…”
“Victor told me he would be returning to Loveland tomorrow morning. Maybe he could give you a ride home.”
“You need me here.”
“Your family needs you more, Andrea. You should be with them.” My father raised his hand, preventing me from retorting. “Don’t worry about this old geezer, he’ll get back on track eventually. We all must move on with our lives, that’s what your mother would’ve wanted.”
“I’m not leaving you alone.”
My father looked down, letting out a heavy sigh.
“Your mother was always better at this than me. But she’s not here, so I guess I’ll have to do her job. I don’t know what happened between you two, but by the way you were holding hands at the funeral, it can’t be that bad. I know every marriage has its problems, and some do seem unsurmountable, but you know what is harder than marriage? To lose the one you’re married to.”
I looked down, feeling somewhat ashamed. But then again, my father didn’t know what he was talking about. I have to admit that I had considered going back, after that kiss in the kitchen. But now that I knew what I was up against, I couldn’t involve him again. Victor deserved to live a long happy life with his son. Even if that meant without me.
“Thanks, Dad.” I nodded to my father, getting up from my piano.
“Promise me you won’t throw your life away.” He held my hand, stopping me for a moment. “No matter how bad it looks, you two can work it out. Don’t give up on your happiness just yet.”
My father’s words were sweet and hopeful, but the reality was that there was no happiness to look forward to. I had changed, life had changed, so dramatically it was impossible to go back to where I had come. The best I could do was to leave my past silently, leave the people I love basking in the safety of it, and face my future alone. Owen would have a family, Victor would too.
That was worth any sacrifice.
“Who do you think the most resilient creature is?” Owen asked as I tucked him in.
“Hmmm, I would say cockroaches.” I caressed his curls. “They can survive nuclear explosions, and will survive for days with their heads cut off.”
“Wrong.” He made a playful face. “It’s the tardigrade. Let me show you.”
He opened the book he brought from the museum, showing me a picture of a small gray creature, almost looking like a cute caterpillar with legs.
“That little fellow?”
“They are also called water bears, because they are aquatic creatures. But they can survive the harshest conditions, even in outer space. They make a glass cocoon around them and get into a sort of coma, and they can remain like that for nearly thirty years.”
“That is kind of cool.” I smiled.
“Sort of.” He shrugged.
“What?” I nudged him. “I think anyone would like to be able to protect themselves from danger in case of it.”
“Well, yes.” Owen stared at his book. “The glass protects them, but it also keeps other things away. If they surround them self with glass, how can they be with the other tardigrades? They must feel lonely.”
I remembered that night in the hotel room in Kehpui, Victor telling me how keeping his Evol a secret had left him to a life of solitude, a life he chose to endure for the sake of protecting the ones he loved. Including me. During the years we’d been together, all the pain that his past brought him, or most of it anyway, he felt it alone, so he wouldn’t burden me. So he would keep me safe.
Now that I was in his shoes, I understood perfectly why he had done it. And watching him be so strong in it all, and at the same time so kind, made me love him even more. Along with that love grew the resolve to return his favour in kind, by keeping the pain all to myself to protect him.
We kissed our son goodnight and left the room. Victor took his jacket, slowly walking to the front door.
“You could come with us.” He glanced behind as he walked. “The jet is big enough for three.”
“My father needs me.” I felt my heart tighten. “Thanks for coming. And for the cooking. And for taking care of us. Of me.”
“I told you, you don’t need to thank me for any of those things.” His eyes lingered on mine for a moment. “Good night. Get some rest.”
I watched him turn to the door and take the handle, turning it. Each second that passed was pure agony. I wasn’t sure if I would see Victor again.
“Come have a drink with me.” He suddenly turned, taking a deep breath.
“Sure, I’ll stay a while longer.” My heart beated faster. “I can pour you a drink.”
“Do you mind if we go somewhere else?”
I instinctively looked backwards, unsure of what to do.
“Owen is safe, your father will keep an eye on him.” Victor argued. “I don’t know when you will return to Loveland, and…” He swallowed. “We need to talk.”
That was my chance to give him closure. Maybe if I put the cards on the table, if I told him I had no intention of going back… Maybe he could rebuild a life without me. Without the hope of having me back. I let him call the car and drive us to the city. I recognized the hotel the moment the car parked.
It was the same room, with the same illuminated patio from years ago. From the day I defended my thesis, the day I introduced him to my family. It was the same bed where we had made love, on the day he gave me my bracelet, where I would keep collecting memories of us together. I brought my left hand to my wrist, turning it softly.
“I remember the last time we were here.” He smiled casually, pouring both of us some brandy. “You were so happy. I was so proud of you. I had been on edge all morning, wondering if you would like to see me in that auditorium, if I was imposing by practically forcing you to introduce me to your family. Wondering what they would think of me.”
“They loved you.”
“That was also the day when I gave you your bracelet.” He pointed at my wrist. “I didn’t have the nerve to tell you back then, but the V did stand for my name. I figured that if you were willing to wear it, that would mean… That you were willing to be mine.”
Each and every charm on that bracelet was a testament of our lives together, our commitment to each other. Every step we had taken together, big or small, was somehow represented in one of the ornaments. The bracelet was still half empty, waiting for more charms to come. I mentally mourned for the space that wouldn’t be filled, the moments we wouldn't live, yet promising myself that I would never take it off, even after we parted. Goodbye is hurtful, but it doesn't erase what once was lived.
“I have never seen you without it ever since. The only time you were without it was because I had to take it off…” His throat tightened. “The day you fell into that coma and had to be hospitalized.”
He took a long sip of his brandy, placing the glass on the wooden table with a thump.
“I have gone through many hardships in my life. Things that changed me, things that scarred me for life. But I have to confess, the hardest one of all…” His eyes turned red. “Was to hold you in my arms, waiting for you to give your last breath. Knowing I was going to lose you.”
“Victor…”
“For some reason, I didn’t. I still don’t know what happened, but I was given the chance to see you smile again, to have you in my arms again. I know what it’s like to lose you. I will not go through that again.”
“No, please. Don’t do this.”
“I know how much I hurt you. I know I broke your trust. And I had dreaded the day I would tell you ever since I fell in love with you, because I knew it would change how you perceive me, and perhaps what you feel about me.”
“This is not about you.”
“No, it’s about us.” He walked towards me. “With the Evols coming back, change was inevitable. I changed, you changed, even your past has changed right in front of your eyes. The people you knew became someone else, and you had to deal with things you couldn’t possibly grasp in one night. It is only natural you feel confused. And that’s why I watched you leave. Because I hoped that, if you returned, it would be with a renewed confidence in us. I must admit my fate had faltered, but my heart never did.”
“You talk about it like it was just some bump in the road.”
“And isn’t it?” His eyes searched for mine. “Some couples have money problems, some others have loyalty issues, we have our baggage. I have my fears, you have yours. But that doesn’t mean we can’t solve them.”
“How? How do we solve them?” I raised my voice in frustration. “You have said it yourself, everything changed! And I really wish we could go back, but we can’t. We made an impossible promise to keep, Victor. We can’t always be the same people. I have-”
With a decided step towards me, he took me in his arms and pressed his lips into mine. And with a single gesture, in one split second, all my reasoning fell through, my glass encasing broke, and I was again exposed to the elements. But with his arm around my waist, I didn’t feel any fear. With his hand threading my hair, I felt like I belonged somewhere. With his lips, he was leading me back home. He broke the kiss softly, watching me carefully, like he was reading my bare soul. And I had no choice but to let him.
“This hasn’t changed.” His fingertips moved softly on my cheek. “What I feel about you hasn’t changed, even if we have.” He blinked slowly, like he usually did when he needed to focus. “But if you feel like the change is so great that we can't move past it, tell me now. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll let you go.”
Fear tugged at my heart again, telling me the exit was the best way to go. Without me, he and Owen would be safe. He wouldn’t need to relive the trauma of his past. Owen could grow up happy and protected. I looked him in the eyes, decided to tell him it was over. But as I saw what was in them, the love, the longing, the softness… I couldn’t say a word.
“You owe me nothing, Andrea, except for the truth.” He insisted, his heart beating so fast I could see it pulse in his neck. “If the divorce is what you really want, I will give it to you.”
I held my gaze in his, preparing myself to unleash the lie.
“I…” I faltered.
“The truth, Andrea. No matter how painful it is. That’s all I ask of you.” He pleaded with a pained expression. “What do you want?” He wasn’t sure of what I was going to say. He was expecting me to reject him.
And how much easier would that be, to just pull the bandaid and let him lick the wounds I had inflicted, hoping he would bounce back eventually, maybe find love again, lead a simpler life without Black Swan and roles and dangers or expectations? But he was not asking for me to stay. He was asking for the truth. And my heart was screaming it.
