long overdue wip update + the general plan for what i'm currently working on
no intro we die like men. i apologize for my absence. do not move to new york đ
MISDIAL; LJN
current posted wc: 66k
current written wc: 79k
estimated finished wc: genuinely i'm estimating 90k-100k. isn't that just batshit? when i started this i thought it would be like 30k words max.
last updated: july 2022 cannot believe you all are so patient with me. wow.
current status in my WIPs: high prio. i still actively write/edit for this from day to day, i have never forgotten about it. this is the one that has been kicking my ass the hardest though when it comes to writers block/inability to tolerate what i write ten seconds after i write it, which is what i blame for why i can't just put it out and be done... oh jenostar, how i miss u...
MISDIAL PREQUEL; NJM
current posted wc: n/a, hasn't been posted yet
current written wc: 28k
estimated finished wc: 35k?
last updated: n/a
current status in my WIPs: low... i mean lowkey i kind of want to finish this next (like literally next) so i can give myself a bit more wiggle room (aka time) to finish misdial next chapter... but im getting side tracked by other fics...
SWIMMING FOR DUMMIES; LJN (soon to be renamed)
current posted wc: n/a, hasn't been posted yet
current written wc: 58k
estimated finished wc: 65k-70? it's wrapping up! only a few scenes left!
last updated: n/a
current status in my WIPs: medium prio. because i haven't posted this yet i feel like i can take my time with this a little more, i really want to wrap up misdial before i really settle into finishing this... taking a little bit of a break from this to refresh my eyes (i was rereading it too often) so i haven't opened this doc in a month or two, but i've been thinking about it a lot. might be my favorite jeno portrayal now, even a little more than misdial...
COURTSIDE; LJN or NJM (choose your own ending)
current posted wc: this is on hiatus right now so idk actually. don't look for it though it's incredibly unedited and i'm too embarrassed to go back and check for myself
current written wc: 71k
estimated finished wc: 100k plus...
last updated: n/a
current status in my WIPs: i don't want to tell you 'cause you'll get mad (high)
OVERNIGHT GAMER; LHC
current posted wc: n/a, i haven't even teasered/trailered this one yet
current written wc: 66k
estimated finished wc: 80k? who the hell knows
last updated: n/a
current status in my WIPs: high............. do you guys want to hit me with hammers yet
MESSENGER; HRJ (+) INTO YOU; HRJ
status: into you is on indefinite hiatus because i kind of jumped the gun by posting that teaser when i'd barely started the fic... and messenger (FOR YOU DUCKBOY LOVERS OUT THERE!!!!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!) i haven't forgotten this at all, but damn, it's hard to motivate myself to get back into making the texts. but i have plans to finish this one day. i promise. i need to wrap this up, for renjun's sake, iykyk
ALRIGHT! THERE IT IS! proof that i, despite my... misgivings! actually fully intend to come back here and post these stories one day. atp idk how many of you are even still active but i'm going to keep writing regardless, so feel free to come back whenever and check in when you feel like it. i can't promise i'll be more active on here, i find it so hard to keep up with the more social aspects of tumblr, i really only think the only thing i should be doing on this account is Posting Updates + Finished Work so i hesitate to come around and bullshit for a while when i feel like i should be writing...
anyway. thanks, like always, for sticking around. here's to hoping misdial ch 7(??) or whatvever the next one is comes out before we're all dead and in the ground. i love u. bye for now!
slight slow burn because you know idk how to get my point across in less than 9k words of build up
genre; fluff, strangers-to-lovers, reader has mild aquaphobia, college-aged but no learning is to be had
warnings for this trailer; none? cursing, nothing too crazy, brief mentions of drowning
teaser wc; 1.5k / est fic wc; 10kish but i lie / comment on this post for taglist!
[a/n: i swear to god i am a renjun enjoyer i dont know where all these jeno wips are coming from]
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"WHO WERE YOU EXPECTING TO TEACH A BEGINNERS SWIM CLASS IF NOT SOMEONE LIKE ME?"
Jeno breaks the silence easily, stooping down to dig through what looks to be a bin of paper forms. From this angle, as he stretches for something deeper in the cabinet, all nine hundred of his back muscles seem to be staring at you through his black rash guard.Â
Jesus Christ. Itâs like heâs made out of steel. You wonder, absently, what it would feel like if you poked it; you didnât know anyone that was this fit besides Ryujin, and her hugs always felt a little like being swaddled by a meat-tenderizer.Â
âAn old person,â you blurt truthfully. âUh, because theyâd have the most experience or whatever. Like those little elderly ladies who swim for twelve hours a day.â
"I see. I guess I'm a little different than an old woman, right?"
You glance again at his shoulder blades. They still look like theyâre trying to rip their way out of his shirt. What old woman is built like this?
âA little.â
âHonestly," he continues, "You would have been out of luck either way. Most of the other instructors are still in college. But if weâre young, weâll be able to save you faster if youâre drowningâ so thatâs a plus, isnât it?â
You canât tell if heâs serious or not. You smile drily when he turns around and he actually laughsâ so you guess it was a jokeâ his eyes disappearing into little crescents, which momentarily distracts you from the bolt of fear that runs down your spine at the thought of drowning. In the next second heâs off again, down another corridor, herding you through a door he holds open into a more public part of the aquatic center.
You can smell the chlorine now. The dizzying scent of fresh pool cleaner floats in the air, and even with âMr. Youthâ walking not even two feet from you, goosebumps still rise on your skin.
"You're the last duck, so when we get there itâll just be introductions.â
"The last duck?"
"...Ah. No, sorry, I meant the last person who signed up for this block. It's a little hard to switch out of the kid speak when I'm here."Â
Jeno flashes you a reassuring smile, and the cuteness of it catches you so off guard you don't even understand what's been said until he's pushing open another door into what looks like a waiting room. The chlorine smell intensifies. Through the glass on the other side you can see a huge pool, crystal blue, shallow and long, but before that sits a slew of what seems to be elementary school aged children, chattering and laughing and milling about without a care in the world.Â
"Kid speak?" you echo slowly, wide gaze curiously fanning over their itty bitty faces, "What do you mean kidâ"
"Good afternoon, ducks!" Jeno bellows out over the group, all of them whipping around to find the source of the noise and then cheerfully calling back: "Good afternoon, Seonsaengnim!"
You continue to not understand. Teacher?Â
Jeno maneuvers around and through the children, to stand up near the doors next to another adult you hadn't noticed at firstâ a tall and (also) very handsome guy with dark upturned eyes, who is staring, obviously confused at your presence here, right back at you.
âI took a long time today, right?â Jeno asks with an exaggerated sigh. âWhoâs ready to get in the water?â
The children cheer. And then it finally clicks.Â
You could only imagine what look of pure, unfiltered terror lay across your face as it finally set in what Donghyuck really signed you up for. The duck comment. Why the âteacherâ was so much younger than youâd expected. The very carefully blank look Hyuck had given you this morning when you left your shared apartment to drive to the aquatic center. Donghyuck. Donghyuck had signed you up for a kiddie class. A class for elementary schoolers, for what looked like 7-10 year old children, to learn how to swim.Â
You feel your face light ablaze.
Oh, god! That's why Jeno had been looking at you so funny when you told him you were here for this classâ you were more than double the age of his average student!
Jeno clears his throat to regather the attention of his excited students, and you, horrified, look up as well.
"Iâm sure most of you are bored of this speech by now. But for all my new kids: my name is Teacher Jeno. This instructor to my side is Teacher Doyoung, and our extra help in the back? With the bright pink rash guard? You can call her Assistant Helper.â
Assistant who? You almost go to turn around to find who the hell else is going to witness your misery until you realize that Jeno is gesturing at youâ at youâ with a very pointed look in his eyes.Â
The oblivious kids only nod and smile and wave back at you before turning their attention back to the front. What?
"Great!" Jeno rumbles, hands clapping together, "Teacher Doyoung will show you guys to the changing rooms, and I want you all to store your belongings in the cubbies he shows you. For those of you that need them, bring your goggles. We'll meet on the pool deck, okay?"
Just like that, Teacher Doyoung shoots Jeno a look but then disappears out of the doors, the kids following after him just as fast. The sudden empty silence and wash of chlorine through your nose jumpstarts your overloaded senses. Your eyes lock onto his. You feel like youâre about to faint.
"Lee Jeno," you hiss. He was expecting this. He backs up immediately when you start on him.
"Before you get upsetâ"
"Before I get upset? So you knew I didn't know?"
You could probably count all of his eyelashes from how close you are, practically toe to toe as stares down at you guiltily. You're so embarrassed you could just die. "I⌠I thought youâd leave if you knew.âÂ
"You thought I'd leave and you still didn't tell me that this is a class for children?!"
"Dick move in hindsight," he agrees quickly. "But I was thinking, what if I just teach you one on one? Later, while the kids are doing freeswim, so they'll be too busy trying to kill each other to notice you. They all go home after that so no one will have to witness your, uh... learning. Thatâs what you're worried about, right?â
Oh. What?
"...Right?" he tries.
Heâs offering to teach you⌠alone? Like during his own free time?
Your embarrassment dissipates like smoke into the air between you. Confusion slowly wins out over your agitation, you settle back off of your toes, frowning; and he exhales like heâd really been expecting you to jump him or something. "Why would you do that for me?"
He shrugs. His eyes dart away to stare at a fraying thread on one of his braided bracelets. âI just think it would suck to waste a trip here just because the website wasn't clear and you clicked the wrong age range, you know?"
"I wasn't the one who signed up. My friend did it for me.â
The venom in your voice seeps out. Just thinking about Donghyuck right now upsets you all over again. You would have to get him back soooo good to make up for thisâ Maybe switch out all his swim trunks for a bikini on the trip, or replace his conditioner with purple dye and ruin that 300 dollar bleach job. That would be positively evil. Or maybe you couldâ
"But why would your friend sign you up for swimming lessons?â
"Almost drowned.â
You barely miss how Jeno's eyebrows fly up into his hairline.
"What? Seriously? How?"
"Are you this nosy with all of your students?"Â
Youâre only teasing but the boy's face actually folds like he's about to apologize or something annoying like that so you elaborate. "I tried to impress a guy I liked earlier this month at a pool party, and nearly died. Absolute shitshow. Donghyuck, my friend, said the only way he was letting me near water again was if I took swimming lessons from a professional, so. Here I am. What the prick didnât tell me was that he was signing me up for kiddie hour."
Jeno's eyes flash surprise and then another emotion you can't quite figure out before it settles back into general, âWow-Thatâs-Embarrasingâ sympathy. Discomfort at the little lie settles lightly on your skin, rising goosebumps, but you ignore it. So what if you weren't telling the whole truth?
Jeno probably already thought you were a freak for not knowing how to swim. He definitely didn't need to know about the whole aquaphobia thing, too.
[here it is, sfd anon!!!! after your ask i got to editing this again, and... lifeguard jeno <333333]
[please leave a like if you enjoyed! interactions and comments 100% motivate me to work on these harder. thanks for reading!]
Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader | Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Smut | Soulmate AU, Friends-to-Lovers AUÂ |Â 36k
Synopsis: As an introvert, you are familiar with the silence. Drowning yourself deep in your thoughts has been a habit youâve become addicted to. Your life begins to change, however, ever since the day you turned twenty. Suddenly, thereâs this song thatâs stuck in your head, and no matter how much you yearn to hear your thoughts or be comforted by the silence, it keeps on playing. You only get to find the answer to your problem when a young, cute barista hands you a cup of coffee one day, with that songâs lyrics written on the side. And you realize that youâre not the only one whoâs been hearing voices in your head.
Warnings: explicit sex, expletives, mentions of physical abuse and astraphobia (not for the main characters)
Itâs weird. Itâs so weird.
Itâs weird that youâve been hearing this song replaying over and over again in your head when youâre sure youâve never listened to it before. Itâs also weird because sometimes the song sounds like the ones you often hear about on the radioâcomplete with instrumental accompaniment and everythingâbut most of the time, it just sounds like someone is humming to it. Sometimes quietly, but more often than not, vehemently like theyâre having a concert in the shower, not caring if the neighbors might hear.
As someone who rarely listens to mainstream music, you donât keep up with the trend these days but the tunes are catchy enough that you think, maybe, itâs one of those Justin Bieberâs songs people always talk about. Youâre not fond of it, though, so even if youâve heard it somewhere in a cafe or a mall, thereâs very little chance youâll be humming it in your head.
And yet, it keeps on playing.
It gets worse when it goes on for a whole dayâa whole fucking dayâthat your brain feels like itâs seconds away from bursting into pieces. It doesnât even sound like your voice. It seems like it belongs to a male, a bit light and a pitch higher than most. Though it sounds pleasant, the voice is unfamiliar to your ears and thatâs what bothers you the most.
haechan â settle down (rockstar hyuck) | part 1 of 3
wc: 22k (!!!!!!!)
genre: angst, smut (18+ minors dni), fluff
warnings: loss of virginity, very soft sex (hand-holding during sex), lots of kissing, protected sex, haechan fucks...a lot, fingering, oral (f receiving), very faint corruption kink, JEALOUSY, possessiveness (marking, signing on your body), handjob, car sex, cumplay, spit, exhibitionism (!), slight dumbification, slight degradation, titty-sucking etc, sweet aftercare
a/n: i worked a lot on this and i really hope u like it.... i really hope it's hot... i hope u like rockstar haechan...please let me know what u think...
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he's been staring at you all night.
the bass thrums insistent in your chest, overriding your heartbeat, as you cling onto the barrier between the stage and the crowd. lights flash before your eyes, almost blinding you with how fast they blinked, and you can barely make out the faces of the boys onstage as they play their last song of the night. the air is damp, excitement riding high over the crowd in waves of endless screams that never seem to stop.Â
and the boy on the far right, fingers moving deftly over the strings of his electric guitar, hasn't taken his eyes off you for the last five minutes.Â
a sharp smile tugs at his lips, smokey makeup making his gaze ever more piercing as he looks down at you through his overgrown bangs, hairs at the nape of his neck unruly and wild. the lights throw the features of his face into high contrast, the tattoos curling on his neck and hip screaming for attention, as do the glint of jewelry scattered everywhere on his body. you feel smaller and smaller under his gaze, something lewd about the way he runs his tongue over his lips, eyes practically undressing you. he never seemed to stop moving his body as he played, bouncing on his toes or letting his body lean away from the sound, the music fuelling and becoming one with his movements as if he were a dancer.
as the music crashes and swells towards the end of his solo, his eyes slide over to yours with a practiced precision, as if he had memorized your position in the crowd. swaying his hips from side to side, his eyelids droop just slightly into a half-lidded stare, as he ruts his hips playfully against his guitar.Â
the screams of the other fans are deafening, but you can hardly hear it over the rush of your heartbeat in your own ears.
haechan finally looks away, a small smile on his face as he signals to his bandmates towards the song's ending. you feel almost empty as the weight of his attention lifts off of you, pressing yourself up against the railing on tip-toe to try and catch his eye again before sinking down and feeling like an idiot.Â
he was just doing fanservice for an audience member, nothing more. you try not to find his actions endearing as he slings his arm around the lead singer, mark, his surprisingly boyish laugh making your heart flutter in your chest as he waves towards his fans one more time.Â
people are leaving the venue, the sounds of their excitement getting further and further away, but you stand there, reeling, clutching onto the metal barrier, sure that if you took your hands off it you would fall. finally, glancing up at the stage one last time, you're just about to leave to find your friend, the only reason you were even here, when â
"leaving so soon?"Â
the boy is sitting on the stage right in front of you, leaning forward so you can see his face clearly. up close, he's even prettier than before, delicate almost doll-like legs wrapped under ripped skinny jeans, leading up to thick and toned thighs, his slender waist shadowed under his large leather jacket ridden with buckles and straps. without the bright stage lights, you can see the moles on his skin, tracing a dangerous path under the collar of his shirt.Â
at your lack of response, he raises his eyebrows. "i asked if you were leaving, princess."Â
"i have to find my friend," the words come out rushed. "umâŚjaemin? your band hired him tonight as the photographer."Â
"i remember," he nods. "soâŚyou're not a fan?"Â
"no." he nods, silence filling the space between the both of you. you can see him start to formulate a goodbye, his heart-shaped lips parting, but you don't want the conversation to end, you don't want him to stop looking at you. "- butâŚi really enjoyed your show."Â
he looks a little surprised, and a genuine smile spreads sweetly across his face. "why?" he challenges.Â
"what?"Â
"what did you like about our show?" his eyes glint, and you know he's teasing you.Â
"the songs were good," you mumble.Â
"yeah?" he licks his lips, a slight hint of nervousness showing on his face as he clears his throat. "who was your favorite member?"Â
"huh?"Â
"your favorite band member," he repeats, tilting his head to the side. "jeno, he's our drummer, mark's the lead singer, jisung plays bass and iâŚ" he waves his hand absentmindedly towards his guitar, on the stand, still onstage behind him. "i'm haechan," he adds.Â
if you wanted to get to know him, it wouldn't hurt to show a little of exactly how much you liked him, would it? "you were my favorite," you admit. "youâŚyou have really good stage presence," you blurt out.Â
"stage presence?"Â
"yeah. when i'm in the crowdâŚi can't really pay attention to anything else. and youâŚ" you swallow, heat burning up your cheeks, but the way his eyes were looking at you with curiosity making you finish your thought. "you make the audience feel like they want to please you." the unspoken truth, that you, as part of the audience, wanted to please him, hangs in the air.Â
your embarrassment, at saying something so suggestive and raw, is quickly washed away by the smile tugging at the corner of his lip, a smirk that quickly spreads across his face into a grin. you're so mesmerized by it, that you're taken aback by the way he suddenly shifts, hopping down the stage lightly and standing in front of you.Â
"princess," he says, softly, placing his hands on the railing next to yours so the sides of your fingers barely brush. "do you want to come to a party?"Â
you resist the urge to immediately say yes. "what party?"Â
"there's one after every show. jaemin will have been invited, he can take you." the venue has emptied out, even his bandmates have left the stage. and yet, his voice is pitched low as he leans in, body warmth radiating off of him, and you are so close, you can see the smudged eyeliner on his lower lash line, can make out the grey of his colored contact lenses. "you can find me there."Â
"butâŚ" you feel lost. "why can't you just take me?"Â
"if we show up together, it'll seem a little like we're dating, no?" his voice is quiet, but firm.Â
hurt and confusion blossoms in your chest. was it really that serious? keeping your voice as nonchalant as possible, you ask, "would that be so bad? forâŚfor us to date?â
but you know it's the wrong thing to say.Â
he exhales slowly, a brief look of pain flitting over his features. he hated doing this, hated reaching the point in conversations where rules and boundaries had to be discussed. nights where he found his girls at the party were the easiest, letting body language and long glances do the talking, as few strings attached as possible.Â
but today he couldn't stop looking at you, in the front row, couldn't help sliding his eyes over and checking to see if you were watching him, a pleased thrum burning in his chest every time his gaze found yours. it seemed logical, to spend his time with you tonight. but if he'd known you'd felt like this, he never would have waited onstage.Â
"what's your name, princess?"Â
"y/n."
"y/n, i'm not making you my girlfriend," he states, bluntly. "i can't, and i don't want to. you can meet me at the party later, but we'll just fuck â nothing else."Â
his words make you feel small, his tone harsh compared to his previous meandering way of speaking. even then, the thought of letting him walk away, to never see him again, to end this story on this moment, made you feel worse than anything. Â
at the look on your face, he softens slightly.Â
"i'm sorry if you thought this was going to be more," he says, quietly. "you don't have to do anything you don't want to."Â
"i do," you correct him. frustrated, he sighs, and you rush to clarify. "i'll meet you at the party. justâŚnothing else." your end off hesitantly, unwilling to echo his crude words.
"are you sure?" you think you see his gaze darken, the tension suddenly heightening as he places one of his large hands over your own. his guitar-calloused fingertips are rough as they slide against the back of your hand, drawing shapes that burn into your skin like tattoos. you nod, but he shakes his head â slowly, sweetly patient. "i need to hear you say it," he murmurs, and the words go straight to your gut.Â
"i'm sure." your voice comes out as a whisper, but he doesn't seem to mind. he leans in, and just when you think your lips are going to meet, your mouth parting expectantly, he tilts his head and kisses you softly on your cheek.Â
"make sure no one sees you, princess," he murmurs, low in your ear, before straightening up. "don't make me wait too long, hm?"Â
â
"did anyone follow you up here?"Â
haechan sits with his legs hanging off the edge of the roof, arms slung over one of the lower rungs of the railing. he doesn't spare you a glance as he takes another drink from his bottle of red wine, knowing that you're hanging onto his every word.Â
"no," you reply, voice barely louder than a whisper. you repeat yourself again, louder, hating the way your voice shakes with hesitance. "no, i don't think so."Â
he exhales, shrugging off the leather jacket that hangs large over his frame, his shoulderblades moving under his white shirt, veiny arms pushing the bottle to the side as he shifts himself backwards fluidly so he's further away from the ledge, his long legs stretched out.Â
"well?" and now he turns to look at you, dark eyes framed with makeup searching for yours, his gaze heavy. the piercing on his eyebrow glints in the moonlight, and when he leans his weight back on his hands, his shirt rides up so that you can see just the hint of a tattoo curling low on his hip. "are you ready?"Â
feet unsteady, you shuffle over to him, standing over him as he watches you through hooded eyes. unsure, you start to sit down next to him, but a hand quickly reaches out to touch your knee, dragging his touch up the back of your thigh, the cold scrape of his rings on your skin feeling rough and claiming all at once. his lips part almost mockingly, commanding you without words to stop.Â
he flicks his gaze down to his lap, eyes flickering back up to yours. eyebrows raised, as if in a challenge.
slowly, you lower yourself onto his lap, hands hesitantly grasping for his shoulders. his arms come to steady your waist, slipping under your shirt and touching bare skin, feeling the way your body shifts and moves. it's only because your body is pressed up against his, his hands are roaming up and down your thighs, that he notices something which makes him halt his movements, licking his lips.Â
"you're shaking," he murmurs, now brushing the hair out of your eyes, tucking a strand behind your ear as he studies you, taking in the way you're all tensed up, the uncomfortable way your legs are folded, goosebumps erupting every time his fingertips brushed your skin, muscles trembling.
you swallow. "i've never done this before," you admit.Â
his eyes widen, now removing his hands from you entirely, letting them fall. "you're a virgin?"Â
you nod, heart pounding in your chest. he's looking away, his jaw set, his gaze hardened. did he hate that you had no experience? or would he enjoy that? "i canâŚ" the words come out in a jumble, "you can teach me, i want⌠i want to-"Â
"no." with surprising gentleness, he motions for you to move off his lap, and you follow his actions mindlessly, docile under his touch.Â
"do you think i won't be good enough?" you ask, hating the way your voice comes out wounded and achy, hating how weak he made you.Â
he pauses, tongue poking into the side of his cheek, and you think you can see a flash of something deep in his eyes.Â
"y/nâŚi can't be your first time."Â
"but i want â"Â
"you need to be with someone who will take care of you." despite his words, his voice is cold, and clear. "i don't do that." he dusts off his jacket, shrugging it back on as he takes another drink from the bottle, eyes closed, unwilling to look at you for another second. "go home, y/n. i'll see you at the next show."Â
you don't move. you kneel there, next to him, eyes desperately searching for his.Â
"go home, y/n," he repeats, harshly.Â
"i want to stay here," you bite back, stubbornly, hurt making your voice brittle.Â
"then you'll have to watch me fuck someone else." lazily, he reaches into the pocket of his jacket for his phone, and you can see him scroll through his messages, faces and names blurring as you barely decipher him type out another message. his fingers moving across the keyboard, as the anonymous responder sends a series of heart emojis, eagerness palpable through the screen. he locks his phone, the click sound startling you out of your daze, and he puts his phone down on his lap, the action somehow mocking.
