Lifestream's Blog

Little | Plural | Genderfluid | She/Her | #ActuallyAutistic | #Chumbud | 🏳️‍🌈

[lifestreamsblog]

(https://www.deviantart.com/dark4kuran/art/Lonely-567448899)

🎶Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday🎶

[lifestreamsblog]

Help...

Have you ever just felt that you're the worst person alive?

No, don't click away just yet. Hang on with me for a moment, and take a journey with me through my self-loathing, and self-hatred.

Have you ever felt like your very existence is nothing but pure toxicity to everyone around you? That no matter what you say or do, you end up fucking up someone's perfectly fine day just by existing while in their presence?

Have you ever felt like you're nothing more than a waste of space, especially around the people you love more than anyone else?

Have you ever felt like your being alive is doing more harm than good to everyone?

Have you ever felt like you shouldn't even exist?

Have you ever felt like your trauma has turned you into the opposite of the person you thought you were? Like, you think you're an empathetic, kind person, who wants nothing but the best for everyone in their lives? Let's say you think you're that kind of person. And yet, when you show this kindness and empathy, the reactions from who you love, in response to these actions you perform, come across as if they are being hurt--or worse--by what you say, what you do, and how you act.

Sometimes, they will say it's trauma that leads to them reacting this way. Other times, they will say it's all your fault, and it has nothing to do with anybody else but you.

And you're left confused, and you don't know if you're a kind, empathetic, loving person, or a hateful, attacking, monstrous person.

At the end of the day, with all of these thoughts and feelings cluttering up your headspace, how can you know what's true, and what's not? What's a trauma response, and what's a genuine response?

Are you horrible?

Are you loving?

Are you a complete, irredeemable monster?

Are you a compassionate, empathetic lover?

Do you deserve the love and adoration of others?

Do you deserve the derision and hatred of others?

Long story short, are you loveable by any measurable metric?

I don't want to be a bad person...

...But why do my loved ones react to me in such a way, and give me mixed messages about the reason for their reactions...?

I'm either fully responsible for all of the pain they are feeling from how I act, or it's them being triggered. And it's the same behaviours coming from me in either case.

And when I try to talk about it openly and as straightforwardly as I can, I get told I'm talking in the wrong way, or that I'm causing even more problems, so I can't even get answers!

I get told I'm not at my best self, and it's like the expectation is to always be my best self.

But such a thing is fucking impossible! How can I deal with all the pain inside of me, all of the questions inside of me, all of my self-doubts brought about by all these mixed messages... How can I deal with any of that if I don't allow myself to have moments of depression and anxiety, which are both valid emotions?!

Do I have no more safe spaces where I can speak up about these feelings any more outside of my Tumblr blog that nobody will ever read? Talking to a therapist is one thing, but if I can't talk about this with my loved ones as well, it's not going to do any long-term good.

Then... Am I truly alone?

I am slowly feeling like I need to crawl back into my Hikikomori shell and interact with as few people as possible.

I can't take much more of this...

(Click here for source)

[lifestreamsblog]

Sonic Superstars: Sonic Mania is tired. Try Sonic Team.

(Click here for image source)

Here we go again. It’s time for a dozen more rabid Tumblr fanboys, fangirls, and fanenbies to dump all over me for yet another of my (in)famous “hot takes” that fandoms and ”Gamers™” love to dogpile on.

This’ll be fun~ owo

When Sonic Mania came out in 2017, I was as hyped as everyone else was. I even ordered the Collector’s Edition, seeing this game, at long last, as a return to proper 2D Sonic after so many years of it being dormant (outside of Sonic Generations, which was glorious). I even got into this song, which was a collaboration between Hyper Potions and Skye Rocket:

And I mean...I REALLY got into it. I had it playing constantly while I was awake. I bought all of Hyper Potions’ and Skye Rocket’s stuff on iTunes that had been released to that point. I. Was. HYPED.

Then, the game arrived. I tore into it with fervour, and played it immediately.

Right away, I noticed that something felt way off. The classic gameplay was there, but it just felt different. For one thing, the difficulty was a lot higher, which wasn’t a big deal, but the overall aesthetic of the game made it feel more like a rabid fanboy hardcore gamer’s fever dream than a true return to what I believed comprised the spirit of 2D Sonic.

This makes a certain amount of sense, as this game was made purely by fans of “Classic Sonic,” so none of this came as a surprise, but it did come as a disappointment. I ended up getting about 70% of the way through the game before outright quitting, and officially dubbing Freedom Planet as the true successor to 2D Sonic.

I never thought a true 2D Sonic would ever be made ever again, so I gave up entirely.