“I want you.” I blinked away the tears I was fighting so hard to hold back. “But I’m scared.”
His eyes lit up.
“Scared of what?”
“Hurting you. Being unworthy.”
The corners of his mouth lifted slightly, his thumb wiping a tear from my cheek.
“Idiot.” He croaked.
Scared was an understatement. I was terrified. But most of all, I wanted to believe. With him, everything made sense, I felt like I belonged, that I could undertake whatever challenge life threw at me. I was safe. So when his lips grazed mine, I selfishly chased that feeling and deepened the kiss. And from that moment on, our bodies did all the talking.
His hand held the back of my head, sliding down my spine, pulling me closer to him. His tongue, tender but probing, taking all he could get and I was willing to give. I wrapped my arms around his neck, not wanting to lose one inch of proximity, instinctively wrapping my legs around his waist as he pulled me up and carried me to his hotel bedroom.
Yes, this was where I belonged, and there was no other place I’d rather be. However, I was keeping secrets from him, and it wasn’t fair to just let things roll without him knowing the whole truth.
About who I was. And what I’ve done.
“Victor…” I pushed away weakly.
“Mmm?” He mumbled as he nibbled my ear. I almost lost my nerve to speak.
“No, wait.” I shivered as he trailed kisses down my neck. “Victor, we need to stop.”
He froze, lifting his head to look at me, a hurt look in his eyes.
“I’m yours.” I caressed his cheek, trying to smile as my eyes filled with tears. “I want to try, that hasn’t changed.”
“Then what?” He frowned.
“If we are going to do this, it has to be all cards on the table.” I took a deep breath. “We need to talk.”
I'm doing this a lot more often than I wanted, but real life gets in the way so...
Unfortunately, there won't be a chapter this week.
Between working over ten hours a day, to school for my kids starting in a bit, having all these tasks at my job, and starting a new online course, I just couldn't find the time and energy to write.
I hope this weekend allows me the free time I need to rest and get some of that in order, but not post it.
But hey, I'll have a three-day weekend next week and free mornings all to myself, so expect content (hopefully a lot of it) next weekend! And for those of you who were absolutely precious and left me asks, I'll answer them next week in a separate post.
I hope you all are doing really well and life is treating you as you deserve (and you deserve the best for putting up with me!)!
Lots of love, from the bottom of my heart, and my sincerest apologies,
🌹 Where in the world does your OC feel most at home? Is there any reason why? If it’s not the place they were born, where were they born? Is there a certain somebody that makes them feel at home where ever they may be? What does home mean to them?
🍄 What are your OCs favourite snacks? Their favourite comfort food which always cheers them up when they’re down? Favourite meal to make? Do they enjoy baking and cooking and are they any good in the kitchen?
🍁 Where does your OC go when they need to have some time to themself? Would they ever have their own “comfort corner” filled with all the things they like? Do they have a favourite spot outside that feels like its theirs and theirs alone?
🍂 Does your OC enjoy hugs? What do they do as a show of affection for: their friends, their family, their significant other(s) or for strangers? Over all what are they like with recieving affection from others?
🌻 What little things do they notice about people or the world around them that make them happy? What tiny little treasures do they find in the normal every day that makes the world seem a little brighter for them?
🌾 Describe your OC through the eyes of someone absolutely head-over-heels in love with them
💐 How does your OC handle being unwell or forced to rest in bed? Who cares for them and in what ways? Does your OC enjoy being doted on or are they a terrible patient? Reversed: is your OC good at taking care of others who are ill or in need?
🌿 What way does your OC show that they care without using words? What way do others show your OC that they’re cared about without using speech?
🌳 What is your OC’s favourite way to relax after a stressful day? Do they have a favourite book to curl up with? A hobby? Or do they have a nice bubble bath and have an early night to bed?
🌲 How deeply does your OC feel? Are they typically empathetic or do they have a hard time connecting with others in this way? What are they like when offering support and comfort to someone they care for?
🌺 What does your OC do to calm down when they’re scared or after a nightmare? Do they have any special comfort items or need to be reassured by a specific person? How do they handle this if they’re alone?
🌸 What are some of their favourite things and why? List as many as you can think of!
🥀 How would your OC decorate a notebook or journal? What kind of things are written in there? Could you give an example of a nice entry?
🌼 Who are this characters friends and found family? How did they meet, how long have they been friends for, could they ever be something more than just friends? What do they look for in a friend or a romantic partner?
Questions for You!
💫What is your favourite fact about this character and why?
☄️ Does this OC deserve better treatment from you? Do you make them suffer just a little bit too much? Be nice to them!
🌠 On a scale of 1 - 10 how Baby is your OC? BONUS when asking this question rate the OC yourself as see if the reply matches up!!
💦 If you as the writer could erase one traumatic event from this OC’s life what would it be and why?
Resistance - Evol: Chapter 28 - Goodbye is a lonely word
All I have ever wanted was to fight for the greater good, save this world from all the demons. I thought I was on the right path. Somewhere along the way, I have taught myself that the ends justify the means, and in such important battles, blood is a necessary evil. But I committed the worst of the sins in this cause, I fell in love. And he taught me that the good is pure and open, and does not need brute force to enter. I was looking for love in the wrong place. And after all, love had found me anyway.
“Andy?” My father knocked on the door. “Are you awake?”
I hurriedly closed my mother’s journal, hiding it under my pillow.
“Yes?”
“I hope you’re decent.” My father opened the door slowly. “Ah, good, you are. I got the call. She’s already at the funeral home.”
I lifted my eyes, observing my father. His eyes were sunken, he looked thinner and pale. Still, he was making an effort to smile.
“How are you holding up?”
“When you find the love of your life, when you spend a lifetime with her and have kids and grandkids and see your golden years approach…” His voice caught in his throat. “We spoke about this many times, about the possibility of one of us losing the other. I just thought we had more time.”
I nodded, considering his words. When we fall in love, when we build a life together, all we can think about is the “happily ever after”. But we never consider that there is an end. Whether we like it or not, it is a natural thing to lose the ones we love. In the end, we all die and leave someone behind. Victor had lost his mother, and then Mina, and then he had almost lost me. And I had just lost my mother. And on any occasion did we consider that it could happen, we thought we had all the time in the world.
“Did you sleep at all?”
I looked down, noticing I was still wearing the clothes from the previous day and that my bed was neatly made, because I hadn’t used it. After finding my mother’s journal, I bolted to my room and hid it, waiting for everyone to go to bed to read it. And what I found there…
“We need to talk, Andy.” My father sat on the bed. “What’s going on with you and Victor? Why didn’t he come with you?”
Because I was a mess. Because I found out that he had terrible secrets he had hidden from me, only to find out my mother had even more terrible secrets she had hidden from me. But I couldn’t tell him that.
“Can we leave this for another day, please?” I got up from bed, retrieving a black dress I had kept in my closet. “We need to get ready for the funeral.”
“Honey, please just talk to me.”
“Cristina will be taking care of Owen and Ana, right? I don’t think a funeral home is a good place for children. Besides, my boy has seen enough death in this lifetime, I think we can spare him this time.”
“Do you remember what your mother used to say? You can’t keep bottling up your feelings, they will-”
“Eat at you, I know that, ok, Dad?” I snapped, on the verge of tears. “I know exactly what my mother used to say. But she didn’t know everything, and not all she did was right. I told you I am fine, I’m handling my business my way. And I’m sorry, Dad, I know you mean well, but whatever Victor and I have going on is between me and Victor, so could you please just drop it?”
“I’m sorry.” My father got up from the bed, walking to the door. “I’ll see you downstairs, then.”
“Daddy?” My heart panged with guilt.
“Yes, my princess?”
“You know I love you, right?” I looked down with shame.
“I know. And I love you too.”
“I just…” I took a deep breath, holding back the tears.
“I know.” He gave me a sad smile. “Hey.” He pointed at my pillow, a corner of the journal sticking out. “Are those your mother’s notes?”
Yes. The secret she had been hiding for a lifetime. The truth that had cost way too many lives to keep hidden.
“Yeah.”
“Good.” My father nodded. “I know you’ll honor her like she deserved.”
At first, the lore felt like a fairytale for me. A King taking a powerful Evolver as his queen, Time and Existence, the birth of a new world. A powerful lineage to rule all Evolvers, the only one strong enough to face any Evolver alive, the one that would always be the victor in all battles. But then I saw it, the history, in the back of his mind. And as his children grow inside me, I can feel it, growing roots in this reality. I am stronger than ever before, and I know it’s because of the child inside me, the Heir of the Blessed. There is no other reason why I was able to kill a room full of experienced Evolvers. And I suspect it is why the Sensor cannot feel me. I need to be careful from now on, especially after the child is born. Even if Black Swan finds me, they cannot find them. They cannot find Jeremy.
