phone call with [4]

You are the voice on the phone. An ask-based writing blog. Ask box is ALWAYS open. Please check pinned for details. Blog run by @recordzz . pfp by @sspamton and banner by @stew-dew !!

[lifeline-au]

[the person you are trying to reach is unavailable. ☏]

☏--------[ LIFELINE AU ]--------☏

You are the voice on the phone.

Not The Voice, no- rather, a multitude of voices. Customers. Interviewers. A wrong number. Or simply a… visitor from a different place.

Ask a question. Strike up a conversation. An Addison will get to you shortly. :)

In this AU, all the Addisons are siblings, who’ve all grown up together for a long, long time. Among them stands Spam, looking for any, any way to gain popularity. Perhaps you could help him…?

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Currently Open For Asks: Video, Survey, Radio, Banner

NOT Open For Asks: Spamton

Current Arc: Fame/Post-Fame

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characters / info / rules / faq / read from oldest to newest

- Inconsistent updates

- If you have a grievance or concern, DM me. Do not submit an ask. I will not answer.

- Please note that, as a Spamton blog, this AU will probably contain some religious/traumatic/cryptic elements. If you would like me to tag something for you, please let me know.

[lifeline-au]

1

There is a brief jolt of static.

[ The following is a conversation log between BANNER_ADDISON and SURVEY_ADDISON. Recorded on ███/06/1997. ] [2/2]

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BANNER: (SOUNDS OF THINGS FALLING)

BANNER: Survey? Survey! I- I- I didn’t think you’d, uh- are you- did something happen? What- what’s going on?

SURVEY, (laughing a little): Cool your jets, little man. Nothing’s wrong, I just wanted to call.

BANNER: Oh! Oh. Yeah, that’s- that’s cool. Cool. Is there anything I can do for you? Did you leave anything at home? I could come over if you want, if you- if you need to grab something to eat or… or…

SURVEY: Aw jeez, Banner, I was just checking in on you. Er- yeah, sorry, I should probably call more.

BANNER: Hey, hey, hey, don’t apologize!! I’m- I’m really happy to hear from you, Surv’. It’s been… a little while.

SURVEY: …You’re still in your office?

BANNER: H-Huh?

SURVEY, (fondly): I can still hear your broken ceiling fan buzzing in the background. You need to get that fixed, little man. Any reason you’re still working after hours?

BANNER: Oh! Oh, yeah, of course. Of course, I’ll get that… I’ll get that fixed. I, um. I was just pulling up the charts again before I left- it’s for work, y’know.

SURVEY: The charts? Whose?

BANNER, (lying): Um. Mine?

SURVEY, (wryly): Alright. So Spamton’s, then.

BANNER: (MORE THINGS FALL IN THE BACKGROUND) What? What? Pshh- no! No, nonono, of course not, I was just- just doing work- who said anything about him?

SURVEY: Cripes, Banner, I’m not- I’m not mad! I get it, really. There’s nothing wrong with checking in on the guy once in a while.

BANNER: Wh- really? You’re not mad? I mean- I don’t- I didn’t think that-

SURVEY, (tersely): You sound kinda on edge today, ‘Ban. Is anything- did anything-?

BANNER: No! No, nothing’s- nothing’s like, wrong, wrong. It’s fine- he’s fine, still- still... Yeah, he’s fine.

SURVEY: You have a very uncanny way of making things sound not so fine. Are you sure everything’s okay over there?

BANNER: Um. I think so? I mean- it’s not- it’s probably nothing, but-

SURVEY: But?

BANNER: But nothing!! Nothing, it’s nothing, I’m- I’m definitely blowing this up bigger than it needs to be right now, everything’s probably fine, it’s fine, I was just-

SURVEY, (lightheartedly): You’re killing me right now, Banner. You know you don’t really have to tell me if you don’t want to, right?

BANNER, (quickly): Nonono, Survey I- I just- I want to get this off my mind or I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight.

BANNER: Erm- on the sales page, the one with stocks and all the increases and decreases, public deals and exchanges- it, uh. It hasn’t been updated. For three months.

SURVEY: Sorry?

BANNER: His net worth and average sale increase hasn’t been updated for… a while. The last recorded number was from March.

SURVEY: You’re not using an outdated application to pull the stats up, are you?

BANNER: Er- no. I really don't think so. I tried to refresh it a couple times- but nothing came up. And- and I pulled up mine too, just to double check, but everything’s up-to-date.

SURVEY, (frowning): That’s not good. Has there been anything in the news about it?

BANNER: No. There’s nothing. No- no scandal, shady deals, embezzlement- nothing. I think it’s the nothing part that worries me the most.

