Light Deviant Haven

Adventures of a monogamous deviant romance. Previously a nsfw blog. Hope to survive this purge.

[grimeclown]

[lightdevianthaven]

Suddenly having blog activity after months of post tumblr purge silence.😂

[desires-of-a-dominant-man-deact]

BDSM Links And Resources

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.

Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.

DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.

Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.

Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.

Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.

Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.

The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.

Dating and Relationships:

10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)

Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)

Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)

How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)

Play:

Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)

Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

Safety:

Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)

Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)

Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)

S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)

BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)

Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)

If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)

What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)

Dominance and Dominants:

A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)

An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)

Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)

Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)

Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)

How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Submission and Submissives:

10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)

Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)

Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)

Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

Books:

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Control Book by Peter Masters

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters

Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker

[filthyobediantslut]

Sharing again for those who missed it. Lots of great resources.

[thinfatfit]

instagram.com/rubyrare

[melanin-enhanced-deactivated202]

Ladies I have another question for you....

What’s one thing you wish guy did while he was going down ?

[thelifeofbunches-deactivated201]

Actually suck on the clitoris instead of flicking it with his tongue like how a cat drinks water.

[melanin-enhanced-deactivated202]

I have so much to learn thelifeofbunches

[goddessevrth-deactivated2023072]

Go slow. Not everything has to be fast paced and crazy all the time

[packtheammo-deactivated20170223]

Hold my thighs. Like grip them, just firm enough…

[thetennesseehoneyy]

Yasss that clit flicking shit is not the wave.

[melanin-enhanced-deactivated202]

What about sucking on the clit ? thetennesseehoneyy

[tiffanyaliyah]

Fingering at the same time is always nice, but not in and out, find that gspot and massage it why you lick and suck the clit. I will die.

[alexundefined]

Touch/grab my thighs, my ass, slowly touch down my spine, everywhere, somewhere. Tease me good before you go down & while you’re down there.

[torreyashanti]

Deadass with the thigh thing Kiss those inner thighs too Pretend you’re passionately kissing the kitty Not a cat drinking water Also don’t even do it if you a)don’t like doing it b)you’re going to do it for 2 seconds

[uninhibitedsoul]

I couldn’t hit reblog fast enough.

[the-haitian-queen-deactivated20]

Don’t be to shy to open it up and really get the clit. Like if dudes really spread the lips and focused on the clit I would lose my mind

[jeniphyer]

slow down on the flickering thing, that rapid shit isnt pleasurable, slowly running your tongue back n forth tho? Yes. 

thigh kissing is nice, ass grabbing, thigh gripping, a little passionate teasing takes you far and honestly gets her wetter by the minute 

slow down, take your time at first, dont just dive in, enjoy your meal

that rapid flicking thing doesnt do much for me (i cant speak for every girl) but slow runs across the clit are lovely, just focus on the clit, let your fingers do some work if you get tired or something 

I dont know about every girl but that mimic-my-dick-with-my-tongue technique doesnt do shit 

[sosodebb-deactivated20190324]

Notice how they’ve all basically said the same thing? I hope you men pay attention. Every woman is different but here are the basics to pleasing us.

1. Stop the fucking flicking shit.

2. Focus on the CLIT. Suck it, circle it. Engulf it. If she moans, keep doing that.

3. But pls, do visit thighland. Inner thigh licking and kissing will set us on fire.

4. What is this fingering shit? Massage the gspot or get out. We feel nothing with that little stabbing motion. Also, stop sticking your 2 inches of tongue in there. Come back up to the clit.

5. LONG stokes with the tongue.

6. Stop humming. Most of us use vibrators so that little humming trick you learned from GQ will pale in comparison.

7. Speaking of vibes, the reason you’re in our bed is because you can do 1 thing our wands and rabbits can’t do. And that’s grab us. Grab us, squeeze us, we want to feel your hands on our body.

8. If you can reach, grab a titty.

9. Some women are self conscious about how they look/taste/smell down there. Or worry about taking too long to orgasm, so let her know you’re enjoying it. Moan, groan, sound like you’re eating a plate of ribs

10. Do it til we cum or GTFO!

[neverxxenough]

Oh damn 😳😳💕💕

[dubblah]

Why aren’t things compiled and published like this more often??