If they do, there is no telling what they will do to quench their thirst for power.
We could barely find a parking spot at the entrance of the church. The place was packed with people wanting to pay my mother their last respects.
“That’s nice.” My father smiled. “She was certainly a remarkable woman. And her friends cherished her for that.”
Inside I could see my mother’s casket. It was closed, a large flower arrangement on top. Beside it, I could recognize many of my family members: My uncles, a few cousins, and Josh holding Vó Bia’s hand.
“Aren’t you coming in?” My father asked.
I watched the casket from a distance, preparing myself to walk in. But I couldn’t make my feet move. I had spent my last few days busy with journals and secrets, and although I was sad for my mother’s death, it never felt real to me. It was an idea to be entertained, but not a fact. The moment I would step foot into that church, that was it. I was saying goodbye to my mother. I would never see her again. And I wasn’t ready for it. My father seemed to have read my mind.
“I need to talk to your grandmother.” He squeezed my shoulder softly. “Take your time. I’ll see you inside.”
I stood in place, my mind replaying pivotal moments I had had with her. During my childhood, even adulthood, how supportive she was after Daniel, how adamant she was in seeing me get back on my feet after the violence. She never gave up on me. Her love wouldn’t let her see how worthless I was, how weak. When she tried to show me the truth about Daniel, I had turned my back on her. When she told me the truth about myself, I did the same. All she ever did was try to help me, and I was ungrateful to the point of forsaking her. And now I could do nothing about it…
I felt a warm hand holding mine. I looked up, familiar gray eyes meeting mine.
“Slowly, one step at a time.” He gripped my hand tightly. “Ready?”
I tried to reply, but no words would come out. At least not without risking falling apart right then and there.
“It feels unsurmountable, I know. But you can do this.” The corner of his lips turned upward for a moment, as to encourage me. “And you are not alone.”
I closed my eyes, trying to ground myself, using the warmth of his hand as an anchor. Victor simply waited, patient, with a sad kindness in his eyes. And when I took my first step, he did too. Beside me, steady. Moving in unison with me so I would never feel alone.
I got a call from Caroline today. Even after all the evidence I planted to make BS believe the Heir did not exist, including the “collective suicide” by fire committed in my Handler’s house, the search goes on. Probably trying to get the Original’s favor, another faction started searching and taking Evolver children, testing on them, trying to look for a gene that will distinguish them. Andrea’s Evol has been under control so far, and I have not been using mine, so the Sensor is unlikely to find us. Still, she will need another shot soon. Caroline told me they will need to cut off contact for a while, so I will have vials that can last me for a few years.
I cannot imagine what those children must be going through, and how broken their families must be. But this is much bigger than my need to keep my child safe. The fate of the world lies in her hands.
The minute I stepped into that church, it was like a force had pushed my soul out of my body. I remained on the outside, looking into my own life, watching as family and friends paid their tributes to my mother, as family members carried her casket outside and helped laid it in the ground, where she will have her eternal rest. Not in any of those moments did I manage to say a word, or even shed a tear. Even though my brother came to hold me, my father kissed my forehead as he pulled me into his arms and let out a few tears, I never felt a thing. I felt numb, dead to the world. The only thing that would momentarily ground me back to reality was Victor’s thumb stroking my hand. He never let go of it.
I can’t say I didn’t welcome the numbness. Between the fear, the rage, the sadness, feeling nothing was quite peaceful. I embraced the darkness, and for a moment it was like I did black out, letting just life lead me where it wanted it to. To joy or sorrow. To comfort or pain. To life or death. I didn’t have it in me to care anymore.
It was the sadness in Victor’s voice that brought me back to reality.
“I’m sorry I came without a warning.” His voice was so… pained. “I know you told me to stay in Loveland, I know I have disrespected your wishes, but I couldn’t-”
I was in the back of his car, a chauffeur driving us somewhere. My father had insisted that I drove home with him.
“It’s ok.”
“I’m not good at doing what I’m told.” He threw a tentative smile my way.
“You can take Owen when you leave, he can’t miss more days of school.” I looked at him, finding worried eyes watching me closely. “I need to stay here with my father, he needs me now. Whatever tasks I have at LCG-”
“They will be taken care of. You don’t need to worry. Take all the time you need.”
The car parked in front of my mother’s house. I looked around, noticing no other cars were there.
“Your father and brother stayed behind with your mother’s family.” Victor noticed my confusion. “Do you remember?”
I did, vaguely. I nodded as I walked slowly, taking the key out from my purse.
“It will take a minute till they all arrive.” Victor led me inside, his hand on the small of my back. “Why don’t you get some rest? I’ll call you when they get here.”
I nodded again, heading for the stairs. Sleep sounded good. Sleep meant peace and quiet, and not having to talk, or to cry, or to feel. I never looked back, I just climbed the stairs to my destination. In my room, I put down my purse and took off my shoes, heading to the bathroom. I stood by the bathroom sink, removing the pins that were holding my updo in place, one by one. Until I looked in the mirror, and I saw my reflection looking back at me.
I remembered the words my mother wrote, the page that was now stained with my tears.
The police found an orphanage in a foreign country where a group of people were holding children hostage. Apparently, they were torturing and killing them, and burning their bodies in the place’s furnace. From what they believe were 200 children, only a few survived. I can only believe that this was one of the places the Xu’s were talking about.
This blood is on my hands. God help us all.
No, the blood was on my hands. Every single person my mother had killed. Every single child that had died in that orphanage, and in all the others. Just like Lucien had said, I had to learn my place in history, and live up to the role.
“You don’t understand how special you are, and how you can potentially affect the destiny of many others, including mine.” His voice echoed in my head. “It is time you honor all that was lost because of you.”
Because of me. Because of the puny little woman looking right back at me, on whose shoulders laid the weight of the world. I couldn’t live up to the part, I didn’t even know what that part was. I was never prepared to be the carrier of a gene that could change the fate of civilizations. No one should hold such power. Ever.
I held onto the sink tight, my head swimming as a tidal wave of emotions hit me, awakening from my emotional stupor. What was I doing with my life? I was burying my head in the sand, but the future was out there, coming to find me. Just the day before, I had killed three men to save my life. Did BS know who I was, or was I just collateral damage to find something they wanted? Did they know that not only Psyche knew where the Heir was, but that she was carrying her in her womb?
I had no idea of what was coming, or how I was going to fight it. My mother had let all those children die… Hell, my mother herself died in the name of a secret created to protect me, because she loved me and because she believed I could do something good in this world. But I was no Heir. I was nothing. I had let myself get beaten up repeatedly by a man, only to go lick my wounds in another country and find solace in the arms of another. I had no strength of my own. I was weak, pathetic, a mere shadow compared to the great woman my mother had been. I should have been the one dead, not her.
The mirror broke in front of me, shards falling everywhere, on the floor, on the marble counter, in the sink.
Outside, I could hear someone calling for me.
“Andrea? I heard something break, are you ok?” The lock on the door rattled.
I didn’t want to be this person anymore. I didn’t want to have powers, I didn’t want to be special, I didn’t want to save the world. I just wanted to be me.
“Andrea, what happened? Are you hurt?”
I never asked for all those people to die for me. I didn’t ask for my mother to be killed. Still, that guilt weighed on me. It had all been in vain. I wasn’t worth it, the Universe had bet on the wrong horse.
“Why are you locked in there? Open the door, Andrea!”
Even if they didn’t have their hands on me yet, I was already cornered. It was just a matter of time before they found me. And I was sure they would do anything to break me, they would go after the people I loved. Owen. Victor. My father. There was only one way I could stop them. I had to destroy the thing they wanted the most. Without an heir, there would be no pursuit. There would be no more lineage.
It would die with me, I decided, taking a large mirror shard from the floor. I aimed it at my neck, taking a deep breath. Not even the loud bang distracted me from my mission.
“ANDREA!” The door shook. “Andrea, can you hear me?”
Victor.
He had lost so much already to Black Swan. His childhood, his mother, his innocence.
“Ok, enough already. I’m breaking through.”
Owen would lose too. He would lose his mother a second time, for a threat he didn’t know. It would mark him forever.
“Step away from the door. I don’t want to hurt you.”
My father would lose his daughter, right after he had lost his wife.
All of these people brought me endless joy, and they were there for me when I needed them the most. Shouldn’t I be there for them as well? It was a cowardly thing to just end my life, without even trying to live.
