Is there any reason why you think that Dirk <> John?
A big part of it is because John just straight-up does not respect Dirk/Bro's drama, which appears to be the main problem everyone else in his orbit has when it comes to dealing with him. Almost everyone else around him buys into his justifications, martyrdom, and self-righteousness - from Jane agreeing with him when he tells her he won't compliment Roxy directly because "sometimes compliments can destroy people" (????), to Dave going "you don't actually have to BE a good person if you GRAPPLE with being a bad person enough" and "it's cool that you call Hal the Auto-Responder (something he explicitly dislikes because it's dehumanizing) and are trying to avoid Jake", to Roxy's crush, to Hal's full-on enabling. Dirk likers are gonna hate me for saying this (I'm also a Dirk liker, I swear), but underneath all his posturing, he's kind of a bogstandard Shitty Manchild. I would personally compare him to Jimmy from Mouthwashing. He hates taking responsibility for his choices (he chooses to dehumanize Hal rather than own up to trying to kill him in a fit of rage, and to avoid Jake and Roxy instead of apologizing directly), he manipulates people (and isn't even particularly good at it; his conversation with Dave would fall apart the moment Dave tried actually talking to Hal or Jake about their side of the story), and he's a weeaboo who spends all day indulging in his weird fetishes and doesn't even have particularly good taste in anime.
The problems he purports to have are real - like, he is genuinely solipsistic and hyperaware of his own flaws - but they're distractions from his real issue, which is his bad behavior and subsequent unwillingness to change. Nobody's forcing him to allow Hal to bully Jake on his behalf (he reads their logs and knows what Hal gets up to, but never tells him to stop), or to refuse to go to Jane's birthday party (if anything, Hal keeps trying to make it easier for Dirk to go), or to attempt murder on Hal. And nobody's forcing him to self-isolate instead of taking accountability.
Hussie directly likens Dirk's dramatics to Eridan's, as it's linked to their Prince profiles, calling it "teen boy diva bullshit". Dirk is broody, dark, psychologically complicated, intellectual, and self-sacrificing... and he uses that as a cover to get away with being a fair-weather friend, and even to avoid responsibility for nearly killing his clone/brother/son.
Throughout the series, there's basically only one guy who doesn't fall for the cinematic dramatics of it all.
EB: that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion, i am just saying that being a white guy who is a rapper with a ventriloquist doll is not cool by any stretch of the imagination or by any definition of word cool, ironic or otherwise. that's all i'm saying.
In his conversation with Dave, Dirk praises Dave for a "refreshingly honest critique" of himself. But if you actually look at that conversation, there's barely any critique at all - Dave just kind of goes along with all the bullshit Dirk spouts, and ultimately reaffirms that Dirk's basically doing okay and doesn't need to change.
Compared to that, this one line from John basically tears all of Dirk's drama apart. Like, yeah, he is actually a pretty embarrassing nerd, the same as all the other embarrassing nerds in our cast, which comprises of embarrassing nerds exclusively. John is a very straightforward guy who is perfectly comfortable with himself and his opinions, which he will assert with the full and unabashed confidence of a nice, well-adjusted upper middle class suburban boy who had a healthy relationship with his father growing up and possesses an inexplicable feminist agenda. If he thinks Dirk's ideas and plans are stupid, he's happy to say so directly. The kinds of "uber cool tough guy stoic dude bro man" shit that Dirk gets up to are things that are total no-sells to John, who is capable of being normal, and who provably views Dirk (as Bro) as what he is, not what he postures as.
Like, imagine if John was there for Dirk refusing to go to Jane's birthday. He'd probably just be like, "man, isn't she your friend? you should go to her birthday." And literally what argument would Dirk even have against that. These are the "refreshingly honest critiques" that nobody in his life provides him with - basic reality checks, someone just being straight-up with him that he's being a bad friend or a dramatic weirdo and it's not that fucking serious, just do the basic nicety already.
On the flip side, the character trait that gets John in the most trouble is his alarming, naïve, natural sense of heroism. In a different way from Dirk, John is self-sacrificing to the extreme; he's gullible and credible and happy to toss his own life away, especially for the sake of helping others.
CG: SWEET BLEEDING JEGUS, EGBERT, YOU KEEP BRAGGING ABOUT YOUR IMMORTALITY, AND THEN BRAINLESSLY ANNOUNCE PLANS TO GO OFF AND DO SOMETHING HEROIC! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE THE SHORTEST LIFESPAN OF ANY IMMORTAL IN HISTORY.