"so?" he's still not looking at you, staring straight ahead into the night. "do you want to watch?"Â
and as you make your way down the stairs, shame burning at your neck and tears burning hot down your cheeks, you can swear you feel his eyes follow you all the way down.Â
â
the feeling of embarrassment curdles in your stomach, and leaves a sour taste in your mouth every time you look in the mirror. it's what leads you to skip the next show, making an excuse to jaemin about 'having other plans'. and then the other, and then the other. and then it's been a week, and your friend has finally managed to drag you to one of their after-parties, pushing you through the door with a little too much enthusiasm. he knows something is bothering you, and he wants nothing more than to help take your mind off of it â but he has no idea that the something is currently leaning against the archway leading off into the living room, nursing a bottle of beer in his hands, and brushing his hands around some girl's waist in a way that made you feel sick.Â
jaemin introduces you to mark, out on the balcony. mark is sweet, and friendly, a regular boy-next-door who happens to have face gems twinkling next to his eyes and leather pants tight around his thighs. he asks you about college, and work. he talks about the songs he's writing on his guitar. he catches your drink when you almost drop it over the railing, an easy smile on his face when his fingers brush yours passing it back to you, and a shy grin when he reaches out to lace his fingers with yours properly.
"i'm really busy, but i'd love to talk to you more," he says, sincerely, as he takes your phone from your hands to key in his number. he texts himself so his contact is at the top of your messages, making you promise to text him when you get back. he looks at you meaningfully, squeezing your hand before dropping it to go back to his party.Â
there's a moment, where you think to follow.Â
but then all of it â every touch, every glance, every speck of light you counted reflected in marks' wide eyes, â all of it is wiped clean the moment you hear a familiar low voice.
"trying to get with my friends now, princess?"Â
when the light illuminates his silhouette, hurt registers before anything else.Â
hickeys bloom across the side of haechan's neck, trailing down to his chest. only a simple mesh top lies underneath his leather jacket, and you can see the shadows of a few more bruises on his torso when his arm shifts, tugging the jacket open just slightly. his hair is a mess, tugged this way and that by desperate hands, and you think there may be a smear of bright pink lipstick at the corner of his lips. you can smell the reek of flowery perfume, cloyingly sweet, all over his clothes, as he leans back against the railing, eyes turned towards the party happening behind the sliding glass doors.
"i thought you said i was your favorite band member," he murmurs, a mock expression of sadness on his face. "mark's nothing like me."Â
"why do you care?" you will yourself to sound more confident, letting the hurt dissolve into defiance.Â
"i don't." the pout has melted off his face, a burning intensity now in the way he stares at you, making you shift uncomfortably. a moment passes, where he studies your face, eyes flicking across your features almost methodically. "so am i?"Â
"what?"Â
"am i still your favorite?" his voice is bitter, as if he knows the answer before asking and he doesn't like it.Â
"are you seriously asking me that?"Â
"princess â"
he's interrupted by a chime from your phone. the both of you glance down at it at the same time, the text and the sender unmistakeable on your otherwise empty lockscreen.Â
mark <3 : thanks for talking to me today :) let me know when you get home safe!Â
there's a pause.Â
"mark has a girlfriend," haechan blurts out, his voice coarse.Â
"what?" you look up at him, trying to figure out if this was a joke, but his face is impassive.Â
"he cheats on her all the time with girls from his parties. it's his thing." haechan's still looking at your screen even though your phone has turned off, resolutely not meeting your eyes.Â
it takes you a moment to gather yourself, every one of markâs actions and words suddenly flashing before you like a flipbook, sweet memories crumpling into dust. "are you lying?" you ask, shakily.Â
"why would i?" he finishes his beer, veins shifting on the back of his hand as he crushes the empty can, the crunch of metal dissonant against the warm summer night. his next words are just as rough. "whether or not you get with mark means nothing to me. i don't care. i don't even know you."Â
his words ring true, as he pushes off from the railing, leaving you alone on the balcony without another word. the abrupt end to the conversation has you turning, eyes following him as he steps back into the party, looking away a little too late as you see him gesture someone over with a flick of his fingers, her long hair covering both their faces when their lips meet.Â
jaemin finds you crying on the balcony, but he can't figure out the reason. you delete mark's contact off your phone the moment you get home, and jaemin promises you he's never taking you to any other show or party with the band ever again.Â
â
"there should be an empty room somewhere." the man lets go of your hand, at the foot of the stairs. "can you wait for me inside one? i'll find you in a minute."Â
it's only when you're halfway upstairs, when you realise that you're really about to give yourself to a stranger for your first time.Â
he has a bright smile, sweet dimples showing each time his lips turn upwards, each time he calls you baby. he's not much older than you, but there's an easy authority in the way he takes your cup from your hands and tells you to stop drinking, getting you glasses of water instead. his body dwarfs yours in size, and when you put your hand on his thigh, you see something shift in his expression that tells you he may not be as gentle as he seems.Â
and when you tell him he'll be your first time, his throat bobs as he swallows, eyes dragging up and down your body with a newfound hunger.Â
you've never really cared about who you lost your virginity to, not considering it a big occassion or anything to make a fuss over. your mind flits back to two weeks ago, when some boy had cared way more about it than you did.Â
"you need to be with someone who will take care of you."Â
anger flares in your chest at the thought of it, as you climb up the stairs two steps at a time, and it's just when you're just reaching the first landing, when you suddenly coming to a crashing halt because â
the sound of microphone feedback makes you put your hands over your ears, instinctively, the shrill sound piercing the air.Â
a loud bass suddenly starts up, vibrating under your feet. did they hire a live band? the song that booms from downstairs is familiar, and with a jolt, you realise that you know it a little too well.Â
that honey-sweet voice, the bitter bite to his words soothed over by the sweetest of tones â drifts up from the speaker, a haunting melody that echoes up the empty staircase, punctuated by a screaming crowd.
as if to further prove it was him, he lets out a laugh at the end of his line, the tone of it dark and sarcastic, the crowd going wild at the sound of it.Â
was it a studio recording? it must be, because there was no way this band was downstairs, performing live at this random birthday party, there was no chanceâŚ
⌠except now mark is speaking into the microphone, greeting the audience, asking for the birthday girl. unease stirs in your stomach as you trace your steps back down, a dread that fills you up as the makeshift stage comes back into view, where the DJ had been just a moment ago.Â
to where haechan stood, guitar on its stand, eyes already trained on yours, an expression of white hot anger on his face.Â
â
"him? really?"Â
you can still feel his touch on your arm, from how he dragged you into the bedroom.Â
you're frozen on the steps.Â
haechan signals to mark, ignoring the questioning looks from the members and protests from the boy as he steps off the platform, making a beeline for the stairs. his brows are furrowed, his teeth gritted as he glares at you.Â
"you wanna go upstairs that bad?" he murmurs. "lead the fucking way, princess."Â
he starts towards you, and you take a step back, body colliding with the door. the sound seems to ground him, and he takes a deep breath, trying to calm down, finally turning away to sit on the bed, the space allowing you to relax just slightly.
"i thought," he starts, patiently, swallowing hard. "i thought i told you to find someone to take care of you, for your first time."Â Â
the reminder of his words feels like a stab in your chest. "i thought you didn't care," you shoot back.Â
he ignores you. "did you come here with your friends? where's jaemin?"Â
what the fuck was wrong with him? "who are you to tell me what to do?"Â
his lips part, but no words come out. sighing, he rubs his face with his hands, still trying to calm down. "y/n," he starts again, voice pained. "i don't want to see you get hurt."
"how do you know he would've hurt me?"Â
his eyes meet yours. "did you tell him?" he asks, quietly.Â
"tell him i was a virgin? yes." anger seeps into your tone, as you glare at him. "he reacted very differently from you."Â
"y/n that's not a good thing!" he stands up, his voice raised. "are you that desperate to get fucked?"Â
you step back in alarm, tears forming in your eyes. fear, of the situation you almost put yourself in, of the boy in front of you, makes your throat close up, and you can't help the way your body tenses. the cruelness of his words settles in a little too late, an acidic burn in your chest.Â
haechan feels the tips of his fingers go numb as you start to cry, guilt flooding his mind in a way he rarely felt. his face crumples, and he does't know what to do when you curl in on yourself, every sound you make feeling like a punch to his ribs.
"i'm sorry," he whispers, reaching for you tentatively. when you don't pull away, his arms circle around you, and he makes sure to leave enough space for you to breathe or break free if you wanted to. "i'm sorry," he repeats again, as you sink into his chest, needing his warmth as much as you hated his presence.Â
"take it back," you mumble. "take it back right now."
"i take it back," he says, immediately. "i didn't mean any of it. i'm sorry."Â
"you don't get to reject me," you start, voice shaky, "and control who i choose to be with."
he sucks in a breath, gripping onto you a little tighter. "y/n â"Â
"it'sâŚit's fucked up," you hiccup, fisting at the fabric of his shirt, crumpling it in your fists in frustration.
"i know," he breathes. "i know."Â
his hand comes up to stroke your hair, and you hate how it really does manage to comfort you, your breaths steadying as he pats your back clumsily. when you think you've calmed down enough, you place your hands on his chest, and he backs away instinctively, looking down at his feet. never meeting your eyes.
"i'm tired, haechan," you whisper. "i don't want to play whatever game you're playing." he doesn't respond, so you continue. "you don't want to fuck me, but you don't want anyone else to."Â
"i do." his response is so quiet, you barely catch it.
"you want other people to fuck me?"Â
"no, i don't." he lifts his head, his expression conflicted. "iâŚi want to be your first time."Â
"what?"Â
when he doesn't respond, you sigh, agitated. "haechan, i already told you i don't want to play your games anymore â"Â
"not a game," he cuts you off, softly. "i'll take care of you." the gentleness of his voice makes you feel small. it's almost overwhelming, the way he looks into your eyes, without his usual apathy and bitterness.Â
"i thought you said you don't do that?" it takes you all your willpower to not give in.Â
"i don't," he breathes. "but with you i will." he's starting to think he has no choice â that there's no one else in the world who's going to take care of you the way he knows you need. he doesn't know when he decided to give in, in between watching you place your hand on that man's thigh, and you standing in front of him now. all he knows is that he either had to do this, or make you disappear from his life entirely.Â
the words hang in the air. even now, feeling so torn and hurt and tired, your body can't help how much you want him, hyper-attuned to the little details in his appearance: the messy black nail polish scrawled on his nails, smoky eye make-up that makes his gaze all the more intense and devouring. there's a heady smell hanging onto his skin and clothes, rich and indulgent vanilla and musk, filling up your senses with a giddy desire. long legs in a pair of ripped skinny jeans, his thighs stretching out the fabric in a way that almost looked like it hurt.Â
"okay," you mumble. his lips part, but you answer him before he has a chance to ask. "please take care of me." your voice is small, yet each word seems to catch fire, incinerating the air between you.Â
his tongue darts out, wetting his lip. "yeah?"Â
you nod. finally giving in to the pull of your body, you take a step closer, looking up at him through your lashes.Â
"i'm sorryâŚabout all of it." he murmurs. "thank you for trusting me, still."Â
you can't think of anything to say, so you nod again. it feels like your heart is in your throat.Â
he swallows. "do youâŚyou shouldn'tâŚ" his eyes dart around the room. "we shouldn't do it here. inâŚin some strangers bedroom." gently, he touches your arm, looking at you hesitantly. "would you feel comfortable if we did it in your apartment? or i could bring you to my shared apartment with the bandâŚthey wouldn't be back yet. but we might have to be quickâŚ"
your head feels like it's spinning.Â
at your lack of response, he rambles on, eyes focused on yours, trying to discern your thoughts. "w-what do you think? orâŚif you really want to get comfortable i don't mind booking a hotel, it's a little last minute but-" he bites his lip. "do you want to meet somewhere else or i could take you in my car? i haven't drank much, i swear, but if you don't trust me-"Â
"stop," you blurt out.Â
he freezes, the hand grazing your arm dropping to his side, fingers playing with the rips in his jeans.Â
"i'm sorry," he says, softly.
"no, i meanâŚstop asking me questions." you exhale. "i trust you," you repeat, softly. every word of it was true â despite everything, you were still the same person sitting on his lap up on the rooftop. "justâŚtake care of me, however you want."Â
he swallows. "you soundâŚ" exhaling, he shakes his head to clear it. "okay. is your apartment empty?"Â
"yes," you whisper. "jaemin's away for tonight."Â
"i'll drive," he murmurs. and now he takes a step closer to you, until he's all you can see, the room melting away. "but before thatâŚcan i kiss you first, princess?" you nod, transfixed by him, as he leans in.Â
haechan kisses soft.Â
his lips are plush, and soft, taking your bottom lip between his own sweetly. he tilts his head slowly as if he's afraid he'll overwhelm you by moving too fast, his lips parting as he invites you to do the same, his hands going to the back of your head to guide you. a soft sigh escapes the back of his throat when your lips part and he can taste you, and you can taste him â vanilla like how he smells, with the slight bite of alcohol. your hand comes up to touch his round cheeks, surprisingly soft too, and he smiles into this kiss.Â
he's the one to break apart from you, with a patience that feels rehearsed. he's taking care of you, as he leans in so your noses brush, your breaths mingling.Â
"haechanâŚ" he hums, encouragingly. "iâŚyou know this isn'tâŚmy first kiss, right?"Â
a pause. "i know," he murmurs.Â
"so⌠so you don't have to be gentle." you squirm slightly as his touch grows heavier, eyes darkening at the implications behind your words.Â
he backs away from you, hands pulling you with him as he sits down on the bed. his eyes flick down to his lap as he lowers his gaze, before dragging them painstakingly up to yours again.Â
"sit, princess."Â
this time, when he feels you tremble against him, your knees caging in his hips as you straddle him, all he does is lean in and kiss you â just as sweet as he did the first time.Â
"i'm gentle with you because i want to be," another kiss, his tongue sliding against your bottom lip. "not because i have to." his fingers guide your chin upwards, baring your neck to him as he leans in and leaves a kiss on a spot under your jaw. and then a longer, more lingering kiss. and now he's making his way down your neck, each press of his lips on your skin longer and rougher than the last, and now you're sure he's sucking marks onto your neck, especially when you feel a slight sting of teeth.Â
you're shifting against him restlessly, body hardly your own as you fall under his touch. you don't know how long you spend there, in his lap, as he works on your neck, taking breaks to kiss you on the lips, his sighs echoing into the cavern of your mouth as it falls open with need. it's when he sucks lightly on your tongue, almost boyish in the way he backs away with a small smile, when a soft sound escapes your lips.Â
"yeah?" he murmurs, leaning in again, letting the tip of his tongue brush against yours gently. "you like that?"Â
you nod.Â
"you sound so pretty," he breathes, as he slots his lips with yours again, humming against yours as you let out another small whimper.Â
"haechan-" you mumble, and he draws away, looking at you expectantly. "i think i'm ready."Â
"really?" his hands on your waist give you a light squeeze. "you want me to take you home now?"Â
you're still giddy from the heat radiating off his skin, your lips craving his contact again now he's stopped kissing you. you nod, and he smiles, gently guiding you off his lap as he unlocks the door.Â
he's gentle the whole way down â as he leads you away from the main staircase so you wouldn't be seen, the crowd still distracted by the band. he cradles you carefully against his side all the way out of the back gates and into his car, and when your breath catches as he leans over to buckle your seatbelt for you, he's gentle even as he presses into you for a spur of the moment kiss, tongue licking into your mouth with more fervor.Â
it's not a song that plays in the car as he drives and you try to remember the way to your apartment, but rather it's a low and sultry beat â bluesy harmonies stretched out over pulses. part of you wonders if he played it on purpose, because imagining his voice set against it already had you melting against the leather seats.
it would all be rather sweet â how gentle he's being, the soft way he smiles at you in the dim lights of your lift lobby, the way he holds your hand and lets you lean against him as you head higher and higher, the space around you feeling like a vacuum of trapped adrenaline and lust.Â
but there was also no denying the fact that he jolted at the slightest sound, his grip on you tight and slack all at once, the tenderness in his eyes here one second and gone the next. a hurt you could almost taste on your tongue, that you were holding onto something so fragile, and that to him it seemed the worst thing that could happen would be if he were found with you.
â
but all of it changes, when you're alone in your room. the weight of his attention, that you'd felt even as one person amidst a screaming crowd, seems to intensify tenfold as he lets his jacket slide to the floor, eyes on you.Â
he reads the apprehension in your body, the way you hover near your bed, waiting for him to guide you.Â
"let me know if it's too much, okay?" he murmurs, as he pulls you in for a hug first, feeling you warm against him as you cling on to his embrace. "you can tell me to stop whenever, and i will." his hands rub circles up your waist, teasing on the silver of skin between your top and your skirt.Â
you nod, but he shakes his head â a thumb brushing across your cheek.Â
"use your words," he murmurs. "so i know you mean it."Â
"okay," you breathe, now guiding him to the bed yourself, curiosity getting the better of you. you had almost forgotten, in the midst of everything, why exactly you went to the party, and the familiar need sparks back to life in you.Â
haechan sits down against the headboard, pulling you into his lap, the movement feeling even more natural now. he can see that you're nervous and eager at the same time, hands fumbling with the soft material of his shirt, unsure what to do as you shift around on top of him.Â
"can i kiss you?" in the soft lamp light of the room, the sharp-cut edges of his face seem to blur, large doe-eyes looking up at you kindly. it makes you want to lean in, so you do â slotting your lips with his boldly, kissing him the way you wanted from him. it surprises him, the way you press your lips against him harshly, the gentle graze of your teeth against his plush lip.Â
he lets out a small laugh, and kisses you back just as fiercely, the atmosphere in the room melting as temperature skyrockets, until it's almost unbearable to be separated from you by layers of fabric.Â
"may i-" he mumbles, tugging at the hem of his own shirt, and when your voice chokes out an affirmative, he's quick to yank it over his head, movements rough, exposing beautiful skin, his body warm and solid under your palms as you lean into him.Â
your cheeks warm, and he notices â a small smile on his face as his hands cup your cheeks, and he gives you a sweet kiss, abruptly different from the others. suddenly, it's almost too tender, the way he looks up at you with endearment in his eyes, kissing you chastely, and you sink into it a little guiltily, enjoying the innocence of it.Â
when you feel your heart reach its boiling point, your own hands go to the hem of your shirt, and you pull it over your head. you don't mean to slow down your movements, not meaning to tease or entice, but the way his eyes darken looking at your body made you wish you did it on purpose.Â
"pretty," he praises, head dipping to press a kiss between your collarbones. and another one, lower done, almost reaching your cleavage. the bra you had chosen mindlessly that morning was a thin bralette, and it did little to hide how aroused you were, your nipples poking stiff peaks through the fabric.Â
but still, he doesn't make any move to remove it, peppering kisses on your bare chest, over the slope of your breasts, almost slobbering at your skin, lips dewy and wet. his arms are firm around you, meeting each one of your movements and steadying you, helping you rock your hips into him as desire surges in your body.Â
"haechan, â" his name had never sounded so breathless falling from your lips.  Â
"yes, baby?"Â
the term of endearment makes you feel smaller in his lap, the only thing making you feel better was the way he was just as heated as you, his breaths coming hard and fast. he wanted everything to be perfect, he never wanted to rush you into anything you weren't comfortable with, his hands staying firm on your lower back.Â
you tug at the bralette covering your chest impatiently, the fabric never feeling more uncomfortable on your skin.Â
"you want me to take it off?" he asks, head nuzzling into your neck as his fingers wander up your back. you feel it loosen around you, his finger expertly fiddling the clasp open, dragging it down and accidentally brushing against your hard nipples, making you hiss.
"i'll make you feel good," he promises, softly, lowering his head, kissing down the slope of your breasts. he makes eye contact with you, searching your eyes for any form of discomfort.
