love me dead

[bookaddictiion]

But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever.

Haruki Murakami, 1Q84 (via bookaddictiion)

[librahoney]

ONE OF THE BEST NIGHTS OF MY 2015!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERY1!

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

—a sense of too much to say, to think, the urgency of the moment, so quickly passing: and then, afterward, one wonders what it is all about, what is the point of it, never saying quite enough, never touching another person quite as one might wish…

Joyce Carol Oates, from a journal entry (via violentwavesofemotion)

[librahoney]

[librahoney]

he tells me every goddamn time that he will love me forever and it’s stupid, the way he tells me things with that silly look on his face. he walks me to the bus stop even when it’s late at night, kisses me even after the mean things i’ve said. he always complains about how he’s uncomfortable holding hands exactly after he grabs mine. i mean, how fucking ironic, right? but then he just looks at me and everything else around us collapses and i feel sorry in the end because it’s taking me too much time to realize that love doesn’t have to be smart.

am i making any sense? the problem with me is that i still can’t believe it. a year of knowing him deeply, four months of being together and i still ask him if he loves me and why. like i’m just waiting for the final catch; for him to just quit me like everyone else does.

but he doesn’t. and it never fails to surprise me every time.

he just tells me he loves me after i ask him if he does and he adds up all the reasons why, and then he tells it again every morning when we meet by kissing me and by smiling at me and by reminding me not to smoke too much.

so i tell him i love him, anyway; tell him i love him a million times over, despite how scared it’s making me feel. no matter how stupid love sounds. love is stupid. love is supposed to fuck you up. and what’s even more ironic is the fact that i don’t mind ripping it off my chest anymore, regardless of how much it will cost me in the end.

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

’Cause I love you—I love you all the time—when I wake up in the morning and have to climb out of bed and splash around and shave—I look at your picture and think about you—and that’s a pretty deadly part of day you know and a good test of loving anyone. And in the evening—It’s too much to stand […]

Ernest Hemingway, from a letter to Hadley Richardson (via violentwavesofemotion)

[librahoney]

I'm still not done with your mixtape. I've been stuck doing it for almost a month now??? Idk???? I just want it to be really special. I'm starting it off with I Always Knew by The Vaccines because it's exactly how i feel. It's not raining anymore so we'll see each other tomorrow first thing in the morning before I go to school. You told me you're going to cook for me and you'll help me do my project. And then next week before Christmas break you'll take me out for dinner and I'll stay the night and we'll paint together and play video games and do insane stuff. I'm excited for that but not much for the week after because you'll be away. You and your family are heading to Apayao and you're going to celebrate Christmas there and I know it'll only be for two weeks but I already feel sad just thinking about it???? I'M SO CLINGY

[librahoney]

[librahoney]

There’s this boy. He used to call me once during the day and twice at night; five times when he’s drunk. He called me pretty while he fucked me with our shirt on; called me pretty while I told him about how my day went. He kissed me on his bed with my shoes still on and he held my face. Kissed me on the cheek with my head resting on his lap. Kissed my hand and sucked my thumb while I was asleep. Kissed my forehead as we fucked all over again. I thought I could only hold him that way. Hold him without ever having his heart. Boy, did I love him with all the fire burning inside me. I didn't mind. I thought I understood. And I did. I know that love is not an act of clenching. Love is not everything soft and good. I love him even if sometimes he makes me sad. Now this boy calls me six times during the day; Once at night and we would talk for an hour. Now, he doesn't drink without me. He tells me he loves me and he burns with me. He reminds me to take care followed by the word “please.” He asked me if I love him even if he doesn't know the right words to say. I told him I love him even if he says all the wrong things at once. He dug my bones one night, probably to see if I had it in me. He might have seen something worth seeing. Something in me. Something worth loving. Despite how bogus and ugly I could be when I fall down. Something only he can see. I’m glad he does.

[librahoney]

I had nothing better to do so I decided to list down my (current) top 20 favorite albums. I specifically chose these albums based on how I can't skip any track from each one so here it goes!!! 1. Back to Black (Amy Winehouse) - I don't even have to explain why I love this album so much. 2 & 3. AM & Humbug (Arctic Monkeys) - AM album is just pure genius, while Humbug is my favorite Arctic Monkeys era with their hair and everything. 4. EP (Cigarettes After Sex) - I play this album every time I write about my boyfriend because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!!! And I play Nothing's Gonna Hurt You, Baby every time I make out with him!!! 5. Acid Rap (Chance the Rapper) - I could rap every track from this album and I'm not even kidding. And the lyrics "Fuck me into open caskets / I wanna die with this" is probably one of my favorite lyrics of all time.