“Ok, on three. One, two, thre-”
I opened the door right before Victor hit the door, holding the door frame so he wouldn’t slam against me. And there I stood, shaking, still holding the mirror shard in my hand.
“I…” I managed to croak. “I broke the mirror with my Evol.”
“Let me take a look.” He opened my hand, removing the glass embedded in my skin. “It’s ok, it’s not too deep.”
“I’m sorry…” My throat tightened as tears fell from my eyes.
“You won’t even need stitches, I can bandage that for you.” He pulled me into his arms. “You’ll be good as new.”
Funnily enough, his comfort was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The tears came in full force, so hard I found it hard to breathe at times. I sank down to my knees, Victor supporting me all the way to the floor, pulling me closer to him.
“You’ll be ok, I promise.” He held my head against his shoulder. “I know it seems impossible now, but you’ll get through this.” I could feel his tears choking him as well. “And you are not alone. I will be right here with you, every step of the way.”
I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, my hand staining his shirt with blood. He held me tighter.
“Shhh… You’ll be ok.” He rocked me as I sobbed. “Just let it out, I’m here for you.”
I knew things wouldn’t be ok. I knew for a fact things would never be the same. But I was weak and selfish. So I let those strong arms envelop me and hide me from the world. Just for a second. Just so it wouldn’t hurt so much.
OK, brain, think. Let’s try and do this the Victor way.
I tossed and turned in bed, hoping my last sleepless night would have me tired enough to sleep this one. But thoughts and emotions stirred angrily inside me, and I couldn’t put them in order. Again, my husband came to mind, and the nights I would find him bathed by the moonlight, swirling a glass of brandy, trying to calm his mind.
Come on, Andrea. What would Victor do? Facts, not feelings.
He could put them so easily aside it was scary, but I couldn’t argue against the results. It would make people call him cold and aloof, almost robotic, which was far from who he really was. Victor was warm and kind, and honestly had the biggest heart I had ever seen, and that was why he needed to put it aside so he could think: It weighed so much on him he couldn’t bear to hold his thoughts and his mind at the same time.
Ok, facts. Lucien came to see you and he said some things about your mother. He said your mother and his parents are related. He said he had changed from his shady villainous days, and that he wanted to help. He said your mom had been a spy for BS, one of the big shots at that, and her codename was Psyche. He implied she had done terrible things to protect you, not just letting all of those children die. He told you he would kill you if you didn’t respect your part in history, that you would be begging him to kill you if we came to that.
None of that seemed to have the faintest trace of truth in it. Yes, I remembered his father, or at least he made me relate him to the doctor that gave me the shots and who my mom seemed to trust immensely. But it could also be a fabrication. Like when people say newborns look like their mothers or fathers. It’s a lie, a biological need for belonging that makes us see those things, because truthfully, newborns look like nobody. They are all bloated and wrinkled from birth, they don’t have any distinguishable features. So if I saw a resemblance, it could very well be because he planted the idea of one. Lucien Xu stroke me as someone cunning and eloquent enough to be able to do that.
But my gut told me not all information was to be ignored. If I thought it through, there was no reason why two scientists who wanted to leave a secret and dangerous organization would still keep ties with an outsider just to help her. Especially someone who they didn’t know well and could easily be tortured into telling the truth. They would just disappear, vanish from the face of the Earth. They wouldn’t take a risk. For me, that only meant one thing: For whatever reason, they trusted my mother, and they knew it would be hard for BS to have her disclose anything. They had to know her very well for that.
I was startled by the sound of pots and pans clanging downstairs in the kitchen. The sun was starting to rise, it was already morning. I got up, decided to at least try and distract myself with breakfast.
The kitchen had always been the heart of my house, growing up. Every bad day, every important decision, every celebration, these were things that would make us gather around the kitchen island and spend time with the family, usually with something to eat or drink. I would often find my mother sitting there, reading a book or working on her laptop, her reading glasses down the bridge of her nose.
It felt so empty without her.
“The eggs are not the way you like them?” My father brought me out of my reverie.
The eggs looked fine, although I had no idea if they were tasty. I was yet to have a single bite.
“They were delicious, Grandpa.” Owen smiled, taking his dish to the sink. “Thank you for cooking.”
“Your son is so polite and helpful.” My father smiled. “You are raising him well.”
“Not my doing. At all.” I felt my heart lift a little, looking at my child. “He’s just like that, he likes making people happy.”
“Just like his mother, bottling up her feelings to spare her old man.” My father took my hand. “Will you tell me what’s troubling you? What’s going on between you and Victor?”
“I was thinking about Mom’s academic studies. Maybe we can speak to the university and republish her work. A postmortem edition to honor her.”
“You look tired.” My father insisted. “Have you been sleeping well?”
“I don’t know, maybe I could get her notes and compare them to what has already been printed, I know she had some ideas that hadn’t been released yet.” I got up abruptly from the table, emptying my plate into the trash. “I wonder if I could take a look at that.”
“Owen tells me you and Victor get along well, that you went to his apartment when Josh called you.” My father took the plate from my hands, looking me lovingly in the eyes. “It can’t be that bad. It’s not irreparable.”
“You’re not listening.” I raised my voice slightly, frustrated. “I need to see Mom’s notes. Can you tell me where she kept them?”
“Your mother never told me much about her work, apart from some stories she brought from work sometimes. Confidentiality was a serious matter to her.” My father looked down, defeated. “Maybe in her office or at the university.”
“I’ll check there, thank you.” I smiled, taking my bag. “Actually, before I forget, could you do me a favor?” I turned, trying not to look too anxious. “Maybe you and Owen could spend the day with Cristina today? He should share time with Ana as well, it’s a good distraction.”
“That’s a good idea.” My father nodded. “And actually, I need a favor from you in return.”
He marched towards me, grabbing my shoulders.
“Take some time to take care of yourself today.” He massaged them softly. “You take on all this weight for yourself. You are mourning too.”
My bet was in my mother’s office. If she had something secret about Black Swan like he had said, she surely wouldn’t leave it at the faculty office she shared with her research partner. She would’ve kept it somewhere close, somewhere she could keep an eye on at all times. At the same time, even before my father spoke, her office was my first guess. And if Lucien was right and BS was indeed involved, it was also theirs, since they had it taped and guarded as a crime scene.
Again, my mind turned to Victor. If I hadn’t called him the day before telling him that I no longer needed the legal team’s assistance, I would probably have an easier time getting into my mother’s office. But if Black Swan was involved, I didn’t want them to trace anything back to Victor. If Lucien was right, their focus was on me and it should remain that way. Luckily Victor didn’t see through my lie, because he promptly agreed and quickly moved to the next subject: How I was coping with all this. After a few evasive answers and the call was done, but not before the usual recommendations: To not strain myself, to not do it all alone, and to call him if needed.
And I really needed him. I took the phone and pressed the dial button. I could use some courage.
“You have reached Victor Lee, I am not available at the moment. For pressing matters, please reach my assistant, Henry Goldman.”
I sighed. He was probably stranded in a meeting, screening all his calls through Goldman. I could call him later. I made a last turn to the right, parking in the underground parking lot a few minutes away from my mother’s University.
I walked the busy avenue, remembering the times I had gone there to meet my mother. I called most of the assistant professors by their first name, and the gatekeeper didn’t even bother asking who I was anymore. It was weird to have to announce myself this time. A few moments later, one of my mother’s colleagues and best friends, Ryu, came to greet me.
“It shocked us all when we learned the news.” He spoke as he served me an espresso in his office. “What a tragedy. And what a loss to the scientific community.”
“What was she investigating now, do you remember?”
“She didn’t come to the office anymore. We were working on a remarkable subject a few years back, but she suddenly dropped it. And after that, she seemed to be interested only in her patients. When you…” He paused, giving me a knowing look. “Well, she focused on trauma, and I chimed in here and there as a neuroscientist, but she never got to finish that one either. On second thought, I think maybe she was already getting ready for retirement. She was a grandmother, and with you abroad, she maybe wanted to have free time to visit. She told me you got married and adopted a little boy.”
“Yes, Owen.” I showed him a picture on my phone, one of Victor with Owen after his soccer team won a match. I remember Owen was exhilarated, laughing on his father's shoulders.
“And your husband.” Ryu smiled. “I have seen him many times already, he’s a well-known patron of the sciences. “Nice catch. He seems like a very dignified and intelligent man.”
“He is, yes.” My heart panged, and I cleared my throat. “Actually, I was telling my father it would be nice to see if she had any other ideas, maybe revisit her previous work and do a reedition post-mortem. Of course, since you were a part of it, your name would be on there too. That study you were talking about, what was it about?”