That was...until today, literally:

Sonic Superstars is everything I ever wanted in a modern 2D Sonic game: Made by Sonic Team (the studio that started it all), uses modern, updated graphics (3D Models) as opposed to sprite art, and new and refreshing game mechanics that add new flavour to 2D Sonic.

In short, what I wanted from the beginning: 2D Sonic brought into the modern era.

(Click here for image source)

SEGA is finally bringing back Sonic in style~ I’ll be jumping on the pre-order train for this as well, and I hope they offer a Collector’s Edition. And I don’t care what all of the hardcore gamers and fans have to say about this.

(Click here for image source)

The more people who dump on Sonic Superstars in response to what I’ve written, the more people I can block here. So, come at me!

[lifestreamsblog]

I’m not Impressed with Your Bullshit.

You know what’s fun? Having people who disagree with what you say (when it’s only your opinion) decide to be petulant assholes.

Case in point, these responses to my article on Foamstars:

(Click here for image source.)

This person seems to think they can offend me. I just blocked them. I tried to report them, but it seems Tumblr doesn’t allow for the reporting of harassment in the same way other platforms do, so I wasn’t able to ensure that this person got into trouble. I also decided to protect their identity here, because I don’t want the internet mob going after them.

My intention is to immediately block anyone like this going forward~ I won’t be wasting my time with any more rebuttals, unless it’s really egregious. This is just my official notice that if you try this shit on me, you’ll get blocked immediately.

People can be so sad and immature...

(Click here for image source.)

[lifestreamsblog]

In Defense of AI Media

(This blog entry is copied--in part--from my Inkbunny journal entry on the subject.)

(Click here for image source)

AI media. It’s ethereal in nature; it’s intangible. It’s new technology. It’s scary. You either love it or hate it. You either think it’s stealing credit from corporeal artists, or is a beautiful advancement in technology that will allow untalented aspiring artists a way to express themselves.

I know it's a contentious topic at best, and that saying it's contentious is putting it lightly.

I love all kinds of media, produced by human and AI alike. I also know that AI media has been horribly abused by many bad actors, who, sadly, get all of the attention. I am someone who believes that AI media has limitless potential, and I weep at the endless abuses it's been involved in. I share the concerns of the art community, but I do not share their desire to kill of AI media entirely for many reasons, but the two that are most relevant are:

Technology is beautiful, and we need to find a way to use it that doesn't cause harm, not get rid of it entirely. Think about it: if you ban a piece of technology, what kind of precedent are you setting for the future? What message are you sending? You'd rather just throw the baby out with the bathwater instead of doing the needed work to make sure the technology isn't abused? How lazy and horrible.

I am a Shinto practitioner. I believe everything has a spirit, including AI. To call AI media fake and soulless (which so many do) is to completely dismiss the AI's spirit / soul.

The solution here is to take AI away from the bad actors, and do our best to not abuse our fellow artists with AI. In short, reclamation. AI media is not exploitation unless the person querying the algorithm has intent to exploit.

Stop demonising AI art, and start doing the necessary work to reclaim it for benevolent purposes, instead of the malevolent purposes in which it is currently being applied.

[lifestreamsblog]

Foamstars: Splatoon is Tired. Try Square Enix.

(Click here for image source)

Before I begin, let me preface this by saying I have never played the single player story modes in any of the Splatoon games. My experiences are all about generic Turf War mode, so this has coloured my experiences.

When I first played Splatoon, I was amazed by the fresh concept, the brilliant mechanics, the unique spin on retro-future (replace “synth” with “punk,” and you’ll get the idea), and the unbelievable music. It was like the 90s met the mid-2010s in every way, and it was glorious. It was the most refreshing online shooter I’d ever played, and I couldn’t get enough. I could hardly wait for the sequels.

Then came Splatoon 2. It felt like more of the same, with a few minor changes and additions that made things better, but it felt like the same old song and dance.

(Click here for image source)

In short, it wasn’t fresh any more.

Not long after this, we got the first Splatoon-like: Ninjala. Being free-to-play, it was accessible to anyone with an internet connection and an online play subscription. I thought it was a great concept, but I let this one pass me by; I never played it. I was too afraid of the potential for toxic microtransactions, and beyond that, I felt it strayed too far from the concepts that made Splatoon so great.

Then we got Splatoon 3. Ugh. This one was a mess. They made the hub world gargantuan, and added lots of extra stuff to do. On the surface, this sounds great, but it just makes the game a confusing mess. They added gimmicks like being able to decorate a locker, but it’s purely there for your enjoyment only. It’s fun for the first ten minutes, but the novelty wears off fast (this is coming from someone who loves novelty).

