Jesus continued from there toward Jerusalem and came to another village. Martha, a resident of that village, welcomed Jesus into her home. Her sister, Mary, went and sat at Jesusâ feet, listening to Him teach. Meanwhile Martha was anxiousâŠ
- Luke 10: 38-40 (The Voice)
In an atmosphere charged with the excitement of expectation, over 200 people rushed to their seats this past Wednesday as doors swung open to announce the start of yet another Open Night. With a timely word on limits and anticipation, Rhema kicked things off with a bang, but as the music began to swell, I watched from the back â frozen.
As the church began to sing the powerful lyrics of Sinking Deep, I opened my mouth to join, but I had nothing. I couldnât make the words come out. I couldnât worship past the lump in my throat.
Standing here in your presence
Wrapped within arms of heaven
In a peace that lasts forever
Sinking deep in mercyâs seaÂ
As these beautiful words echoed through the sanctuary, I stood at the back and busied myself with everything, but the one thing I had come to Open Night to do.
I counted the kids, I counted the adults. I helped seat a few latecomers, and all in all, I tried to distract myself from the anxiety, pressure and exhaustion that had collected like a film around my heart over the course of one no good, very bad day.
The day had begun like any other except, instead of taking a nap between the end of my night shift and my 10 am call time*, I retreated to the tranquil dustiness of the upstairs green room in the theater to spend some time with God. As Kim Walkerâs âHow He Loves Usâ rang out from the tiny speakers on my phone, I got messy before his throne. I worshipped and cried and sang off key and it was everything I needed to start my day refocused, recharged and reconnected to the one thing that is everything.
It was in this moment I felt God stirring me to ask for more, so thatâs what I did. I asked for even more intimacy and a new anointing for greater capacity and creativity in every aspect of my life.
Funny how thatâs the moment when anxiety began to creep in.
As I collected my things and prepared to make my way to the dressing rooms to get ready for the show, my peaceful reverie was disturbed by a fear-filled question: how could God do anything through someone as messy as me? Thus with that, fear interrupted the rest of my day.
⊠Martha (interrupting Jesus): Lord, why donât You care that my sister is leaving me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to get over here and help me.
Jesus: Oh Martha, Martha, you are so anxious and concerned about a million details, but really, only one thing matters. Mary has chosen that one thing, and I wonât take it away from her.
â Luke 10: 40-42 (The Voice, Emphasis Added)
Iâve always been fascinated by the story of Mary and Martha. If Martha was alive today, I think weâd go to Overachievers Anonymous together. Seriously, since I was a kid, I always thought Martha had it hard living with a sister who didnât pitch in, and then on top of that, making it into the Bible only for getting one-upped by said sister and gently rebuked by the Son of God for working so hard to impress him.
As a recovering overachiever no longer attached to the incessant need to prove my worth to God, Iâve come to accept the truth that God loves us even when weâre tired, unwashed and dirty. What I didn't know before Wednesday is that while my understanding of God's love had grown over the past year, I had not yet fully accepted his opinion of me.
God's love for us doesnât stop just because we havenât crossed off all the items on "the almighty list" of things we have to get done to host his presence. He is bigger than all that. It didn't matter to Jesus or Mary that the house was a bit messy or that there were dishes in the sink. Mary knew only one thing mattered: to be with him â to be in the presence of the king.
Bill Johnson puts it this way: "any time we look to ourselves, we will buy into the lie of insignificance...it boils down to one thing: you're the one [God] wants to be with...*" In the glorious ruins of our lives, Papa God stands at the threshold asking us to open the door.
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.â
On Wednesday night, Iâm thankful that a good friend pulled me aside and reminded me that itâs in our spiritual helplessness that God calls us out and draws us in. He yearns to give us the rest we cannot find anywhere but in his arms. I had come in with a mess of worry, fear and doubt and I needed to get in his presence, but I didnât feel that I had any right carrying the mess I carried. I was ashamed to have been in the presence of others worshipping before the throne, and yet so ill-prepared to enter in myself. I went up to the balcony and cried out: Iâm a mess without you. Iâm lost without you. I'M NOTHING WITHOUT YOU. His answer? â...You are everything with meâ because
âGreater is he that is in you than he that is the world.â
â 1 John 4:4 (King James)
Donât ever forget that you are the person that God wants to be with. There is one thing that we can do that is the answer to everything: get in his presence.
"Blessed are those who recognize they are spiritually helpless. The kingdom of heaven belongs to them.
â Matthew 11:28 (Godâs Word Translation)
God wants to be with us even when the laundry hasn't been done or the trash hasn't been taken out. His love eclipses all our shortcomings and then, by his grace, it transforms us. We are the people he wants to be with, and all we have to do is be with him â through it, and in it all.
* actor speak for when youâre expected to be on stage or on set.
* excerpted from Hosting The Presence by Bill Johnson: a must read.