"be gentle," you murmur, nodding for him to continue. "they feel sensitive."Â
"of course," he mumbles, before starting to lightly kitten-lick at your nipple, the feeling all at once new and arousing, making you pulse against him in his lap. he circles his tongue around your areola, being as gentle as possible, opting not to flick at your nipples but rather suck one into his mouth, heart-shaped full lips sinful against your chest. the heat between your legs is overwhelming, as he switches to your other side, his hand coming up to knead your breast, warm palms moving over skin and making you giddy.Â
"please," you whimper, as he laps at you. "please, i need you, please â"Â
"you have me," he murmurs, one of his hands reaching out for yours blindly, scrabbling against the back of your hand from where it's pressed against his chest, flipping it over and interlocking your fingers. "i'll take care of you. lie down for me?"
he moves you off his lap, guiding you onto your back, propping up pillows you can rest against. the familiar feeling of your bed is only faintly there, your senses filled with the sweet heady smell of haechan, from the perfume and lotion clinging onto his skin, as you watch him remove the numerous rings on his fingers, placing them carefully on your bedside table.Â
haechan kisses his way down your body, suckling on your skin, leaving longer, lingering bruises on your hips, finally reaching your thighs as he lowers himself down. he guides your hips up with a heavy hand, sliding a cushion carefully under as he situates himself between your legs. you're so sensitive, that the feeling of his long hair against your skin has your thighs sliding together, squeezing around his head accidentally.Â
"you okay?" he murmurs, as he kisses your thighs again, patiently easing your thighs open.Â
you suddenly feel shy, knowing he was about to see you so intimately. even when you had agreed to let him take care of you, even as you trusted him completely, you had never imagined seeing him in between your spread legs like this, somewhere you hadn't even explored much yourself. would he be disappointed or disgusted? what if he didn't like what he saw or felt?Â
"babyâŚ." he rubs a hand carefully on your thigh, tips of his fingers slipping just under the hem of your skirt. "is this okay? do you want to stop?"Â
"i don't want to stop," you admit, and you find that its true.Â
haechan looks at you, studying your face. after a moment, he crawls back up your body, brushing the hair out of your eyes before he brushes his lips against yours softly, as if asking for permission. you grant it, lips parting as his warm mouth meets yours, a welcome taste in your mouth that's become familiar. you kiss for a while, his hand finding yours in the mess of sheets and intertwining your fingers, until you feel confident enough to slip your other hand to the zipper of your skirt.Â
you tug it off your legs, haechan breaking away from the kiss to help you, moving down your body.Â
"i'll take care of you," he whispers, his hand never letting go of yours. "these are so pretty, baby," he whispers, a finger tracing over the lacy pattern on the front of your panties. you've never been more aware of your own arousal seeping out of you, as he places a kiss low on your hip, and then another just on the waistband of your panties, and suddenly, you want nothing more than for them to come off.Â
your fingers tug at them impatiently, and he takes hold of your hand, kissing your fingertips lightly. "let me," he murmurs, and you hear something low and raw in his voice, something that maybe wasn't there before. sitting up slightly, he pulls your panties down your legs, assuming his position as quickly as he'd left it once the fabric was out of the way, rearranging your legs so they're spread open for him.Â
the tension in the room fills your lungs up like smoke. you barely mumble his name, beg him to do something, before you feel a soft touch against your clit, making your hips jolt and you let out a sharp exhale.Â
"let me hear you," he encourages, gently, as he starts to rub circles into your sensitive nub, dipping down to your entrance and spreading your wetness all over your cunt. your hips keep shifting around, so he pulls his arm around to press down into you, keeping you still for him as he slowly pleasures you.
"t-this feelsâŚ" you start, lost in your own head. you've touched yourself before, but the sensitivity seemed to be heightened to an exaggerated amount once it was someone else touching you. he looks up at you, face still wickedly beautiful, the gentlest look in his eyes laced with something like desperation.
"can't believe i got so lucky," he murmurs, suckling a kiss close to your heat, high on the soft skin of your thigh. your legs clamp around his head, and it makes him groan, breath heavy against your cunt. "you're pretty everywhere, baby. can't believe i'm the only one."Â
the words flood your veins with a dark thrill, the idea of being his, of him taking all your firsts. "hypocrite," you mumble, cutting yourself off with a moan as he applies more pressure to your clit.Â
"maybe a little," he admits, shyly, as he dips his head back down and flicks your clit with the tip of his tongue, his fingers sliding down to your entrance instead.Â
you cry out at the foreign feeling, the wet muscle of his tongue stroking your clit expertly while his slender finger slips past your entrance. his name, strung along by curses, echoes from your mouth as he teases his finger in and out of your entrance, tongue lying flat and wide as he laps at your clit in a way that made you feel like you were already close.Â
stiffening his tongue, his flicks your clit with the tip, humming into you just as he curls his finger against your walls in a come-hither motion. he knows when you cum â back arching as you seemed to chase for stimulation above you, your walls sucking tightly around his finger and kneading it eagerly, making him groan as he imagines the feeling of you tight around his cock. he lets you ride out your orgasm on his face, his nose bumping your clit and eliciting another drawn out whimper, tongue teasing your entrance.Â
when your hands push at his head, he backs away easily, once again making his way up your body to check on you, the warmth of his bare chest against yours making you feel safe.Â
"good?" he kisses you, tongue moving against yours, inviting you to take a taste. "did you like that, sweetheart?"Â
you nod, gasping. "haechanâŚ"
"you did perfect for me, baby." his hands run up and down your sides as he kisses down your neck, enjoying the way your body wraps yourself around him, arms pulling his weight down into you.Â
"i still need you," you murmur. the pleasure from before had only satiated you for a little bit, and the feeling of his hard length poking at your thigh was making your head spin with a whole different level of desire, as you grapple for his belt. "please, i've been good-"Â
"you're perfect." he comforts you with a kiss.Â
he guides your hand away from him gently, unbuckling his belt and letting his pants slide onto the bed as you lie back down on your pillows. tugging his underwear down, you swallow as he squeezes his thick length, the pink tip leaking clear liquid. he watches you watch him spread it on his length, pumping himself slowly, drawing out the pleasure as he moans, a sweet tenor sound that rings lewdly in the air. you watch, mesmerized, as he thrusts his hips forward a few times, stroking himself with a slight twist of his wrist before letting go abruptly, letting his cock slap up against his lower stomach.Â
fishing around in the pocket of his discarded jeans, he takes out a condom wrapper, opening it quickly and rolling it onto his cock. you're sure you're making a mess of the sheets, you can feel your arousal and his saliva on your thighs, can feel another gush of wetness seep out of you as he lowers himself over your body and slides his cock against your folds.Â
he grinds himself on you, hoping to get you wetter so it may be less painful when he enters you. his fingers find your clit again, this time he rubs it urgently, with just the correct amount of pressure to have you shaking and lifting your hips into him.Â
"stop me anytime," he reminds you, as he lines himself up to your fluttering entrance. "you have to relax for me, baby." he pitches his voice lower now, and you can't tell if he's comforting you or if he's slowly being pulled under by lust too. he makes soft shushing noises, nipping at your lips with gentle kisses as you whimper, feeling the bulbous tip of his cock slowly stretch you open, his fingers resuming his movements. the head of his cock still feels shallow inside you, when it suddenly brushes against a sensitive spot, and his fingers on your clit glide just right, making you cum, hard. he feels you clamp down tightly around his tip, and he hisses, eyes squeezed shut. his mind wiped clean for just a second as pleasure thrums through his entire body, an aching pain that makes his mouth hang open.
"'m sorry," you whimper, tears prickling to your eyes as you interpret his expression as annoyance. "i'm so sorry, it just felt so good â"Â
"babyâŚ" he looks at you, his face morphing into panic when he sees the tears in your eyes. "don't apologise, please, you have nothing to be sorry for."Â
you still look unconvinced, so he reaches for one of your hands, holding it in his and kissing your fingertips. "you are so pretty when you cum," the filthy words sound sacred the way he says them. "and you felt so fucking good around my cock," he murmurs, voice sinking low again.
you begin to relax again, sniffling slightly as you adjust your legs around his waist, feeling him slide a little deeper into you. he coaxes you into taking more of him, kissing you sweetly as he slips in further and further, until finally the both of you are groaning, his body shuddering slightly against yours as he feels your warm gummy walls tight around him.Â
"so tight," he groans, cursing again under his breath as he circles his hips, drawing a moan from you as your thighs tense. "how are you so tight?," he panted, tone still teasing despite him trying desperately not to buck his hips into you. "has no one ever fucked you before or something?"Â
you don't have it within you to tease back.Â
"only you, haechan." the words are reverent, hushed. it strips him of any of his cockiness, his teasing, his boldness â his features softening at the way you look up at him, trying to maintain eye contact even as the ache between your legs drove you insane, not wanting to waste a single moment of this, in case it never happened again.Â
"haechanâŚ" your nails rake against his back, drawing him out of his daze. "please fuck me."Â
"fuck," he breathes, as he slowly starts to move in you, obsessed with the way the words sound in your voice. his thick length drags against your walls, heavy inside you, the wet sounds of your arousal seeping into the room. you feel full and stretched out, sated by having him so close to you, it feels like you can feel him deep in your gut the way he's thrusting into you, especially when he hikes your legs higher on his waist, drawing a long moan from you as he manages to stimulate a spot inside you that has you seeing stars.Â
he changes his pace, now barely pulling himself out of you as he nudges the head of his cock against your sweet spot. licking a long stripe from your neck up to your ear, one hand tangles itself with yours, while the other ghosts over your sensitive nipples.Â
"i'm cumming," the words come out rushed as you barely hold onto your senses, cumming harshly for the third time, your body thrown into pleasure as your muscles tense. he succumbs to the feeling of your walls kneading his length and squeezing tight around him, eyes going unfocused and hazy as his lips part, a moan drawn out from his lungs without conscious thought. he's aware of the way your muscles tense as he fucks both of you through your highs, relishing in the sting of your fingernails on his back as he slows down his movements. he draws out both your highs by leaning in and sucking on the mark he'd left behind earlier that evening, letting his moan buzz and fizzle on your skin.Â
you feel dazed and tired, arms never letting go of him, legs unwilling to unwrap from his waist as you cling to him. he rolls you both onto your sides, caressing your body sweetly and stroking your hair, mumbling questions and concerns that you can't register, nodding to everything in a blur. the weight of him feels good, his body warm and solid against your back, and once again that feeling of safety, that feeling of complete trust, washes over you. it makes you feel whole even as he pulls out of you with a wince, discarding the condom in the trash by your bedside.Â
you cling to him, and he knows you need it â so he doesn't let you go, heavy hands patting your back clumsily, slightly rough and out of rhythm, just like the way your heart beats against your ribcage.
when he feels your arms loosen, relaxing finally after the high of hormones and adrenaline, he slips away quickly to the bathroom, putting on his underwear as he goes. he grabs a towel, turning your tap on to warm water and checking the temperature with his wrist as he washes his hands, his face, cleaning himself up. running the towel under the water and squeezing it dry in the sink. his movements methodical, as he slips out of your room and into the kitchen, looking around for a glass of water.Â
he immediately races back the moment he hears a sound from your bedroom, shutting the door behind him just as you sit up, your expression clearing once you see him again. pulling his shirt from where it's discarded on the floor, he slides into bed, kissing you on the cheek.Â
he cleans you up with soft strokes, the warm towel soothing on your skin even though he hadn't really been rough. he makes you drink from the glass of water, watching you drain it carefully. finally, slipping his large shirt over your frame, swallowing at the way it envelopes your body, a feeling stirring in his gut that he ignores.Â
"y/n? are you with me?" when you don't respond, wide eyes looking up at him, he touches his fingers to your cheek. "baby?"Â
each brush of his skin against yours felt like trails of fire, lingering warmth even after he pulls away. every look he gave you through his lashes, the slight pout to his lips when he broke away from a kiss, made you feel like you were caught in a riptide, your pulse out of your control. you wanted to crawl into him and make a home in his chest. you never wanted him to look at you again with his shuttered eyes, to have to dream yourself into the skin of someone else as he touched them.Â
you had to tell him. "haechanâŚhaechan iâŚ" you reach for him, and he pulls you into his embrace, shushing you softly. you try to speak again, lips parting, but he envelopes your lips in a gentle kiss, nipping at your mouth each time you part, swallowing all your sounds with the sweep of his tongue.Â
"princessâŚ" his voice sounds raw, and coarse. "don't say anything you don't mean."Â
"but-"Â
"you don't know me." was it regret in his voice, or your wishful thinking? "you don't know me at all. what you're feeling right nowâŚ" he touches a hand to your chest, brushing a kiss on your cheek. "it's because of the sex, alright?"Â
you shake your head.Â
your next words come out slurred, your eyelids starting to droop as sleep begins to tug at your mind, threatening to pull you under. "butâŚwhy can't i know you?" Â
he takes a deep breath. "i don't want you to."
"but i don't want this to end."Â
he holds you tighter against his chest at your words.Â
"this?" he questions, quietly. he keeps his voice light, but it still pierces your heart like a shard of glass. "there isn't a 'this' princess. this isn't happening again."Â
"why?"Â
"i don't want you to get attached." he cradles you even more carefully against him, freckling mellow kisses onto your forehead, the contrast between his words and his actions ringing dissonant in your ears. "besides⌠why would i spend the night with the same girl twice, hm?"
sleep softens the hurt from the words he's saying. his voice fades slightly, his touch against your skin roaring ever louder in your ears. "you know i won't be here when you wake up, right?" his fingers brush against your forehead lightly, pushing hair away from your eyes.Â
you knew.Â
but you still cried in the morning all the same â the golden-orange sunrise beautiful and terribly cruel, just like the boy you were perhaps falling in love with.Â
â
you spend the weekend alone.Â
you spend the weekend wondering if haechan thought of you at all, after he left. thinking if what he said was real, and it was just adrenaline and lust, then why did your heart ache at the thought of him? at his face on posters outside the small concert venue, inviting you to a show next week? why did you always turn at the slightest hint of his voice?Â
you try to forget him. you try to tell yourself he wasn't worth it. but deep down all of it, a part of you still hopes, which is perhaps why you were letting jaemin drag you past the poster of haechan, into the alleyway that led backstage.
"are you sure you need me there?" you pull at jaemin's sleeve, your other hand holding onto his spare camera carefully as he guides you into the venue. Â
"i do," he insists, pushing through a set of doors leading to the stage. "mark wants extra photos for their social media page and i can't be doing all of that at once."Â
you can hear the boys talking just around one of the curtains, sprawled out onstage, a cacophany of sounds as they absentmindedly plucked at their instruments. you were going to see haechan again. you can't tell if it makes you want to run towards them, or go back home. that familiar sense of hope, the kind you experienced in the crowd that first night, on the balcony, in the bedroom and in the moonlight, fills you up slowly, sweet and light. maybe, if he just saw you againâŚ
"y/n-" jaemin puts a hand on your arm, stopping you gently before you could rush onto stage.Â
"yes?" you prompt.Â
"i know i dragged you here, but if you're feeling uncomfortable," he starts, and you start to slip away, but he only tightens his grip. "let me finish â if you're feeling uncomfortable, or if any of them are hurting you, let me know okay?"Â
you hadn't told him about haechan, something close to shame seeming to rise up and choke you whenever you tried to bring it up. all jaemin knew was that the last two times you had come into contact with the band it had upset you badly, and as your best friend and roommate he never wanted to see you crying on the balcony again.Â
"what would you do? beat them up?"Â
"i would leave." his serious tone doesn't change, unaffected by your attempt to lighten the mood.Â
"but the money â"Â
"no job is more important than you being okay," he insists. "i don't want to work for them if they hurt you. okay?"Â
"okay."Â
even though he looks unconvinced, his grip on your arm loosens and he takes your hand instead, pulling back the curtain with his other.Â
you can hear him say something to mark about today's shoot, hear him greet the rest of the members. you guess that mark is rising to greet him, hear something like jisung and jeno standing too, but everything fades to white noise when the sight you're looking at clicks in your mind, the one member of the band who's voice you hadn't heard, who hadn't bothered to turn around at jaemin's arrival.
or rather, the one boy who was too pre-occupied to â considering he had his tongue in a pretty girl's mouth.Â
haechan was facing away from you, away from the rest of his bandmates, you could really only see his broad back under his denim jacket, but the careful tilt of his head as he kissed her was all too familiar, as was the movement of his arms around her waist. and when she shifted in his lap, his hands pulling her hips down unto his, you can feel your heartbeat in your ears, a sharp pain searing at your chest in emotions you couldn't pinpoint.Â
"fuck, sorry about that â" mark's voice is flustered, and now a tall boy, the bassist, jisung, is stepping in front of you, blocking your view of him.Â
"sorry," he echoes, and you're momentarily caught off guard by how deep his voice is - husky and quiet. you blink up at him, fog slowly clearing in your mind, and he smiles shyly. "he doesn't usually do that."Â
"who?"Â
"um, haechanâŚ" he looks back briefly, and you see haechan helping the girl to her feet, her body crumpled into his like she couldn't bear to be separated from his touch. you feel a wave of second-hand shame again â was that what you had looked like?Â
and then jisung turns back to you, towering over you again and blocking everything from view. "he usually only does this after the show, but todayâŚ"Â
"it's fine," you say, faintly.Â
jisung looks at you, carefully. "you're jaemin's friend y/n, right?"Â
you nod, half your mind still on what could be going on right now. behind jisung, you see mark pull haechan, now alone, towards a corner of the stage, whispering angrily at him. haechan is slouched lazily, picking at his nails with all the look of someone who couldn't care less about what was going on.Â
"i saw you at our last show," jisung continues. "i was going toâŚi was goingâŚ" he breaks off, a little embarrassed, fumbling with his words. "are you sure you're okay?"Â
"i'm fine, jisung." you repeat, your voice a little more firm, as you finally look back at him.
he blinks. "you know me?"Â
jisung still looked worried, but there was something sweet about the way he shrunk a little under your attention, eyes darting all over your face and around his surroundings, blush tinging his cheeks.
this you were comfortable with â something completely different from the way haechan's eyes always tried to drink you in, or the way your vision would go blurry at the edges when he would stand in front of you. talking with jisung was easy, the confidence that haechan drained from you seeping back and settling in.Â
he had meant it, when he said you shouldn't get attached. you just had to learn it before it brought you more hurt you couldn't justify.
"jisung," you emphasise. "of course i know you. you play bass, right?"Â
"y-yeah," he stammers, pointing unecessarily at his dark blue bass guitar on its stand. "i don't know, i guess i always thought people didn't really know me even if they knew the band." he fiddles with the hem of his shirt, black hair falling over his eyes. "people usually choose to stand where haechan or mark are."Â
"you usually stand on the left?"Â
he nods, bashfully, and a smile tugs at your lips.Â
"i'll make sure to stand there, later during the show."Â
"wow, okay." he pauses for a moment, steeling himself. "how about after?"Â
"what do you mean?"Â
"would you want to meetâŚafter the show?" he hesitates, voice soft.Â
your brow furrows slightly. "do you mean the party?"Â
"we don't have to go," he blurts out. "i don't meanâŚi don't mean like what haechan usually does after the show." Â
his name is an unwelcome sting, but the way jisung sneaks glances up at you from where he looks down at his feet makes it a little easier to forget. "then what do you want to do?"Â
"w-we can get something to eat." he says it like he just suggested robbing a bank.Â
oh. "like a date?"Â
mortified, his lips part, and you can tell that he's frantically trying to read your tone, trying to figure out if the idea of it made you uncomfortable, whether you were suggesting because you wanted it. it's so endearing, watching him start his sentences and stop them, the hem of his shirt crumpled and worn out by his nervous fingers.Â
eventually, he takes a deep breath, and settles for a question. "d-do you mind if it's a date?"Â
did you?Â
was there any hope in waiting for haechan, when he had made it so clear that you would never have him again?
jisung is still looking at you like you have all the power in the world to hurt him.Â
"i don't mind," you say, softly, feeling a hum of satisfaction in your chest at the way it makes his lips part in blissful surprise. a beat. "do you want it to beâŚ?"Â
"yes," he blurts out. "please," he adds, shyly.Â
the awkward silence between the two of you feels good, the lightness of it familiar and giddy, like a schoolgirl crush. jisung can't stop smiling, biting his lips slightly as he turns to face mark, who's crossed to the front of the stage to speak to them.Â
" â jisung, jaemin will start with your photos first. we'll just be shooting the rehearsal process today, so there's no need to-" he breaks off, brow furrowing. "jisung why are you so red?"Â
"i-it's w-warm in here."Â
"well you should cool off before jaemin takes your photos." jisung nods, flustered, and he walks offstage with jaemin to prepare. jeno too, strolls away with a wave to mark, leaving him alone at the front of the stage.Â
with you.Â
mark glances over at you, his eyes darting over your face, trying to read your expression. you can almost hear haechan's voice from that night, the ghost of the hurt still palpable in your bones. but the moment you take a step back, thinking that you should find jaemin and jisung, mark seems to have made up his mind â his face set, he starts to walk over to you, and you find your own footsteps falter.
"um, y/n, can i speak to you for a second?"Â
you take a deep breath. "is this about the photos for later?"Â
"noâŚnot exactly." he clears his throat. there's a pause, as he seems to pick his words. "y/n, did i do something wrong?"Â
you blink at him. "what do you mean?"
"i mean, i know it was a while ago, but i thought we were getting along fine at the party," it feels like he's rehearsed this to some capacity, or perhaps it was just the confidence of being a lead singer. "but then since then every time i saw youâŚi feel like you've been avoiding me."Â
"i haven't been avoiding you." you take a deep breath. "mark, do you have a girlfriend?"Â
his eyes widen. "are youâŚare you asking me out?"