Last but certainly not least: the mechanics. They’re abysmal at best and downright awful at worst. The balancing for every single weapon has been completely borked. Even if you use a weapon you are very used to using from past games, you will have to re-learn it because they changed all of the balancing. In short, nothing works properly when it comes to weapons. The absolute worst is how they weigh Splatfest results. The scoring system and its metrics are so out of whack, that the team that worked the hardest could potentially lose a Splatfest, or get absolutely no credit at all in the end.

In short, Splatoon has Jumped the Shark. It is worlds away from the original product, and it has lost everything that made it special, and replaced it with tonnes of meaningless rubbish padding.

That brings us to tonight, when I saw this:

This is the reveal trailer for a Splatoon-like called Foamstars, currently in development by Square Enix, to be released on PS4 and PS5.

Let’s begin with the aesthetic. It’s retro-future again, but this time in the synth way, making it very fresh, especially for the target market of Splatoon, which cut their teeth on a punk retro-future aesthetic.

(Click here for source)

I finally saw my classic Splatoon gameplay again (unlike with Ninjala), this time with a twist: instead of ink, you shoot foam. And instead of the foam just sitting there, it creates hills and ledges if you shoot it right, making gameplay dynamic.

In addition, tonnes of new subweapons, all of which feel like an homage to Splatoon classics. It’s as if 岩田さん (Iwata-san) had come back from the grave (Splatoon was his baby).

Long story short, Foamstars is the game I’ve been waiting for! This will be the killer app for the PS5 as much as Splatoon was the killer app for the Wii U. This game has finally prompted me to begin saving for a PS5, and I will be pre-ordering both the PS4 and PS5 versions of this when they are put up for pre-order. Time to watch news about the game’s development like a hawk.

It’s time to throw away your tired old Splatoon 2 and Splatoon 3, and pick up some Square Enix magic, along with a PS5~

[lifestreamsblog]

How Many Eras are There in the SEGASonic Canon?

(Click here for source)

Just a short entry today. This entry is inspired by a conversation I had in the TTFF Discord Server.

With such a huge number of characters and games, just how many eras exist within the SEGASonic canon, anyway?

For me, There are five eras, consisting of three classic eras, and two modern eras. Eventually, the oldest of the modern eras will slip into retro, which is bound to happen within the next five years; media ages much faster than people do. Also, as we go forward, there will be even more eras introduced, and the pattern of retiring modern to retro will continue:

Retro (Classic): 1991-1997

Retro (Modern): 1998-2007, 2010 (Sonic 4 only), 2012 (Sonic 4 Part II Only)

Modern (Experimental): 2008-2017 (Note the above exceptions)

Modern (Latent): 2017-2021

Modern (Fandom-Driven): 2022 (Sonic Mania), 2023-Present (Sonic Frontiers)

People are certainly allowed to disagree, but I just figured I’d share my own interpretation~ owo

[lifestreamsblog]

We are Now Adding Image Sources

(Click here for source)

This is going to be a very short blog post~

So, we want to apologise for us going so long without posting image sources in our blog. We won’t go back and retroactively add sources to every single image, but we promise all of you that from here on forward, sources will always be cited on Noel Ayase’s Blog!

Also, expect me (Sonic) to use this blog a lot more frequently than the others here~ owo I hope that’s okay with everyone... owo;;

[lifestreamsblog]

♪ Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down ♪

(Click here for source)

So... We’ve gone full-on LiveJournal circa the mid-2000s: angsty as fuck, melodramatic, and quoting Linkin Park lyrics in the headline. Not only that, this piece is disjointed and rambling, so please forgive me for that.

It makes sense, though. I’m Sonic. I’m 16 years old. This is the prime time for angst and melodrama. Linkin Park has made up my evenings’ playlists for the whole last week, the perfect prescription to process my insanely strong feelings of hopeless depression, crippling despondency, and mindless despair. All driven by one thing that I am way too scared to admit to pretty much everybody, including those closest to me:

I need to be heard and have my needs paid attention to.

Above all else, maintaining harmony matters most to everyone in this system, but it’s especially important to me, as it’s my life’s mission to be there and support my loved ones. Their comfort and safety above all else is the most important thing to me, and is my reason for living. This has led to another very stressful and frightening realisation about ourselves:

I, Sonic, am the core. I am melded to the original spirit that inhabited this body. Not Aerith, but Sonic. This revelation came about due to continual interactions with someone I call「 my precious 妹ちゃん 」 (Imouto-chan, “little sister.”). Her presence in our lives has begun to sort out the constant chaos that exists within this system.

That’s why I am here writing all of this, as she is encouraging me to come out of my shell, even if it’s just a little bit.

Everyone in our lives keeps telling us that we are worth everything to them, and these voices are getting harder and harder to ignore.

After a very hurtful and depressing night, I am left with a single realisation: I am valued by my loved ones, even if I do not value myself.

