screaming my diary at an empty room.

[lilcitychick]

Lately the demons have been taking control of me. Everything I see is covered in a full grey scale, and I fear that I’ll never sleep well again. Storms are blowing in and the waves are closing in, Till I saw you. Cause inner demons don’t play well with angels. And you make all the colors start to seep in. You’re rowing in your life boat to save me from myself, again. And I worry, don’t let my storm consume the both of us, Run while you still can. Leave me to my demons, they’re the only family I’ve ever had. Go find someone to give you, The sunshine you deserve. Leave me to my wind and waves, Find a girl who wants to be saved.

[lilcitychick]

Please come back.

It doesn’t matter that it’s been days since you’ve passed away. It doesn’t matter that half of the people that are now in my life have never even met you. I still think about you all the time. I still wish you were here. After all, everything would be so different if you were still alive. Of course, when I say “everything,” I don’t actually mean everything. Chances are, I’d still be living under the same roof and working the same job. I’d still be dating the same boy and taking care of the same dog. Only little things would change, but the little things mean the most. If you were still alive, I wouldn’t have to push the happy memories away, because they’re too painful to replay in my head. I’d just think of them and smile, and then pick up the phone to give you a call. If you were still alive, I’d have one more person to introduce my boyfriend to. One more person to embarrass me with awkward stories about my childhood. One more person to welcome him into our fucked up family. If you were still alive, there would be one less tattoo adorning my body. One less date that made me burst into tears every single year. Your birthday would be the only date that reminded me of you, and we’d have a hell of a good time celebrating. If you were still alive, there’d be one more person for me to call whenever I needed a designated driver. One more person to scream at me for acting like an irresponsible kid. One more person to make me feel like I’d be missed if anything ever happened to me. If you were still alive, there would be one more invitation to send out for my wedding. One more person to dance with when The Electric Slide flooded through the speakers. One more person to tear up and tell me how happy they are for me and my new hubby. If you were still alive, I wouldn’t have to talk to you through prayers or through my dreams. I could send you a text or write you a letter or just show up on your front step in the middle of the goddamn night, and you’d be happy to listen. But if you were still alive, I might not have realized that the whole “live each day like it’s your last” mindset is legit. That I need to treasure every moment while I still can and tell my family I love them as much as possible. As much as I miss you, I’m thankful for what you taught me while you were here, and what you’re continuing to teach me now that you’re gone. I miss you Kurt I wish you could come back and tell me everything is going to be okay.

[lilcitychick]

Sixteen Small Steps to Happiness 1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise. 2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable. 3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it. 4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else. 5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything. 6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice. 7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small. 8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full. 9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle. 10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck. 11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog. 12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through. 14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything. 15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends. 16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.

[hopeless-depression-deactivated]

[letliveintheenddd]

instagram friends? paradoksalan

[lilcitychick]

I'm sorry I have to run, it's just who I've become.

The Broken

[sad-plath]

[lilcitychick]

Do you remember the weekend we got away? It was the first trip we ever took alone together. You set up the fold up love seat by a low fire while I unloaded the car. You called me over and told me to put my head on your lap. You the proceeded to name me off all the constellations in the sky poking out the stars with your fingers laced in mine. Making sure I wrote each location to heart. I only remember a few now, but every time I look up, I seek out the big dipper first. If I hold it in my memory long enough I can hear the raccoons outside the tent, waterfalls rushing nearby, and the smell of you’re cologne.

[waterfallgifs]

[lilcitychick]

I still have ghosts of you climbing past my window sills at 1:18am. It takes all my strength to pull the shutters in and shake off these chilling early fall memories. I must always remember, you left, and I, stayed

[inkskinned]

There’s pieces of me you never gave back. There are nights that I can’t think about without flinching. Mornings I have to draw over in black marker. What if nobody ever looks at me like you did. What if I never find those secrets again. What if I am never whole again.

[northernarrow]

[lilcitychick]

It's crazy how the world was laid out before us. The campfires snaked into the stars and the world was our oyster. With tied laces and cheeky smiles we set off into the night. The cosmos danced overhead in patterns you can only try to write about. All was right, the galaxies had filled our pupils. The universe was filling our lungs. I could exhale a solar system just to breathe in the next. We were unstoppable, unfathomable, and endless all in one moment. We were free.

[lovemakesyouwonder]

[deceptivelips]

(18+)

[kiramartinauthor]

How can you look so much like poetry? All you’re doing is standing there, looking up at the sky.

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via kiraswriterthings)

[lilcitychick]

amber eyes

angel, someone cooed i could feel the hair being brushed off my face, small whispers of a tickle. nuzzling deeper into the satin pillow case below me, the hand skates down my cheek. angel, wake up early morning sun illuminated the dark grey walls. the white down comforter was tangled around my waist; and there he was stretched out beside me. head propped up on his hand, a lazy smile on his face. those deep set amber eyes, like pools of liquid gold in the sunrise. there she is. he says this so tenderly while his palm slips from my cheek to cup my face. his tanned hand a stark contrast to my porcelain skin. how did i always end up back here, in this bed? how was this one man the fault line in heart. the slightest disturbance and my heart falls to seismic contusions.

some night huh, he chatters. mindlessly tracing patterns down my spine. i want to try again angel.

his fingertips are leaving goosebumps in their wake. the fault line is shifting, i can feel the volcanoes boiling. the needle is jumping. i cant look at him. if i do i will dive right back into those golden pools and take another swim to my death. instead, i untangle my legs and swing them off his bed. upsetting the terrier in my wake i pat him softly on the head. this is the last time. i set my feet firmly onto the floor and move towards my discarded Ramones tee shirt from the night before. angel? the eruptions have begun in my heart. i can feel the biting hot encompassing my heart slowly. taking deliberate steps i retrace my steps from the night before to the faded denim shorts and smooth them over my thighs. please don't. its the last time i repeat to myself. the magma is cooling around my heart into a solid hard shell. with shaking hands and glassy eyes i reach for the door handle. wavering i glance back to find him sitting up fist balled in the pillow i was so lovingly lost in minutes before. his brown hair mussed with sleep and eyes pleading mine. i'm sorry i just don’t love you anymore. the door softly clicks behind me. each step hardening the armor around my heart so no one gets in again. the fault line sealed shut. its the last time, as the house shrinks away in my rear view mirror. its the last time.

[lilcitychick]

[jwfeelings]

And if you come back with the whole ocean in your stomach and a hurricane in your mind, just remember my arms would always be your anchor.

You’re floating away and the sand is burning my feet by @jwfeelings (via jwfeelings)

[brengmethehorizon-deactivated20]

[lilcitychick]

This week.

[q-universe]

“I’ve been trying to figure out who I am. I can tell you that I’ve been so tired lately, no matter how much sleep I get. There are thousands of worlds, universes even, inside of my mind, but I can’t tell you the names of the planets and the galaxies. I’m thinking of how I am, and I’m unsure of what the answer is. I’ve gotten terrible at articulating my thoughts, it seems. My words aren’t flowing. They’re stuck. I’m in a rut. These are my thoughts, but why do they feel so foreign? Where have I gone? I’ve hidden myself in a labyrinth with no end, but I wouldn’t be able to answer you if you asked me what I was hiding from. There are no monsters in my kingdom, but I still tremble in my dreams. If you’ve figured me out, or if you’ve found me, please let me know.”

(via pablopicatsso)

[lilcitychick]

I'll slow dance with you in my kitchen

And kiss you under incandescent light