"what?" you balk. "no!"Â
"oh." his face falls. "i meanâŚi just thoughtâŚ"
"that's just too bad, markie."Â
itâs practically deja vu.
haechan stands behind you, his body radiating warmth, and you inhale sharply. surprisingly, he doesn't smell saccharine, the way he always does with the girls he chooses â his skin smells like baby powder and fresh linen. your body is doing that thing again â where you hone in on his presence and the whole world dissolves, and you're hyper attuned to the way his arm hovers near yours, his breath on the back of your neck. anything you were about to say to mark completely lost in your brain.Â
exasperated, mark runs his hand through his hair. "haechanâŚdon't be difficult."Â
"i'm not." you feel almost numb when his hand touches your elbow, sliding down to hold your hand tight in his grip. "y/n and i have to talk about something."Â
"can't it wait?"Â
"it's urgent," haechan says, sarcastically, giving you a sharp tug towards him. your feet stumble as haechan starts to walk off, and you turn one last time to see mark standing there, looking a little forlorn, suddenly small under the bright lights of the stage.Â
"sorry, â" you mumble out. mark frowns, starting towards you.Â
but now haechan really pulls you along, yanking curtains aside and accessing a short flight of stairs. you can feel the intensity of his emotions radiating off him in waves, making it a little hard to breathe as you try to keep up, afraid of what he'll say if your hand slips from his grasp.Â
he guides you along a corridor and through a doorway, stepping into the warm light of a dressing room, the door slamming shut behind you as haechan pulls you in.Â
you're almost afraid to look at him, but you do anyway.Â
he's slightly breathless from the walk down, stooping slightly to lock the door with careful hands. when he straightens and steps towards you, the lights hitting his features, you can see that he's covered up the hickeys on his neck with makeup. something mark made him do, no doubt.Â
"haechan -"Â
"park jisung? really?" he sneers, backing you into the dressing table.Â
 "what?"Â
"don't lie to me," he demands. "i saw you."Â
"really?" you fold your arms across your chest as he moves in closer, planting both hands on the table on either side of your hips, caging you in. "you looked busy. where did she go, hm? did mark send her away, or did you?"Â
haechan rolls his eyes. "that's none of your business."Â
"jisung said you don't usually bring girls to the rehearsal," you continue, watching the way his tongue pokes into his cheek in annoyance. "what happened?"Â
"you two talked about me?" he demands. "what else did you do? make plans to fuck after the show?"Â
"i'm not a virgin anymore," you remind him, your voice laced with a warning. "i thought you only cared about my first time."Â
haechan groans. seeing you talk to jisung out of the corner of his eye, seeing your hands brush and his friend's head duck shyly to the side, gave him a weight on his chest which grew heavier each time he took a breath, each time he had to hear one of jisung's small laughs.Â
"if you want to have mediocre sex then i couldn't care less," he snaps. "just know that you're going to have to fuck a lot of people before you forget me."Â
you can see that you're losing him, the familiar closed-off look coming back to his face, anger dissapating into indifference.Â
"what is there to forget?" you ask, hurt and anger making your voice shake.Â
haechan is staring at you, his face now so close to yours if you leaned in just slightly your lips would brush.Â
"you don't mean that," he says, quietly.Â
and just like that, all the fight drains out of you.Â
"haechan, jisung just wants to take me out on a date." his features tense, and he bites his lower lip harshly. "would you ever ask me out on a date, haechan?"Â
he doesn't respond.
"would you?"Â
"i told you," he breathes. "i don't do that."Â
"you told me you didn't want to be my first time, and you took it back," you remind him, quietly.Â
"that's different." you can't help the disappointment that wells up inside you, and you know he can see it from the way his face falls too.Â
"don't look at me like that, princess." he sinks into your touch easily, warmth once again circling your body. Â
you don't know if you wished haechan was a liar, or if you wished he wasn't. if he was telling the truth about everything, it would be easier to let go of him, to walk away from someone who could only cause you pain, from someone who played with you over and over again.Â
but maybe if he was lying it would all make sense â the way he said he didn't want you and yet kept showing up, the jealousy and the conflict in his voice, all of it would have some sort of plausible reason, one that would mean that maybe he cared for you.Â
"i don't want to do this anymore," you mumble, hands placed on his chest. you only push at him lightly, but he backs off all the way to the opposite wall, your words feeling like salt in his wounds. "i can't do this with you, haechan."
"y/n-"
"you have a show soon," you mumble, turning around to look in the mirror. you comb your hair with your fingers, trying to calm yourself down. behind you, haechan's eyes flash with frustration, his jaw clenched and his eyebrows drawn together as he looks up at your reflection.Â
"i'm trying to talk to you."Â
"are you?" it's a genuine question, and it makes him falter, a response half-formed on his lips. when it's clear he won't finish his thought, you close your eyes.Â
"you need to go," you say again, quietly. Â
"will you be there?"Â
you donât respond, and he repeats himself, urgently.Â
"will you be there? at the show?"Â
"i will," you say, hesitantly.Â
"i'll see you then." his voice is controlled, and steady. somehow it feels like the calm before the storm.Â
but before you can turn around to try to talk to him, persuade him to calm down, ask him what's wrong, he's already left the room, the sound of his heeled boots echoing down the hall.Â
â
"is everything okay?"Â
"why are they taking so long?"Â
"are they late?"Â
unease settles in the pit of your stomach as you stand in the crowd, the voices all around you whispering anxiously. it had been 15 minutes since the show was scheduled to start â but the lights on the stage were dim, and the pre-show playlist had just restarted for the second time. you had situated yourself on the left side of the stage, where jisung usually stood, and you bounced on your toes, hoping that everything was alright backstage so jisung could come out and see that you had kept your promise.Â
and then there's a low rumble, as lights finally flood the venue, the crowd sighing with relief as jeno and mark appear â jeno waving at the crowd, his drumsticks in one hand, while mark smiles reassuringly, walking over to the mic and checking that it's at the correct height. he apologizes lightly for the delay, looking to the side of the stage nervously as he murmurs a quick introduction of the band into the mic.
haechan strides onto stage, electric guitar slung around his neck, as the crowd's screams reach an all-time high. he stops abruptly at the left side of the stage, right in front of where you stood, nodding at the crowd and cocking his head from side to side, as if preparing for a fight. he keeps his face level as his eyes find yours, that same burning intensity you felt in the dressing room unwavering as he held your gaze.
and then jisung appears, footsteps faltering where haechan stood, the grip on his bass going slack.
"haechan." jisung's voice is soft, you can barely hear it from where you stand so close to the stage. you can tell that the crowd behind has no clue what's going on, but some fans are looking at each other confusedly, pointing at the two boys, and the position on mark's left where haechan usually stood, now empty.Â
"yes?" haechan's not looking at jisung, fingers running phantom chords up and down the fret board.Â
"w-why are you standing here?" jisung whispered, embarrassment evident in his tone. "aren't you supposed to be on mark's left?"Â
haechan's eyes briefly flick up to yours. "not today."Â
distressed, jisung makes a sound. "haechan." guilt fills up your lungs like smoke, making it difficult to breathe, a twist in your chest as jisung looks over at you, lost.Â
"run along, jisung," haechan murmurs, softly. "don't want to keep the fans waiting."Â
mark, not wanting to draw attention to them, keeps smiling at the crowd, starting to ask them a few questions. jisung only tries a few more times, haechan resolutely ignoring him, before finally accepting defeat, casting his eyes over to you â his gaze wounded and confused, as he walks off with his bass. he assumes haechan's position, and the crowd cheers encouragingly. the boy manages a smile.Â
when mark starts to introduce the first song, haechan finally looks up, a faint smile playing on his lips as his eyes lock with yours again. just like the day you met.Â
and just like the day you met, you felt yourself fall under his spell, yet again.Â
â
"haechan, i think we â" you gasp out, in between the kisses that haechan is pressing to your lips.Â
he gives a non-committal hum, his legs framing your body as he holds you close to his chest. his lips are warm and soft, tasting slightly of cherries, as he opens you up little by little, chaste kisses turning into open-mouthed ones, his tongue darting out and gently licking into your mouth in a way that was intoxicating.Â
you grip onto his arm harshly, trying to ground yourself, and he inhales sharply, breaking away.Â
"haechan â" you pant. "we should-"Â
but then he's kissing you again, smothering your words with his lips and his tongue. his hands rub at your lower back, guiding your movements as you shift against him, his hips grinding upwards almost lazily.Â
"jisung, â" you start, but now he gives a groan, rumbling through his chest almost like a roar. slumped back against the car door, he glares at you, touching the corner of his wet mouth with his thumb.
"you did not just fucking say my bandmates name while you're on me."Â
"we should apologize to jisung," your words come out in a rush.Â
"for?" he catches the look on your face, and rolls his eyes. "fine," he mumbles. "i'll talk to him." leaning up towards you, he starts to pepper kisses down your jaw, sucking a little harder on the mark he had left before. "kiss me?" he mumbles, and you have to stop yourself from caving in.Â
"haechan," you press on, as haechan licks boldly at your collarbone. "haechan â"
"keep saying my name," he murmurs, hands roaming up your shirt, teasing over the clasp of your bra.Â
"mark, â"Â
"fuck." breaking away agian, haechan tips his head back, lips stretched out and puffy as he tongued his cheek. "you want me jealous princess? is that it? because it's fucking working â"Â
"haechan, we keep hurting people." you place both hands on his chest, trying to calm him down.Â
"what?"Â
"today we hurt mark too. although, i don't really know whyâ" you break off, thinking about how he looked as he tried to follow after you and haechan. how jisung's cheeks burned red as he walked across the stage. "haechan, they're your friends."Â
"you wanna hurt jeno too?" he raises his eyebrows, his own hands now mindlessly scraping against yours. "you can lead him on, and then we can fuck while he watches. although he'll probably like that â"Â
again, he takes in the way you frown. "fine. sorry. jeez."Â
"i don't want to hurt people because of us," you say, softly.Â
"well," he exhales. "they're only hurt because they can't have you, princess." he tucks your hair behind your ear from where its come loose. "there's nothing we can do, hm?"
you shake your head. "you're not being fair," you whisper.Â
"how so?" his hands slide down. there's something possessive in the drag of his palms, the way he squeezes your waist.Â
"you don't call me yoursâŚbut you also don't let them near me." your voice is small, but it rings loud in the silence of the car all the same. the streets outside were empty and deserted, and you think you can hear your heart beating in the still air as your palms stay pressed on his firm chest. "haechanâŚi need you to choose." Â
it's a long time before haechan responds. he's tired from the show and all the adrenaline, you can feel it in his slow breathing, in the way his eyes blink slowly up at you like an afterthought. but his eyes are what give it away â his gaze is sharp and calculative as his eyes roam your body, his touches not quite as drowsy as he appears, fingers tingling against skin.Â
you wait, your heart in your throat. you wait and you hope.Â
his full lips part, his eyes meeting yours.Â
"soâŚthis is our last time together?"Â
of course that's his choice. the disappointment spreads like cold, an ache deep in your bones. "if that's what you choose." your voice is flimsy. "haechan, â" but nothing leaves your mouth, just a wounded sound. everything rushing up inside you like a waves breaking over the shore, memories flooding your senses.Â
the hurt on mark's face. haechan's hands on your skin. the blush that burned at jisung's skin as he watched haechan pull you to his car, his figure growing smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror. haechan's lips against your ear as he held you.Â
"shhh," his arms hold you against his chest, smoothing down your spine as he comforts you as if you were a baby, you clinging on tight to him as if he were going to disappear. "it's okay," he murmurs. "we'll just have to make it count, hm?" gently, he guides your face out of his chest, relieved when he realizes that you're not crying yet, at least. kissing your cheek gently, he brushes his thumb against the apples of your cheeks. "are you alright? do you want me to take you home?"Â
"s-stop it." you manage to steady your breathing enough to repeat yourself. "stop being gentle with me, haechan. stop leading me on."Â
"stop getting hurt," he replies, a little teasing, but his tone aches.Â
"kiss me?"Â
this time you do, letting him guide your movements, as he pulls you down into his body as if he were trying to pull you all the way through him.Â
his kisses are slow and sweet, tilting his head almost shyly, the tip of his nose bumping against yours as he leans up into you. his tongue carefully slides over your bottom lip, before he's nudging your lips apart with his own again, tongue gently moving over yours, pulling away with a small smile when you chase after him, tongue stuck out slightly, chasing the warmth of his mouth.Â
"cute," he mumbles, and you pull your shirt up over your head just so he won't see the way your cheeks burn in the dark.Â
his movements become a little more urgent as he unclasps your bra, letting it slide to the floor of his car as he surges towards you. his lips begin to suck marks onto your chest, hands now squeezing your soft breasts, mapping your body indulgently. his tongue licks slowly around your right nipple, before giving it a gentle flick with his tongue, your body shifting restlessly against him as it sends a wave of arousal down to your core. he hugs you against him to steady your movements, lapping at your nipples and guiding each roll of your hips down into his.Â
your hands find their way into his hair, pulling him away from you. before you can tell him to stop teasing, he's kissed you again â placating. sweet like he knew everything you were about to say, before you even said it.Â
you raise your hips as his hands smooth over the pleats of your skirt, before flipping the soft material upwards. you hadn't worn anything special, not having the courage to, but the way he looked at your simple white panties, thumb running carefully over the pink bow in the middle of the waistband, made you feel warm all over. you hurry to pull them off, just to break the moment, but he catches them right before you tug them off your ankle.Â
"can i keep these?" his doe-eyes blink up at you. you can see the brown in his irises, almost gold in the light. you nod, and he lets out a laugh, kissing you through his smile as his fingers wander up your thighs.Â
he starts with slow circles on your clit, stroking the nub gently, feeling the way your hips shift at the feeling. when he speeds up his motions, fingers teasing along your slit and catching at your entrance a few times, your hips begin to pick up a steady rhythm, rocking into his hand.Â
"do you just want to cum like this?" he asks kindly, placing a bit more pressure on the tips of his fingers. he wants to be inside you badly, his erection almost painful from the lack of contact, but he knew that it might do more for him than it did for you.
this was how he wanted you to be taken care of for your first time, for your second time â this is why he didn't want you to slip away from him into rooms with men who wouldn't know what you needed, wouldn't care what you wanted.
or at least â it's what he tells himself to keep him sane.Â
"'m close," you mumble, your movements uncoordinated, neediness driving your hips into his hand, pleasure that you didn't quite know how to handle. "feels so empty, haechan, please â"Â
he slows down his movements, a hand sliding over your waist to rub at your lower back, eliciting a warm sound from you that radiates into his chest. he slides a finger into your tight entrance, feeling the way you tense around him, slowly slipping the finger in and out, curling against your walls carefully. his thumb comes up to press your clit, and you inhale sharply as the pressure in your abdomen builds.Â
"moreâŚ"Â
"baby, you're doing so well," he praises. freckling careful kisses on your neck to distract you, you feel another finger catch against your entrance, his hand breaking its rhythm to carefully slide in, stretching your hole out even more. with a lewd suck on the base of your neck, he curls both fingers against your walls, a slick finger slipping on your clit, and you feel yourself crash headfirst into your high, thighs clamping around his hand in sensitivity as you moan. he murmurs praises against your ear, kissing your jaw sweetly between each one.Â
he removes his hand from your core with a wet sound, and you drop down into his lap, feeling weak at the knees even though you weren't standing. he lets out a groan, feeling your wetness and warmth through his jeans, and he can feel his cock twitch under the fabric. but still, he waits until your breathing evens out, using his cleaner hand to stroke at your sides, humming lightly under his breath, the reassuring sound filling the car. his breaths sync with yours as you come down from your high, and together you let out a shaky exhale.Â
"do you mind?" he asks, quietly, hands going to his belt slowly, trying not to startle you. "we don't have to have sex. i just really need to take care of this nowâŚ" you nod, flustered, crawling backwards down his legs, and he leans forward to kiss the crown of your hair. against the soft sounds of your breathing, the sound of him unbuckling his belt, letting it drop into the shadows, and the rustle of fabric as he tugged his jeans and underwear down as much as he could, were endlessly arousing. you felt yourself begin to pulse with need again, your thighs squeezing together when he pulls out his cock, thick and heavy against his palm, the tip blushy and leaking.Â
he gives himself a tentative stroke, spreading pre-cum over his length before squeezing the base and hissing at the feeling as he tries to stop from cumming too soon. as if in a trance, you reach out towards him, your hand curiously wrapping around his shaft. he groans, low, as you give him a tentative stroke, although the sound is cut off by a high whimper when your fingers rub the head of his cock, silky under your fingertips.Â
"baby, you don't have to â" he's cut off by another moan as you squeeze his length, applying more pressure as you stroke. "fuck, jus' like that," he mumbles, weakly, as you twist your wrist a little on a downstroke, palm slippery with pre-cum. after a few more strokes, watching haechan's head loll this way and that, twisting with pleasure, you pay more attention to his tip, thumbing just under it, fingers rubbing his slit. haechan's hips are restless, thrusting into your hand, his body shaking and the muscles on his abdomen clenched tight. you give him a few more strokes, and his whines fill up the car, raspy and sinful in a way that made you crave him even more.Â
mimicking his movements, you slide your hand back down to his base and squeeze. he blinks hazily up at you, lips still parted, panting breathlessly.Â
"babyâŚ"Â
"i need you," your voice feels broken, desire pulsing through each syllable. "please haechan," you add, as he swallows harshly, his cock twitching slightly against the warmth of your hand.Â
pulling you towards him, he kisses you again, fingers wandering down to your heat and stroking your folds. "so wet from touching me, baby?" he teases, smiling against your lips as he slips a finger in, and then another, your walls sucking him in easily. he finds your soft spot immediately, your thighs shaking around his hand as you whine. it's a sound embarrassing to your own ears, but it's like music to haechan's ears, as he lets out a low groan.Â
"it's too bad it's your last time with me," he murmurs, lightly, as he takes a condom out from the glove compartment, his hands moving swiftly as he tears open the package and rolls it onto his cock. "i would love to record your pretty soundsâŚ" your voice lets out another small whimper, as if proving him right, as he adjusts you on his lap so the head of his cock lines up with your entrance. slowly, you sink down on him, clutching onto his body for support as you feel him fill you up tightly.Â
"breathe," he coaxes, letting his own head sink back against the seats, the hazy feeling of you wet and warm around him intensifying as you take all of him inside you. he continues on, trying to distract you by peppering gentle kisses all over your cheeks. "would you like to hear your voice in a song, sweetheart? all the girls in the crowd wondering who's pretty voice is on the track, wondering who's making her feel this goodâŚ" he hisses, when he feels you pulse around him. "you want that?"Â
your lips part, stuttering out jumbles of half-sentences, yes-es and nos. "'m just teasing, baby," he coos, as he thrusts his hips upwards experimentally, bouncing you on his lap. you lean into his body, feeling muscle firm under your palms as you raise your hips and grind against him, sensitivity making your thighs shake as the movement stimulates your clit.Â
responding to your need, his arm loops around your waist while his fingers wander towards your clit, stroking and rubbing it expertly as he continues to thrust up into you, the car jolting with his movements. his strong thighs tense as he moves, barely pulling out before stuffing himself into you again, your walls kneading his length in a way that makes his body feel hot with need, chasing his climax. your soft sounds each time his tip grazes your soft spot are an aphrodisiac, and he feels himself growing impossibly harder inside you, so aroused it almost hurts.Â
"haechan, i'm cumming," you moan, and his fingers put more pressure on your clit, as you bounce on him, eager for release.Â
"keep saying my name," he breathes, pulling you close, your bodies moving frantic and unsteady against each other, as you cum, mouthing his name against his skin. he empties himself into the condom soon after, hips still jolting as he helps you ride out the aftershocks of your climax, your breaths echoing loud in the car.
you almost wanted to ask for round 2 â and you were sure he would give it to you, if you had asked. instead you stay silent, feeling emptier than ever as he pulls out, your body draining of his warmth as he cleans you with wipes from his glove compartment, kissing you sweetly whenever your eyes met. the water bottle he procured from the passenger seat of the car making you wonder if this was his plan all along, as you sipped quietly, as he put your address in his phone to take you home.Â
â
you can feel him slip away from you on the drive back.Â
a sea of red and green lights move across the planes of his face as you watch him drive, one hand on the wheel and the other touching your hand softly on the centre console. you give his fingers a faint squeeze and he smiles, bringing your hand up to his lips and pressing a light kiss to your fingertips.Â
when you reach the next intersection, he pulls his hand from yours and puts it back on the steering wheel.Â
when he makes his next turn, his shoulders start to tense and the easy, relaxed expression on his face morphs into a stony one.Â
and when he finally pulls up in front of your apartment building, turning to face you, the glowing streetlights illuminating the outlines of his face do nothing to soften the blow of seeing him like this again â looking at you with half-lidded eyes, almost lazy in his power.Â
"are you coming to the next show?"Â Â
"i want to," you respond, your voice small. "...should i?"Â
"it doesn't really matter to me." his fingers tap against the wheel, restlessly. "i just hope you know you shouldn't wait around afterwards."Â
you bite your lip. "i know."Â
he nods. "so you know this is over?"Â
"i know."Â
"good girl." it feels like a punch to the stomach, and you inhale, sharply, hands gripping the handle of the car door. waiting for him to dismiss you, as he always did.Â
but then he's speaking again, breaking the silence. his voice is softer, a little more hesitant â "do you need me to walk you up?" he's not looking at you, eyes trained on his dashboard. "will you be okay?"Â
it's cruel, the way your heart stutters in your chest. you take one last look at him, trying to memorize everything â the sharp line of his jaw, his collarbones, the joints of his fingers, the way his pinky finger crooks slightly to the right. the faint smell of vanilla and something darker, mixed with his warmth. you try to memorize it because you're sure this is the last time you'll be so close to him again, both in proximity, and in the way his voice aches with something close to tenderness. in that moment, you know if you told him you needed him, he would turn off the engine and open your car door, holding you safe against his chest and walking you up to your apartment. but what for? for him to shut off on the way up the elevator, and turn into a stranger at your door?Â
"it's fine," you murmur, and you don't wait for a response before stepping out into the warm night.Â
â
your ribs press against the barrier, and you wince slightly. the crowd screams loud in your ear, as the boy in front of you looks up from his guitar at the crowd in front of him, dark gaze sliding over faces, tongue poking at his cheek and puffy lips stretched.Â
his eyes briefly meet yours, and your heart skips a beat.Â
and then he's looking back down at his guitar again, lips pursed in concentration.Â
the next time he glances up, the familiar glint is back, eyebrows drawn together. there was something strange about the way he was looking at you, not exactly meeting your eyes. was he looking at your clothes? your hair? orâŚÂ
"oh my god!"Â
you shoot a brief glance back, at the girl who's just let out a squeal. she claps her hands over her mouth, eyes shining as she stares adoringly at haechan, unblinking. you don't have to check to know he's staring right back â you know the look on her face a little too well.Â
the disappointment and jealousy weighing on your chest is entirely unjustified, but you feel it heavy in your bones, anyway.Â
he had meant every word: it was truly over.Â
â
"did anyone see you?"Â
"no," you whimper, as he mouths over the seat of your panties, tongue lapping at your folds through the fabric.Â
"good girl," he pants, letting out a satisfied groan when he tugs them down your legs, burying his face in between your legs with a lewd moan.Â
but if it was truly over, why did he find you after the show last week, â slipping by you to tell you to meet him in the upstairs master bedroom, where he fingered you open in front of the mirror?
if it was truly over, why did a stagehand stop you from leaving after the next show you went to, passing you a note that told you to wait at the back entrance of the venue?Â
"fuck fuck fuck-"
and if it was truly over, why was he currently in between your spread legs, his mouth and chin covered with your juices as you lay on his bed?