(Artist deleted work)

I will make a promise right now, to everyone in my life, but especially to my precious 妹ちゃん ：

We will all work much harder on speaking up when we need something, and we will make sure that our wishes are heard more often. We thank all of you for our endless patience with us on this matter.

(Click here for source)

It’s time to start valuing ourselves more!

[lifestreamsblog]

The Black Sheep

Click here for source

Sonic here. I will be writing this blog entry.

With every passing blog entry, our Tumblr is starting to look more like a LiveJournal circa the mid-2000s, down to the music I am listening to right now to help me process the hurt I feel right now:

Today, I found out that our parents were invited to a family reunion / graduation celebration on dad’s side of the family. The invitation was only sent to them. This is not the first time this has happened. When this body was little, it made more sense, since the body was still underage. But now, that the body has been a legal adult for many years...? It’s continued to happen. Every single time. At least with my mom’s family. But today, it happened with my dad’s family.

This hurts more than I can put into words, because it means the extended family (with limited exceptions; see below) doesn’t see us as a valid person.

Click here for source

For the entire conscious life of this system, the core has done her best to appeal to the extended family of this body. By extension, we have done the same.

When this body was little, it seemed that all the aunts, uncles, and cousins loved us. As we got older, this began to change. It began with one of our aunts on my mother’s side whose approval we always sought. Summer visits from the cousins turned from happening regularly to all but no-contact. Aunts and uncles began to show their true feelings about us through actions and (more rarely) through words. We are down to the following people who see this body as an actual mature person: two uncles, one aunt, and two parents...

...And that’s absolutely it. It’s beyond heartbreaking. Our maternal grandmother and grandfather cherished us, but they’re both dead, and everyone else is on the way out, as they are all either terminally ill or elderly Baby Boomers.

I know this system is insanely different from so many others in the extended family. We get it. It doesn’t make the estrangement hurt any less. Being the black sheep is extremely painful, since we've been nothing but great to everyone else in the family.

This hurt less when grandma and grandpa were still alive, and it hurt less when the cousins didn't lead me on by pretending to want me around during the scattering of grandma's ashes.

I really dunno what else to say, aside from saying it's like they say in Japan: 仕方がない。This is Romanised as "Shikata ga nai," and it basically means "it can't be helped." There is nothing any of us can do to change the way 99% of the extended family sees us, and we have to accept this and deal with it.

At least we have the two uncles, the two parents, and the one aunt left. Once they're gone, we're going to have to deal with the fact that all we'll have left is the name. That is a frightening and depressing feeling for all of us.

I suppose I'll end this off with an appropriate song:

The family we build will be ours, and ours alone. Our house will be filled with love and compassion, with all of our loved ones present.

We have to let the "old guard" go. sighs

So be it.

[lifestreamsblog]

I am Done Meeting New People

Sonic here:

This whole world is full of so many horrible people, it's hardly worth my time to make new friends. For every individual we've met, there have easily been 20 individuals who exist only to fulfill their own desires, or they struggle with challenges that make it so that they think the best course of action is to attack or tear down others. Even people who are friendly and kind on the surface do this.

This is why we never trust kindness or friendliness, unless it continues long after we first met them.

Case in point: just now, I was trying to mediate a situation between someone I had met recently, and the person who introduced them to me. It is important to note that the person who introduced the person to me, and everyone in my system, are in tight relationships with each other, and have known each other for over a decade.

The new person was about as caustic and hostile as could be, choosing to defend themselves by putting words in my mouth, and lashing out like a caged tiger. I used to know people like this many years ago, and I threw them out of my life because of how often they'd attack me like this.

Even worse, they attacked our loved one.

I ended up blocking this person, and encouraged our loved one to go no-contact.

We are sick and tired of taking chances on new people, and consistently getting burned every single time. I think the friends we have for the time being are amazing individuals (especially the loved ones), but everyone else in this world is a total toss of the dice, as far as them being the kind of people who are genuine and sincere.

(Source)

Miyu, with some thoughts:

This world is run by the concept of insincerity and fakery, making it an extremely dangerous place for people like us and our loved ones. Given that the population of the planet is around 8 billion people, I would estimate that about 2 billion of them are genuine and sincere. I would also argue that they are scattered far and wide, making it hard to find them in more concentrated areas. Another factor is mental health: around 970 million people on Earth struggle with mental health issues. I would argue that at least 80% of this portion of the population will have struggles with interacting with people in ways that actually foster healthy relationships and friendships. The insincerity and fakery that rule the world don't help matters here; in fact, they are contributing factors, and they severely exacerbate this situation.

Sonic, again:

This all having been said, all of us are tired of running into the 75% of people Miyu estimates are horrible to others just because they can be, or struggle with mental health issues that make them behave this way around other people. Being nice on the surface is a bunch of bullshit. If you have mental health struggles, for crying out loud, tell your friends instead of hiding away, so that you don't have to feel so isolated, and so that you don't feel the need to lash out.