And more importantly, why aren’t we being told this stuff while down there? Esp those of us who love doing it and doing it right….. feedback, ladies, when we’re there. Please?

[lightdevianthaven]

Reblog

This info for guys to pleasure women isn't circulating enough and that's partially because women are taught to take passive role in sex. We are taught and shamed into thinking mastubation is gross and unnatural. Sex is something that happens to us. It's something that we give. It doesn't matter if we enjoy it, the male is supposed to enjoy it. The whole sex is like pizza theory- even bad pizza is still pizza. That's bullshit. A delicious fresh resturant quality all topping included will always beat a $5 hot and ready with the consistency of the cardboard it came in.

The passive female sex ideaology it crap and outdated but it leaves women not knowing what makes them feel mindblowing good because often times, we 've never felt mindblowing good without some toy involved.

Even if you are in a D/s realtionship, you should still enjoy what is going on if your Dom is down on you. If you're not enjoying it, then what are they even doing down there to begin with? It's just a waste of time at that point.

[fivesumbrella]

What is so funny, you asshole? (x)

[lightdevianthaven]

Kink rep in media. Hilarious though🤣

[dominate-wolf-deactivated201212]

[btfuldkness]

THIS…..

[savage-gentleman-wolf]

Always a Reblog

[needtobeownedbabygirl-blog]

Hmmm good things for a submissive to look for.

♾Submissive mind

[lightdevianthaven]

The hardest part is starting over again

This blog is a fragment of my hobby. A person might have a blog dedicated to smoothie recipes. That blogger might like going to the gym, or they need health inspiration and direction or they just might enjoy the idea of food. That is up to they, the individual. Running this blog in the confinds of the new Tumblr guidelines is up to me.

And for me, it doesn't work.

As another post by @towerofglass said

"Is now a bad time to mention I actually don’t hate this site? I hate the owners. Hate the staff. Hate the incompetence of whoever is in charge here.

But I love the site, love the format, love my mutuals, my followers and all of the amazing content creators here. I don’t know what I’ll replace this with if anything."

While my bdsm blog did contain some sexual images and nudity, the majority of it's content was not. Picture of full body lingere, illustrations of clothed characters and even images of facial features were flagged as inappropriate. And while my blog wasn't completely shut down, it is marked as sensitive and despite my attempts, I cannot undo that.

It's a shame. If the purge had actually eliminated the pedos, the nazis and spam it would have been worth while but instead it punished lgbtq+, body positivity, and alternate lifestyles such as bdsm. It's a shame because, having this blog connect me to other bdsm and kink individuals under the veil of anonymity has been a great help in understanding the feelings and impulses of my submission that was difficult to analyze. I've grown more comfortable, more educated, more understanding of the multifacted and multilevel community that I would never don't interact with face to face because of my introverted nature. While my Dom and I have been in a committed monogamous and bdsm active relationship for over a decade, I did not completely identifying as His sub until 3 or 4yrs ago. I thought we were just kinky and I wanted to do more fun, kinky, dirty things even though I didn't completely understand why I had this impulse.

Tumblr was a great tool for analyzing my thoughts and fantasies. So many other bloggers felt the same way I did, had the same experiences I did and even got me hopeful and discussing other activities as well. And unlike googling something like adult spanking and getting lost down a rabbit hole of porn, I was lead to posts about spanking techniques and variations.

I wound up creating my own blog almost a year ago to help better collect my thoughts and opinions and enjoy bdsm as a hobby. With any hobby you can either be a master, novice, 100% junkie, a regular practitioner, or an occasional practitioner. Not everyone spends everyday in a yoga studio. Not everyone teachs and aspires to become the best yogi. Not everyone goes to a yoga studio at all. Not everyone follows youtube instruction videos. The same follows for bdsm. Some folks are 100% in a 24/7 Master/slave relationship. Some folks like going to a dungeon. Some folks have several partners they practice with. Some folks only like to have a spanking and get handcuffed to the bed for Valentines day or their birthday. There is no wrong time dedication or practice level in bdsm because it's different for every individual. Now, you would never have a beginner or an uncomfortable practitioner do complex yoga handstands on boulder ontop of a moutain ridge, and you would never hogtie and suspend a beginner with a blindfolds, weights or electrode what nots. That's unsafe and unreasonable! That does not conform to CSS.

