SR: Creative Outlet @lifesmarvels - Tumblr Blog

my first build in this game since coming back to it this year :') ive edited it slightly recently because the roof was doing strange things and i wanted to add ceilings (that dont even show up on the pictures :') )

its built for a stylist who specialises in hair and makeup, including nails and who, when i wasnt looking, decided to adopt a kid :I

i turned off neighbourhood stories after that

its obviously full of cc and uses a lot of packs - i do builds when i minimise both but that wasnt one of them, i just wanted it to be pretty ;w;

#sims4 build #sims 4 build

ni szczescie ni nieszczescie nie sa zamkniete za srebrna tafla lustra, a zaleza od nas samych

Jednak, siedem lat to chmat czasu

ENG Translation:

#form: poetry

mom has given my cousin keys to our apartment without telling me again

im not surprised but im still very upset

i keep expecting her to treat me better and she keeps failing and then apologises and i expect better and

#diary thing

ah its the days of feeling like im not worth the air i breathe in

how fun

i do know its irrational and untrue but feelings be feelings i guess

#sylwia talks #diary thing #im checking if putting thoughts down makes me healthier

its true what they say about spending your youth with depression

there seems to be a skip in my life that im only now, in my thirties catching up to

finding out what i like, what styles of clothes, colour on my hair, whether i like to use makeup or other cosmetics

finding little ways i can improve the life around me

but also tackling stuff i should be taking care of way long ago

like my digestive issues, my joint paint, my sciatica

im just glad i got to it in the end though

#sylwia talks #diary thing

why is it so hard for people to accept happy endings for characters

#sylwia talks #like i dont know about you all but i have enough bad endings in real life #let my blorbos be happy #i dont care if they deserve it or if its realistic or if you think its not written well enough

if anyone ever finds a lilac bush for sims4 please point me its way and i will virtually kiss you on the mouth

#sylwia talks #sims4

sometimes there are days when i feel every expression of joy in my life is fake

mine i mean i dont really want to judge others like that what do i know about their own internal lives i can hardly take stock of whats going on in my own

but i mean i look at a lilac ive planted because its my favourite flower it smells so good it used to fill me up with light every may when the lilacs at grandmas started blooming

and that lilac, we had to uproot it and put it somewhere else because were poor garden planners and the roses and peonies grew way faster and took all the light from it and we were afraid that if they all started growing out at the same time it was going to be a little too much for that little piece of soil

so we uprooted it and put it in front of the balcony instead of the side and it seemed fine that fall but then in the spring it was- not fine, the leaves grew in way too scarce and way too little it looked sick

i was honestly sure it would never be okay again because thats the kind of a person i am but

and i felt sad i did feel profound sadness and grief over this poor little lilac because the other one we planted him with didnt even take to the first place and boom now we killed that one too (i killed that one too)

but guess fucking what it turns out plants are way more resiliant than that because this year not only it looks fine but it /bloomed/

you get me? it fucking bloomed

three heavy fat flower bunches with the fattest biggest little flowers ive ever seen in a lilac

i mean we did choose that variety but holy shit did i not expect it to be that fat

and then i look at it and i take photos and i smile and i share it with my sister and i rejoice with mom and

i dont know if i actually feel joy about it

im relieved its not dead thats for sure

but the joy- its hard its hard to muster and even harder to maintain and sometimes i worry that all i do is just go through the motions of emotions like joy and happiness because its so so not really what i feel

but i cant really go around being sarcastic and apathetic towards everything because thats just depressing for everyone around me including me and the last thing i want is for mom to worry about me even more and for her to be even more upset

its enough shes down one daughter i may as well try to keep her thinking that im hanging in there somehow right

and hell maybe it really does work that way that if i express it enough the real joy will come like on some fucking weirdass bait

honestly doubt it but whats there to left for me but try

#diary thing