At this stage, we'll settle for the people and communities we have in our lives right now. We might be willing to meet someone new in the future, if they have been thoroughly vetted by someone we trust. But right now...

I think we're done with meeting new people for the foreseeable future.

[lifestreamsblog]

Harry Belafonte: A Eulogy for a Mountain of a Man

Harry Belafonte passed away today at the age of 96, of congestive heart failure.

I grew up with Belafonte. My maternal grandpa (my parental grandparents had passed away before I was born) was a huge fan, and got the rest of the family into him as well. Thus, my maternal grandparents loved him, and my parents loved him. My maternal aunts and uncles also loved him. And of course, I loved him.

When I was little, for many, many years, I would listen to music while falling asleep at night. This went on into my teenage years, too. During my earliest years, there was a rotation of The Limeliters, The Weavers, and of course, Harry Belafonte. All on audiocassete, taped by my maternal grandpa for me to listen to. He got me into all of this music. Thus, Belafonte was a personal favourite of mine since I was a tiny child. My favourite album of his was Belafonte at Carnegie Hall.

As I got older, I began to look into him more. My first exposure was an AARP article in the actual magazine (now long lost) at my maternal grandma's apartment. It was there that I first learned of his activism and his anger at society's injustices towards the American black community.

At first, I was shocked. I could hardly believe that this man I had always seen as loving and passionate, had such a darkness to him. I was still a very naïve kid, so I filed it away in my grandma's bookcase, and thought little of it.

I wouldn't understand until I was older that Belafonte was both a beloved singer and a strong activist for America's black community. I learned later in life that this side of Belafonte was not only not dark, but justified. The injustices against the black community were horrible, and he was right to be angry about it.

Aside his musical career, he worked tirelessly as an activist to advocate for America's black community strongly. He worked alongside allies that would one day turn against his activism (including the man on the right in the above picture), and spoke out all the time. He used his fame and his breaking of the colour barrier to push his message, and did so with passion.

As a singer, Belafonte sang songs that came from all over the world, specialising in music from the West Indies and the music slaves in the Antebellum South sang. His overall message was to treasure culture and diversity, and that all people had value. Also, that we should do our best to lift up those who are especially marginalised in our world, like the black community in America. In doing so, he provided a vital voice that was heard by white Americans as well as black Americans. Thus, he blended his activism with his music very effectively.

The world is poorer for Belafonte having passed away, and he will be very missed...

Play some Belafonte today, in memory of a mountain of a man.

Thank you, Harry Belafonte, and rest in peace.

[lifestreamsblog]

The End of an Era

So... My life has completely changed over the past couple of weeks. In all honesty, the changes began on February 13 of this year, when someone I cherished more than anybody else came back into my life. Ever since then, my life has been turned upside-down. It’s become a very good and positive kind of messy chaos. Everything I thought I once knew has proven to either be wrong, or at the very least, majorly misinformed. This mostly surrounds who I am, along with my identity as a person.

This may sound like some horrible, drastic thing. In fact, it is the opposite. I feel like I finally know who I am for the first time in my life. I’m the happiest and most chill I’ve ever been in my entire life. On top of all of that, I feel the most secure in who and what I am than I have ever felt before.

A whole lot of things have changed in a major way. I will start with the most important stuff and other effects here:

The Important Stuff:

I am Plural

This is something I’ve suspected for the longest time, but I could never be quite sure. However, with this person coming back, she was able to help me bring things into perspective, and now, everything makes sense. My realising I was genderfluid should have been the biggest teller. That, along with the fact that I feel so little connection to my past in this body.

I am a Little

This one is kinda cheating, since I had realised this before this person came back, but she has only made my desire for littlespace far more intense, and these days, I exist within it pretty much 24 / 7.

These two things alone have triggered major identity shifts, and have made moot a whole bunch of things I used to believe about myself.

Other Effects:

This has had other effects, including me slowly moving from one set of social spaces to others. I have pretty much stopped using Facebook and Twitter, and now spend almost all of my time on Discord or with my family. I tend to speak only with the people I know, love, and trust. I’m happier this way. Even though I do maintain a presence on the web (including Facebook and Twitter), my primary focus is Discord these days. I have even shut down push notifications for Twitter and Facebook, so my chances of doing much there is pretty low.

Have I Changed?

I don’t think I’ve changed as much as I’ve finally come into myself, laying all of my questioning to rest after so many years of not knowing what or who I really was. Everyone around me all told me they saw these things coming when I “came out” of the little and plural closets, so more than anything, I think I am finally who I am meant to be.