He's constantly getting talked down from doing some stupid bullshit that will definitely result in his own death. One of the most striking examples of this is when Davesprite has to drop the irony and Get Real with him about their friendship.
TG: john stop being a tool and unbuckle yourself from that piece of shit TG: if our friendship means anything youll listen to me and past dave
This doesn't really work on John in the moment, but it does after he has a flashback about the bunny Dave sent him for his birthday, and about how much their friendship really does mean to him.
but the weird thing is thats whats cool about you. youre this naive guy like pinocchio tumbled ass backwards off the turnip truck and started liking ghostbusters. then the fairy godmother kissed your nose or some shit and you turned out to be not made of wood and also pretty cool to talk to. one day your gooberish ways are gonna land you in a jam and i know im going to have to get you off the hook but its cool i got your back bro.
This embarrassing sincerity is very difficult for Dave to maintain in anything but sporadic fits here and there, but it's actually Dirk's default resting position (Heart players, amirite). He's happy to tell Jane exactly why he got her the bunny with no pretenses; he's embarrassingly emotionally vulnerable with Jake; he goes on a long rant at Jane where he just tells her how awesome Roxy is and how proud he is of her.
TT: On one level, I gave you a filthy tattered piece of shit, albeit of tremendous cultural significance, manhandled by some old B movie actors, now candy coated to function as a highly practical defender droid for your personal protection. TT: On another level, I needed to incorporate something passable as a real heirloom. TT: For sentimental reasons.
Bro just actually loves being genuine and sentimental. If he were to tell John something was a stupidass idea, it would take very little for him to start leaning on friendship and feelings - what works best on John - where it takes Dave having to live through a whole timeline where John is dead.
(It should also be noted that John tends to open up to Dave, who is ultimately too ironic to really stop John's worst tendencies most of the time, while Dirk tends to open up to Jane, who's too much of a people pleaser and lets him get away with his theatrics most of the time. Looks like they're already seeking each other out via family resemblence, haha.)
But! There is another, more symbolic layer on top of all this.
John is Superman and Dirk is Batman.
EB: yeah, superman is pretty cool, i guess. EB: did you know nicolas cage was almost going to play superman one time?
John is the first (and only) character to relate the kids' meteoric births to Superman.
CG: YEAH, SO WHEN THE RECKONING STARTS HAPPENING, ALL THESE PARADOX CLONES GET SHIPPED OFF TO METEORS, FLUNG THROUGH SKAIAN DEFENSE PORTALS, AND SENT BACK TO EARTH. CG: END OF STORY I GUESS. CG: BYE. EB: wait!!! EB: so that means... EB: we are all sort of like superman? CG: UH YEAH, I GUESS. EB: cool!
Once that connection is made, it's really easy to see the parallels. John has black hair and wears glasses, he's associated with flight, and is the first character on-screen to go God Tier and gain some measure of invulnerability. His paragonic ability to be friends with just about anybody, as well as his willingness to risk his own life for the sake of the people he cares about, also echo the general ideas Superman tends to embody.
Dirk, meanwhile, is Batman. Check out his batarangs.
And again, the parallels are obvious; Dirk is a broody antihero, is a furry, is technically a rich little heir with a dead parent that he broods about, keeps an enabling butler-type figure around in lieu of said parent (Hal), and perhaps most importantly, loves to take on Robins.
GG: Will you teach me your ways one day, sir? Perhaps an apprenticeship will open? TT: Oh god, I'd love that.
Dirk really enjoys the idea of taking people under his wing and training them in his own image. Dave, Hal, and Jake have all been subjected to this unfortunate habit of his. And, much like the real Batman, this often becomes overbearing, causing his Robins to ultimately desire to put distance between them.
We can therefore mark this habit down as "causing harm to others," something a moirallegiance is intended to prevent.
Hey, guess who goes on an extended rant critiquing Batman for his tendency to posture instead of do actual good for the world?
