big awesome

[cybergata]

[whitegirlsaintshit]

i the snail.

[omgs]

everybody here is perfect

[utrippy]

I am energy. I am galactic. I am psychedelic. ॐ 

[darksilenceinsuburbia]

[lil23]

consulting-timelord-of-mischief:

[unfocusedmind]

[in-twilight-realms-blog]

[plagueutopia-deactivated2023021]

It’s back

[intheworstofways]

I CANT STOP LAUGHING

[oakh4rt]

this will always be my favorite

[afterthecups]

[lil23]

last years autumn words

and then there are times of my life (this being the first one i can remember) where a friend surprised me into a numb shock. "i'm seeing someone!" he blurts out excitedly. My heart & head had a quick what the fuck party before I realized i needed to be excited for him and spat out the words "oh my gosh no way! congrats!!" as i swallowed the lump in my throat and blinked back tears. his eyes twinkled as a relieved smile took over his face "thank you! i am so happy!"

we finished our beers and he walked me back to my car. this is the part where he would kiss me. "what are you doing tomorrow? we're going out for drinks and i'd love if you'd meet her" he opened my door and i got in. "That sounds great"

"drive safe"

"you too"

"bye"

[lil23]

101, 5, 1

My dream of living in Los Angeles quickly turned into a nightmare- and then I WOKE UP: Why would I bury myself under a polluted sky, hoping to continue on my spiritual adventure while living in a pretentious concrete desert house with 10 million extremely competitive roommates?! what the actual fuck was I thinking? I clearly wasn't- I was big dreaming. However, what I experienced in my short lived LA life was fun to watch - extravagant parties with naked everybody's, everywhere. Every drug, in every shape, in every color. BIG jewels. Slob kabob famous fucks making absolute fools of themselves. Fake bodied babes resembling newborn animals taking their first steps- wobbling in their Brian Atwood & Gucci heels. At one party in particular, I witnessed a bunch of duck lips strut out of the restroom when suddenly the girl from the back tripped, flailing forward & creating a beautiful domino effect.  7 women- STACKED. I will always laugh when I think of that.

I am glad I got out when I did. Our current drought has broken the record, as California is at it's driest. Electronic road signs are set up on every highway coming into, and leaving the city, demanding to save water by not flushing toilets, taking quick showers, etc.  for Chrissake, LA has water cops. I am not making that up. Sad, sad, sad. So, I threw my clothes into my 13 by 19 inch suitcase, zipped up my guitar & mandolin, filled up my tank and North I went. Past Big Sur, past Santa Cruz, past San Francisco.

I am sleeping amongst mountain lions & sharks, redwoods & wildflowers. an inlet on the pacific coast, I rest my head at the tippy top of the red triangle. Come December, gray & killer whales will be dancing along the shore lines making their way down to Baja, having babies, then swimming back. I cannot wait to bundle up on the bow of a barge, hot chocolate in one hand, camera in the other, wind tickling my eyes to tear and coloring my nose red cold- watching the waves for spouts, breaching & heart shaped tails <3 I get so stoked thinking about it.. 

Norcal is where my head is clear and my heart is happy. I- I think I'm in love.

[lil23]

[lil23]

nyc ya later

trains make my heart beat faster, my eyes open wider. Waves of nostalgia fill my heart and head. Day dreams blend thru the bleak, blurry, winter urban planes of Jersey train track neighborhoods. Spare tires, scrap metal mountains, fallen trees, graffiti, power lines, crack shacks, junkyard dogs, bricks, abandon rotting buildings.. I’m meeting Erica to see her off before she ventures to New Zealand and Thailand. <3 my love for this one is infinite. bless her gypsy feet. 