“I don’t know how you people do it in Loveland, but in this country, if you want to publish a study, secrecy is a must.” Ryu smiled. “You saw it yourself, with that German team almost publishing before you did.”
“You don’t know?”
“I never did.” He shook his head. “She would come with CAT scans, and blood work, and lots of questions. I could vaguely tell what she was aiming at, something to do with brain evolution. She seemed to have come across some children, by my observations, one in particular, with unusual brain activity. I only got to see the title of the study once, but even that was greatly vague. It was called Psyche. It could be anything.”
I felt my skin crawl. Could this be the journal Lucien was referring to?
“Did she keep any record of it here? Can I see it?”
“Of course not, like I said, secrecy. My best bet would be her office, or even at home.”
It was definitely not at home, that much I could tell. My mother wouldn’t keep a secret that big at home, where my father could easily find it. If it was in her office, and if BS was indeed after it, they had found it already. They had plenty of time to search.
I entered the car, taking my phone again. Was it even worth it to visit her office? And even if it was, how the hell would I get in there? Without thinking too much about it, I tried to call Victor again. I was starting to get a bad feeling about all this, I needed to hear his voice.
“You have reached Victor Lee, I am not-”
Damn it, how was he still unreachable? I had spent more than an hour talking to Ryu, he should be done with his meeting by now. I called Goldman instead.
“Andy!” He answered with a sullen voice. “How are you? I have been wanting to call but-”
“Diane called, it’s ok. I know how it feels, you never know what to say.”
“Yeah, Di is much better at it than I am.” He cleared his throat. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, I can’t get Victor on the phone, do you know where he is?”
“He didn’t come to the office today. He had to go abroad to meet a client.”
So that was why his phone was off. He was in a plane. I sighed with relief.
“You didn’t know this? You’re his wife. He didn’t tell you?”
“Yeah, he did, I just completely forgot.” I let out a nervous laugh. “Thanks, Goldie.”
I threw the phone on the front passenger seat, and drove away to my mother’s office.
There were no police cars in front of the building. I entered through the main door, greeting the receptionist like it was just an ordinary day. I entered the elevator, pressing the button to the floor where my mother’s office was located. I had no idea how to get in there, if it was so heavily guarded. I would have to play it by ear.
The moment the elevator doors opened, I felt my phone vibrate. It was an incoming text message from an unknown number.
You shouldn’t be here.
My heart jumped. Who the hell was texting me and how did they know where I was? I left the elevator slowly, looking around. The floor looked empty. The door to my mother’s office was still taped and closed, but unguarded. Had they given up?
The message was clearly from someone trying to discourage me. I would not let that happen. I sent a defiant message back.
I don’t know who you are, but you won’t stop me. I’ll find out the truth.
I left the elevator and started ripping the tape apart. Using the spare key my mom had at home, I unlocked the door.
The white carpet was mostly dark red now, stained with my mother’s and her killer’s blood. The office was a mess, every drawer and every shelf torn apart, books and documents all over the place. As Lucien had said, they were after her journals. And by the looks of it, they had already found them. My phone vibrated again.
Three men are riding the elevator up as we speak. They are not the police. Don’t let them take you anywhere.
I heard the ding of the elevator from a distance. I would have no time to run to the service stairs without being spotted. I would be caught red handed. I expected them to barge into the office, guns blazing. Instead, I could hear them pace calmly in my direction. An old man entered my mother’s office, smiling at me.
“This is a crime scene, Mrs. Lee.” He showed me a badge, speaking in English. “My name is Special Agent Morris, STF.”
“You have this office under your custody for over three days now.” I answered calmly, as I figured Victor would do. “The same goes for her body. I needed some of her personal items.” I grabbed a few books off the floor. “I have them now. Thank you.”
Before I could leave the office, two larger men stood in my way, blocking my exit from the outside.
“You can’t just invade a crime scene and not expect any consequences, madam.” The older man spoke again. “However, I’m willing to turn a blind eye to all of this, we were about to close the investigation and leave the premises. Your mother’s body will be released from the morgue as well, we have already spoken to your father. All we need to do to speed up the process is to get a statement from you.”
“A statement? What for?”
“Standard procedure.” The man smiled. “We’ll give you a ride to the station.”
I had to keep my cool if I wanted a chance to escape. If I showed any sign of fear or apprehension, they would grab me and take me forcefully. As long as I kept calm, they had no reason to blow their cover. I walked silently with them to the elevator.
“If I may ask, why is STF involved in my mother’s murder?”
“You are married to one of the most prominent men in Loveland.” The man politely prompted me to leave the elevator. “We just want to make sure none of this is related to Mr. Lee.”
“I see.”
They led me to a black sedan, opening the door for me to get in. I looked around, noticing the other entering the car as well, one in the front, and the other in the back, right next to me. I motioned to get in, observing the man that was holding my door.
“Could you please give me a hand?” I pretended to be having a hard time getting in. “I think my heel got stuck.”
The moment he ducked his head was my opportunity. I threw the door on his face as hard as I could, bolting from the car before the other one had any chance to grab me. And then I ran. I ran as fast as I could.
“Get her!”
I heard a car start and speed behind me. If I didn’t find a way to leave the main avenue, I would be easy prey. Just as I saw the car right next to me, I found an alley in the opposite direction. I turned right, hoping it would lead to somewhere where I could at least hide. But before I knew it, I felt strong hands grabbing me. However, instead of pulling me towards the car, they were pulling me into the darkness of the alley. This couldn’t be good.
“Let go of me!” I turned and kicked the man in the crotch, leaving him breathless. The other one was right behind us, coming for me. He grabbed me by surprise, throwing me into a wall, leaving me in a daze. Before I knew any better, I was being held by both men, one of them clasping my mouth, preventing me from screaming. The older man walked calmly towards us, holding a syringe.
“I was hoping we could do this quietly, but if this is the way it needs to go, so shall it be.” He pressed the plunger, a bit of the fluid squirting out. “Whether you want to or not, you’ll tell us all we need to know.”
I was helpless. There was nothing I could do to escape that situation. No matter how hard I fought my helplessness, I always ended up feeling like this little ant that everyone could squish. I had learned Krav Maga after Daniel, and it still didn’t help me escape these men. I tried so hard in my childhood to fit in, being the best at school, excelling at the arts, but my mother still looked at me with worry in her eyes. And now that I knew the reason why, because I had an Evol, it didn’t serve me much either. All I could do was make oil boil.
They would take me, and Victor would go after them, and they would get him next. Owen would be an orphan once again, just because his mother was weak. All of those children that had died, maybe they were the strong ones, maybe they were the ones who could have made a difference. Maybe I should have been the one to die in that orphanage. Small ants can’t do much for this world.
No. That’s wrong. They can. My son would be the first to remind me of that.The old man suddenly froze in place, the needle aimed at my neck. His face turned red, like he was making a tremendous effort.
“What…” He barely moved his lips. “What are you doing?”
What was I doing? I was tired of being helpless.
I will never be able to fully explain how my Evol works, and how it feels. The best that I can say is that at that very moment, the world was open to me. I could see all the molecules, all the energy that binds them and kept them apart. I could listen to the beautiful perfect music they made. It was like a complex partitur in my piano that I could read, play, and improvise. And at that moment, I was making the old man’s muscles hard as stone.
I would not be helpless anymore. I summoned all the energy around me, and reshaped gravity where I stood. I retracted it, and then I expanded it.
The two men holding me were thrown against the wall at a speed of 150 miles per hour, dropping instantly to the ground, motionless. The old man flew back as fast as a baseball, crashing through the window panes of the building across the street.
And suddenly I was alone in that alley. And I realized I had just killed three men. I ran to my car as fast as I could, my hands shaking as I put the key in the ignition and drove out of there.
“You have reached Victor Lee, I am not available at the moment. For pressing matters-”
“Damn it!” I punched the steering wheel hard, as I drove back home. I needed to know if he was alright. I needed to know if Owen and Dad were alright. I dialed my father’s number next.
“Hey, I was just about to call you.” My father answered. “I got a call from the police. They released your mother’s body. I already scheduled the ceremony for tomorrow.”
They were ok. They were ok, they were ok, they were ok. I could breathe.
“Andy? Andy, did you butt-dial me?”
“I’m here.” I croaked. “I’m…” It was a relief to finally have some closure, but that also meant a permanent loss. I didn’t know how to deal with that.
“It’s ok, kiddo. One day at a time.”
“Are… Are you guys home?”
“No, we are still with Josh and Cristina, the kids are so happy playing I don’t have the heart to leave just yet.”