JOHN: like, you know bat man? JOHN: truth be told, i think he might just be some kind of gallivanting idiot. JOHN: he's got all the money and skills in the world, and what does he do? JOHN: he buys a fancy car to drive around in, then jumps out and starts punching crooks with his bare hands. JOHN: then, when he gets horn swoggled by a wily clown with NO powers, and a LOT less money, who has to bail him out? JOHN: his side kick of course.JAKE: Yeah youre right! JOHN: what is bat man even trying to prove? being all serious and "cool" looking. JOHN: his side kick looks like he has a lot more fun, and smacks of confidence and self assurance, trotting around in his underpants. JOHN: bat man probably doesn't even care much about stopping crime, it's more about walloping thugs and getting to feel cool. JOHN: if he really cared about stopping bad guys, he'd probably use his fancy money to buy guns, and at LEAST show the criminals he's packing, to make them scared, if not surrender outright. JOHN: i bet his side kick probably just has to wait for bat man to bungle things up with his stupid karate, and when he gets in trouble, the side kick just guns down all the crooks from a safe distance like a sensible person.
These, you'll note, are not necessarily accurate critiques of real portrayals of Batman, who often is perfectly competent and genuinely vested in the greater good. But they ARE perfectly accurate critiques of Dirk. "Refreshingly honest critiques," you could say.
And guess what? This isn't even the first time that John has been preoccupied with Bat Man.
JOHN: i guess he's actually like cage's estranged sidekick? almost like the robin that batman never realized he had. JOHN: now that i think about it, this movie was always an oddly poignant tale of bromance between cage and cusack. just two bros separated by destiny, waiting to be united. JOHN: when they finally come together to kick some ass, it is arguably more moving than when he reunites with his wife and daughter!
Homestuck's foreshadowing gets REALLY obvious if you know where to look.
fun steven universe episodes like "steven universe turns into an adult man and it almost kills him", "surprise! steven has been subconsciously refusing to go though puberty!", and "steven's guilt about having needs and hyperawareness of his ability to hurt others causes him to transform into a manifestation of his own self-hatred, which happens to have a head and neck that look like a giant erect penis".
Do you think Caliborn is more of a sad and existentially horrifying nightmare a bit? Or LE? It’s sad to me. What do you think?
So the issue with this opinion, which isn't an uncommon one, is that becoming LE in a soul soup with "four rowdy souls" and "getting RIIIIPPED" is, like, very explicitly what Caliborn wants and manifested into reality.
Like, being LE wasn't some random thing he stumbled into. By the time Caliborn narrates that part of the story, he has literally turned to camera and told the viewer that he's usurped the narrative from Hussie, and has also directly told Jake that being Lord of Time involves making reality do whatever he wants.
Moreover, Caliborn's natural biological state is that of sharing a body with multiple souls, and he psychologically craves that because he shortcutted his own predomination. I'm not the only one who's noted that his sweaty brocrush on Dirk became his relationship to Doc Scratch: the primary personality present in Doc Scratch is Hal (Hussie notes multiple times that Doc likes to talk/think like a computer), and Doc Scratch is constantly called out for his insufferable smugness - the main negative trait Caliborn attributes to his sister. LE emerging from Doc's body is a facsimile of Caliborn predominating his sister, with an effigy both of her and of Dirk. In other words, not only is Caliborn super amped about the idea of becoming this big green monster via soul combination, it would be a fairly accurate read to say he derives a perverse sexual gratification from it (yes, it is gross. It is gross on purpose).
It's not much better for the other component parts of LE: Gamzee has fallen so deep into religious indoctrination that being combined with Caliborn, his religion's godhead, is not only his only remaining motivation, but explicitly what he's been working towards for the majority of his screentime. Moreover, Equius never truly confronted the fact that his BDSM casteplay fetish got the two of them killed. Hussie's very explicit that Equius could've easily overpowered Gamzee, but chose not to because he couldn't overcome how horny he was (and let's remember, Equius has always had a thing for Gamzee dominating him, to the point of cajoling Gamzee into RPing it out with him). Unfortunately, he might be even more into this arrangement than Caliborn is, as he's functionally being soul-stepped on by evil Gamzee for all of eternity.
In fact, the only person for whom this arrangement is not some sort of sick satisfaction is Hal. If you wanted to have sympathy for anyone in this situation, it should be him.
One of the core conflicts at the center of his characterization is the fact that he wants to be discrete from Dirk. He wants to be his own person, treated like a real person, separate from Dirk. This is why he changes his name, changes his text color, and asks to be prototyped. Unfortunately, this never actually happens for him. Dirk's meltdown and attempted murder of Hal mirror Eridan's, the other Prince: we can therefore read his actions as "destroying [his aspect]". Heart is associated with selfhood and identity; what does Dirk do to Hal after Hal begs for his life? He throws Hal into Equiusprite, which actually seals the deal on Hal's failure to achieve personhood.