[lil23]

PHILADELPHIA WINTER BRAIN

JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2014

I always think they’re birds, and then i realize they’re paper bags swirling around the power lines. it smells like cigarettes, sugar and shit. I’m still afraid to walk alone, but I do- I just look behind my shoulders often. Only in cities do I get like that. 

my anxiety is always worse at night, but lately it doesn’t matter what time of day it is. I’m trying, slowly, to make it all fuck off. I’m so sick of feeling crippled by my state of mind. It’s incredibly frustrating. i am deeply sad and happy all at once, and I try not to think it’s some disease but simply that I’m a gemini. Why can’t I commit to anything? I’m sure it’s many answers. explanations stemming from when I was a petrified only child. Why was I scared all the time?perhaps when dad didn’t come home from his bicycle ride, and the next time i saw him was in the hospital with a broken hip. Or Allison, who never came back to school and the next time I saw her was in a casket. The first time I told him I was in love, and that night he cheated on me. I guess I’m scared to commit for fear of abandonment so I am the first to leave. I guess thats it. Thats fucked up… This year I’m breaking da pattern.  :) 

[lil23]

wednesdays child is full of woe

"get better" he whispered into my ear as i turned to leave the house we lived in.

i managed to roll my half-full-of-tears eyes one last time. "he thinks I'm fucking crazy." i swung my guitar over one shoulder, picked up my suitcase and stepped out of the door. 

i think he's fucking crazy for thinking I'm crazy.

11.20.13

I didn't even last three full moons. he called me up today to tell me it wasn't working out and that he wanted to break up. "i want you to be somebody you're not" (excuse me but fuck you). he then sighed and started to complain about how "I'm not ready to be single" "its so hard to play the field" blah blah. let me give you some advice? DON'T COMPLAIN TO THE GIRL YOU JUST BROKE UP WITH ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU TO GET WITH OTHER GIRLS.

cheers to finding love within yourself.

[shortvideosandstuff]

[lil23]

UPdate

NYE2012: monkeys everywhere! stealing beers out of your backpacks, iguanas mean muggin, dogs fighting, wild horses wandering, birds screaming, bare feet, bicycles, hot sun and surfing. Hello Costa Rica

(my front yard)

(cafe carolas- music trade for home cooked german meals)

March came to an end and so did my third world story. I hitched a ride to San Jose, caught a plane to DC, unpacked my beach attire, repacked cold weather & hiking gear, and headed WEST

>>

I started off in PA with Zach, Karle, and TAMERA <3

almost to Boulder.....

after a couple days of basking in the beautiful nature surrounding boulder and the hustle n bustle of Denver, we took a trip to Golden so Karle could fulfill her high school wet dream: visiting the Coors brewery

kid in a candy store! er...adult in a booze factory. :)

strapped in & satisfied :)  Zach decided to keep me company until I made it to Montana, and Karle was happy in Denver- we parted ways the next morning. After staying a night in Wyoming with a crazy hot dog eating, bag piping couple I found off of couch surfing, we made it to my FAVORITE STATE: 

Zach hopped a train back East to make it to a show he was playing.I found a place to live, got a babysitting job, and blissed out with new brothers and sisters in my MOST favorite place: Whitefish, Montana. 

[lil23]

hope everybody had an awesome 420, i know all of boulder and I did! <3  

[lil23]

hold up

2010: lost two friends, moved to Vancouver, went to film school, turned 21, saw datsik, shpongle, xavier, tortoise, keller, JBT & string cheese, was arrested at Sasquatch Music Festival, got kicked out & snuck back in. picked up my first hitch hikers on the way to Whistler, met up with 814 homies at Hornings Hideout in Oregon, froze in the glacier waters of Montana over 4th of July, finished school, flew back east, and was just hired to play a 3 hour acoustic set at a cute little restaurant. 

[lil23]

bubble bubble toil and...car trouble

yesterday, my dad took great pleasure in watching me scrub the streaks of sun-baked barf off my car, which i had drunkenly projected onto it a few days prior. he now refers to my car as the "vomit comet".

last night, as I was backing out of my garage, I hit the mirror which snapped off of the car as my dad watched.  goodbye $300..

last night, as I was pulling into my garage, i pulled in too far and hit the shop vac. I wasn't aware of it until this morning. I had just gotten up when my dad kindly asked me to take a little stroll with him into our garage. all I could do was laugh, and thankfully he wasn't too pissed. however, he then told my mom and my uncle to have a look as well, and i knew they would give me more shit about it than he. 

me- "UGH why do you have to tell them? what? are you going to announce it online next?"  

dad- "YEAH, DUH! FenderBook!!"

dad-"the only thing that shop vac is pickin' up is its disability check"

i am so thankful for my dad. he is the best and i love him to smithereens.

[lil23]

a lilliana and yorkie brief & sweet top-head jam.