“It’s ok, it’s good they are happy and unaware of all of this. Just be careful on your way back, ok?”
I couldn’t tell him what was happening. But at least in broad daylight, with other people surrounding them, no one would dare to hurt them. At least I hoped.
“We’ll buy dinner on our way home, you don’t need to worry about cooking. Are you driving home as well?”
“Yes.” I took a deep breath. “Yes, I am.”
“Do try to get some rest. I bet you had a long day.”
My body shook with the memory of those men being thrown against the wall, blood running down their nose, mouth and ears.
“Yeah.” I gripped the steering wheel harder. “I will.”
In this particular case, rest meant whiskey. Or vodka, or whatever drink my father had there that could knock me out for a few hours. I eventually found a forgotten rum bottle in the back of his bar and headed to the greenhouse.
I lay there on the tile floor, looking up at the glass ceiling, adorned by the leaves of the potted lemon tree. All my life had been a lie, but still, I couldn't help but hold onto those small moments, those little happy pieces of my childhood that made sense. They brought me relief from all the chaos. As long as I held tightly to the memories of me and my brother playing in the greenhouse, burying treasures in the pots, I could forget about all the rest.
“It’s not fair, how can you be so good at finding them?” I could still hear my brother complain. “You gotta be cheating, you look while I hide them.”
“I’m not!” I pushed him back, offended. “I just… I just can tell where they are! I don’t know how!”
“Liar! I’m telling Mom you’re cheating!”
“You take it back or I’m telling Mom! I’m not a liar!”
I wasn’t lying. All it took was to touch the dirt or the pot, and I could feel if there was a toy in there or not. It didn’t happen all the time, but sometimes I could. Maybe when the drugs holding my Evol back were starting to wear off.
I got up from the floor and walked to the lemon tree, my hands caressing the trunk. And just like when I was a child, I could feel the tree, and its roots, and the moisture the dirt held. And… Something that didn’t belong there. Plastic and… paper?
No. No, no, it couldn’t be.
The lemon tree was too heavy and large for me to pull out from the pot, so my only solution would be to break the pot for good. It was sad to destroy it like this, something that had been there pretty much all my life, that almost felt like a heritage. But apparently, that was not the only heritage that pot was hiding.
After hitting the clay pot with a hammer, I was able to break the pot and move the condensed dirt inside of it. The lemon tree finally gave in, slamming against the floor. Tangled inside its roots, a transparent plastic bag covering what looked like an old notebook, the letters on the cover spelling Psyche.
Author's note: Hello beautiful people! I come late but bearing gifts! Due to time constrictions, and because my chapters keep getting longer and longer, I have decided to only post every two weeks on Tuesday. It's the only way I can actually assure at this point to deliver content in a timely and consistent fashion. I hope you do understand.
I watched as Owen played with the waves, letting them softly kiss his tiny feet only to run away from them, giggling. I believe that before me and Victor, Owen had never seen the ocean. For me, the ocean had always been a big part of my childhood.
You should always greet the ocean before diving in, my mother taught us, her fingertips gently caressing the salty water. It will know you respect it, and it will welcome you and protect you.
And she laughed as she watched us play in the wet sand, the waves kissing us with the same sweetness they were kissing my son, as she took another drag of her usual cigarette. I couldn’t help but smile at that memory as well, moved by the simplicity and sweetness of all the things that mattered back then.
A much different reality now that she was gone. I was still shaking, my body echoing the tremble in my father's voice, telling us about the patient who came to visit my mother in her office with a gun, saying she hadn’t been able to quiet the voices in his head. He did the job himself, afterwards, his dead body joining my mother’s on the bloody floor.
According to the police and some witnesses, the whole situation didn't last more than two minutes. And I bet that for 1 minute and fifty seconds all my mother cared about was to help him. And for the last ten, the ones when she knew it would be her last, I know she thought of us. I wondered what she thought about me. The weight of unfinished business weighed on me.
The truth was, I didn’t know the faintest thing about my own mother. My family didn’t know anything about her either. She had lied to all of us, the woman I trusted with my life, the one I ran to when I needed solid ground, she had lied to me. About who she was. About who I was. To everyone.
But now that she was gone, it hurt not having the time to make amends. It almost felt petty to hold such lies against her. Because one thing I did know about my mother, an undeniable truth that no lie could taint: She loved me. And now that I was a mother, watching my son playing with soft waves as the tide rose, I could feel how she felt about me and my brother. And despite what I said in a moment of anger, there was nothing I wouldn’t do to protect my son.
“Mom, look at this seashell!” My son ran to me, handing me a somewhat large cone shaped seashell. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
“It is.” I smiled, taking it from his tiny hands to admire it. “Do you want to know a secret?”
He nodded, wide eyed.
“Seashells hold stories from where they’ve been.” I pressed the seashell against my son’s ear. “Can you hear the ocean? Like when you’re deep under water?”
“Like when I’m swimming with Dad and I dive real deep.” His mouth hung in astonishment as he paid attention to what he was hearing. “It sounds exactly the same.”
I smiled fondly, remembering how once it was my mother holding a seashell against my ear.
“I wish Dad were here to listen to it too.” Owen pouted slightly, giving me a dirty look. “He would have come and play in the water with me.”
“Well, about that, I need to talk to you.” I patted on the spot on the blanket beside me. “Sit down, Bug.”
My son gave me a puzzled look, but did as told, waiting patiently for me to start.
“If Grandpa asks… maybe we shouldn’t tell him about my and Dad’s experiment.”
“Why not?” Inquisitive brown eyes focused on me. Oh boy.
“Well, because it’s kind of a complicated story, and maybe Grandpa wouldn’t understand and worry. We don’t want to upset him.”
“Why should he worry?” Owen shrugged. “It’s only temporary, you’re not getting a divorce.”
“Exactly.” I felt my heart speed up slightly. “And I don’t want him to think that, so maybe-”
“What if he asks?”
“We say Dad stayed in Loveland because he was very busy with work, as usual.”
“But that’s lying.” Owen frowned, a slight accusatory tone in his voice. “Dad stayed in Loveland because you told him not to come, he wanted to help. Do you want me to lie?”
“You are right, lying is a bad thing.” I admitted. “But sometimes we do bad things because we want the best for the people we love. You can understand that, right?”
He paused, wearing the very same expression his father wore when pondering something.
“Yes, I can.” He nodded.
“Because you are the brightest boy I have ever met.” I kissed his forehead. “And I love you very much. Now, want to race me inside the house?”
The smile he gave me before bolting inside the house almost made me forget about the pain. Almost.
“Pedro was cremated last night.” My father threw casually as he was making toast. I was by his side cutting fruit for breakfast.
“Who’s Pe…” And then it dawned on me. The man who killed my mother.
“I forgot to tell you, the police called me yesterday saying his body would be released. They scheduled the cremation right away. They didn’t even have a wake.”
“No point in mourning a murderer, I guess.” I answered dryly, my knife hitting the wooden board hard, echoing my frustration. “So they released his body, but not Mom’s? What a joke.”
“It’s an ongoing police investigation, Andy. That’s why it’s taking a bit longer. We need to be a little patient, that’s all.”
“Patient my ass, that sergeant is going to hear from me about this.” I started pacing, too worked up to stay still. “They won’t release my mother’s body, they won’t let us into her office, what for? There is no need for an investigation, we know who did it, that son of the bitch killed himself before we could bring them to justice!”
“He was sick.” My father held my arm lovingly, trying to calm me down. “He was desperate. Your mother would’ve wanted-”
“My mother would’ve wanted to be alive! She would’ve wanted to see her grandkids grow! She would’ve wanted to grow old with you! She would’ve wanted-”
I was interrupted by my father’s arms enveloping me in a bear hug. And at that moment, I was 8 again, and he was my Dad, my fortress, holding me steady. I wrapped my arms around him, waiting for the tears to come, but they simply wouldn’t. My heart refused to hurt him with my hurt.
“She would’ve wanted to apologize.” My father spoke. “She would’ve wanted to call you, and make amends. And she did, Andy. She never told me what happened between you two, and I have a feeling you won’t tell me either, but she loved you and thought of you every single day. And she forgave you.”
I looked up, reading the exhaustion and pain in my father’s eyes while he selflessly gave himself and forgot all about himself, so he could be there for me.
“How can you be so strong?” I pressed my face against his chest, wrapping my arms tighter around him.
“That’s what your mother would’ve wanted.” His voice shook slightly.
We broke the embrace and cleared our throats as we heard Owen enter the room.
“I’m hungry.” Owen mumbled as he rubbed his eyes. “What’s for breakfast?”