"need you now, princess." his fingers brush your clit, and your thighs shake with overstimulation. "are you okay? i can wait-"Â
"don't wait," you plead, pulling him towards you. he follows, propping himself up on his arms as his face reaches yours, his lips gently nudging your own apart, letting you taste yourself on his tongue when he kisses you. his sticky hands stroke your sides, leaving trails on your skin. "haechan â"Â
he interrupts you with another kiss. freckling more kisses down your neck, he smiles against the mark he left days ago, fading slightly now. "i missed this," he murmurs, and your heart stings, a collection of memories surfacing in your mind â of his eyes avoiding yours at shows. of him waiting onstage for someone else. of him smiling at you cordially, face blank as if he were greeting you for the first time when he talked to you in front of other fans.Â
"did you really?"Â
he doesn't respond, latching his lips to your skin with a hum, hands cupping your breasts in one swift motion, fingers teasing over your nipples and making your body arch into his touch.Â
"haechanâŚ" Â
"what do you want, princess?" he wanders lower, licking at your cleavage. your mind threatens to blank when he circles a fingertip around your areola, puffy wet lips closing around a nipple and sucking wetly. "hm?"Â
"want you to fuck meâŚ" your voice is shaky, but you press on. "like how you were gonna fuck that girl." Â
his hands still for just a brief second. you can see your words hit him, understanding and lust flickering in his responding laugh. he focuses his eyes back on your face, hands now coming up to brush your lips, caressing your cheek, smoothing over your skin almost lovingly.
this is how he was going to fuck her?Â
"open up," he murmurs, fingers pressed to your bottom lip. as if stuck in a trance, your lips part.Â
a wet mess of saliva, still mixed with traces of your arousal, drips down from his tongue into your mouth, connecting your lips with his in a glossy sheen. his lips tug into a smile as he sees your blown-out pupils, arousal completely overriding his every thought.Â
his fingers trace your jaw. "swallow," he commands, sweetly, and as always you do exactly as he says.Â
you feel something shift against your upper thigh, your hips rising on instinct to buck against his hard length, still trapped behind his ripped jeans.Â
his low groan is interrupted by a sharp rattling of the doorknob, followed by a thud against the door. both of you still, eyes focused on the locked door, straining your ears to hear the voices outside.Â
"are you sure no one saw you?" haechan asks, quietly. "did jisung see you? mark? jeno?"
"i don't think so," you mumble.Â
that was the arrangement you had come up with a little over a week ago, discussed in heated kisses and bliss-induced haze. you could keep seeing haechan, as long as you never saw the rest of the band again. on nights when he knew he wanted you, you would slip through crowds like a ghost to make your way into warm beds and cold bathrooms, saving him from the jealousy, and saving you from the questions.Â
of course, there were a few nights where no message would find you, where he wouldn't grab your wrist as you brushed past him in a hallway, his hands distracted with someone else. those nights used to make you cry, your entire being aching for his attention, his indifference just as bruising as his care.Â
the doorknob rattles again, and there's a knock on the door.Â
"haechan? are you in there?"Â
mark's voice.Â
"they're back early from the party," haechan mumbled. to your shock, he ignores them and tugs off his shirt roughly, revealing delicate tanned skin dotted with moles, looking soft-to-touch.Â
"haechan," mark's voice is exasperated. "i thought we agreed not to bring girls to our apartment."Â
haechan rolls his eyes as his hands go to his belt, ridding himself of his pants and underwear. you can see the muscles in his thighs tense as he makes his way up the bed, hands holding your hips.
"you wanted me to fuck you like the other girls?" he murmurs, low so only you can hear. "well. on your knees."Â
"but mark is â" you break off, seeing the way his eyes narrow, something dangerous flickering in his pupils. "butâŚbut they're outside," you whisper. as if to prove your point, mark bangs on the door again.Â
and then jisung's voice, low and urgent comes through the door. "who is he even with? the girl he left the show with was alone when i saw her."
"god, are they all outside the door?" haechan grumbles, focusing his attention back on you when you let out a small sound of distress. "forget about them," he soothes, leaning in to kiss you on the lips. his mouth moves over yours searingly, possessive and all-consuming in the way he pushes his tongue into your mouth. "on your knees," he commands, quietly, against your mouth. "i won't ask again."Â
a thrill runs down your spine as you flip over, his large hands adjusting you so your back arches, head pressed into the pillows as he holds your hips up. he presses a kiss to your back as he reaches off the bed for a condom, rolling it onto his hard length with a soft groan. you look over your shoulder, see him stroking himself, mouth hanging open.Â
"hurry," you plead. you can feel slick on your thighs from the way he ate you out earlier, growing wetter from anticipation. "please."Â
he ignores you. "can you be quiet for me?" he mumbles. outside, you can hear the boys discussing something heatedly, voices low so you can't make out the words. "don't want anyone else to hear you."
"yes," you promise, meekly.Â
"good girl." he lines himself up to your entrance, reaching around to rub your clit as he runs the tip of his cock against your folds. you let out a shaky breath at the feeling, trying hard not to let it catch your vocal cords.Â
one hand on your hip and the other stroking your lower back, he pushes in slowly, letting you adjust to his girth. you feel a sting as he stretches your walls, filling you up deeply while burying himself inside you. he murmurs for you to relax, listening to you take shallow breaths, the way your hole flutters around his length making him want to thrust forward, relieve his own ache.Â
"haechan, are you asleep?"Â
there's a sharp rap on the door, and haechan curses as it makes you tighten around him, gummy walls gripping him like a vice, as if begging for his cum.Â
"you liked that, baby?" his voice is low, and mocking. you whimper. "you like the idea of them coming in and seeing you like this? letting me take you like a slut?"Â
"haechan, we know you're in there." now it's jeno's rough voice, devoid of its usual warmth. "we saw the shoes at the door. we need to talk."Â
haechan pulls out until only his tip is still inside you, and slams back in aggressively, filling you to the brim. he starts to build a rhythm, thrusting deep and slow inside you, letting you feel the drag of him against your walls as he strokes your clit with his fingers. he was taking his time with you â pausing to lean forward and press kisses to your shoulders, mouthing messily over your skin.Â
"haechan, please -" you try to keep your voice quiet, but he chooses this time to fuck you a little harder, picking up the pace, and your mouth hangs open as your aborted whimpers turn into drawn out moans. Â
"hm?" he prompts, faking nonchalance. but you can feel that the pace is affecting him too, his breathing growing heavier as he speeds up a little more.Â
"harder," you mumble, words feeling thick and slow in your mouth. "faster. fuck,"Â
a bang on the door. the loud sound makes you jolt, and haechan hisses as you clench down on him harshly again, your thighs inching closer together, creating a tighter fit around his thick cock.Â
"i wonder why they're not coming in yet." his voice in your ear is low, sultry. the kind he uses on-stage when he's teasing the crowd.Â
"i-isn't the door l-locked?"Â
"sureâŚbut it's a really old lock. i know mark could open it if he really wanted to. he's done it before when i'm late for rehearsals, ah fuck-" he's slamming himself into you, barely pulling out before pushing in again, wet sounds filling the room. "fuck, you must really like that. how do you just keep getting tighter and tighter, hm?"Â
"haechâ"Â
"maybe i'll ask them to come inâŚ" he muses, his tone sickly sweet. "i just know you'll cum hard on my cock when they open the door, right? let them see how filthy you are?"Â
"don't â", you choke.Â
"should i tell them not to come in?"Â
"no," you gasp, and he laughs, darkly.Â
"no, i should tell them to come in?" he asks between breathless pants, pace unrelenting as the lewd sound of skin against skin fills the room. "you want me to talk to them baby?"Â
you let out an incoherent mumble, no longer sure of anything.Â
he coos at that. "dumb already, princess?" his hand wanders up to your chest, blunt nails haphazardly scraping across your nipples. your hips push back onto him instinctively, fucking yourself onto his length, your hips chasing pleasure from the sensitivity as you cum.Â
"haechan, i'm not leaving until you open the door." another thud, as mark sits down.Â
"fuckâŚ" haechan's only half listening to mark as he throws his head back, murmuring curses as he feels you clench around him, milking his cock. it takes all the self control he has to place his hands on your waist, stilling your movements as he pulls out of you. he's so hard that it hurts, and he knows his release is close, but he still shifts your body until you're lying on your back, and he can see your tear-streaked face, drool smeared all over your chin.Â
you mouth his name soundlessly, fresh waves of tears gathering on your waterline as you see him move away from you, and you try to sit up to keep him in your line of sight.Â
"haechan, â"Â
"i'm here," he murmurs, one hand immediately finding yours and squeezing, the other grappling for the water bottle on the bedside table. he unscrews the cap with one hand as he moves towards you, helping you prop yourself up against the headboard. "drink."Â
he holds the bottle up to your lips, but you shake your head. "want you," you whisper, even though your mouth feels warm and sticky, your throat dry from moaning. you can't focus on anything except for the emptiness inside you, your clit throbbing whenever you shift your thighs together slightly. you're focused on his hard length, the slope of his shoulders down to his slender waist. you shake your head again, knocking the bottle against your lips and spilling a little bit of the water onto the sheets.Â
"don't be a brat." his voice is low, a dangerous sort of patience in his tone. "drink, or i won't give you what you want."Â
you swallow, his voice washing over you, pulling you under. this time when he raises the bottle to your lips, you hold it with shaky hands, letting water trickle down your throat. his own hand comes up, touching two fingers to your neck gently, making sure you were drinking instead of pretending by feeling for the movement of your throat. Â
"done?" he watches you lick your parted lips, dewy with water and saliva, and takes the bottle from you, placing it back on the stand. "do you want to keep going?"Â
you nod, slowly.Â
"use your words," he commands, quietly.Â
"please don't stop," you plead, shuffling towards him. it feels like the fog has cleared slightly in your head, the water making the heat haze dissipate. vaguely, you're sure that mark, jisung, and jeno must know what you were doing â must have heard the headboard thumping against the wall, haechan's low groans and your breathless whimpers.Â
you wonder what mark is thinking now, outside, not leaving and yet not breaking in like haechan said he could. it sends a wave of arousal down to your core, some part of you wanting him to see the way you break for haechan, completely and wholly his. your way of rejecting him without having to see his face â your way of explaining why you ignored him whenever he caught your eyes during shows and after-parties.Â
haechan reads you easily, observing the way your eyes flicker to the door. he's torn between opening the door himself â letting mark see you on his bed, fucked stupid by him, or stepping outside and telling mark to leave because no one should see or hear you like this but him.Â
"do you want me to tell mark to leave?"Â
"n-no," you hesitate. "don't."
he raises his eyebrows. "why?"Â
"w-want him to know that i'm yours," you mumble, a hand wrapping around his thigh and squeezing.Â
haechan's eyes darken. âmine?â he echoes, quietly, almost gently.
you're so focused on the shift in his features â the set of his jaw, the way he tenses, that you barely notice he's sliding off the bed and picking you up effortlessly so that you cling to his upper body, legs gripping his waist. his lip curls into a smile, head tilted mockingly as he starts to walk, strong arms holding you up.
your back hits solid wood, and you gasp.Â
"haechan?" mark's voice is crystal clear on the other side of the door.Â
haechan adjusts his grip, pushing you against the door as he slides his tip along your dripping cunt, making you squirm in his hold.Â
"be good, hm?" he whispers, as he pushes into you, eyes squeezing shut and jaw dropping open at the feeling of your walls sucking him back in, pulsing along his length and making his cock throb. when he opens his eyes again, his gaze is unfocused, hazy, and you can see that this situation is heightening his arousal, causing his thrusts to be sloppy and unfocused as he chases his own high. each time he pushes into you, the weight of his hips snapping against yours pushes against the door, and you hear it jolt a little, the lock jiggling.
mark's shouted expletive rings against your ears, mirrored by haechan's own as he captures your lips in a kiss. the feeling is familiar and new at the same time, his tongue sliding languidly over yours, swiping against your bottom lip. at the sight of your parted mouth and wet lips, he moans again, and without hesitating he spits into your waiting mouth, sloppy and messy, causing it to dribble past your lips and down your chin.Â
the rhythm against the door is unmistakable, and you can hear footsteps as mark runs off. haechan laughs, a pleased hum in his chest that vibrates against your own as he leans into you, and he mouths down your neck, biting at your shoulder and letting his low groan scrape against his throat as a growl. you cum when your stiff nipples brush against his chest, the tiny bit of stimulation just enough to throw you over the edge into your orgasm, your thighs clenching around him as you sob, your core aching.Â
the feeling of your walls rippling around his length is too much to bear, and he barely lets you ride out your orgasm on him before he's pulling out of you and carrying you back to his bed. haechan tugs off the condom urgently as you lie there, tired and spent, watching as he strokes his length, fast, eyes fluttering open and shut with lust, his hips thrusting forward uncontrollably. his thumb ghosts just under the head of his cock, and then he's cumming all over your stomach and chest, sticky white spurts pooling on your skin.Â
you watch him out of half-lidded eyes as his breathing slows, collapsing next to you in a heap. the high from the sex hasn't faded yet â the consequences of being heard by all his bandmates hasn't hit you, as you bask in the temporary glow of being his.Â
a finger traces along the cum on your stomach, haechan transfixed by the sight. curious, your hands grab for the small mirror on his bedside table, and he comes out of his daze, handing it to you wordlessly.Â
in the moonlight, the marks he's made on your skin blur with the shadows. no part of you looks untouched â your tear-streaked face and kiss-swollen lips, bruises on your hips and the sting of the bite mark on your shoulder. your hands tremble a little as you focus the mirror on where his fingers play with his drying cum on your skin, tracing lines and curves.Â
"'m yours," you mumble out.Â
"yeah?" he chokes. "mine?"Â
dazedly, you point to your neck. "yours."Â
he groans, just watching you, eyes roving over your body. "you're beautiful," he whispers. you think he means it.
"more." your voice is quiet.Â
"no more, baby," he murmurs, looking up at you with concern. "it's too much for you."Â
you shake your head. "these could be from anyone," you point at the marks on your neck. his body tenses, hands stiff on your skin. "i want to be yours."Â
slowly, your words settle over him. he looks at you with an unreadable expression, the kind you see right before he strikes his first chord, the moment his eyes find yours in the crowd. a dark sort of determination, in the way his holds your gaze.Â
he reaches over, and opens a drawer. you can hear the sound of things knocking around inside as he roots his hand around, finally emerging with an eyeliner pen. through the mirror, you can see his hands splayed out over the space just under your breasts, pulling the skin over your ribcage taut. his tongue pokes out into the lower corner of his mouth as he places the tip of the pen to your skin.Â
he loops once. skids the pen downwards. jerks it up harshly, ending off with jagged motions, each brush trailing ink on your skin.Â
when he's done he leans backwards, raising his eyebrows, asking you wordlessly if this was finally enough. his signature on your body, next to the bruises and marks and last remnants of his cum on your skin.Â
â
"haechan?"Â
he doesn't respond, but a part of you expects it already â you've memorized the way he leaves.Â
"why didn't you fuck that girl tonight?"Â
he takes his time, taking a long sip from his bottle of wine. from where you lie on the bed, you can just see the broad frame of his back, his side profile as he looks out of the window and at the moon, bright in the sky, the milky glow illuminating his skin. without his makeup, he looked like just a boy â pretty features almost dainty on his face. it's his hands which break the facade, calloused and rough, with veins that make your head spin when you think about them for too long, holding the bottle up to his lips.Â
"didn't feel like it."Â
you think about his answer, blinking slowly from the sleepiness. "why did you fuck me?"Â
he faces forward, away from you. "felt like it." Â
"why?"Â
"i'm beginning to question that too," he replies, bluntly.
hurt aches in your bones, as silence rings loud in your ears. "if you don't want me here i can just go," you say, softly, and you're sure your voice sounds as wounded as you feel. "you've cleaned me up. i can leave if you want."Â
you can see him stiffen, his shoulders tensing up.Â
"where's jaemin?"Â
of course. sitting up, you wince at the ache between your legs. "he's probably asleep," you answer, bitterly. "but i can just call a cab â"
his back muscles tense, and then he's shifting from where he sits on the edge of the bed. sliding into the space next to you, he rests back against the headboard, legs stretched out over the sheets. a hand wraps around yours.Â
"ask me easier questions," he mumbles, turning your palm over so he can lace your fingers together, giving them a reassuring squeeze.Â
your breath stutters.Â
"what did you talk about? with the band?"Â
after cleaning you up and tucking you into bed, haechan had finally stalked out of the bedroom to talk to mark, jisung and jeno. he hadn't said a thing when he returned, holding a bottle of wine, placing it on the bedside table before stepping into the bathroom wordlessly to remove his makeup.Â
haechan blinks down slowly at your intertwined hands. "they asked me what was going on."Â
"what?"Â
"i've been losing focus," he mumbles. "during shows and during rehearsal. and jeno noticed i kept ditching girls at parties, said it wasn't like me to not be fucking around at all."Â
a beat.Â
you bite your lip. "you'reâŚyou're losing focus?"Â
but he just shakes his head. "they're wrong."Â
you can see that the topic is upsetting him, so you rush to ask another question. "do you write any of the songs that the band play?"Â
he raises his eyebrows. "so you care so much about the band now? does that mean you're a fan?"Â
he ignores your mumbled excuse, squeezing your hand again to let you know he was teasing. "mark usually writes the songs," he answers. "i don't have much to write about." and then, with a little more force, "ask me questions about me, not the band."
"what does this tattoo mean?" you place the tip of your finger just below his ribcage, where there's a small doodle of a bear paw.Â
"people say i look like a bear," he mumbles, a little shy. even in the moonlight, his pouty lips and round cheeks are evident, his shoulders broad as he slumps against the headboard.Â
"i see it," you confirm, and a smile flickers on his face.Â
"yeah?" he looks over at you, and his free arm loops around your shoulder, squeezing you into his side. his affection buzzes in your veins, as you try to divert his attention with another question.Â
"and what does this tattoo mean?" your other hand comes up again, now to trace at the sunflower peeking out from the base of his neck, trailing down to his shoulder.Â
he takes a deep breath. "my sister picked it."Â
"sister?"Â
"baby sister," he adds, softly. "she just turned six. this is her favorite flower."Â
"oh."Â
"why?" he tilts his head, bumping your own gently. "do i not seem like an older brother?"Â
"i thinkâŚ" you hum, contemplating. "not when you're onstage," you decide.
"do you think i'm different? from when i'm onstage?"Â
"i don't know you enough to judge," you say, truthfully. aside from the sex, and from the brief moments right after when it felt like he was truly there, holding you, the haechan you knew was mostly the one flooded with stage lights, the kind of boy you had to beg to earn his attention.Â
haechan goes quiet, his hand on yours stilling, and you turn to look at him. tension is filling up the room, slow and thick like a fog, and you can't breathe against the weight of everything â the weight of his gaze, the almost boyish way his eyes flick down to your lips and back up to meet yours.Â
"do you want to?"Â
you bite your lip.Â
maybe two weeks ago your heart would have leapt, maybe you would have begged for the opportunity to have him closer.Â
but your body has already had time to learn disappointment, to defend yourself against his callousness and his cold, learning the art of slipping in and out of intimacies. every line crossed, every boundary blurred.Â
"do i want to?" you echo, and you see him falter.Â
maybe his own words held more weight than he'd anticipated.Â
"you don't?"Â
or maybe he was just scared to hear your answer.Â
"will you let me?" you reflect the question back to him. his fingers twitch against your shoulder where he's still holding you.
there were some nights where it felt as if he was taking his adrenaline out on your body, or where he was making you forget the fear of being caught by overriding your senses with pleasure. there were others when you fell so deep into a headspace, that he would care for you gently, something romantic and tender in the negative space between your bodies.Â
and ultimately all of these nights ended the same â the same curl of his lip, his face closed-off, his voice too steady and unfeeling.
"how would you let me know you?" it's only when he flinches when you catch the harshness to your tone, your own words leaving a bitter aftertaste in your mouth. "by barely letting things slip every night?"Â
"y/nâŚ" it's not meant as a warning. your name is spoken softly, with an ache in it that makes goosebumps rise up your arms. "i thought you were fine."Â
"i am," you insist, feeling defensive. "i'm fine with you pretending you don't know me, or when you disappear on the drive home."Â
"y/n, â"Â
"justâŚdon't say things if you don't mean them," you finish, mumbling your words to mute the hurt in them.Â
there's a long silence.Â
and then, his voice, so delicate and fragile, like he was afraid his words would bruise the space between him and you.Â
"we're playing at a bar this friday."Â
you make a sound of confusion, and he continues on. "it's only for a few fans who won some sort of a lucky draw. they get to talk to us and get autographs."Â
"i didn't enter," you cut in, but still he continues on, as if he was trying to get the words out before he lost his nerve.