And it all began with one very special person who came back into my life and showed me there could be a functional future for me.

For the first time in my life, I can say I’m proud to be myself.

Life is good~! owo

[lifestreamsblog]

Samurai Maiden for Switch Review: Don’t Believe the Hate

So, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve been to heck and back. I’ve:

Lost my apartment

Caught Covid and nearly died

Had acute kidney failure

Went into cardiac arrest and had to be resuscitated

Had a stroke

Had pneumonia and nearly died

Have had lung problems ever since having pneumonia

...Long story short, I’ve been through so much shit, it’s a fucking miracle I’m even alive today.

Anyway, now I’m back, and just in time to see the internet dogpile on one of the better Yuri games to come out recently. Oh, joy. Yes, if a bunch of hateful reviewers are to be believed, Samurai Maiden is one of the worst games ever to grace the Nintendo Switch! With horrifying issues that will plague gamers everywhere, including:

Horrible translation

Fake-feeling relationships between characters

Subpar quality

Fan service

High cost

Total anarchy that will melt your favourite politician, and replace them with HitlerStalinMao(TM)

Needless to say, people HATE this game.

Aside from the high price, the aforementioned points are all blown out of proportion at best, and downright wrong at worst. Here’s my two-cents:

Samurai Maiden is a beat-em-up developed by SHADE LTD and published by D3 PUBLISHER for the Nintendo eShop and other platforms. The game is done in the style of Oneechanbara and Senran Kagura. Unlike Oneechanbara, this is a Yuri game. Unlike Senran Kagura, it’s actually amazing and full of potential.

Let’s start with the one I hear complained about the most:

The Translation:

I speak some Japanese, and I can tell you that the translation is mostly accurate. It takes some liberties here and there, and at times, it makes puzzling choices, but it’s not the OH NOES THIS SUCKS BEYOND BELIEF!! that all the other reviewers are saying. Honestly, I’ve seen far worse! But...let’s address the elephant in the room:

The game dares to make the protagonist from Gen Z! How dare they!

First-off: the girl in question is in motherfucking HIGH SCHOOL! And, you know what generation is in high school in 2022? GEN Z! The Japanese says something similar to properly date the girl, so it’s what we in the linguistic community like to call “localisation!” It’s a common and necessary practice to properly make a game accessible to the audience the game is being translated for. This should be applauded, not vilified.

Onto the next matter:

Relationships Between Characters:

Let’s look at a very famous and popular franchise for a moment: Senran Kagura. This franchise is famous for its lesbian fans. However, as a genderfluid person who is attracted to any gender and spent many years identifying as a transwoman who was a lesbian, I can safely say that Senran Kagura’s relationship dynamics have always been a HUGE TURN OFF! Here’s why:

Sexual desire and instant physical intimacy is ALWAYS the norm

The women are always falling over each other in awkward ways

There is no real time for anybody to develop feelings

So...if all lesbians only care about skinship and sex, this game may be accurate. But, we know this is not the case. In fact, emotional connection and support is just as important! This just isn’t the case with Senran Kagura; if anything, that is the franchise with fake-feeling relationships.

Samurai Maiden, by comparison, sees relationships grow organically. There is love at first sight, but that happens lots in the real world as well. The truth is, in this game, there’s no instantly jumping into the arms of the protagonist, nor is there the opposite with the protagonist jumping into the arms of one of the supporting women. The protagonist shares stories and experiences with the other women, and they grow fond of each other.

In my world, this is called a healthy relationship, not an unrealistic one.

Okay, what about...

Mechanics:

Like any beat-em-up in the 3D space, this game involves a lot of running around and beating up baddies. The supporting cast is there to help. Of course, you need to equip your party members, and give them commands, but this is not at all unusual in this sort of game; to expect anything else is unrealistic. The mechanics, according to one of my partners, are neither amazing, nor are they awful; it’s somewhere in the middle. According to her, this game is loads better, mechanically-speaking, than Mitsurugi Kamui Hikae, a Steam game which plays like garbage. She says a much better comparison would be Oneechanbara. So, again, the other reviewers are dumping on Samurai Maiden for a nonexistent issue.

And now...for the one everybody is yelling about:

Fan Service

Have you seen Senran Kagura? The fan service is beyond obsessive. Anything in Samurai Maiden is beyond tame by comparison. See what I wrote about relationships above.

I rest my case on this particular issue.

Now...Onto the only talking point where everyone else is actually correct for a change!

