[depsidase]

[like-wuatafauq]

Becoming so depressed that revert back into working on cars and playing music is a sad realization but a comforting act.

[maviyenot]

[petrichor-mist]

lost in a purple haze~

[purplevibesss]

[nonalimmen]

© Nona Limmen {via Instagram}

[like-wuatafauq]

I hope beautiful and gentle things go your way. I hope you have the support and love of your friends and close ones. I hope you take care of your mental and physical health. I hope your dreams and wishes come true. I hope the scars and pain will one day hurt less for you. I hope this and more, so I also hope you can see one day through the eyes of your friends and see that you are not a bad person and deserve good and safety.

ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Just hope you have a lovely day, one after another.

Thank you but at this point I just think about not losing my mind the following day.

I can't allow myself to wish for things, i let myself be overly romantic and boast about love or other things about life because i see how it gives ppl hope and a part of me can only hope thats something I leave behind to a stranger.

And its fine if I am a bad person or seen as bad. Im too tired of over explaining and having my words just come off wrong just because i dont know how to explain things normally or just be normal. I use to tell friends I was afraid of giving up on myself or actually working through and acknowledging my past but I know they just thought I was exaggerating or wanted pity. But really i was just trying to explain why it was going to take me a long time to be good, be better. I genuinely thought I was gonna be gone long time ago, i thought I was going to take that secret (of what my brother did) to the grave. Nobody cared man, ppl saw me deteriorate and become bad and didn't question it or care.

I appreciate the messages, it's fine though, take care.

[depsidase]

[like-wuatafauq]

Idk y im trying to be sane when things are insane

[enki2]

[wingkink]

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

[like-wuatafauq]

Its always when I've been keeping up with my medicine and mental health treatments that a little voice in my head goes "stop taking your meds. Go insane. Your family hates you anyway, everyone does. Your family sees you as bad anyway, you are bad, youre a bad bad person, just go bat shit crazy, no hurting the innocents tho but even if you didn't, you are still a bad bad daughter! like idk! Stop taking your medicine lets see what you become! Lets see what horrible thing you have always been inside!!"

[like-wuatafauq]

I think i should be allowed to chainsmoke, maybe burn down a few things.

[like-wuatafauq]

If you ever wonder why im so fucked up in the head and desperate for approval just know that I decided to try a new treatment to fix my mind which made me spiral and basically blurt out to my whole family that my own brother would abuse me so horribly I would almost die and then when he stopped doing that he began to sexually assault me and another reason I couldn't keep quiet anymore was because he got

ENGAGED

To the girl he would compare my body to when he would do things to me when i was around 13. (Note: no, i didn't know they were together cuz he hid that and i dont live near them but i told them as soon as i found out they were engaged) And now my family doesnt talk to me and I cant explain it (+other trauma) to anyone without sounding like a narcissist since my explaining of events and reasonings is always a little too blunt and too desperate to sound clear that it makes it sound like I care more about pity than wanting ppl to know I'm trying to fix years of imbalance in my brain.

[enbaluka-tokyo-drift]

[nightcorp]

[geopsych]

The moon and Venus right now in the western sky