Life, Loss and The Shit

This is my getaway space..... Reflection and safe haven...... I'm just a 20 year old guy living with depression and this is my space to reflect on my hectic life full of its challenging times....

[lifelossandtheshit]

Loosing everything at the moment.... my friends, uni place and even starting to push my family away.

[edobssesed]

Hurt

[queerlysad]

[silent-rain91]

[broken-and-recovering-deactivat]

Please don’t promise you’ll be there for me and then leave. Please don’t get my hopes up if you aren’t even going to pretend you care. Please don’t do that to me. I don’t know how much more I can take

(via broken-and-recovering)

[lifelossandtheshit]

Loosing myself?

Who am I?

A question I ask myself daily…. what happened to me?

I cannot remember the last time I can truly say I was happy and ‘normal’.

The lows and the highs don’t count. When i’m low i feel like someone else trapped, where i don’t understand how i feel so how can i expect anyone else to? And my highs… Im bouncing, loving life, ecstatic like the worlds at my feet. But that can’t truly be me either, not when i feel so low at the same time, not when i hate myself for feeling like this.

The feeling of being ‘normal’ is so wanted, so desired. However what is ‘normal’. I used to be your usual teenage boy with ambitions and laughter, who had so much joy with life and enjoying all I do.

Now… A lost shell of that person, someone who worries so much about others it shatters his confidence, someone who constantly ask himself whats the point, someone who cry’s himself to sleep most night, someone in the worst pain his ever felt and yet cannot describe the way he feels.

Have I lost who I used to be? Or is this now the person I am?

The question that is asked everyday… Will I ever be ‘normal’ again?

[lifelossandtheshit]

The ‘C word’

Growing up Cancer suddenly started to become more…. well just there. All of a sudden all around me were people and friends who have had experience with this dreaded ‘C word’ whether by personal experience or through knowing someone with it.

In the past few years, I’ve seen the affect of this illness directly with both of my grandparents having it. The questions, the thoughts and the emotions of people so close to you having such a scary illness. The battle to overcome this and the final goodbyes at the loosing of the battle.

It’s been the hardest thing for me to do… say goodbye to 2 people so close to me, my rocks. There is no way of describing the emotions felt and the thoughts, the first time your told someone has cancer. There’s so many types, some treatable some not and all you can think about is that ‘C word’ - is it too late? can the doctors do something? could I of spotted it?

As time goes on, the realisation of so many people having this same illness, this dreaded ‘C word’, stops your understanding of how and why it cannot be treated as easily as other illnesses. The more you loose to it the more your judgement becomes clouded as to why the doctors cannot stop it.

[lifelossandtheshit]

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