The brightest stars burn the fastest

the life & loss of lightoller and murdoch // rpf otp

[beastliness]

obviously I take no pleasure whatsoever in tenderly caring for you while you're sick and writhing in bed with a fever

[beastliness]

comforting you while you're vulnerable, running my fingers through your disheveled hair, placing a cold compress to your skin, flushed and hot to the touch, etc.

[beastliness]

what do you take me for - some kind of pervert?

[lightdoch]

Bride, Lightoller, and The Ones We Left Behind

In his 1935 autobiography, Titanic and Other Ships, Charles Lightoller claims that senior wireless operator Jack Phillips failed to deliver a vital ice warning from the SS Mesaba because he put it under a paperweight and forgot about it:

"That delay proved fatal and was the main contributory cause to the loss of that magnificent ship and hundreds of lives. Had I as Officer of the Watch, or the Captain, become aware of the peril lying so close ahead and not instantly slowed down or stopped, we should have been guilty of culpable and criminal negligence."

This claim was later reiterated in serialized and radio versions of his accounts in 1936. This caught the attention of former junior wireless operator Harold Bride, who prior to this had kept his distance from the disaster. He sent in this charged response to Lightoller's claims:

"Jack Phillips, the senior telegraphist of the Titanic, was one of the most skillful and experienced operators then in the service of the Marconi Company, hence his appointment to the Titanic, whilst myself as second telegraphist ensured a thoroughly competent wireless station being maintained. ... "If Commander Lightoller knew about the Mesaba message, as he claims, why did he not say so at the Board of Trade inquiry, and not wait until this late day to throw doubts on the efficiency of a very gallant gentleman who died procuring aid for Commander Lightoller and 701 other fortunate survivors? "Jack Phillips would have been the first to disclaim having done anything spectacular or heroic, but his calm efficiency resulted in the survivors being safely landed in New York. Such efficiency does not go with putting urgent ice warnings under paper weights and promptly forgetting them."

Then, Lightoller, who was not particularly known for being precise, sent in his own reply to Bride in which he cited the exact page numbers from the BOT inquiry report as evidence that he did, in fact, say so. That he bothered to do this at all becomes more poignant when you consider the phrasing he used to preface it:

"I yet maintain, as officer of the watch from 8 to 10 p.m. that night, and in further defence of that splendid officer W. M. Murdoch, who followed me on watch from 10 p.m. to the moment of collision, that had the Mesaba message been received by the bridge, and in reasonable time, the Titanic would not have been lost."

"and in further defence of that splendid officer W. M. Murdoch"

(Please note that said splendid officer had not been mentioned at all prior to this). Thus ensue his excessively long corrections and rebuttals to Bride's letter, finishing with:

"I blame no one and justify no one. Captain Smith, Murdoch, and Phillips played their parts as men living up to the highest traditions of the sea, and all three finally made the great sacrifice. "Let no man question but that they acted up to their very highest ideals in that supreme tragedy—the loss of the Titanic."

"I blame no one and justify no one"

A bold claim, after having just spent over 1,800 words refuting a perceived affront against your long dead colleague. And yet, the same can be said of what Bride had done: Bride, who had avoided everything Titanic until this letter 24 years later, coming out of the woodwork to defend that "very gallant gentleman" Jack Phillips whose death clearly still weighed heavily on his mind.

In the end, all Bride and Lightoller had were their regrets, and the thinly veiled meaning behind their words:

If it were not for you, I would not have lost my best friend.

(Read their letters in full here.)

[lightdoch]

Another thing that was brought up during a discussion last night, on the anniversary of the sinking: Lightoller had lost his best friend of 12 years, Bride had lost his new friend of about 12 days. Both Murdoch and Phillips left such an impression that night that they were still being fiercely and bitterly defended 24 years later.

The timescale of this is hard to wrap one’s head around. There was a whole world war in between there! I wonder if Lightoller would not have written his book without the insistence of his wife because he did not want to dredge up the memories again. It is relevant to note that survivors of Collapsible B, as both Lightoller and Bride were, trended towards having PTSD (more than your average survivor, that is).

[mournfulroses]

Joaquín Nin, from a letter to Anaïs Nin, featured in Reunited: The Correspondence of Anais and Joaquin Nin, 1933-1940

[nixscriptum]

[versesofourhearts]

-versesofourhearts

[nixscriptum]

[epicfroggz]

like the ocean

[lightdoch]

“Like the sea, he had witnessed William in all his moods. Bright skies and clear weather made for a quiet confidence reflected in his eyes, calm green like the color of seafoam. Stormy squalls brought out grey hues and a furrow between the brows, not a trace of uncertainty in his straight-backed stance, only discipline; grey was William in his element. Brown, then, was the warmth in his smile, the humor in his voice, the tenderness with which the waves lapped upon a sandy shore or salt-crusted hull…”

- What Happens During Wilde’s Watch, Chapter 2 (x)

[epicfroggz]

you’re the only one that understands what i’ve been through.

[mournfulroses]

Marisa Walz, from her book titled "Good Intentions," originally published in February 2026

[mournfulroses]

Anaïs Nin, from a diary entry featured in The Diary of Anais Nin, Vol. 3. (1923-1927)

[epicfroggz]

Train to DC

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— beau taplin

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

“There must be something strangely sacred in salt. It is in our tears and in the sea.”

— Khalil Gibran; Sand and Foam (1926)

[nixscriptum]

[weltenwellen]

Alex Dimitrov, from "A Living"

[lightdoch]

Adam Rhys-Charles as Charles Lightoller in Titanic Sinks Tonight (2025)

Bonus, in civvies:

[lightdoch]

Despite all the hours of buffeting, I never hesitated in my allegiance to that hard-boiled mistress; harsh and bitter as she can be at times, at others, full of captivating smiles and surprises. A hundred years at sea couldn't wholly unfold all she has to show you. Things that would make a landsman's eyes pop out of his head. But you must laugh in her face, when she hits you hardest, and, above all, never fear her; she will let you out, and make up for it in the end.

C. H. Lightoller, from his autobiography Titanic and Other Ships, 1935