[lifeisastrangeplace]

yesterdays theme: correcting my mistakes with more mistakes

[lifeisastrangeplace]

diagnosis

the tears took me by surprise. i hadn’t felt anything other than disbelief (wait, I have a tumor?) and irritation at the fact that my plan to move is potentially on hold for even longer. but once i started to cry, i realized i hadn’t let myself feel any grief. i was profoundly sad and alone. the weight of coping with it by myself, not really knowing what to do with the sadness but sit and cry silently on a train full of people pretending not to see me. reminding myself that like everything, this will pass. the pain will end, the uncertainty, the disbelief. feeling all the feels as they come.

[lifeisastrangeplace]

You’re beautiful. Case closed. Your beauty was never a question. They made it into a problem to be solved. But your beauty was never a question. Your beauty has no answers. None of the great mysteries do. Your beauty has no debts. It’s yours to discover or to let drown underneath the tidal waves of lies that come for it every day. 

[billdomonkos]

GIF: Bill Domonkos, 2015

(Image: Internet Archive Book Image | Surgical Treatment: a practical treatise on the therapy of surgical diseases, 1920)

[lifeisastrangeplace]

maybe there’s nothing wrong with me. maybe there’s nothing that requires medical intervention. maybe this is just how i’m wired.

[lifeisastrangeplace]

journal entry from 2/9/16

throwing away a notebook with the following entry. seems eerily pertinent to everything that is happening and has happened. last night i dreamed that i was in an earthquake in my house. the walls shook, i felt myself get pushed around. then i realized that it was no earthquake - the entire facade of the house had spontaneously broken off. no one had died except the cat. at first i thought my father had, but it turned out he was just asleep. it’s incredible how real this scenario is. something huge, momentous is happening and my father is sleeping through it. my mom panicking and my sister nowhere to be found. also the exposure of the internal system once the facade is blown off.  i kept saying,”please let me live through this.” and i did. still feel badly about the cat though (they had said it was Romeo)

[lifeisastrangeplace]

umm

i’ve become that person that others are either too scared/unwilling to invest time into because i’m about to leave or the person they need to confess desperately to as though it’s their last chance and i’m on my deathbed. y tho.

[antoinedore]

Surprise!

[lifeisastrangeplace]

self-fulfilling prophecy. this thing works on so many levels.

[lifeisastrangeplace]

Taglines: Russian Jewish. Subsisting on a diet of existential anxiety and self-loathing.

[lifeisastrangeplace]

medical anxieties

attempting to decipher your own hospital lab results is only slightly more anxiety-provoking than self-diagnosing yourself via webmd. equally futile.

[lifeisastrangeplace]

2 things

why is everything in the office “a quick question”?  requests, statements, memos..none of those qualify as quick questions and yet they’re all prefaced with the same phrase.  also, might stop listening to kanye forever because of this: https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/697199554807099394

smh.

[lifeisastrangeplace]

[lifeisastrangeplace]

Space Alphabet by Ward Jenkins Via Flickr: In honor of Sputnik 1, 50 years later (on Oct. 4th), I present to you all a nice little gem of a book I got off of ebay about a year ago: Space Alphabet (1964) by Irene Zacks. Pictures by Peter P. Plasencia. It's the entire book. I normally don't do this, but it's just too good not to share it all. Mentioned on the bloggity-blog.

[lifeisastrangeplace]

Winter in Boston

Googling Balaclavas for purchase, scrolling through the photos and scaring the person sitting next to me on the bus. Also, TIL: balaclava is synonymous with ski mask, according to amazon.

[lifeisastrangeplace]

Still slightly disoriented

Part of me wants to put my headphones on and part of me wants to continue eavesdropping on this girl and her gay bffs convo about the dude she's seeing. In other news, feels good to be out of the house after that ridiculous quarantine. I didn't know it was possible to be that wiped out from a cold.

[lifeisastrangeplace]

Ugh

Impatiently waiting for this couples tinder date to end so I could have their seat at Starbucks.

[lifeisastrangeplace]

words

there should be a term for the anxiety and dread you feel in anticipation of a doctor’s appointment where you know you will be dismissed & talked down to.

[lifeisastrangeplace]

Some more Feminist Badassery

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/25/magazine/terry-gross-and-the-art-of-opening-up.html?_r=0