"i'm inviting you now. andâŚ.and afterwards i'll leave with you and we can go to my place." he swallows. "my real apartment. not this one i share with the band." he lets out a shaky breath. "i don't⌠i don't usually bring girls there, if you can't tell." Â
"butâŚ" the wheels in your head are turning slowly, as you try to catch up with what he's saying. "but if i'm there⌠and it's such a small crowdâŚthe band is going to see that i'm there.Â
"they will," he confirms quietly.Â
"they're going to know you invited me. because i'm not a fan."Â
his lips twitch. "but you like me, no?"Â
"i do," you concede, absentmindedly. "but i thought you saidâŚthe bandâŚ"Â
"i don't think i really care about that anymore." his thumb dips low, brushing over the space under your ribs where his name is temporarily tattooed against your skin. "iâŚ" he hesitates, before his thumb swipes against your skin again, and he takes a deep breath. "i told them about you. just now."Â
you feel like you're falling â a sense of vertigo making your head spin.
"what did you say?"Â
"just thatâŚthere was a you," he finished, lamely. "that we see each other more, but it's nothing." his hand squeezes yours, a gentle pulse. "nothing yet, anyway."
"i'll take it," you murmur, holding his hand clasped in both of yours and kissing him lightly on his fingertips. his face crumples, his chest caving in on itself with the weight of the tenderness he feels for you in that moment, and he leans in, tilting his head, eyes fluttering closed.Â
he kisses you like it's a promise, close-lipped and earnest. it feels almost like the two of you are finally on even ground.Â
âÂ
"what are you trying to do?"Â
you jump, as the light in the small kitchenette flicks on. dirty dishes pile up in the sink, mugs scattered over the countertop, and the boy leaning against the fridge focuses his gaze on you. his voice is gentle, a mellow sort of sweetness undercut by the deepness of his voice. not in the way jisung's was deep, but a bass to it that gave it authority, one that the boy seldom had to use.Â
"what do you mean?"Â
jeno tilts his head. "y/n, do you know why haechan likes to fuck girls after his shows?"Â
the sweetness on your tongue from haechan's kiss decays into bitterness.Â
jeno doesn't seem to care. "he gets high off the feeling of the crowd. it's something he doesn't want to let go of, so he finds someone who adores him and makes them prove it." his eyes bore into yours, unblinking. "he doesn't care who he's with, y/n. he just likes the way they sound, screaming his name."Â
"but why doesn't-" you choke. it feels almost like you're betraying him. "why doesn't he date?"Â
jeno raises his eyebrows, and you feel pathetic. itâs a long time before he finally answers.
"all the girls are only after the version of him onstage. it's him they like, and haechan's just extending the performance. would you want to date someone who only liked one side of you?"
"but i don't just like that side of haechan," you protest, weakly. even then, you don't know what other sides you're alluding to â was it his gentleness with you? how he always held you after? the one who let his baby sister pick his tattoos?
"y/n?"Â
a soft voice sounds out from the corridor leading off into the bedrooms. sleep-ridden syllables mumbling out into the still air, calling your name.Â
"where are you? is everything okay?"
jeno's looking at you with someone like pity in his eyes, the way your body turns towards his voice like an instinct. "haechan isn't even his real name, did you know that?"Â
he crosses over to you, and places his mug into the sink behind your back. "try not to get too loud," he murmurs. "we're all tired."Â
and as haechan pulls you into his warm embrace, palms wandering over your skin, you bite your tongue and keep as quiet as possible.
â
haechan's head snaps up as he sees the door swing open again and more girls wander into the bar. there are excited squeals and shouts as they spot the band, he can hear mark's warm laugh and see jisung's wave out of his peripheral vision. behind him, jeno's methodically checking on his drum kit, and haechan can feel his eyes on the back of his neck, as if he knew.Â
his eyes scan the crowd again, praying he was wrong. but deep down he knows he would recognise your voice anywhere, be able to spot your features even in total darkness.Â
and right now, you weren't there at all.Â
his body goes on autopilot, muscle memory kicking in as he plays the chords, does his solos, nods along to the music. the crowd is frenetic, watching the way his eyebrows are drawn together, tonguing at his cheek, his lips downturned â the anger tense in his body making them whisper to themselves, wondering why this was part of his performance today. he keeps his expression slack as he signs autographs, nodding curtly towards fans as they bid him goodbye timidly, intimidated by his stormy gaze.Â
he doesn't understand why it makes his insides twist, each time he searches the crowd and darts his eyes back to his guitar. maybe he'd just gotten used to seeing you front row at his shows. maybe that was all this was â and you were a bad habit he should have broken.Â
it's what he tells himself as he lets his hands brush against the girl's as she holds her poster out to him, smiling a close-lipped smile, eyes dragging up and down his body excitedly. he lets her think it's a part of the performance, as he rails her in the bathroom of the bar, his eyes squeezed shut as she moans his name into the sink, trying to ignore the way her body didn't react at all like yours did, that his hands couldn't find purchase on her skin at all, and her voice made him want to crawl out of his skin.Â
you were a bad habit he should break â at least that's what he tells himself to keep him sane.
-> part 2 here!
taglist: @neochan, @ahncosette, @18shy @kittydollzz @jenoslutie @pussymode @yyfka @cheolctrl @jaeminsballs @mysummerhyuck @strawberrytyong @rosiejunnie @nctzen4eva @haechskies @wickedrei @sundamariis @simpforarmihn @liliansun @lanadreamie @nodisdino @angelwonie @foxydumps @manooffline @moonsmias @skzct7 @iscocohere @ficrecnctskz @smwhrinthehaze (sorry there were q a few i couldn't tag!)
PAIRING ⸠stoner!haechan x fem!reader
WORD COUNT ⸠11.6k
WARNINGS ⸠a hint of dubcon (sheâs timid but very much likes the attention), pervy!dom!haechan, shy!sub!reader, slight dacryphilia, corruption kink, finger sucking, oral (giving & receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, fingering, nipple play (receiving), marking, some cum eating, spit play, groping in public, panty stealing & sniffing
PLAYLIST ⸠FYS - john concepcion, sweet release - kevin ross
NOTES ⸠hii i hope you enjoy! any and all positive feedback is greatly appreciated, so send me an ask if you liked it or let me know in the tags pretty please :)Â
As you press the button to call the elevator, you start to get the jitters. They start in your fingertips and travel up your arms to the back of your neck, making the fine hairs there stand on end, and you shudder slightly, shaking your head in an attempt to do away with the sensation.
The doors open with a ding, and you jump at the sound, making Yeri look over at you in alarm.
âAre you okay?â she asks, worries, and you nod, albeit a bit too quickly and vigorously to be convincing. âWhatâs wrong?â
âNothing,â you say with a frown, and she rolls her eyes exaggeratedly. âNothing!â you insist.
âYouâre a horrible liar,â Karina reminds you, and your frown deepens. âBut if you say so, I guess.âÂ
Relieved, you follow Yeri and Karina into the elevator and lean into the back corner of the shaft, resting your back against where the two walls meet.Â
âWe should watch a movie today,â Karina suggests excitedly, and she and Yeri fall into a discussion that you would join if you werenât busy thinking about Haechan and whatever stunts heâs going to pull today.Â
It takes three calls of your name from Karina and a vigorous shake from Yeri to snap you out of it, and you look at them sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck.Â
âGirl, where do you keep going? Every time I look over at you, youâre in la-la land.â Yeri asks, concerned and amused.
âSorry, I was just⌠thinking.â you mumble.
âWe know that,â Yeri says with a chuckle and roll of her eyes. âThinking about what, hm?â she presses, and you balk.
âSheâs probably thinking about Haechan and what stunts heâs gonna pull today.â Karina supposes, and you frown, upset youâve been caught.
In your defense, Haechan is always up to shenanigans when youâre around; he pulls at your skirt to fluster you, plays with your hair to get your attention, strokes under your chin just to watch your eyes glaze overâyou name it, heâs either done it or is probably thinking about it.
You canât honestly say his advances are unwelcome because, well, youâve had a crush on him for the past six months. But something about him is so intense, so jarringly locked in, that it makes you hesitate, and being the object of his full and undivided attention never fails to make you the shyest version of yourself, and you manage to make a fool of yourself almost every single time you get around him, and you have no idea how youâre going to deal with his antics today.Â
âGirl.â Karinaâs voice cuts through the fog in your brain and you blink hard, focusing on your friendâs concerned expression. âYouâre doing it again.â
âOh. Sorry,â you mutter, rubbing your arm awkwardly. âIâm here, for real.â
As the bell dings and the doors open, the three of you file out of the elevator, walking towards the end of the hall to your destination.
âIf you need help with him, let us know. We can make up a code word!â Karina suggests helpfully, and you smile, endeared by your friendâs attempt to calm your nerves.
âWhat should it be?â you wonder, and she screws her face up thoughtfully.
âBlinker.â Yeri answers, and you both turn to look at her. âIt should be blinker. Like, if heâs getting too close and you canât handle it, you can just say you kinda wanna try hitting a blinker or something like that.â
âThe last time I hit a blinker, I coughed for ten minutes straight and it was the most painful experience of my life.â Karina recalls, grimacing at the memory. âItâs perfect.â
âGreat.â Yeri says, smiling reassuringly at you before the three of you stop in front of the apartment door. Without a second thought, Yeri knocks three times on the door, stepping back to where you two are standing and waits with you for someone to open the door.
It opens a moment later to reveal Haechan standing in the doorway, one hand on the doorframe and the other holding the door, and you wonder how such a simple stance has you short of breath.
He looks at Karina and Yeri, smiling pleasantly, before he locks eyes with you. Slowly wetting his lips, his eyes slowly drag up and down your frame, taking in your outfit and appearance before he meets your gaze once more and drops one eyelid into a flirtatious wink.
âCome on in,â he invites, stepping back to let Karina and Yeri in. When itâs your turn to pass, he moves closer, deliberately blocking part of your way so you have to brush by him to enter, and youâre sure itâs also no coincidence that heâs positioned himself so your chest has to brush against his. You swallow your nerves and continue walking past him, not daring to look back in case heâs looking at you; which, if today is anything like every other day you all hang out, he most certainly is.Â
Shutting the door behind you, Haechan follows after the three of you into the living room, but waits, standing, by the chair where Mark sitsâfor what, you donât know. You wave hello to Mark in his favorite armchair and Jeno on one end of the couch, who greet you pleasantly and resume their tasks of packing the bong and rolling a joint, respectively. Mildly confused but saying nothing at Haechanâs behavior, you take a seat at the other end of the couch, only for Haechan to move at last, crossing the living room to sit directly next to you.
Your throat dries up at the prospect of being so close to him, and you inhale shakily, wanting desperately to roll your eyes back in your head when you catch a whiff of his intoxicating cologne.
Haechan doesnât say anything for a moment, just rests one elbow on his knee and observes you with his cheek in his palm. His expression is nothing short of desiring as he takes in your appearance, your burgundy pleated skirt and short-sleeved cream blouse apparently quite the fascinating little number to him, causing you to shift awkwardly in your seat and self-consciously tug your skirt down a bit.
âRelax,â he chuckles. âIâm staring at you because you look good,â Haechan compliments, eyeing you appreciatively. âYou always look good, though, but today⌠damn.â
You blink at him, stunned by the flirtatious lilt to his voice, and mumble, âOh.â
âOh?â he mimics you, chuckling, and you furrow your brows, frowning at his teasing. His brows lift up as his face brightens with amusement, and he shakes his head slowly with a smile.
âThank you.â you say softly, and he nods, smile widening.Â
âYouâre so cute.â he murmurs, eyes locked on yours. Your eyes dart around, looking everywhere but at him, but he recaptures your attention when he snickers quietly and you meet his gaze to see heâs no longer looking at your eyes, but your lips, and thereâs a distinct longing in his stare that unnerves you and, if youâre honest, piques your curiosity. âDid you make it here okay?â
âYeah,â you mumble quietly, eyes shifting back and forth from his eyes to your lap before you give into temptation and look at his lips, regretting it instantly when they quirk up into a smirk as he catches you looking. âThe bus was basically empty, and it had heating today.â
âMm, thatâs good to hear,â he muses, running his fingers through his hair, and you attempt to hide the way you swallow thickly at the attractive sight. âWe donât want anyone pressing up against such a pretty girl and trying anything sleazy, right?â
âUmâŚâ you trail off, managing to restrain the reply on the tip of your tongue that Haechan is probably the most likely candidate to press up against you and try something sleazy.
â...Right.â he finishes for you, and you nibble your bottom lip.
â...Right.â you echo, and he grins.Â
âSo⌠Do you wanna smoke?â he asks.
âI do,â you confirm shyly, and he smiles slightly, no doubt amused by your nervousness.
âGood girl. Did you wanna hit my pen? Itâs pretty strong.â he offers, and you wonât lieâyour brain blanks for a minute at the praise, but youâre pretty sure you manage to recover just in time for Haechan not to notice anything. Â
âOkay,â you reply hesitantly, and he grins.
âGreatâgive me one second to get something.â he says before standing up and heading to the back of the apartment to his room. You wait fairly patiently, fingers lightly drumming on your knee as you wait for him to return.
âWhatâs up?â Mark asks curiously.
âHaechanâs getting something from his room.â you explain, and Mark nods slowly, lips pursed thoughtfully.
Haechan returns from the back of the apartment after a moment with a new cartridge in his hand. You watch with mild fascination as he deftly switches the cartridges in his pen, taking a test pull and holding it in for so much time, youâd swear heâs trying to show off.
When he looks over at you and winks before blowing it out, your suspicions are confirmed.Â
âThis strain is special,â Haechan murmurs to you, and his eyes drop to your lips as he continues, âitâs a âhornyâ strain.â
âA horny strain?â you mumble, confused, and he nods with a grin.
âIt heightens libido.â he adds, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. âWant some?â
âThatâs not real,â Mark calls out from across the living room, and you crane your head to see him. âThereâs no actual science to back that up.â
Haechan scoffs, rolling his eyes. âNo one signed up for your TEDTalk on weed; save it.â
Mark grumbles something about misinformation being the death of society but remains otherwise silent.
Haechan calls your attention back to him with a simple clearing of the throat, and you look back at him to see his gaze heavy-lidded and sultry as he regards you, and you start to wonder if Mark might actually be the misinformed one.
âWant some?â he repeats his question from earlier, and you hesitate, making him roll his eyes and chuckle. âItâs not gonna bite you.â As you shift closer to take the pen from him, he holds it out of your reach with a glint in his eye. âI might, though,â he murmurs, and you swallow thickly.
He scans your frame, eyes lingering on your almost outstretched hand, and takes a slow, deep pull from the pen, not holding it in for nearly as long before heâs leaning towards you suddenly, making you yelp and draw back.
âRelax,â he mumbles, some of the smoke slipping from his mouth. He cups your chin in his hand and tugs gently to get you to open your mouth before leaning closer, so close that you fear your lips might touch, leading you to attempt to pull back; however, Haechanâs grip on your chin tightens, a clear sign to stay where you are, and he blows the smoke into your mouth slowly. Youâre deeply flustered at first, but your instincts kick in as you inhale the secondhand smoke, holding it in your lungs for a couple of seconds before blowing it back out.
When youâre done exhaling, you expect to pull back, but Haechanâs grip on you hasnât loosened, the male now studying your lips with an intensity in his gaze that gives you a twinge of anxiety and something else you donât have it in you to identify.Â
âYou ever shotgunned before?â he asks softly, and you shake your head as much as his hold on you will allow. âYou did a good job.â
âThanks,â you mumble meekly. âCan you let me go now?â
He rolls his eyes slowly, lips quirking into a cocky grin as he does just that, releasing your chin and sitting back. âIf you say so.â
âThanks,â you mutter quietly, and he flicks his brows upwards in acknowledgement, gaze scanning you before lingering for a moment by the side of your face. âWhat is it?â
âYou have something in your hair,â he says, gesturing to near your ear. When you fail to retrieve the foreign object, he tsks in dissatisfaction before leaning over and gently removing a single white feather from your hair. âProbably from the pillows.â he explains, the backs of his fingers gently grazing your ear as he pulls back. When you squirm away from his touch slightly, the contact too sensitive and ticklish, Haechan chuckles softly. âLook how nervous I make you.â His fingers return to your ear, gently stroking the shell of your ear, and your face blazes with embarrassment and something else as he hums softly. âEven your ear is hot. Do I make you hot anywhere else?â He drops his hand, fingers lightly skimming your upper thigh, and you just about jump out of your skin, cursing internally when you see the delight in his expression.
âThanks for getting the feather out of my hair,â you say in a desperate attempt to navigate the conversation elsewhere, but it seems Haechan isnât quite set on letting you off that easily.
âOh, come on,â he presses, sitting closer to you and leaning so close you can smell his (delicious) cologne. âDonât tell me your heart isnât racing right now.â
It is, you think grimly. Thatâs exactly what Iâm trying to avoid.
âHaechan, leave the poor girl alone,â Karina calls from the other end of the couch, and the momentary waver in Haechanâs attention on you as his eyes dart elsewhere is all you need to scoot further back and smooth your skirt out with a vigorous clearing of your throat.
When Haechan looks back over at you, youâve thankfully managed to regain a semblance of your composure, your gaze politely but pointedly focused at your hands in your lap.
âPretty girl, you want another hit of the pen?â Haechan offers, and you think back to the way Haechan clutched your chin earlier to shotgun you, finally shaking your head in refusal. âOkay,â he relents, reaching into his back pocket for something and frowning before pulling out an empty hand. âI have something for you.â he says before standing up and heading back to his room.
He emerges once more with a half of a red gummy cube sticking out of his mouth, sitting back down on the couch and draping his arm over the back so itâs ghosting just over your shoulders. âBite,â he urges through closed teeth, and you shoot him a wary look. âBite,â he stresses, and you falter, not sure if you should.
âIs it an edible?â you ask cautiously, and he rolls his eyes, an amused chuckle leaving him.Â
âYes. Bite.â Itâs not a request, and instead of getting huffy about him bossing you around, youâre more surprised than anyone else when you lean in and carefully bite the other end of the gummy, tugging your half away from his mouth before chewing it. Itâs sweet and sugary, but thereâs a definite strong aftertaste, a tongue-drying, almost numbing sensation that reminds you it was more than just a little snack. âSee, you donât mind sharing with me, right?â
You donât answer, instead sitting back and pulling out your phone to fire off a quick text to your group chat consisting of the two girls sitting a little ways away from you and your fourth roommate, Yurin, who usually frequents these hangout sessions but had to pass this time to study for midterms.
you [18:11pm] SOS
you [18:11pm] he keeps being all TOUCHY TOUCHY what do i do?
You set your phone down on the couch face down and stand up, heading to the bathroom to calm your nerves.Â
Little do you know, your phone buzzes while youâre gone, Haechanâs curiosity getting the better of him as he flips your phone over.Â
Luckily for him, and very unluckily for you, you donât have a privacy setting on your Messages app notifications, meaning that any incoming texts can be read by any prying eyes, no passcode necessary.
yurin big trouble mister [18:14pm] maybe tell him how you get all TOUCHY TOUCHY with yourself to the thought of him đ
karina bo bina [18:16pm] god could you be any more crass??
yurin big trouble mister [18:17pm] LMAOOO i couldnât help it the joke was right there
yeri berry [18:18pm] youâre laughing. our dear friend is about to get consumed by a weed smoking incubus and youâre laughing.
Haechan snorts to himself in amusement, deliberately leaving your phone face-up for your return. You enter the room shortly after, picking up your phone and scrolling through your notifications with a small frown bordering on a grimace.
âWhatâs got you all upset, pretty?â Haechan asks, feigning curiosity, and you flinch, locking your phone and tossing it in your lap in a panic. âAnd now youâre jumpy, too? Whatâs on that phone thatâs got you so stressed out, hm?âÂ
âNothing,â you answer far too quickly for your liking.Â
âI donât think itâs nothing,â Haechan persists, voice lowering in pitch and volume as he moves closer to you, eyes bright with excitement and something else you canât quite place. âI think thereâs something incriminating on that phone.â
âIncriminating?â you mumble, dazed and flustered, and Haechan nods slowly, lips curling into a wolfish grin.Â
âIncriminating like⌠nudes, maybe,â he muses, tapping his chin thoughtfully, and at the sight of your confused face, shakes his head. âThat must not be it. Maybe a message of some sort⌠from a friendâŚâ You freeze as you realize exactly whatâs going on, and Haechanâs grin only widens now that he can tell you know that he knows. âWonder what you look like when you⌠how did she put it? âGet all touchy touchy with yourselfâ to the thought of me.âÂ
âHaechan,â you murmur, heart rate quickening as you try to think of any possible way out of this conversation. âItâs not what you think it is.â
âI think itâs exactly what I think it is.â he counters with a mischievous wiggle of his brows, and you whimper in panic, desire starting to blaze in his eyes at the sound.Â
âWhat were you doing looking at my phone, anyway?â you accuse, cursing to yourself as your voice shakes slightly.
âIâm nosy,â is all he offers in response. âAnd, oh, please, you wanted me to see that text. You wanted me to know that late at night,â he teases, pulling your hand closest to him away as you squeal and try to cover your ears, âyou touch your pretty little pussy,â he forces your hand back down between you two with a chuckle, âand think about me.â
âCould you lower your voice, please?â you mumble nervously, and he just laughs.
âYou donât want everyone to know that youâre into me, do you?â he remarks, and you swallow thickly, looking down at your lap. âIâll keep your little secret. For a price.â
You study him out of the corner of your eye suspiciously. âWhat price?â
He strokes his chin thoughtfully before leaning back and draping his arm behind you on the couch. âIâll let you know.â His voice is teasing but thereâs an ominous edge to his voice that makes you gulp.
