SAVIOR

where my bursts of motivation, inspiration, and emotion come to reside. my savior to help me reign back my thoughts

[lifted-words]

No sleep, restless nights

Fleeting waves or sadness.

How do I ever get over this feeling….

Chained by something I can’t explain

Like someone pushing me down under

Holding me back

I can’t get up because the force is too much

Gulping the stage air

How do I reach for a new day

A new life

A new breath

I’m not too sure, how do I run away from these

Thoughts and pain

[lifted-words]

10.25.17

One day, you're going to find someone who makes you feel all these things, mad, happy, unsure, complicated...   but fits so well in your fingers and loves all your silliness and quirks and one day you're going to get hit with all those feelings, emotions and its going to feel like your going to be suffocated, like you can't breathe and you're drowning of some sort but dear, you won't know, its someone’s absolute adoration and love for every single particle of your human being. Thats whats suffocating you.  You won't notice the difference at first -- you think you're being smothered, again. You're so used to all the other overcrowding minds, words and controlling, insufferable actions. 

One day, you're gonna wake up one day and realize the reason why you can barely breathe is because someone has taken your breath away -- stolen your air, stolen your heart. again. But this time its different. you realize your happiness and love is suffocating you. and you embrace it, and it feels like home. 

[lifted-words]

07.18.17

All I have are buildings Giant brick walls And I'm sorry I can't give you a door. I'm sorry that all you have are windows Little stray rays Playing peek a boo through the cracks. I don't have a key made for you Only for me, barely open. But I heard picking locks -- They're your specialty Mine, at least.

[lifted-words]

07.18.17

You have held me prisoner caging me with my past As I try so hard to let go These chains grip so tightly I try and try slowly file away Gnaw away at the rope But even as I pull, further Further The end is that I'm still Trapped.

[lifted-words]

09.12.16

and in the light of the burning sun

i felt the energy strip away from me,

and i felt the happiness drain.

I let myself feel,

that frustration and sadness

and i didnt know i could care again.

I didnt know that

the presence of someone

somebody

could light my world afire once more

and make me feel again

like I mattered

[lifted-words]

09.12.16

Take them away

one by one

tug on their little heart strings

little purse strings

dangling pretty shiny objects

(you)

only to steal them from me

turn them against me

like the ones in the past

and build your army of pests

emotions to berate me

and words to control me

belittle me

[lifted-words]

05.10.16

Too late for words Too late for actions We're only guided the present The now What's going on at the point, And right now Too isolated Too lonely To be left in the cold, But I can feel the frostbite Under my skin Like the wind that's crept underneath The Windows Haunted past into my present And it's creeping up Into my consciousness Can't seem to fall asleep

[lifted-words]

05.07.16

and in that miniscule second

that small pinprick of emotion

sadness, you let your guard down

it envelopes you like a shadow

not a glove,

and it drags you further down

its no longer a second

its minutes, hours, days

and you hope that somehow

you find that strength again 

to pull yourself out

[lifted-words]

03.28.16

you were my midnight dreams

and cuddle bear kisses

you were my sun beams

and moonlight walks

but you failed to tell me that

i was only your living reality

and a space in your sheets

i was only an alarm clock

and just a nightly snooze.

and it just so seems that

love is like that --

its not reciprocated. 

[lifted-words]

03.22.16

love so cynical

love so jaded

love like the emotional capacity

is stuck at a zero.

wasteland

unavailability

it is empty, barren

i no longer care.

[lifted-words]

03.23.16

The anger rips right through me

The sky of my hell is going up in flames

I can feel my lips curl in hatred

My hands turn into fists.

I want to ravage my demons,

The one you sent to me

Engulfing every member of me

Bone chilling

Reminding me of all the torment

Of all the evils of the world,

Into your twisted mind

For never ending nightmares

And for sleepless nights

To force you to wander to ghost

Cities that haunts your days

Just

So you can understand

What it feels like for someone

To be betrayed

[lifted-words]

02.28.16

i watched you sleep next to me

so carefully in awe.

my eyes wrapped around every curve

your face, your body

peaceful.

but who knew you were in torment

frustration and the devil licking your sides

i wish i knew,

that it beckoned you mercilessly

daily , until you gave in and

indulged in all the temptations. 

[lifted-words]

02.26.16

i want to pretend

that youre here right next to me

i want to pretend that 

youre kissing me oh so carefully.

i want to pretend 

that you actually care about me

but i’m stuck alone

drinking wine as big as the sea

[lifted-words]

02.25.16

lets get drunk

play pretend

cuddle closely

close our eyes shut

and maybe 

we’ll be okay

[lifted-words]

02.22.16

i hope one day he looks at himself

future him, wondering where it all went

and i hope that one day he remembers

that he lost the best thing hes ever had

and i hope that one day he regrets

choosing to destroy me instead of him

[lifted-words]

02.18.16

He was the light at the end of the tunnel

And the fire to my soul

I was the his princess of the fairy tales

And in the dreams he had at night

But I was the chains that held him

And the black sheep in his herd

So he sent me away

Cut me loose

So he could be free

[lifted-words]

02.17.16

I loved him

More than fire needs oxygen

More than the waves ache for the shore

As much as the sun misses the moon,

but that wasn't enough for him