SURVEY: He’s been away for a while now, hasn’t he?

BANNER: Three-four months.

SURVEY, (calmly): Alright. Cool. I’m gonna go look into this, ‘Ban. You should probably head out.

BANNER: Wh- what? Wait- right now? Now? Oh jeez, Survey, I’m so sorry- I didn’t mean to- to freak you out or anything. You really don’t have to worry about this, I’ve got it covered, really, I don’t-

SURVEY: Banner?

BANNER: Y-Yeah?

SURVEY: Everything’s going to be alright. I’ll be fine, little man.

BANNER, (calmed down, a little): Oh. Right, yeah.

SURVEY: Mhmm. You get back to Vid’ and Radio before they throw a fit in my voicemails, okay?

BANNER: Sure. Sure, I can do that.

SURVEY: Thanks. See you Sunday.

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[lifeline-au]

1

There is a brief jolt of static.

[ The following is a conversation log between RADIO_ADDISON and VIDEO_ADDISON. Recorded on ███/06/1997. ] [1/2]

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RADIO: …Vid?

VIDEO: Hey bubblegum. I’m off work.

RADIO, (sarcastically): Took you long enough. I’m at the intersection by the Queen billboard. I need a drink and an escort. How long ‘till you can get here?

VIDEO: Mmm, ten. Give or take a few minutes. Bad day?

RADIO, (infinitely exhausted): Could be better.

VIDEO: Weird calls?

RADIO: They’re asking about Spam again.

VIDEO: Ah.

RADIO: I’ve been blocking numbers the past twenty-something-minutes, but they- they keep calling, Video. I’m sick of picking up the phone. Might switch to storefront-only.

VIDEO: Mhm.

RADIO: What the hell do they even want with him! When was he last seen, where did he last go, what did he last say- the guy can’t even shut up about himself for a minute, just- ASK him. He’ll ANSWER, by all the shining stars.

VIDEO, (very noncommittal): I see.

RADIO: Bothering me day in and day out- I don’t KNOW what he’s doing. I know as much as you and that’s nothing! Not- not you, dear. But they- the gall to ask me to apologize- to go and fish his sorry ass out of that elitist little club of his. And I’m not going to, for the record.

VIDEO: Radio.

RADIO, (shutting up immediately): Yes?

VIDEO: I’ve been… getting those calls too. A lot of them. And they- they say Spam’s hurt, Radio.

RADIO: And you don’t believe them, right?

VIDEO: I. Well. There were a lot of calls.

RADIO: That’s settled then. We’re both switching to storefront purchases only. These people are insane.

VIDEO, (softly): Aren’t you worried too?

RADIO: Of course I am! Of course I am, Vid, but not for him- for you, goddammit. What happens when you walk in there and he’s worse than ever? What if he kicks you out, publicly? What if this is all- all a public stunt, Vid?

RADIO, (in a whisper): Worse, what if they’re right? What if they’re right, Video? What if he is hurt, and he’s- he’s done something stupid, and it’s our fault?

VIDEO: Then we take care of him. Like we always do.

RADIO: Like we always have to do, Video. You can’t possibly still think he’s- he still-

VIDEO: Cares about us? I don’t know. I’m not sure. But if we don’t do anything to find out he sure as hell won’t.

RADIO, (scoffing): I don’t care.

VIDEO: I kind of do.

RADIO: Fine.

VIDEO: I know you do, too.

RADIO, (stiffly): I don’t.

VIDEO, (a little sad): Alright. That’s fine. You don’t have to get involved if you don’t want to.

RADIO: Just don’t do anything stupid.

VIDEO, (lightly): Yeah. Yeah, of course. I’ll… go to the Mansion in three days then, after work. Alone.

RADIO, (unconvinced): Alright. Sure. Talk to you in a bit.

VIDEO: I sure hope you don’t mean talk me out of it.

RADIO, (wryly): I’ll do my best.

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[lifeline-au]

[ Sorry. We‘re experiencing some bugs right now. Please call again later. ☺︎ ]

————

[lifeline-au]

The phone connections sign off, one by one, a melody both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. It is startlingly empty here.

The itch in the back of your head, the looming feeling of being watching- it's gone. You hadn't even known it had been there before- but now in its absence, the silence is comparable to There.

Well. It could be worse.

The faint buzz of static compels you to search further. There isn't much else to do here, but wait, and search. Anything to pass the time.

There is a connection, out there. Faint, and not one that you have fostered- or anyone who once assisted you, for that matter- but it sings a familiar tune, and you are nothing if not the expert of being in places you shouldn't.