6. Channel Orange ( Frank Ocean) - my friends and I play this album every time we drink and smoke along with some songs from Nostalgia, Ultra which makes us cooler by 3 points, I guess. 7. Sunny Side Up (Paolo Nutini) - Paolo Nutini is like your very poor but hardworking boyfriend who loves you so much and this album makes me feel exactly that. 8. O (Damien Rice) - I love Damien Rice because I feel like he's always so honest. Each of his songs sounds like a confession, whether he's in love or sad or guilty or sad or sad or sad. 9. For Emma, Forever Ago (Bon Iver) - Bon Iver is simply an amazing band. Their lyrics could get really deep sometimes but that's what makes them brilliant. 10. His Young Heart EP (Daughter) - Ever had an almost lover who treats you like shit? Listen to this album. 11. Ripely Pine (Lady Lamb The Beekeeper) - I love how some tracks are mellow at first and then she just gets mad and screams "You've got to be starving for it" at the end. 12. Born To Die The Paradise Edition (Lana Del Rey) - No words, just, yes. 13. Bankrupt! (Phoenix) - Radley was the one who made me listen to Phoenix and at first I didn't like it because it brought out my inner lola self thinking it was too loud; but then he kept playing it whenever we hung out and it started growing on me and now I love it. 14. Suburban Nature (Sarah Jaffe) - I love this album so much. It makes me cry because, again, her lyrics are very honest, desperate and personal and I'm a sucker for those things. 15. Burst Apart (The Antlers) - I listened to this album for the first time while it was raining and from then on it became my favorite album to listen to whenever it does. 16. The Lumineers - I'm putting this here because this is the first album my boyfriend ever made me listen to. 17. Fuerteventura (Russian Red) - This album is on my list because it makes me feel nostalgic and it sounds so vintage, and because I think Russian Red is such a nice screen name. 18. Modern Vampires of the City (Vampire Weekend) - It just adds up that I love Ezra Koenig, but this album itself is A+. Plus their music videos are always on point. 19. Submarine OST (Alex Turner) - Alex Turner could never do wrong in my opinion. I listen to this six-tracked album every time I feel stuck in my life, and for my age I get stuck like five times a day. 20. The 1975 - every basic indie kid loves the 1975 hello????? But I think they're amazing even if some people think they're overrated.

[mokishie]

[lovequotesrus]

Everything you love is here

[librahoney]

it wasn't quiet at all on the day i first saw you, like most love stories with spotlights and stopping and sudden loss of breath. all i heard were massive noises; a thousand cymbals clashing, a phone ringing, an ambulance running around the city that is my heart, trying to wake me up from whatever it was that made me feel unfeeling. my eyes opened. sometimes i wish it hadn't. most of the time i'm glad it did. i knew by then it was going to hurt forever. for over a year we shared the same bed, the same cup of coffee and both our bodies under your warm blanket, but never our hearts. that was the time i learned how to tell you i love you while biting my tongue; as same as the time i wrote poems for you. i read them all to my bathroom walls at night as i cried over how painful it was to just wait for it. but i still did. and now you cut yourself open before me, telling me you wish there was more to love than love itself because you love me too much and you're bleeding. i must have done something right to have you by your heart; for you to accept every gory bit of me. radley, i think i lost all the poems inside of me, but i'm glad you're here with me now to replace those forgotten words with your smile on my mouth. nothing's sweeter than your smile on my mouth. i know you don't need my words, anyway. i know you only need me, and i will spill myself before you over and over until i run dry. i have waited long enough for this to hurt like heaven.

[librahoney]

september seventeen

Today, the governor’s son knelt before me, held both of my hands and stated my whole name in the right order before the exact words “I love you so much and I want to be with you. I will take care of you, and I promise to love you forever until one of us fucks up.” The unfaltering look on his face and the way he locked his eyes on mine kept flashing on my mind as I went home.

For a year it kept raining on me as I paced back and forth, thinking if I should keep on wanting him. I wanted him because I love him. I love him and it kills me every time.

But now he’s all mine and he loves me, and I think he’s already as dead as I am.

And I love him just the same; if not, even more. I can’t shut up from talking about this boy. I swear I’m in too deep and I don’t want to be saved. I carry the jacket he gave me everywhere and pray for rain, so I could have an excuse to remember him.

My god, I swear I will love him better every day.

I will love him until I die all over again.

[coral]

The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.

Markus Zusak, The Book Thief (via feellng)

[librahoney]

to love and be loved

i love radley with all my heart.

i don’t care if he forgets my birthday or the right order of my name.

and i don’t care if he makes me wait for two hours just so we could eat our favorite food together for thirty minutes.

i don’t care if he’s brutally honest.

and i don’t care if he calls me stupid for being this in love with him.

i don’t care if he asks me all the time about my father or if he keeps telling me that he will love me forever;

and for god’s sake, i don’t care if he won’t love me for a long time

because right now i know he loves me with all his heart.

because he doesn't mind if my hand gets sweaty whenever he holds it.

because he doesn’t mind if i cry over sad movies because he knows how to hold me well.

he doesn’t mind if i tell him that forever is such a shitty word, because he knows that deep inside

i want to love him forever as well

and i will try;

for i love him with all my heart

as he loves me with all of his.

[brendanripken-deactivated202001]

“It went from butterflies fluttering in my stomach to bees stinging in my heart.”

[mystrangesilhouettesblog-deacti]

I always thought that I was a plain looking thing, nothing beguiling about me that could entice someone. Until he touched me and held my soul. After that, I wasn’t a steady fire. I was fire-blazing rain falling on street asphalt. He didn’t made me feel plain. He made me feel breath-taking.

Angelique&Tristan -s.p. (via mystrangesilhouettes)