“Fruit and toast for my little red haired bug!” My father exclaimed, putting on a bright face. “Although your mother did a number on the bananas.” He showed the cutting board with the bananas I practically smashed in anger.
“It’s ok, I bet they still taste good.” Owen shrugged. “Do you have any honey?”
“Let me pour some for you.” My father poured the honey on my son’s toast, drawing a smiley face, just like he did to me when I was a child. “How’s your father, by the way? When is he coming?”
I froze, staring at my son, silently begging him to keep our secret.
“He’s not coming, he is too busy with work.” Owen shrugged as he bit his toast, making me deflate in relief.
“Between LFG and LCG and all that happened with Kasey, we thought it was simply not wise for Victor to leave town. He regrets not being here, but we still have a lot of issues to solve.”
“Life goes on, as it should.” My father smiled at me. “A man’s duty is to take care of his family.”
“Actually, he really wanted to come, but Mom wouldn’t let him.”
“Owen!”
“What do you mean, your mother wouldn’t let him?” I was about to answer, but my father raised his hand. “Let the boy speak, Andrea.”
Again, I felt like I was eight, caught red handed with the cookie jar.
“Mom and Dad are doing an experiment, because Mom needs to focus at work. She moved to another apartment, and I stay with Mom and Dad on different days.” He gave me an angry look. “But now it doesn’t even make sense, because you are not working! Why didn’t you let him come with us?”
“Is this true?”
“Yes, we have been…” I paused, choosing my words carefully in front of my son. “Living in different places for a while now. I didn’t want to worry you with it.”
My father watched my son as he calmly ate his breakfast.
“We’ll discuss this some other time.” He gave me a stern look, letting me know I wasn’t off the hook just yet. “You said you were going to the police station, see how the investigation is going?”
“Yes, I should go right now, actually.” I grabbed my purse, welcoming the chance to flee. “Do you mind if I take your car?”
“Take your mother’s.” My father walked to the hallway. “Let me get you her keys.”
“I know you told me not to say anything, and I disobeyed.” Owen whispered. “But sometimes we do bad things because we want the best for the people we love.”
Before I could retort, my father entered the kitchen again, handing me a set of keys.
“Will you be ok with him?” I asked, nodding towards Owen. “I can ask Josh to pick him up. Maybe you should get some rest.”
“He’s my grandson, of course I will be ok with him.” He ruffled my son’s curls. “Besides, this little guy and I have a lot to discuss.”
Which didn’t mean anything good for me. Even if Owen didn’t want to talk, my father would find a way to make him spill the beans. A skill he had learned from the very best of inquisitors, my mother.
“What do you mean the morgue hasn’t released her body yet? It’s been three days already! It was a gunshot wound, you found the weapon, you found the culprit, there’s nothing more to investigate!”
“Lady, I already told your father, this is no longer in our hands.” The sergeant raised his hands apologetically. “Apparently what happened to your mother caused quite a commotion, and other entities were involved.”
“What other entities?”
“I am not at liberty to say.”
“Can I at least go to her office and get some of her personal belongings? She kept some banking information in there.”
“I suspect you won’t even be able to get close.” The sergeant sat down heavily. “The place is taped and heavily guarded. Whatever your mother or that patient were up to, we will find out soon enough.”
I paused, gathering my thoughts. Could this have something to do with her Evol?
“If they suspect my mother was involved in something, why hasn’t my father been contacted yet? Why aren’t they asking her family?”
“Mrs. Lee…” The sergeant gave me a grave look. “I honestly don’t know.”
Whenever my mother had a patient dealing with the grief of a deceased loved one, she would often use the term closure. That’s what they always came for, closure. The end of the chapter, the end of the pain, a brand new beginning. And then she would add, closure is impossible. There is no vacuum left when someone dies, something always stays behind, be it the words that remain unsaid, the projects that weren’t finished, a family that loves them and that will continue on, but always with their absence. In my mother’s case, especially because I knew things about her that no one else knew, closure was surely unattainable. And it felt like I had been left with this heritage, these actions which brought repercussions we were surely to feel, and I knew nothing about. Worse, I didn’t know how to deal with them.
I looked around inside my mother’s car with brand new eyes, to all the things that belonged to her, all the faint traces she had left behind, trying to assess who she really was. But I kept being drawn to the things that tied me to her, like the radio button I broke after a session at the therapist recalling my abuse, or the macaroni necklace I made when I was 4, which she hung on her rearview mirror. If Victor were here, he would know what to do. But I had been adamant in leaving him behind.
“I’ll postpone all my meetings for the next few days and get the jet ready.” He spoke as I packed my bag. “I’ll go home and pack, I’ll meet you here in half an hour so we can take the jet.”
“Victor…” I hesitated. “Look, I’m really thankful for you letting me stay for the night at your apartment and supporting me but…” I looked him in the eyes. “This is something I need to do by myself.”
I could see in his eyes he wanted to argue back, he wanted to insist on coming with me, but he kept silent. After an agonizingly long pause, he finally spoke.
“I understand.” He nodded, looking down. “But at least take the jet. It will make the long trip easier on you and Owen.”
“Thank you.” I smiled. “You don’t need to stay here and keep me company, I know you have better things to do.”
“You’re my number one priority.” He asserted. “Always have been, always will be.”
“Victor…”
“Always.” He declared. He took a step closer, holding my shoulder like he was silently begging me to look him in the eyes. “No, Andrea, you need to listen to me. I will respect the space you’ve requested, but on one condition: If you find yourself in a difficult situation that you can’t resolve on your own, you will call me and ask for help. You don’t need to go through this all alone. I’m here.”
“I know, but-”
“Remember when Mina passed away?” Gray eyes locked with mine, sharing a memory. “You gave me the space to mourn, but you never left my side. I want to pay you in kind. And don’t even dare say things are different because we are separated, because they are not. Whether you’re willing to accept it or not, my feelings bind me to you. This is an unbreakable bond, Andrea. I will always be by your side, even from a distance.”
He answered at the first ring tone.
“What on earth have you been doing?” He scolded me. “It’s been two days since you left!”
“You could have called me if you were worried.” I defended myself. “Are you seriously mad at me over this?”
“I was respecting…” He let out a sigh. “Forget it. How are you? How are things going?”
“I’m fine. Owen is also fine. He’s with my father now, otherwise I would pass him the phone.”
“I can call him later for that.” Victor paused. “Anyway, I’m glad you called. Thank you.”
“Yeah, I…” I bit my lip, planning in my mind what I would say. If I mentioned the word Evol, Victor would jump from his desk into a plane right away.
“Yes?” He urged with a soft voice.
“I could use your help, actually. The police is not being very cooperative in releasing my mother’s body for us to cremate. I don’t know what else to do, maybe the legal team could get some more information on how to proceed.”
“I will meet with them as soon as we hang up. I promise you this matter will be over by the end of your day.”
“Thank you.” I sighed in relief. At least I could do that for her.
“Anything else?”
“No, that’s huge already. Thank you.”
“You already said that. You don’t need to thank me. Just tell me how you are doing.”
“I’m fine. I’m doing fine.”
“You already said that too. Actually, you’ve been saying fine a lot.”
The truth was, even I didn’t know how I was doing. Whatever was there to feel, I was pushing it down, deep inside me. My goal was to help my father and to honor my mother like she deserved. I didn’t matter, and whatever feelings or issues or doubts I had didn’t matter either. I just had to keep going and do my best. So I answered in a way I was sure my husband would understand.
“My mother died.”
“Yes.” He paused. “I’ll call you as soon as I get an answer from the lawyers. Let me know if you need anything else. I lo-”
I pressed the End button before he could say it, my heart running a thousand miles per second. And then it dawned on me, what I really needed. I needed him. The one thing I refused to have, and I didn’t even know why anymore. In light of my mother’s death, none of what had happened had any weight.
I drove through the city, busying myself with errands, planning my mother’s funeral, confident that Victor would keep his word. After an hour, I got a call from an unknown number. It looked like it was from a landline in Lisbon, probably some contact Victor had sent out to help me.
“Estou?” I answered hurriedly, in Portuguese.
“Dr. Lee?” A vaguely familiar voice sounded on the other side of the line. “I hope I’m calling at an opportune time.”
“It’s me, yes.” I frowned. “How can I help you?”
“It is my understanding that your mother passed away recently. I am calling you to present my condolences.”
“And who are you again?”
“My apologies, I forgot to state my name. I am an old acquaintance of Victor’s, we met at your office, right after the release of the first part of your study, do you remember? Lucien Xu.”