...

Who are we kidding. Of course you are going to eavesdrop.

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[ You have (2) new voicemails. Press 1 to continue. ]

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[lifeline-au]

Hey, Radio? $50 for your thoughts? Things on your mind?

I know you feel a lot of guilt, and I know how crushing and paralyzing that feeling can be. You still care about your brothers and you always have, even when you showed it in a way that not everyone understood.

But it's okay. I promise. You don't have to fix anything yet. You and your brothers still have each other, and that's more important now than I think it's ever been before.

I know I'm just a stranger on the phone, so maybe it's not my place to say these things, but you do have people who want to help you. Survey, Video, all your brothers are with you. All these callers want to help you, too. It's okay to rely on that a little.

Anyways, I've probably carried on too long. I won't take up anymore of your time.

"Make it 150, dear. Collateral in case you-" He makes a vague hand motion in the air, "-I don't know, blackmail me or something. Or say something stupid in the middle of my spiel."

Radio pauses for a second to collect their thoughts, drumming a hand against the wooden desk in front of them. Well- a few seconds. A good ten or so pass in silence, before Radio finally makes up their mind, and turns back to the receiver.

"Nevermind. I can't think of anything. I'll send you the 150 back, dear. Call again tomorrow- Video gets off work in a minute, and I need to talk to him."

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[lifeline-au]

Yeah, last we all remember, Vid, that head honcho butler, Swatch, asked the salesman to get rid of something in the basement, but it seems not everything was gone down there. No idea what exactly transpired with the encounter, but the last we saw a drunk, sobbing salesman with his voice broken and gone. Kinda sounded like it was ads he was spouting on about? Definitely not the normal ones either, it kinda sounded like he was trying to speak and whatnot-

"I'm going to stop you right there, love," Video says, not unkindly, but not too kindly either. He stops fiddling with the pen in his hand and sets it down, lowering the phone from his ear. (The static buzzes protestingly, as if afraid of being severed yet again.)

"Could you possibly save it for tomorrow? It's the end of my shift, and I don't get paid working overtime. I'm sure it's been a... long day for you, too. Thank you so much." The addison continuous in a misty voice, far too unbothered to make sense of any nonsense you spew at the current hour. "I need a nap. And a drink."

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[lifeline-au]

Do any of you fine young men sell glasses? Preferably tinted ones, if possible? They're very in style, right now- seems like a Big Shot popularized them.

Banner's expression falls immediately yet again, looking quite exhausted of constantly being thrown from happy to absolutely, thoroughly uncomfortable.

"Sorry, um- I don't- I don't really deal in optics, and I'm- I'm closing soon, actually," the addison starts with a sheepish laugh, pulling the best smile they can muster at the moment. "You could try the... store next door? Eeeugh, I can't believe I promoted another reseller. Um- actually, scratch that, just go... ask Survey about it? And be very, very polite about it? For bargains and percent-off deals, of course, of course. But- y'know, a little extra kindness never went the wrong way before!"

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[lifeline-au]

Spam is fine, you have no need to worry. -👁‍🗨

Video clicks his tongue lightly, rolling a pen back and forth in his fingers, stuck in thought. His voice is oddly distant as you hear it again.

"I'd believe you much better," they start softly, attention directed elsewhere, "If I hadn't just received twenty calls saying the exact opposite."

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[lifeline-au]

Hey Radio, I'm sorry you feel so guilty about what happened with Spam. You say you want to fix it, but don't know how to. I think that might be asking a bit too much, take it one step at the time! Instead of fixing it straight up, maybe just...try to find him first? Talk to him, see how he's doing and then go from there? I know it can be hard and that's a lot going that we don't know about, but it never hurts to try, right? Even if it doesn't work out in the end, you can at least say you've tried to do the right thing.

"Easy for you to say," Radio replies, forgetting all politeness. "The little punk hasn't made a public appearance in- what, two three months now? How would I ever book a stupid reservation with him when the press can't even get a hold of him-?"

The addison pauses at the end of his sentence, their mouth snapping shut to think for a moment. Their brows smart- something isn't right.

But their brief realization hardly lasts a moment before they quickly shrug it off without missing a beat, carrying on with their thoughts in a swift and practised customer service move.

"Oh, whatever. When he pops back on the radar, I'll roll over to the Mansion, deck him in the jaw, and never have to talk to that man again. I was stupid to apologize- to expect any more of him, and I suggest you rethink your own hero-worship a few more times before calling again."