âHey, Yeri?â you call, and her attention is on you instantly. âRemember when, um, you hit that blinker earlier? Howâs your throat feeling?â
Her eyes widen almost imperceptibly in understanding and she rubs her throat gingerly, frowning deeply. âItâs still sore. Wanna come get some water with me?â
âYes,â you accept the offer gratefully and practically spring up from the couch, following after Yeri and ignoring, to the best of your ability, Haechanâs little snicker from behind you.
âYou wanna switch seats?â Yeri asks in a low, concerned voice as you two enter the kitchen, and she laughs when you hesitate.
âI mean, I like it, I just⌠need a quick break.â you mumble, and she nods, pouring herself a glass of water. âCould you guys, um, hear him earlier?â
âNo⌠why?â she scrutinizes you, and you blink, flustered.Â
âHe saw the group chat texts.â you mutter, and her eyes widen in alarm, setting her glass down a bit too harshly, the loud clink resonating throughout the room.
âIâm gonna kill Yurin.â she hisses.
âNot if I get there first.â you huff, and she snickers. Footsteps sound out from the living room, making their way to the kitchen, and Yeri pauses. âItâs not Haechan,â you assure her. âI think itâs Karina.â
Sure enough, Karina enters the kitchen, and Yeri looks at you in surprise. âHowâd you know?â
âI recognize the footsteps.â you explain with a shrug. âPlus, the guys are wearing house slippers and weâre in, like, socks, so it makes a different sound.â
âOkay, little miss super spy.â Yeri teases with a laugh, and you giggle, pushing her playfully. âHave you recovered, you think?â
âYeah,â you confirm, smiling. âIâm ready to go back out there.â
âWhatâd I miss?â Karina whines, and Yeri looks at you expectantly.
âHaechan saw the texts about me⌠at night⌠that Yurin sent.â you explain carefully, and Karina lets out a loud gasp, her hand flying to cover her mouth.
âIâm killing her.â she groans, and you and Yeri chuckle.
âGet in line, girl.â Yeri says, and Karina snorts in amusement.
âYouâre gonna be okay if we go back out there, right?â Karina asks worriedly, and youâre briefly overcome with appreciation for your friends.
âIâll be okay, Iâm pretty sure. Iâll just say blinker again if anything goes wrong.â you confirm, nodding resolutely, and the crease between Karinaâs brows fades away as she relaxes.
You three make your way back to the living room, fully preparing to sit back down, but thankfully, before Haechan can torment you further, Jeno inadvertently saves your life and whateverâs left of your dignity by standing up from the couch abruptly and clapping his hands together. âIâm hungry. Diner?â
âI would kill for waffles,â Karina agrees, and Mark and Haechan also stand and start to grab their belongings as you all make your way to the door and slip your shoes on.Â
As you shuffle between Yeri and Karina for protection and wait as the elevator descends to the indoor garage of the apartment complex, a tickle starts to build in your throat, making you clear it quietly, then more insistently when the sensation persists.Â
âYou okay?â Haechan asks, hand poised over your back to pat it in assistance, and you nod.
âMy throat is just⌠a little dry,â you mumble, and Haechan nods in understanding, reaching into his jacket and handing you a Blow Pop. âThanks,â you mutter, pleasantly surprised as you unwrap the lollipop and stick it into your mouth. By the time the doors open on the garage floor, the flavored saliva produced by the sweet treat sitting in your cheek has almost entirely soothed your throat, and youâre feeling significantly better.Â
The six of you make your way to where Jenoâs and Haechanâs cars are parked beside each other and stand behind the two cars, silently deliberating amongst yourselves.
âWell, I call shotgun.â Mark calls out, and Jeno unlocks his car, Mark sliding into the passenger seat.
âThereâs no way all six of us are gonna cram into Jenoâs car,â Yeri remarks incredulously.Â
âYeah, definitely not, because my middle backseatâs seat belt isnât working and the airbag sensors are fucked up, so itâs a seat belt or nothing in my car.â Jeno laments, and your skin starts to crawl as you realize where this might be heading.Â
âSo your car only seats four⌠and there are six of usâŚâ you say slowly, pulling the lollipop from your lips with a muted wet pop that has Haechan eyeing you like a lion about to corner the slowest gazelle of the herd. Usually, there are seven of you, so even if you had to ride with Haechan, thereâd be a third body present in the form of the lovably boisterous Yurin.
Curse Yurinâs midterms, and curse Yurin for sending that text, and curse yourself for leaving your phone where Haechan could see, and curse Haechan for being nosyâ
âIâll ride with Haechan,â Karina offers, noticing the way you become more and more quiet as you sink further into your worries.Â
âNo, you wonât.â Haechan says, leaning against his passenger door. Everyone looks over at him, and he just pushes off of the door, opening it and pointing directly at you. âGet in.â
âOh, gosh.â you mumble, and youâre not sure if itâs the weed effect making you feel sluggish or youâre really that apprehensive, but you feel a bit like a puppet with sandbags for shoes, your feet hesitantly shuffling, dragging, scuffling towards Haechanâs passenger door.
âItâs an eight-minute drive,â Yeri calls to you sympathetically, and you nod, shooting her a feeble thumbs up that you donât even believe. âWeâll see you soon!âÂ
âYeah,â you croak, feeling very much like a lamb being led to slaughter, and Haechan smiles sweetly at you, baring all his teeth as you sit in his car. He closes the passenger door and crosses over to the driverâs side, opening the door and getting in.Â
When Haechan finishes settling down into the driverâs seat, checking his mirror views and pulling up the GPS to the diner, he straps himself in and looks over at you, eyes scanning your frame for somethingâyou donât quite know what. Seemingly done with his inspection, he leans closer to you without warning and reaches for the seat belt buckle in your chair, pulling it out and over your body as he clicks it into place. The whole while, heâs invading your personal space, your breath catching in your throat as you realize his face is close enough to yours that you could probably count his lashes if you wanted to.
He turns his head ever so slightly, eyes locking on yours, and you blink rapidly in alarm, rendered immobile as he studies your face.
âYou look so cute, all innocent and helpless like this.â he murmurs softly, and the tiniest of squeaks escapes you, his eyes flashing with glee at the sound. âNow stop looking at me like that,â he warns, âor Iâll kiss you.â
You blanch, trying immediately to make any other expression than the one you didnât even know you were sporting, and he chuckles before sitting back in his seat and starting his car. He turns the air conditioning onâa strange choice, considering itâs a bit nippy outsideâand pulls out of his spot, starting to drive towards the diner.
It doesnât take long for you to get cold, goosebumps gradually appearing on your arms and legs, but youâre a bit too nervous to say anything, instead suffering in silence. You clasp your hands together in your lap, rubbing them together for warmth, and, as he stops at a red light, Haechan looks over at you, watching in fascination as you shift in your seat for any sort of friction that could warm you. After a moment, you notice his eyes fixated pointedly on your chest, and you spare a glance down to see, to your alarm, that your nipples are hard, starting to poke through your clothing, and you curse internally for wearing a thin, lacy bra that does nothing to conceal your stiffened buds.
He swipes his tongue over his bottom lip, smirking in what seems like satisfaction, before refocusing his attention on the road. You cross your arms over your chest protectively, tucking your fingers into the crooks of your elbows as he drives down the road.
âWeâre here,â he announces after some time, pulling into a parking spot in front of the diner and turning the car off. The cold air blowing through the vents shuts off, much to your relief, and you unbuckle your seat belt before he gets the chance, practically flinging yourself out of the car into the significantly less cold night air.
As you all file into the diner, you notice a man staring very pointedly at you and your bare legs and your chest, where your nipples have yet to go down.Â
Haechan scans the room, catches sight of the man, and follows his gaze back to where you stand, his jaw clenching.
âPut this on,â Haechan murmurs, shrugging off his jacket and offering it to you. You start to take it, eager for warmth, but pause, looking at him suspiciously.
âWhy?â
His gaze flicks over your shoulder at where the man from earlier sits, and understanding dawns on you. âJustâput it on for me?âÂ
You nod, gratefully accepting the jacket, and Haechan steps closer, draping it over your shoulders and helping you put your arms through the sleeves.Â
âThank you,â you say quietly, and he nods.
âYou look cute in my jacket.â he remarks with a small smirk, and your cheeks warm.
âThank you,â you mumble, and he trails his tongue along his bottom lip before gesturing for you to follow after him with a jerk of his head, a quick peek past him revealing the hostess whoâs arrived to take you all to your seats.
When you arrive at the booth, Haechanâs right by you, gesturing for you to go in first. You do so without complaint, preferring the inner seat anyway, but itâs when Haechan slides in next to you that you realize your mistake as he closes you into the booth corner, the main obstacle between you and freedom from, well, him.
As the hostess passes out menus and you all start to look them over, you feel the side of his hand resting against the side of your thigh, making you attempt to shift away from his hand, the touch too intimate for you to handle at the moment.
Somehow, his hand finds its way back against your leg, palm turned up slightly as he lightly grazes his fingertips along your thigh, and you suck in a sharp breath, doing your best to pass it off as a cough when Haechan looks over at you, eyes twinkling with amusement.
âI think Iâm gonna get the breakfast platter,â Yeri says excitedly. âIt comes with pancakes, eggs prepared how you want them, homefries, and your choice of meat.âÂ
âThat sounds so good,â you reply thoughtfully. âI think I want a burger.âÂ
âYeah, a burger sounds good,â Haechan agrees, eyes slowly sliding over to study your reaction as he flattens his palm against your leg, slowly sliding it up to caress your upper thigh. Your reaction must be nothing short of rewarding, as you jolt so forcefully that you shake the table slightly, and he chuckles softly.
âYou okay, girl?â Karina asks, worried, and you nod, swallowing thickly.
âI just, umâŚfelt a tickle on my ankle. Thought it was a bug or something.â you mumble, and she nods, eyebrows still furrowed in concern.
âI know I said waffles earlier, but I kind of want these barbecue ribs,â Karina says, pointing at an entry on the menu, but you can barely make your gaze focus on where her finger touches the menu because Haechanâs hand is still very much on your thigh, and to make matters worse, you think you like it.
His hand slides up higher, the side of his thumb slipping under the hem of your skirt, and you raise your glass to your lips in an attempt to act natural, hoping and praying no one notices the way your hand is shaking slightly.
Haechan leans in closer to you, murmuring in your ear, âThis must be a dream come true for you, huh?â He grips your thigh firmly, not even attempting to play it off as a casual touch anymore, and you barely manage to stifle your yelp of surprise in time. âMust have been wanting this for so long,â he breathes secretively, smiling lips grazing the shell of your ear so subtly, no one else would notice unless they were paying unnaturally close attention.
You, however, do notice. Not only do you notice, but you suck in a sharp breath of surprise, the sudden movement making the water in your cup slosh forward and spill out slightly, a few droplets dripping down your chin.
You suck your teeth in mild irritation, glaring at Haechan as you reach for your napkin, but heâs faster, his free hand coming up and wiping the liquid off of your chin. Â
âUm, thanks.â you mumble, and he nods, locking eyes with you as he licks at the pad of his thumb, cleaning off the water droplets with his mouth. âOh, dear Neptune.â you whisper to yourself, feeling more and more overwhelmed by the moment. âWhere is this waitressâI need to eat something.â
âYeah, we should let her know weâre ready to order,â Mark says, waving a hand out to flag down the waitress. As she approaches, you sneak a peek at Haechan, whose expression is surprisingly calm and neutral given the sensual, slow circles heâs drawing on your upper thigh with his thumb.
Haechanâs hand slips further in between your legs, getting dangerously close to your core, and you decide thatâs enough play time for him, clamping your legs together forcefully.
âYou trapped my hand, pretty girl,â he points out with a growing grin, and you ignore him even as he continues, âI didnât know you liked it that much.â
You still donât give him a response, staring stubbornly out the booth window, and he chuckles before withdrawing his hand from your legs with such ease that you wonder if he was ever really stuck there.
âOh, weâre doing the silent treatment? Copy that.â he muses, nodding slowly in understanding, and you canât help but wonder what else he has in store for you.
Today, the energy in the room is entirely differentâand you donât like it one bit.
Haechan wonât even acknowledge you today; his eyes skip over you when he scans the room like youâre not even there, or, worse, he seems to be looking completely through you at times, completely unaffected by your presence.
âGirl, did you piss Haechan off or something?â Yeri whispers to you, and your brows knit together as you shake your head. âHe hasnât made a single move on you all day.â
âI know,â you mutter bitterly.
âMaybe heâs sick,â Karina supplies in an attempt to help, but her words practically fall on deaf ears as you stare burning holes into the side of his face as he laughs at something Mark said.
âIâm about to be sick,â you mumble, your stomach twisting uncomfortably as your somewhat secret crush that used to be obsessed with you treats you like youâre nothing more than a couch cushion.
You donât know whatâs come over you, but when Haechan gets up and heads towards the kitchen. you find yourself standing to follow, mumbling that youâll be right back to Karina.
Haechan stands with his back to you at the kitchen island, pouring a can of somethingâit looks like Monsterâinto a glass, and you take a moment to admire his slender yet lean build, the curve of his shoulders and the perfectly mussed up state of his hairâ
âI know youâre there, you know.â he says calmly, and your eyes widen as you immediately attempt to look busy doing anything other than blatantly ogling him. He turns right when youâve reached for a bag of Ruffles chips and raises an eyebrow expectantly. âYou have something you want to say?â
âWhat do you mean?â you ask, slightly thrown off-guard, and he blinks at you impassively.
âI noticed you staring at me,â is all he says in response, and you blanch, pursing your lips carefully.
âHaechan, are you mad at me?â you ask softly, and he smirks.
âAnd why do you ask that?â
You fidget with the hem of your skirt nervously, averting your gaze to look at the granite countertop. âWell, you⌠havenât talked to me all night.â
Haechan doesnât say anything for a concerningly long time, prompting you to look up at him and immediately wish you hadnât. He looks beyond smug, and painfully attractive as he leans in slightly, not close enough to get in your space but close enough to send a thrill down your spine.Â
âYou were giving me the silent treatment the other day, right?â he reminds you, and you hesitate, realizing you were the cause for his radio silence. âI was just returning the favor.â
âWell, donât.â you say with a frown, and he raises his eyebrows, amused and surprised.
âWhy not? Did you miss me or something?â he teases, and you balk, losing all your nerve as quickly as youâd found it.
âNo!â you answer quickly, and he arches an eyebrow skeptically, prompting you to continue, âNo, I justââ
âYou and I donât really talk much, anyway,â Haechan muses, leaning his back against the island as he regards you with a cocky glint in his eyes. âSo what is it you really miss, hm?â
âWellââ you struggle to find your words, and something softens in Haechanâs gaze, the cocky twinkle now accompanied with a smile bordering dangerously on fondness.
âYou miss me messing with you, donât you?â he asks, and at your lack of response, nods in confirmation. âYou miss me touching you?â he questions, dragging out the syllables excruciatingly slowly. He sucks his teeth when you still donât reply and says, âI know you do. You know you do. Now just admit it.â
âI canât,â you protest weakly, and he shrugs, raising his hands in surrender.
âYou want me to touch you again? Give me what I want.â He sounds dead serious and painfully unwavering on his stance, prompting you to whimper quietly to yourself, too wrapped up in your own nerves to notice the way his eyes darken at the sound of your desperation.
âI want you to touch me.â you mumble shamefully, and his lips quirk up into the beginnings of a smile.Â
âCome here; say it again.â he urges, beckoning you closer, and you hesitate, making a challenge flash in his expression before heâs poking his tongue into the inside of his cheek and chuckling. âDonât make me come over there.â
âI want you,â you say, âto touch me,â you repeat your words from earlier, trying desperately to look anywhere but at him.
You can see him crossing the distance between you in your peripheral vision, your insides tensing with anticipation as he gets closer and closer. To your utter disappointment, he continues to walk as if heâs going to pass you, only pausing to tilt his head to the side in a patronizing display of faux sympathy.
âGood girl. Now, was that so hard?â he chuckles, not even giving you a chance to respond before he continues his path out of the kitchen, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
What in the absolute hell did you just get yourself into?
Youâre coming back from the bathroom when you quite literally almost run into Haechan in the hallway.Â
âSorry,â you say, stepping to the side to get past, but he steps to the same side. You laugh awkwardly before stepping to the other side, only for him to do the same, his movements far too calculated to be a mistake, and you come to the realization that heâs intentionally blocking your path. âHaechan?â you ask quietly, nervousness creeping into your voice, and he chuckles.
He takes a step towards you, prompting you to take a cautious one backwards, and his smile widens as he advances on you, slowly but surely herding you back towards the bathroom. When your back hits the nearby wall, your eyes widen, and he mocks you, briefly widening his eyes in faux surprise before flicking his brows up suggestively and placing one hand on the wall by your head on the side you could escape from, successfully trapping you in a makeshift corner.Â
âYouâre so cute, really.â Haechan sighs, smiling fondly at you, but thereâs a devious twinkle in his eye as he regards you.
As he closes in on you, your body is alight with nerves and anticipation, and you decide to try again, feebly calling, â...Haechan?â
âShh, shh, shh,â he quiets you soothingly, reaching up with his free hand to brush your hair out of your face. âDonât act like you donât want this, baby.â As if to prove his point, he presses his knee between your legs, thigh pressing up against your clothed core, and a poorly restrained moan bubbles up in your throat.
âHaechanââ you whine, and he shoots you a smug smile.
âSee, baby? I know you want it. You know I want it. Thatâs why you always wear these tiny fucking skirts whenever you come over,â he states, hand dropping from your face to tug at the hem of your skirt, and you gaspâboth at the sudden yanking and the insistent pressing of his thigh against your core. âYou like it when I do this. Bet you were waiting for me to slip my hands under your skirt to touch you.â
âMm-mm,â you protest, but the way your hips move against him, rolling back and forth and grinding wantonly in search of relief, is telling another story, Haechan arching a brow skeptically.Â
âMm, no? You donât like it? But, wait⌠what was that you said in the kitchen earlier?â he questions, a taunting lilt to his words. ââI want you to touch me,ââ he echoes your earlier request in a poor imitation of your voice. âWell, Iâm touching you, babyâdonât you like it?â When your only reply is a small nod, he shakes his head disapprovingly, gaze darkening. âWords.â
âYes,â you whimper, breath catching in your throat when he rewards you with a firm upwards press of his thigh into your core. Your movements speed up slightly as you feel that familiar tightening sensation in your abdomen, your climax not far ahead.
âAre you gonna cum just like this?â he asks, and thereâs a hint of amusement to his words but itâs almost entirely overtaken by the heavy desire in his voice.Â
âMm-hm,â you whine softly, your desperation peaking as your high gets closer and closer.Â
âBeg me to let you cum.â he urges, and youâre already so far gone that your shame is all but done away with.
âPlease, Haechan, can I cum?â you pant urgently, a slight pleading quality to your words as you feel the beginnings of your climax, pleasure blooming between your legs in a gush of warmth. âPlease?â you whimper, and something in him snaps, Haechan lurching forward and cupping your face in his hands to hold you in place as he kisses you deeply, his tongue tracing along your lower lip as you tremble and moan weakly into his mouth.Â
When you move to pull away to breathe, he clutches your face more firmly, slipping his tongue into your mouth and exploring at his leisure, all the while ignoring your muffled, plaintive cries for air.Â
âHaechan, I canât breathe,â you rasp out finally, and he lets you go with a shaky inhale and an unmistakable reluctance.Â
âYou are so goddamn addicting.â he pants, and his hands drop to your hips, resuming the motions you werenât aware youâd stopped. âKeep going.â
His hands keep guiding your movements, practically dragging you back and forth on his thigh as he kisses you again. This kiss is messier than the last as he sucks on your tongue and pulls back to trail his lips down your neck, stopping just above your pulse point and sucking hard, a gasp escaping you at the pleasurable sensation.
âMine,â he grunts against your throat, sinking his teeth into a new patch of skin and sucking there, too, without a doubt leaving some form of mark behind. âAll fucking mine.â he repeats, clutching your hips tighter and dragging you up his leg and closer to him, lips parting from your neck with a loud, wet pop and connecting with yours eagerly. âGonna fucking ruin you, princess.â
âHaeââ you barely get the first syllable of his name out before heâs sealing his mouth over yours again, fingers creeping into the kiss to pry your mouth open.
âOpen,â he mutters, brows furrowed in concentration. When you oblige, he taps your tongue impatiently until you let it hang out of your mouth, Haechan sucking in a deep breath as he eyes you appreciatively. Without any warning or preamble, Haechan spits directly onto your tongue, and you whimper, voice cracking slightly. âSwallow. Iâm gonna do it again.â You swallow his saliva, the extra moisture in your mouth jarring but not unwelcome, and return to your previous pose of your mouth open with your tongue hanging out.Â
He grins and leans in again, hovering over your waiting tongue as he drops a long, clear string of saliva from his puckered lips down to your mouth. âDonât swallow.â He pulls back from you slightly and pushes his middle and ring finger into your mouth, the cool silver of his ring catching your taste buds as he thrusts his fingers in and out of your mouth, gliding them against your tongue to collect as much wetness as he can. âGood girl,â he coos, pleased, and youâre embarrassed by the rush of warmth between your legs that appears at the praise. âNeed them nice and wet for you.â
Not wasting a minute, he snakes his slick, spit-covered fingers past the band of your underwear and starts to stroke over your folds, digits gliding amongst your arousal with embarrassing ease.Â
âYouâre a mess down here,â he remarks, eyes alight with glee and something wild, primal as he teases you. âYou like me that much? Hm?â He seems not to need an answer as he grins cockily at you, eyes scanning your face intently to drink in your every reaction to his touch, no matter how small. He trails his fingers up, up, up until heâs brushing the underside of your clit, and you jolt, flinching away.Â
âHaechan, thatâs sensitiveââ
âI know, baby,â he coos. âThatâs exactly why Iâm doing it.â With the hand not currently in your underwear, he laces his fingers with yours, the back of his hand pressed against the palm of your own, and trails your linked hands down your body to join his other hand in your underwear. âShow me,â he rasps, and you blink at him, too far gone to fully understand exactly what he means. âShow me how you do it when youâre aloneâwhen you think of me.â
Cheeks blazing, you realize youâre in no position to refuse, so you guide his hand into massaging your clit in circles, your abdomen tensing reflexively whenever his fingers graze the sensitive underside of your clit.Â
âTalk to me, baby.â he urges gently, and you whine in protest, the fire in your face increasing nearly tenfold. âWanna hear that pretty voice tell me how you touch your little pussy.â
âI just rub it in circles like this,â you mumble, voice slightly husky with desire, and the shift doesnât go unnoticed, if the intensifying of Haechanâs gaze means anything.Â
âYou donât go inside?â he asks softly, and you shake your head.