I was silent for a moment, astonished by the way he spoke, like he hadn’t thrown some serious threats at me and my family, like he didn’t have a connection to that shady organization, like he was just some old friend, calling to pay his respects. I put him on speaker, my fingers swiping swiftly over the phone, typing Victor a text. He must have sensed my panic, because he spoke in a much softer voice.
“Dr. Lee, I must assure you that I wish you no harm. In fact, considering the present conjecture, you can truly believe I am a friend, not a foe. I’m certain your husband has his reasons to distrust me, but I can guarantee you the reasons that caused us to become opponents no longer exist. We are on the same side.”
I paused, staring at the phone, the unsent message staring at me from the screen.
“Why the change of heart?”
“A paradigm shift. A few years ago some important information came to surface, and what once was simply ceased to be. However, the stakes are much higher now, and at this point of the game, the pawns have either been defeated or put aside. The strongest pieces are at play now, and I’m afraid they won’t be deterred as easily.”
“Is this the part when you say it’s not a threat, it’s a warning?”
“If my determinations are correct, you must be aware by now of your true nature, which means you must be at least somewhat aware of your mother’s actions. However, I also estimate you are probably unaware of your mother’s true motivations.”
My finger hovered over the Send button, pondering my choices. Fight or flight?
“What do you know about my mother?”
“I know her death wasn’t a violent crime committed by a patient. Your little outburst at that island was enough to draw the attention of some very dangerous people. They found her through you.”
I took a deep breath, trying to make my voice sound as calm as possible.
“Alright, Dr. Xu, you caught my attention. And I’m pretty sure you’re not in Lisbon for the pastéis de nata. When do you want to meet?”
The smart thing to do would be calling Victor right away, telling him that if Lucien Xu was trying to reach me, he could also be in danger. From Lucien’s cryptic words, it was clear that Black Swan was still active, and not neutralized, like Victor thought. If he was in any danger, I should let him know right away, give him time to prepare himself for any potential attack. But my gut and my reasoning seemed to agree on one thing, if BS was out there and involved with that man, their focus was on my mother and me. I didn’t know how or why, but Lucien seemed to know a lot more about my mother than I did, and I wouldn’t let the opportunity to get that information slide. I couldn’t tell Victor, he would have forbade me to come, he would come and get me himself, but he wouldn’t allow me to go.
On the other hand, this could also be a trap, and I was deliberately putting myself in great danger. And if that was the case, I didn’t want Victor to be close either. I would be the only casualty.
I froze by the door of the café, spotting him through the glass panes, sitting in the back of the room. I took a deep breath, trying to slow down my heartbeat. I had no reason to be afraid, he wouldn’t dare hurt me in front of all those people.
“Impressive.” He smiled as he watched me sit down, facing him. “For a moment I didn’t think you would come. But it was obviously foolish of me to expect anything else.”
“You talk like you know me.” I gave him a bitter smile. “You don’t know me at all, Dr. Xu.”
“I know what you are capable of, even if you don’t know it yet, Dr. Lee. I know the extent of your power, what you can do with your Evol. In due time, you’ll see it for yourself.”
I felt like an easy prey, being played with before he delivered the fatal blow. I sat up straight in my chair.
“That still doesn’t answer why you are here, Dr. Xu. You say there was a paradigm shift, you are a different man now. What are your true intentions, then?”
“To honor the dead. Mine and yours. You see, we are bonded by our parents' past. One could even say we are family.”
“Our parents?”
“You must remember them, I’m sure. They were the ones that gave you those injections.”
I remembered the gentle man that held my hand and gave me lollipops. And after a while, I could see the resemblance. They even had the same soft polite voice.
“I do remember my mother telling me they were trying to leave Black Swan, while you do their bidding. I guess the apple did fall far from the tree this time.” I clenched my fists in anger under the table. “Do not try to fabricate a common ground using our families, Dr. Xu. You’re wasting your time trying to feed me such lies. I can’t speak for your parents, but I know my mother didn’t have any connections with Black Swan. If anything, she was trying to save me from them. She was trying to save me from people like you.”
“I have no intention of hiding my ties with Black Swan.” He calmly stirred a sugar cube into his coffee. “It felt like a heritage before, but now it’s only a necessary evil. You see, one must dwell into the dark cave to see just how dark it is. Your husband understands this idea very well. Your mother did too.”
“You know, I came here to find some answers about my mother, but now I realize my mistake. You say you know her, but you don’t, at all.” I stood up. “This was clearly a waste of my time. Do as you must, I’m leaving.”
“I know she dove deep into the cave like no one before her, just to save someone very precious to her. And in order to do that, she had to become one of those you hate so much.”
“My mother was a therapist.” I spat back.
“Your mother was a spy, one of the best Black Swan had ever seen. Her codename was Psyche. If you know what her Evol was, you’ll know how fitting the name was.”
“You’re lying.”
Lucien got up suddenly, his hand taking mine, forcing me to sit back down.
“Your mother risked her life repeatedly and gave it willingly so you could be saved. Don’t waste her sacrifice on the account of your clueless stubbornness.”
“Sacrifice?” I couldn’t help but raise my voice, even if slightly. “It wasn’t her sacrifice. It was of the children she left to die in that God forsaken orphanage. You talk about her like she was some hero, when all she did was cower away and hide, leaving others to their misfortune.”
“She was a hero!” He gritted through his teeth, his kind eyes now looking dangerous. “You have no idea of how many lives were lost because of you, and how it is to carry that weight. You don’t understand how special you are, and how you can potentially affect the destiny of many others, including mine. It’s time you learn your place in history, and live up to the role.”
“The role? What the hell are you talking about?”
Lucien kept silent, straightening his clothes, his dignified stance returning to him little by little.
“Maybe it was a little naive of me to think you’d take my word for it.” He brought the coffee cup to his smiling lips. “But fortunately, you won’t have to. As a true scientist, even if one of the mind, your mother always kept her studies very well documented. But I’m sure none of this is new to you.”
“What about it?” I was starting to lose my patience with this man.
“It is known she has documented everything that happened, every single detail of her past, for an event exactly like this one. Many people are looking for your mother’s journals as we speak. Why do you think it is taking so long for her body to be released and her office available for you to reach?”
My eyes widened. Of course he would know about this. Black Swan was behind it. By asking Victor to help me, I had put him in danger.
“It is time you honor all that was lost because of you.” He got up, dropping a ten euro bill on the table. “Should you fail to do what you were destined to, or try to run away from it, I will have no choice but to hunt you down and kill you.”
“Finally, the threat.” I smiled bitterly at him.
“As you expected, it is not a threat, only a warning.” He gave me a resolved look. “Dr. Lee, don’t take any of my words lightly. I am a friend.”
“A friend who will kill me if I don’t play his game.”
“Dr. Lee, make no mistake.” He bent towards me, his face closer to mine. “If we ever come to that, you’ll be the one begging me to put you out of your misery.”
hii lia! i know it's been a while, but i was just checking in to assure you that i'm still alive (and anxiously awaiting my exam results)!
anyways, how are you doing? i know you said you were taking a break, but it's been a while since you posted, and i just wanted to make sure you're okay :) looking forward to hearing from you!!!
- 🌸 anon
Hey, so nice to hear from you! I am doing well, just same old... busy. There is no indication of anything slowing down just now, but hopefully I will get some time for myself.
I wish you the best luck for your exam results! Are these the last ones (like, are your finishing your degree, I cant remember) and if so, what are your plans for the future?
Also, I'm about to post a brand new chapter, so let me know what you think, and your theories.
In the meantime, have a great time, enjoy your holidays and see you soon! Lots of love!
hello lia!!!!
after 5 weeks of gruelling torture...guess what! i'm finally free from exams!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
i've actually finished a few days ago but the tumblr ask box is being particularly stupid (even now, for some reason the backspace key isn't working...and i've made sure it's not a problem on my end).
anyways, i saw your message about how tired you are and boy do i feel the same way 😪 i decided to shoot you a message to cheer you up because i've missed talking to you regularly.
that's all i wanted to say for now (i would say more but i'm so tired), i just wanted to let you know that i'm back! so i will be frequenting your ask box more often with as much support as i can give! goodbye for now!
- 🌸 anon
Hey, so nice to hear from you again! Yay. no more exams!!!
Aw, and yes, I missed you too... Things have been hectic lately, but I'm officially on vacation, for now preparing to leave for sunny beaches, but as soon as I get there, I have a lot of writing and sleeping to do. So funny, the moment I found myself able to disengage from work, words are begging to be written.
I so look forward to hearing from you! Go get some very deserved rest, and welcome back to my ask box! It's so very lovely having you here.
Lots of love, dear anon! Thank you!
The Word Artisan @lia-jones - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