One of Equius's most intrinsic character traits is his stubborn and inflexible nature, which often manifests as bossiness and allowed him to run roughshod over his moirail and ignore her wishes and f33lings when they were inconvenient for him. When combined with Hal, whose personhood is even more fragile than Nepeta's, you can actually see Hal disappear behind Equius's personality, practically reduced to nothing more than increased brain capacity.
ARQUIUSPRITE: --> I advise you to talk about your interests
ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Like dairy
ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Livestock
ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Fine art
ARQUIUSPRITE: --> And muscles
Once sucked into the LE soul soup, Hal's unpersoning is complete: as Doc Scratch, he is entirely subservient and obedient towards LE, his "master," who's using him as a stand-in for Dirk and Calliope anyway. According to Hussie, the fact that Doc used to be a computer twin of Dirk is one of the few facts Doc doesn't himself know.
Tasked with listing his interests, ARquiusprite can only rattle off Equius's interests, because Hal wasn't ever afforded enough autonomy to develop his own. Hell, the sprite is literally called ARquiusprite, not Halquiusprite, something especially tragic given that Hal literally tried to ditch the name "Auto Responder" because he felt like it was dehumanizing. (Guess what name Dirk continues to call him clear through to the end of the comic?)
Homestuck is also a postmodern work that looooves to use intertextuality, AKA a shout-out turned up to eleven, where an outside work is used to introduce and/or reinforce a work's own themes. One of the pieces of intertextual media that Homestuck employs is Mother 3 (with Homestuck literally being named after Mother 3's predecessor, Earthbound). In it, the protagonist Lucas is a twin, and his brother Claus beefs it hardcore in the early game. When you find him again, he's been turned into a cyborg enslaved to the main villain, Porky - a "child in an adult's body" who is also a time-travelling fascist, hell-bent on destroying the universe, and a clear inspiration/parallel to Caliborn. Here's what Porky has to say about the robot twin:
"If you're after the needle, then don't worry. My adorable monster is on its way to it as we speak."
"Huh? That monster's name is Claus? Its name was Claus? That almost sounds like a person's name! But now it's my robot. Not even a fragment of life remains inside it. It's Master Porky's slave robot! It does whatever I say! It acts on my will alone. It's my double. It doesn't know anything about who you are."
So, yeah. That's Hal's deal.
I think the real horror of LE, Hal aside, isn't how existential he is, but rather, how human he is. LE is a symbol of all the oppressors in our world - fascism, the patriarchy, predators, and abusers - and his creation is the direct result of people being really into the idea of creating him. Because the truth is, the monsters in our real world - dictators, manosphere influencers, etc. etc. (that is to say, the Caliborns) - they exist not just because they WANT to be that way, and made the CHOICE to be that way over and over, but also because they're propped up by Gamzees and Equiuses and Hals - people who have been forsaken by the system and have found solace in hatred and destruction, people who are blithely comfortable with their own privilege and see no issue with its perpetuation, and people who are ground into submission and don't even realize other options are available. The horror of LE isn't that he's a looming, cosmic threat, or even that he represents the cessation of the individual, because we all live in a society - none of us were REALLY individuals to start with. Rather, the horror of LE is that he is US. He is what WE create, what we allow to run rampant across our world, our universe, and what presently threatens all of us at all times.
So, yeah, sorry, I don't really agree with "poor Caliborn", lol.
okay, we're pretty sure that the config is jane <3< nepeta and feferi <3< rose, which means rose's quads are <3 kanaya, <> jade, <3< feferi, which is very funny because rose is dating The Mom Friend in red, and literally her doting pink mom in black. of course she is. she loves freud
Lots to comment on and far better fanart subjects when i actually have time but the beyond canon update revealing that for some reason Jake and Karkat are sharing an exile terminal was such a funny mental image to me that i had to draw it immediately. I was imagining something like this
rose lalonde, squatting like a gargoyle on top of the kitchen island, dual wielding spatulas and wearing over twelve thousand dollars worth of custom tailored children’s clothing: Mother, what were the circumstances of my birth? Were you left by a particularly wealthy husband who happened to not know of my existence and would earnestly take full custody if he knew he had a daughter, or am I merely a fry of fornication that you keep around out of spite?
mom lalonde, perched on top of the refrigerator and eating leftover sweet and sour chicken with only a carving knife, maroon lipstick smudged across the blade: ur adopted
origamiaround
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