Life with Tenants

Snippets of the bat-shit crazy things encountered by Landlord-man and his faithful sidekick Landlord-gal in the bizarre world of buying, improving, renting & selling properties.

[lifewithtenants]

Good parking job, tenant. Something wrong with using the driveway?

[lifewithtenants]

We should walk away...

Just got a call from an older gentleman in reply to one of our "We want to buy your house" cold call letters. His description of the house included:

"House is built in 1901. Yeah the plumbing and electrical all need redone. It's been painted since and siding was done 30 years ago."

"It caught on fire in December but didn't burnt up too bad that it bothers me."

"You can look in the windows but the city boarded it up pretty good."

and I have a feeling the crazy man i'm married to will hear this and say "Sounds like a good project!!"

[lifewithtenants]

I just need an employer reference

Me: "Hello I am calling for Andrew...looks like I don't have a last name. Can I speak with Andrew?"

Secretary: "You don't have a last name or you don't think Andrew has a last name?"

Me: “Sorry I was reading off the info provided and just saw they didn’t list last name. Do you have just one Andrew by chance?”

Her: “Yes. And I know his last name.”

[lifewithtenants]

Shouldn't have to need to explain this

Prospective tenant over phone: we are here and don't know where to go? Me: well, go to the front door and the guy showing the apartment will meet you there. Is that where you are? Her: no. Is it a brick building? Me: no. The address is 2905. Is that where you are? Her: no. Me: well go to the address you're going to tour and go to the front door. Her: oh ok!

[lifewithtenants]

This house appraised for $290,000. Not sure what the appraiser was smoking...

[lifewithtenants]

Swell paint job, former homeowners...

[lifewithtenants]

It may be unsightly but 3 satellite dishes makes for optimal reception... Or at least that's my guess as to how this situation occurred?

[lifewithtenants]

This probably isn't up to code, eh?

[lifewithtenants]

How far is it from work?

-question an interested potential renter sent me. What I wanted to say: "No idea, moron, since I have no idea where you work."

[lifewithtenants]

Potential house to flip. I mean the ceiling was falling in but the wallpaper almost had me convinced...

[lifewithtenants]

Explain how this works

Tenant in an email: We'll send $600 or more every two weeks until we're caught up.

2.5 weeks later, my email: We haven't gotten any money, did you send it like you said you would?

Tenant: no. We can't afford it and it makes it really hard to communicate with you when you don't answer my emails!

me: I have answered every question you've sent.

her: I told you we'd pay $600 each week but now we have to pay utilities.

me: WHAT?! You had to pay utilities before. This doesn't have anything to do with you not reaching me. You also have my phone #, landlord-man's phone # and the maintenance guy's phone # AND YOU ARE STILL OVERDUE ON RENT.

[lifewithtenants]

What goes around comes around

So when I call your last landlord and they said you still owe them money but they don't know how to reach you, you can be damn sure I'll give them your current contact info.

Real smart planning on your part, by the way, to list a reference you owe money to.

Application DENIED.

[lifewithtenants]

Thanks for stalking

I've dealt with you over email. I pointedly didn't give you my # as I never do to potential tenants since people tend to get upset when their application gets denied. So when you asked again for my number to discuss your references and I told you to email me, WHY DID YOU CALL ME!? AND WHERE DID YOU FIND MY PERSONAL CELL NUMBER!!???

I'll be sure and deny your application, you creeper.

[lifewithtenants]

Telling time is confusing

Me: "We can show it anytime tomorrow after noon."

Him: "That won't work, I'll be at work until 6:30!"

Me: "How about 7 p.m. since that's after noon?"

Him: "Great!"

[lifewithtenants]

I'll pass

When we turned up an eviction, a car repossession, OWIs and harassment charges on a couple applying to rent, we passed on them.

One of their past landlords actually used their application they'd given me to track them down and serve them with papers because they still owed her!

and yet when I told the guy we would be denying their application he decided to plead his case.

in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS.

OVER TEN EMAILS.

SPREAD ACROSS 2 days.

You're SOOOO not making your case, sir.

[lifewithtenants]

Right. You have no idea what convictions you have.

Our application form asks if people have any evictions or convictions. So when this couple checked no to both I was surprised to see they had 3 recent convictions.

I messaged her back and said we'd be denying their application based on convictions. 

She messaged back and asked WHAT convictions.

And I said the theft, assault with bodily injury and possession of drugs. All within the last 4 years.

She then explained they were trying to get all those dropped so we could proceed.

WRONG.

[lifewithtenants]

Gotta love him

Landlord-man walked in the house with a bunch of work sweatshirts and jackets. "I'm gonna need these all washed please. Cuz I, uh, soaked up toilet water with them." What?!