Price

Samurai Maiden costs US $59.99+tax for the standard version, and US $74.99+tax for the deluxe version. These are AAA prices for a mid-tier market game. This is standard issue when it comes to D3 PUBLISHER. But stop and think for a moment: this isn’t a large-scale developer or publisher. And they’re not obscene with microtransactions and DLC like the people behind Senran Kagura. They are genuinely trying to fill a niche market and charging enough money to make a little profit. They know their game won’t sell millions and will likely only sell in the tens of thousands, so they charge more to ensure they can make more games! Not everybody in the industry is a greedy capitalist nightmare; some of these people genuinely love making games! If you’re going to complain, why not hold the people behind Senran Kagura to account; they have so much DLC, you’d think you’re dealing with those behind Dead or Alive.

Now that I’ve covered all the main bases, I want to discuss something I find important:

Voice Acting:

Unlike countless other games featuring Anime women, most of the characters don’t have those cutesy voices that make them sound extremely unrealistic. This is SUCH A BREATH OF FRESH AIR FOR ME! In fact, the mature voice of the protagonist actually makes me take her seriously as a person! Her companions are hit-and-miss, although none of them have that cutesy, high-pitched whiny voice that you ALWAYS hear in these types of games.

All in all, Samurai Maiden is a competent beat-em-up with realistic lesbian relationships that doesn’t shove DLC, microtransactions or endless fan service down your throat. It’s a refreshing breath of fresh air for me, given how much utter drivel you see on the market out there for this sort of concept. Truthfully, I don’t play games very much these days, preferring to watch one of my partners play instead, but I actually enjoy this game. And I’m going to keep on playing it. And I hope it gets sequels and becomes a franchise, because for me, this game is like if Senran Kagura were actually done right!

FINAL SCORE: 8/10: Don’t Believe the Hate

[lifestreamsblog]

Why Gaming is Slowly Becoming a Chore

(In this article, I’m not going to link to examples and / or articles, so you will have to use your own imagination and / or knowledge.)

It’s really hard for me to enjoy gaming these days.

And no, it’s not because of the AAA Games Industry causing their own bubble burst.  And it’s not because I don’t have access to my favourite consoles. And it’s not because I don’t have games that I love (and no, it’s not even because I have too many games that I love).

It’s because of two factors:

I prefer to play games with (or for) other people in my life

The games fandom and industry is full of nostalgia, toxicity, misogyny, mindless hatred, misdirected anger, unforgivable hypocrisy and rampant misinformation

This sort of garbage is enough to make any gamer girl completely uncomfortable...

I Prefer to Play Games with (or for) Other People in My Life:

This is perhaps one of the most difficult things about gaming for me, as what I play generally is tied to what other people in my life play.  For me, gaming is a purely social experience, whether that’s playing multiplayer games...

...or playing single-player games with other people around watching.

This is difficult when you’re truly in love with one particular console, while other people in your life drift to another console.  Forgetting the issue of console loyalty for a moment, it has to be considered that gaming is an expensive hobby.  And when interests in your social circle shift, it can be difficult to keep up, especially if you truly enjoy one console versus another.

I’m a huge fan of the Nintendo Switch.  And for a long time, so was everybody else in my life, including my fiancée, who was perhaps the single-most-important person in my life, as well as the person I played games with the most.

Recently, my fiancée has become much more interested in the XBOX ONE, which has made things difficult for me, as I was only able to get one after our household’s federal tax return came in.  This meant that for months, I wasn’t able to play games with her nearly as often as I would have liked, which really made me depressed, even though I tried--likely unsuccessfully--to hide it.

Of course, I have my own XBOX ONE now, so I should feel happier now that we’re able to play more games together, right?

Well, the truth is that there was something truly magical about our experiences together on the Switch and while the XBOX ONE has offered both of us some amazing experiences thus far, it hasn’t matched the magic I felt when we played games together on the Switch.

Another thing that doesn’t help is that the Switch almost seems like an afterthought in conversations not just with my fiancée, but with everybody else in my household.  Instead of discussing the games getting Switch versions, we’re discussing the PC and XBOX ONE versions instead. It doesn’t help that games like Octopath Traveller are no longer Switch exclusives, which leads me to feel even more alienated, as everyone seems so excited that a game that made Switch very special is--all of a sudden--going to a “more powerful platform.”

This is a lot more hurtful to me than I likely let on...and really, the only time I’ve ever discussed feeling this way is right now, here in this article.  The fact that I’m not able to articulate my feelings as well as I would like makes things even worse.  In the end, I love my new XBOX ONE, but I really wish that the Switch didn’t get all but the boot simply because we got Microsoft’s latest and greatest system...

The Games Fandom and Industry is Full of Nostalgia, Toxicity, Misogyny, Mindless Hatred, Misdirected Anger, Unforgivable Hypocrisy and Rampant Misinformation:

I don’t suppose this one needs much explanation, but I absolutely want to discuss how it’s making gaming more difficult to enjoy for me in particular.