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[lifeline-au]

Well, I'm guessing that salesmen stopped appearing 2 months ago then? Isn't it weird that the guy suddenly stopped going to all his scheduled thigs all of a sudden? Maybe he got corrupted by some virus.... poor guy. He actually seems pretty decent and talented with his hands.

"He was," Survey admits, almost out of instinct. Their own response seems to surprise themselves a little- but they carry on anyway, keeping their tone as even as possible.

"He's talented. Very much so. If luck were on his side a little earlier in the game, he would've made it big so much sooner. Hopefully a little more humble, too." The addison briefly takes a moment to repress a sigh, trying not sound as exhausted as they are. "Yeah, yeah. I don't like the guy, but he's one hell of a mechanic. Practical stuff, y'know! Not just smart deals and quick comebacks under his belt."

"Not like he does that stuff anymore. He gave it up a long time ago." A pause. Survey chews on his lip for a moment, his brows narrowing in disappointment. Just a little. Just enough.

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[lifeline-au]

Radio... Why do you think it's your fault? You can't control the choices other people make.

Radio scoffs. Loudly.

"Please, Lightner. We all know that's not true."

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[lifeline-au]

Hey Banner, you mentionned you loved spaghetti ? It's also my littlest sister's favorite meal :) ! What is your favorite sauce ? Her is bolognese but like I don't like it as much as before, I eat mine with carbonara haha !

Oh, by the way, I've heard a lot of good about the Spaghetti Code(tm) at the Color cafe. Being a Lightner, I'll never be able to taste it, but have you per chance tried it ? I'm saying this in case perhaps you'd want to check it out ? You do sound like you need a break...

"Pesto and carbonara are good!" Banner pipes up with a friendly grin, more than happy to move on to a brighter topic, sale or no sale. "I uh, like spicy foods a lot too! A lot lot, actually- erm, not that I get to eat it too often, since four of us aren't fans of pepper."

"Radio makes spicy stuff for me sometimes," the addison continues, unwaveringly loyal in his approval. "He makes really good spaghetti. He's good at everything, really- cooking, baking, whatever!"

Banner pauses to think, before quickly adding; "If you need anything, y'know, you can just go to him. Better quality, better prices- the Color Cafe could only dream of service like that!"

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[lifeline-au]

Oh Video you should’ve seen how Spam cried, he was so broken, emotionally, physically, and perhaps a bit mentally too. He only wanted you, Video. I know you’ve lost hope, but Spam hasn’t. he still wants to come back home.

The addison stiffens from the other end of the line, opening their mouth to utter a response- before closing it again, stuck in hesitation. (It’d be easier to deny it. Very, very easy to deny it, but Video is nothing if not sentimental- at least, enough to give you a sliver of a chance.)

“...That’s horrible,” Video finally says in a quiet whisper, his voice very even. “But I would be lying if I said I believe you, here and now.” (‘I don’t know if I want to believe you,’ remains unsaid.)

“If something has really, truly gone wrong- you can tell him my door is open. I don’t mind offering anyone a place to rest. To… talk, listen to whatever he- that man- has to say. But I can't promise anyone a third chance.”

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[lifeline-au]

Oh geeze, sorry about mentioning the salesman, Video. We were just wondering if you had heard the castle malfunction and the incident that followed with the breaking and the virus-

The phone is hung up again. Though, if you dare to believe it- a little bit more slowly than last time. The addison’s hesitation only grows with each passing sentence, some semblance of concern spilling into their mannerisms- however briefly it may occur.

Your words scare him. Just a little.

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[lifeline-au]

Spam denounced you guys on public television!? Why would he do that? It just doesn't make any sense. He said that he wanted to go home when he was drunk that one night... he kept desperately asking for Video, too...

Something just doesn't add up, here...

There’s a brief, sharp intake of breath- before the phone is hung up, almost on instinct. You hardly even get a sentence in.

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[lifeline-au]

hey radio. what would you do if i told you spamton was basically dying. would you be happy?

“Not this again,” Radio huffs, hardly making an effort to mask his irritation. “Trying to bait me into making a scene and panicking- looking for some heartwarming reunion to fit into headlines. Fool me once, Lightner, and that’s a lesson learned. I won’t be fooled twice.”

A careful pause follows, the addison sending you a very suspicious glare from behind the receiver- seemingly debating on something for a moment- before continuing in an undertone.

“A friend of yours tried the same trick on me four months ago, you know. Told me some fairytale bullshit about that- con-man getting hurt, a mess in the head, homesick,” Radio scoffs, sounding far more displeased with themself than you. “Some reception that man had- I could hardly make out the words. But you know what? I went out anyway, and look where that got me.”

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