FEAR IS A MIND - KILLER , they say , an act of total obliteration , and jessica agrees : fear , worry , uncertainty , she figures life is far too short & the world far too extensive to fret over such things , and so she doesn’t . saves herself the agony , the suffocation , the infection that rots through your bloodstream & eats away at your consciousness . jessica delaunchy doesn’t believe in it , won’t stand for it , and yet . . . she’s not totally immune to it . she can feel it now , that faint distress signal : the itch in her chest , the pressure of a crease between her brows . she’s watching him , and she feels it , and it shouldn’t bother her but it does . ❛ dude , it’s like ━ ten thirty . ❜ an elbow clips the side of his , enough to get a reaction , enough to see bloodshot eyes & droplets of sweat forming on his crown . she shouldn’t be one to judge , because she’s just as bad when the sun sets & she needs to feel that buzz , but the difference is this : she does it to feel alive in the moment , not because going without would feel like dying . her tongue tsks against the roof of her mouth , and she taps the imaginary watch on her wrist for dramatics . ❛ it’s not party o’ clock until five , minimum ━ and i thought you had classes ? finger painting , or some shit . ❜ she sounds like a mother hen , someone who truly cares , so she swiftly averts her honeyed hues & lifts her shoulders into something nonchalant . ( what she really means : this is serious , i’ve noticed. what she really means : i’m getting worried about it . ) ❛ anyways , have you seen my denim jacket ? the one that has the ‘ plato is daddy . ’ patch ? philosophy class just isn’t philosophy class without it , and i know you were jealous , so . ❜
PAIN HAD ALWAYS BEEN FAZIL’S BEST FRIEND ━ a sickly man , consumed by despair and RAGE , so much so it infested his bloodstream , seeping onto his skin and laced itself within his touch. PAIN clutched onto fazil’s hand for dear life , it made home with him , breathed down his neck , and refused to leave no matter how often fazil PLEADED for him to. pain became his shadow before he even had his own , reminding him of the guilt he harbored , holding it over his head like strings on a puppet. pain became fazil , his despair and rage becoming his own ; it was all he could see in the mirror ━ no longer was he the curly-headed boy with a bright smile and his future ahead of him , but a man with dark circles that rivaled the black nothingness of the night , and a mind that succumbed to misery. the solution ? three lines of crushed up morphine , just to get by. he wasn’t proud , if anything , he felt ashamed , fruitless , and above all , WEAK. but if it meant he could hide from the devilish man who twisted his reality and haunted his dreams ? so be it. with the look on jessica’s face , he suspects the worst ━ does she notice ? is she ashamed of him , too ? his fears are confirmed as he listens to her speak , trying to hide the wince that begged his features to appear. his head working double time to come up with a suitable reply , one that DOESN’T showcase his hurt. he sees no point in hiding the truth , jessica is too smart to be fooled by his shaky lies, ❝ well , it’s five o’clock somewhere right ? are you sure you’re not just jealous you’re not taking part in this, too ? ❞ he jokingly raises his eyebrow , holding a playful smile long enough to avert her concern. why couldn’t she ignore it , turn a blind eye , and look the other way just like everyone else ? he knew the answer to that question , but playing coy and sipping the sweet bliss of ignorance was better than choking on the truth. ❝ it’s art history , and it’s the exact reason i ( need ) want to be high , thank you very much.❞ after all , he would rather be recognized as a bad student than what he really was. he keeps eye contact with her , grey eyes going soft , as if they were praying for her to drop it. and luckily , she does , just for a second , but fazil sees it as a big enough window of opportunity to jump through. ❝ i’m pretty sure it’s somewhere in my closet , or actually i might have it on display as a trophy , i’m not quite sure ...❞ his voice trails off , returning along with the company of a flirtatious smirk , ❝ you could always come over sometime and find out , though. ❞