So after a year of running this blog, and the Tumblr purge occuring days after my blog anniversary, I've decide to start a new. I know some have moved over to Bdsmlr; I haven't done that, and I may or may not do that in the future. This for me is my interest and hobby. It's a rush and sometimes work. It doesn't leave me in agnony and existential dread because it is merely a component of me but not a full lifestyle dedication. As Marie Kondo would say, it sparks joy. Seeing this blog on my end with the posts blocked and flagged in orange, does not spark joy.

So to followers and correspondents, thank you for the interactions. I'll be moving to an active blog: @pure-deviant-devotion

[lightdevianthaven]

Goodnight folks. I truly hope to see the majority of your blogs survive the morning. Thank you for the follows and thank you for adding to the cultivation of my growth on the journey.

[thirdevee]

Get you a girl

Who you can take to Disney World and she gets all excited for the magic

But also gags on your dick in her Minnie Mouse ears back at the resort.

[southern-escape-deactivated2019]

🙋🏻‍♀️🤤✨ I’ve got my ears!

[lightdevianthaven]

[gear-adrift]

Tumblr HQ, apparently.

[aqours-remade]

so if you weren’t aware tumblr is comitting ritual suicide

[lightdevianthaven]

So what about the BDSM/Kink community blogs? Do they even realize how much content and how many users are down that rabbit hole?

[lightdevianthaven]

Happy 1yr Anniversary to this NSFW side blog! My understanding, comfort level, and ability to express my submissive/masochistic side has really grown this past year. I'm not naturally sexual so I'm pleased with the progress down the path my Master has lead me down so far.

Thank you for my followers support and for following my interests and thoughts during my growth.

[certifiedromantic]

That neck kiss though!!!!!! <3 <3 :D

[valtsv]

character in a fight scene: *restrains their opponent by pinning them against the wall by their wrists*

me:

[icantwritegood]

character in a fight scene: *pins their opponent down by straddling their waist and holding their wrists to the floor*

me:

[ladylike-foxes]

character in a fight scene: *lifting their disarmed opponent’s chin slightly with the business end of their weapon*

me:

[g3ncyho3]

character in fight scene: *pins down the opponent and leans in close to whisper in their ear*

me:

[soloshikigami]

character in fight scene: *twists their opponents’ arm behind their back, shoves them into the wall and pins their body with their own*

me:

[lightdevianthaven]

Fight kink

[lace-deactivated]

Subtle dom-things I love doing during vanilla sex:

- scratching (especially thighs, butt and back)

- leaving hickeys all over their body

- wrap my fingers oh so lightly around their throat

- hair pulling! (but careful)

- when they’re laying on their back and try to sit up, placing one hand on their chest and firmly push them into the matress again

- holding their wrists together above their head while kissing

- holding their wrists together on their back while they’re on all fours and I eat them out from beneath their body

- p r a i s e the SHIT out of them

- dirty talk (a lot) (i’m fucking good at that, too)

- give them a few slaps on their ass

- oh hey have I mentioned scratching yet?

- leaving bite marks, biting in general, using my teeth to run them over sensitive areas

- “you’re mine”

- throw them across the bed, position them however I please

- call them sweet (or not so sweet) nicknames

- “tell me what you want, whisper it into my ear”

- not so gentle grabbing

- growling and cursing in an especially low manner

[lightdevianthaven]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[sexualcontrol]

As a man - you would think this is just common sense. But as a counselor, sadly, I find that common sense is not that common. these are the same folks who think a spanking and beating are the same. 

This is more for the women, who hopefully understand what a pure and amazing statement Hussein made here.. Abuse is not dominance.