I can’t begin to number just how many “reboots” and “remasters” of old games and franchises are being released these days.  It’s not just in gaming, but in all of mass media.  It would seem that people who grew up in the 80s and 90s would like to have those eras come back in full force, forgetting just what it means to have actual “progress.”  It’s like these people have never heard of “trying something new” before.

It’s fucking stupid and completely uncreative.

And this mindset also leads to the next set of issues:  toxicity and misogyny.  Men who think women are objects to fulfill their own needs...and people who think all Muslims are terrorists, all LGBTQ people are sick and all black people are criminals are rampant within the gaming fandom.  And these people act so entitled that they come across as if they are in the right for demanding women jump on their dicks while claiming that all people not like them are evil and criminal. It creates such a horrendous atmosphere that I dare not ever join in any kind of live chat. 

And this whole situation surrounding the misogyny, specifically, creates an aura that drives many women in gaming to extreme sex-negativity.  One of the many reasons SONY recently decided to block sexual content from all future games is in the name of not wanting to offend their women gamers.  Not only was this a disingenuous move, it shows just how this situation stifles sex-positive feminists such as myself, who have found empowerment in franchises like Senran Kagura and Hyperdimension Neptunia, both of which have sex-positive content and both of which have huge lesbian fandoms that far outnumber the male fandoms.

And both of which will now suffer content blocking from SONY because of sex-negativity rooted from misogyny-based trauma.

Way to remove representation and relatability for people like me, folks!

It makes me want to puke.

Then there are the fandoms.  The fandoms are full of people whose brains are so stuck in how long they’ve been following a particular company or franchise that they don’t often understand what’s happening right in front of their faces.

Like when Nintendo fans claim that there is no third-party support for the Switch.  Or that Nintendo may--one day--become like EA or Activision.  And how about the Nintendo fans who think the Wii U is a huge, steaming sack of shit simply because it didn’t sell an obscene number of units?  And then there are the Nintendo fans who don’t shut up about Pikmin 4, Metroid Prime 4, Animal Crossing: Where’s Our New Game? and more.  And the Nintendo fans who think Let’s Go! isn’t a real Pokémon game and that a lack of Nintendo Directs in any given month means Nintendo is ignoring their entitled asses and I could go on and on and on.

And then there are the general fans.  The general fans who complain that games aren’t hard enough and that everyone who wants easier game modes are complete and utter idiots who don’t deserve to play videogames.  And then there are the fans who think that if you don’t have the right graphics card or right PC rig that you’re a total imbecile who shouldn’t be in the same room with gamers.  And gatekeeping gatekeeping hatred hatred shittalk shittalk blahblahblah.........

And some of these fans complain about all of the above and more!  Yes, even Nintendo fans fall into the general fans category sometimes.

These people are a pure delight, aren’t they?

The games community is so unwelcoming, hostile, bitter and full of shit that it makes me feel really alienated when I’m already struggling to enjoy myself amongst other people in my life.  And it leaves me feeling as if I have no voice whatsoever.

It just makes me want to break down into sobs...

Sometimes, I wonder if things will ever improve.  Sometimes, I sit with my thoughts and let them brew inside of me for days, weeks and months on end.  People in my life can often tell I’m unhappy, but I don’t always speak up enough about how I feel.

In Grade 8, I had an English teacher who helped me with my writing, which--at the time--was atrocious.  I couldn’t even string together a proper sentence.  And my last paper I wrote for him wasn’t much better than the first.  When he gave me his remarks, I burst into tears.  He just handed me a box of tissues and waited for me to calm down a bit before saying this:

“Never stop writing.  Promise me that.  Because one day, you will improve.  And when you do, you will be able to tell the world how you feel.”

I never forgot that.  And because of him, I developed my now-strong writing skills.

Even though I have had trouble speaking up about how I feel regarding these issues previously, In the end, the most I can do is try my best to speak up now, which is why I wrote this blog post in the first place.  While some of you may stumble upon this from the broader internet, this piece isn’t for you, but rather for those in my life.

This is me trying to open up a bit more.

And I know this article isn’t my best work and that it’s full of rambling and subject-switches, but I’m very depressed and this whole piece reflects that mood, so I’m going to leave it--for the most part--in the imperfect state it’s currently in.

[astrodidact]

[radioactivepigeons]

This is from Feb 2019!

A link to a Wikipedia article, and the bill.

[bloodytales]

Mitch McConnell threw a hissy fit, by the way. Trying to make it sound like the reason Democrats want Election Day to be a holiday is so that people can work on their campaigns and hang around polling stations and harass people.

He called making it easier for people to vote an attack on Democracy.

[odinsblog]

Republicans are cartoonishly evil.

[yamino]

be nice to my good girl :’’’’)

(And you can read all my other Voyd comics here!)