âDoesnât feel good when I do it,â you whimper, and he sucks in air sharply, swearing under his breath as he watches your face twist in pleasure. Itâs all too much for you, having his undivided attention on you like this, and you look away, a shudder traveling through your body as another climax approaches.
âLook at me,â he coaxes, and you reluctantly oblige, pleading eyes locking on his as your peak gets closer by the second. âOnly look at me.â
âOkay,â you agree, the last syllable coming out like more of a squeak, and he smiles brilliantly, the hand not pleasuring you slipping out of your underwear and lifting your shirt up to reveal your breasts in your thin, lacy light blue bra. Leaning down, he wraps his lips around one of your nipples through the fabric and starts to suck, tongue swirling around the stiffening bud so wetly that his saliva starts to darken the fabric, the warmth of his spit seeping through the fabric.Â
He sucks at your nipples with an almost ferocity, alternating breasts like he canât get enough of either, and his hand snakes around your back to unclasp your bra, Haechan pushing the garment out of the way as soon as itâs loose and latching onto your nipple with a low groan of satisfaction.
As he flicks your nipple back and forth with his tongue, his fingers stroke you closer and closer to your high until youâre so close you can practically taste the sweet, heady feeling of ecstasy. âShow me what you sound like when you cum, baby.â
âOhâshitâoh, my God,â you hiss as your eyes screw shut tight, pleasure coursing through your body as your orgasm travels through your system. âFeels so good,â you whimper, and he hums in agreement.
âSay my name, baby.â
âHaechanââ you moan wantonly, and he lets out a noise somewhere between a groan and a growl as he tugs at your nipple with his teeth.
He doesnât stop attending to your breasts until heâs certain heâs milked every last second of bliss from your body, alternating between sucking and flicking and swirling his tongue around the buds until you go limp, your body slumping against the wall for support.Â
Finally, he pulls his arousal-coated fingers from your underwear, trailing them over your bottom lip before pushing the digits into your mouth to suck.Â
You do so with an embarrassing amount of eagerness, and are just as surprised as Haechan when he pulls his fingers from your mouth and you whine in protest.
His brows shoot up into his hairline and you feel heat blazing furiously in your cheeks as he regards you with a mix of surprise and an expression that looks close to impressed.
âYou like to suck, yeah?â he murmurs, and you nod hesitantly. Something flashes in his dark eyes, and he grins. âWanna suck something bigger?â
Hesitant but undoubtedly excited, you nod, and he wets his lips before setting about unbuckling his belt and opening his jeans.Â
As he does, you slowly sink to your knees, and when he looks up from his pants to see you kneeling before him, he lets out a loud swear that you fear might blow your cover.
As you stare in awe at his impressive size, you realize youâre less worried about getting caught than you are about having to stop. He watches you watch him with amusement and fascination, but the undercurrent of desire runs strong as he clicks his tongue to get your attention.Â
You look up at him, and he licks his lips, exhaling a small puff of air before wrapping a hand around his base.
âThis is the prettiest sight Iâve ever laid eyes on,â he praises, and you smile, heat rising to your cheeks once more. Lowering himself slightly, he cups your breasts, pressing them together and grunting, âIâm gonna fuck these one day. But now?â he says, releasing them and stroking your chin affectionately. âIâm gonna fuck this pretty mouth.â
âYou ever suck someone off, baby?â he asks in a low voice, and you shake your head, making his eyes slide shut in bliss as he squeezes himself harder. âFuck, Iâm your first?â
âYes,â you mumble shyly, and he coos affectionately at you, leaning down slightly to cup your chin with his free hand.Â
âRemember when you were sucking that little lollipop the other day?â he asks, and you nod. âItâs kind of like that. Use your tongue, and the wetter it is, the better.â
You nod carefully and sit forward, letting your jaw drop open.Â
âFuck, baby. Tongue out for me?â he grunts, and you oblige, letting your tongue drop out of your mouth and lie flat for him. âSo good, baby, just like that,â he encourages, leaning forward and guiding the head of his cock into your mouth.Â
It feels strange but not unwelcome, and you suck gently at the head of his cock, more focused on using your tongue to explore the intrusion in your mouth. Based on the way Haechanâs breathing shallows and quickens, you suspect youâre doing a pretty good job.
âBaby, youâre so good at this,â he groans, his head tipping back before it snaps back up as he seemingly realizes heâd rather watch you. âMouth looks so pretty wrapped around my cock like that.â
You can only manage a whimper as you boldly press forward, taking more of his length into your mouth, and he sucks in a sharp breath as you swirl your tongue around his length before tentatively flicking it over the slit in the head of his cock. He groans weakly and, emboldened, you do it again, Haechan letting out a delicious little grunt that spurs you to kick it up another notch.
You start to bob your head, doing your best to alternate between bobbing and licking, and Haechan shudders deeply, his hand releasing the rest of his cock and moving to cup the back of your head, fingers slipping into your hair.Â
âJust like thatâfuckââ he hisses, biting his lip as he watches you suck him off, skill increasing with every movement. When you push forward a bit too suddenly, eager to impress him, you choke briefly on his length, throat constricting slightly as your gag reflex activates slightly. âOh, shitââ
Despite the slight ache to the back of your throat, you keep sucking, moving forward slower this time to allow your throat time to adjust to his size. When you massage the underside of his tip with your tongue, wet muscle gliding over the ridge of skin, he moans your name and itâs one of the most rewarding sounds you think youâve ever heard.
âSo good,â he pants as you bob your head up and down, and his length twitches in your mouth, giving you a hint that heâs close. âGonna cum, baby.â
You move your head faster, sucking his length to the best of your ability with all the tricks you just learned, and his fingers grip your hair tightly as he spills into your mouth, his hips sluggishly thrusting forward as he shallowly fucks your mouth.Â
âYou,â he grunts, helping you to your feet so youâre face to face and kissing you deeply, âare a fast little learner.â His tongue slips between your lips and he explores your mouth eagerly, licking at your tongue and inner cheeks as you whimper, dizzied by the fervor of his kisses.Â
âBaby,â he mumbles into the kiss, the urgency in his voice waking you up slightly, âI wanna eat you out. Can I taste you, princess?â When you nod, he grins brilliantly. âGonna make you feel so good.â
He drops to his knees and slides his hands up from your ankles, hands slipping under your skirt to caress your hips. Pulling your underwear off, he drapes one of your legs over his shoulder, warm, slender fingers spreading apart your folds to get a better look at you.
When you whine softly in embarrassment, he shushes you gently, murmuring, âI just want to admire you for a second, baby, please?â He ducks his head under your skirt and sucks in a sharp breath when heâs met with the sight of your core, folds glistening with your arousal. âPrettiest pussy Iâve ever seen,â he breathes in awe, and before you can reply, his mouth is on you, upper lip resting just above your clit as his tongue strokes along your folds indulgently.
âOh, my God,â you whisper, stumbling back slightly to lean against the wall behind you. Haechan moves with you fluidly, massaging your clit with his tongue as his fingers clutch your thighs, kneading the flesh with greedy, rough movements.
Tongue moving downwards towards your entrance, he prods the tip of it against your hole, chuckling when you jolt and squirm under his actions. âDonât be shy, baby, I just want to taste.â
You nod even though he canât see you, and he must be able to tell, because his tongue pushes forward, slowly breaching your entrance. You suck in a loud breath as his tongue delves further into you, occasionally coming out to slurp up the arousal dripping from your hole.Â
âTastes so good, baby,â he moans, his nose rubbing against your clit as he slowly starts to move his tongue in and out inside of you. The feeling is strange but amazing, a slightly ticklish element to the pleasure youâre receiving as he tongue-fucks you.Â
Slurping loudly and moaning even louder, Haechan loses himself in your core, alternating between tongue-fucking you and licking at your folds and clit, leaving sloppy wet kisses that make your mind spin.
âYeah, you like that?â he grunts, sucking at your clit hard before slipping his tongue out to stroke the sensitive underside of the sensitive bud. âYou like when I kiss your pretty pussy? Hm? Do you like it when I make out with your sweet little pussy?â
âYes,â you whimper, fingers clutching at his head over your skirt. When you get a good grip on him, you start to pull him closer, wanting more of his touch.
âAlways so goodâso shy and innocent.â Haechan murmurs, words slightly muffled from his oral ministrations on your pussy. âNow look at you; look how bad youâre being.â
âHaechan, please,â you breathe, and he turns his head to suck at your inner thighs, no doubt leaving a mark or two in his wake.
âWanna see just how bad I can make you be.â he coos before surging forward to lap at your core eagerly, losing himself once more in the taste of you. âFucking delicious, baby, you taste so good for me.â
He sucks and licks and kissesâeven nibbles a bitâuntil your legs are shaking and your grip on his hair is iron-clad. You briefly consider the extremely compromising position someone might find you in if one of your friends walked down the hall and are surprised to find that not only do you not care, but thereâs even a smidge of excitement when you think about getting caught like this, with Haechanâs head under your skirt and your breasts exposed.
âHaechan, IâmâI think Iâm gonnaââ you pant out, and he nods fervently, tongue slipping out of your entrance to flick your clit back and forth rapidly, a sharp whine slipping from you.
âCum for me, babyâcum all on my tongue.â he urges, pulling you closer as he feverishly laps at your clit and entrance, shaking his head from side to side rapidly to run his tongue along your core back and forth. âThatâs it, pretty girl, just let go.â he purrs, coaxing your climax out of you, and you do just that, letting the coil wound tight in your abdomen snap and letting the pleasure flood through your body.
âHaechanââ you whimper, and he hums soothingly as his tongue massages your clit once more, thoroughly milking your orgasm for all its worth. When the trembling of your legs has calmed down slightly and youâve started to breathe normally once more, he pops his head out from under your skirt and winks up at you, chin and lips covered in your arousal.
âYouâre addicting, baby; could eat your pussy for hours.â he says as he rises to his feet. A look downwards grants you the sight of his erection, fully hard once more, and you swallow thickly before looking up at him only to see that heâs already watching you with a small grin on his face. âThink you can handle one more?â
Youâre nodding before you even realize it, and Haechan beams at you, drawing closer and closer until youâre flat against the wall.Â
Nudging your legs apart, he settles between them and aligns his tip with your entrance, looking up from where your bodies meet to your face.
âReady, baby?â he asks, and you nod carefully, eyes drifting back down from his face to where the thick head of his length presses against your core. âGood girl,â he breathes before pushing into you slowly, covering your mouth with his palm as you gasp out loudly. âBaby, theyâll catch us if you keep making noise like that.â
âS-Sorry,â you stammer, but itâs a muffled apology given that Haechanâs hand is still firmly clasped over your mouth. âSo full,â you whisper in awe, and he chuckles lowly in your ear, lips pressing to the spot just behind your lobe.Â
âFeel so tight around me, baby,â he grunts, his labored breathing in your ear telling you that heâs just as affected as you are. âSo fucking goodââ
âHaechan, move,â you whisper urgently as he bottoms out in you, and he obliges, pulling out to the tip and pushing into you again. A loud whoosh of air escapes your lungs, and he sucks your earlobe into his mouth, making you let out a loud whimper that would have been much louder had Haechanâs hand not muffled it.
âIâm starting to think you want to get caught.â Haechan murmurs with a smile on his lips as he kisses along your jaw and moves his hand to kiss you.Â
âMmâ! No, I donâtââ you insist through your cries of pleasure, and he shakes his head with a taunting grin.
âYes, you do,â he teases. âYou want all our friends to come in this hallway and see me fucking you like the perfect little fuckdoll I always knew you could be.â
âHaeâchanââ you stutter, tiny noises leaving you with every powerful thrust of his hips. Heâs so good, so big and thick, and heâs filling you up just right and hitting all the right places, and it becomes too much very quickly, an overwhelming amount of pleasure rushing through your body as he fucks into you. If it couldnât get worse for you, he reaches between you two and his fingers find your clit, rubbing it in quick circles just like you showed him earlier. âFuckâstopâtoo muchââ
âDoesnât that feel good, baby?â he coos, shifting himself to angle his hips into you just right so that every snap of his hips sends his tip fucking directly into your g-spot.Â
You feel warmth behind your eyes, the telltale pricking at the corners that you know all too well, and the first tear drops before you can wipe it away, another tear following after that as the pleasure all but consumes you.
âAw, baby, donât cry, it feels good,â he consoles you, reaching up with his free hand to wipe your tears away.Â
âSo goodâtoo goodââ you babble, and he laughs at that, brows furrowing at the end as you clench around him.
âIt canât be too good, babyâyouâre not making sense anymore.â he says with a playful lilt, and you whimper, more tears falling as you sniffle pathetically. âFuck, youâre so pretty when you cry.â
âWanna cumâHaechan, please let me cumââ you beg, and his movements stutter, Haechan looking at you in surprise.
âYeah? Baby wants to cum?â he grunts, eyes squeezing shut for a moment as your walls flex around him again. âFuck, I love when you do thatâfeels so goodâcum for me, baby.âÂ
Not needing to be told twice, you promptly fall apart around him with a messy string of swears and âpleaseâ and utterances of Haechanâs name as your nails dig into his forearm, making him wince slightly. Youâre sure you look a mess, eyes wet and glossy as tears stream down your cheeks, but Haechanâs drinking in your appearance like itâs the most beautiful thing heâs ever seen.
âBabyâIâm closeâfuckââ Haechan grunts. âGonna cumâwhere do you want it?â
âWant it inside of me, pleaseââ you croak weakly, and he lets out a sound thatâs a mix between a smug chuckle and a moan.
âCanât believe you were skittish as a mouse just the other day, and now youâre begging for my cum. Want me to fill you up?â he pants, hips driving into yours with reckless abandon.Â
âPleaseââ you whimper, and he swears under his breath.
âFuckâtake it all, baby,â he urges, hips pressing into yours as he buries himself in you and empties his load. âItâs all for you,â he says breathlessly as his length twitches inside of you.
He stays inside of you for a moment, both of you attempting to catch your breath, before he slowly pulls out, tucking himself back into his pants and helping you fix your skirt back into place. To your confusion, he hooks his fingers in your underwear, pulling the thin, arousal-soaked fabric down and off your legs.Â
âUmâŚâ you start, and Haechan looks over at you, brows raised expectantly. âThose are mine,â you state, pointing at the fabric in his fist.
âAnd now,â he hums, bringing them to his face and inhaling deeply, eyes sliding shut in bliss just in time to miss your scandalized expression. âTheyâre mine. Câmon; you should use the bathroom.â
He loops his fingers around yours, other hand stuffing your underwear in his back pocket as he leads you to the bathroom.
When the door closes behind you, you sit down on the toilet with slightly shaky legs, taking a moment to think about everything that just occurred.Â
You would have never in a million years thought that youâd have sex with Haechan, let alone in the hallwayâlet alone, with your friends in the very next room. However, as you think over the events that just transpired, your body is filled with a warm thrum of satisfaction, and you canât seem to find an ounce of regret.Â
âGirl, where the hell were you?!â Karina exclaims, fussing over you as soon as you reappear in the living room. âWeâve been texting and calling for ages!â
âOh,â you mumble, pulling your phone from the little pocket in your skirt. âItâs been on Do Not Disturb,â you explain sheepishly, and Karina rolls her eyes hard.
âDonât do that again. You had us worried sick. What were you even doing for so long?â
âUm⌠well, Haechan and I,â you start, casting a side glance to the couch where Haechan sits and hesitating slightly when you see that heâs watching you intently, not an ounce of shame in his expression. âWe hooked up.â you say finally, straightening your back slightly and standing up taller.
Yeriâs jaw drops. âAbout damn time.â she remarks, and you narrow your eyes at her.
âHush, you.â you huff, looking over at where Haechan sits once more. He locks eyes with you and grins, patting the empty spot next to him and wiggling his eyebrows playfully, and you smile, looking away from him to address your bewildered friends. âIâll explain everything laterââ
âYeah, yeah, just go, girl.â Karina chuckles. âHeâs waiting,â she sing-songs, and you elbow her slightly before shooting them a bright smile and a small wave and making your way to sit next to Haechan.Â
When you sit down, Haechan drapes his arm around you on the back of the couch, and you can feel the heat creeping to your cheeks.
âSo,â he says carefully, taking a hit of his pen and exhaling slowly before he continues, âI know this is a little backwards of me, but⌠do you wanna go out sometime? Like, on a date?â
âIâd like that,â you reply with a bashful smile, and he grins, relieved.
âGreat. Now in the meantime,â he says, looking pointedly towards the hallway before looking back at you expectantly, âI have a nice ass TV, snacks, and a strong ass edible with your name on it in my room. You down?â
You donât even hesitate. âIâm down.â you agree, smile widening, and he nods, satisfied. He stands from the couch and offers you his hand, which you take as he pulls you to your feet.
As you trail after him towards his room, fingers still locked with his, you canât help but notice the familiar peek of fabric sticking out of his back pocket, and your eyes widen in alarm.
âHaechan!â you whisper loudly, and he looks back at you with raised brows. âMy, um, underwear is sticking out of your pocket.â
âSo?â he answers simply, and you pause, brain buffering for a moment.
âSo?â
âYeah. No one knows itâs your underwear but you and me,â he points out as you reach his bedroom door. He swings it open and gestures for you to enter first, head dipping down to your ear as you pass by. âSo itâs our little secret.â
âOh,â you mumble, thinking it over. âOkay.â
âThatâs what I like to hear,â he says encouragingly, guiding you to his bed and gesturing for you to sit down. âNow, what do you want to watch?â
âUh, we can watch Family Guy,â you suggest, and he looks at you, pleasant surprise written on his handsome features, before he nods and picks up the TV remote.
âGood choice,â he praises, sitting down beside you against the headboard of his bed. âPerfect show to play in the background while we make out.â
âOhââ you stammer, blinking in surprise, and he snorts, eyes fond as he scans your bashful demeanor.
âIâm kidding.â he assures you, and you canât help but frown slightly. Unfortunately for you, this doesnât go unnoticed by Haechan, and he chuckles. âYou wanted to make out, didnât you?â
âA little bit,â you mumble, and he grins, leaning in closer to you.
âThat can be arranged.â he murmurs, still smiling as his lips meet yours.
summary. it was bound to bite both your asses eventually. just plain âol comedic luck that you and your best friendâs shared tradition of petty bets get you two to finally cough up years of repressed feelings for one another.Â
pairing. y/n x nctâs jeno
genre. college!au, best friends to lovers!au
word count. 17k
warnings. swearing, fem!reader, underage drinking, emotional constipation lmao, hyuck and yeri hustle often, general dreamies tomfoolery, hyuck and nana are like dumb and dumber, honestly just super chaotic since itâs slice of life :)
i feel like i did a pretty bad job rounding this fic up, my bad⌠still hope this lives up to the hype from the teaser! to those tagged, many hugs and kisses!! tysm for the interest <3
also biggest thank you to yunn aka @kdyism for being my beta reader and just being super helpful on absolutely everything for this fic! it def got finished faster bc of ya, much love bun :3
âWAS HE DROPPED on the head when he was a kid?âÂ
You canât help the snort that passes your lips, making a satisfying slap to Jenoâs arm. âDonât be mean.âÂ
âYou didnât answer my question.â Jeno raises an eyebrow.
genres: fluff, crack, mild angst, best friends to lovers, college au
wc: 14336
warnings: profanity, sexual jokes, jeno is shirtless in a scene phew, too many idol features SORRY i lowk lost track of who iâve included. i think that is all but lmk if you find something else!
summary: having a hot best friend is nice until you start getting butterflies in your stomach every single time you look at them.
note: JAEYUNVERSE COMEBACK WOOO iâve missed writing long fics so much omfg but iâm shitting bricks as we speak LOL itâs been a while since iâve posted something big and i wonât lie iâm hella nervous. i rlly hope you guys enjoy this fic ⥠please donât hesitate to give me your feedback! hereâs to hoping my writing skills havenât become as rusty as i think i have hehe :â))
masterlist
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01. an abundance of freebies and discounts
Lee Jeno knew the power his smile held.Â
All it took was one flirty laugh combined with those sleepy eyes of his for people to melt. Being the resourceful person you were, you utilised that talent of his to its full extent.Â
âCan you go and flirt with the cashier so she gives us a free muffin?âÂ
Your best friend gave you a dirty look. âYou do realise this is supposed to be your treat, right?âÂ
âI am paying!â you exclaimed. âJust go do your thing and make her feel generous enough to slip a free dessert in our order.âÂ
Jeno rolled his eyes, but you knew youâd won. You almost always did. âFine, whatever. You owe me one though.âÂ
âIâm feeding you because I owe you one,â you pointed out. âThis makes us equal.â
âHow riveting. I have to work so the person who owes me doesnât have to owe me anymore.âÂ
âWe can argue about this for hours or you can haul ass to the counter and place the damn order. Iâll Venmo you the money the moment youâre back,â you promised.Â
Sliding out of the booth, Jeno said, âYouâre lucky youâre cute. If this were Jaemin, I wouldnât be letting him off the hook easily.â
You stuck your tongue out at him and shooed him away. Narrowing his eyes, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you along.Â
âHey!â you cried. âDonât take me with you! The flirting wonât have any effect on her if she thinks weâre together!âÂ
âEveryone thinks weâre together,â Jeno muttered and got in line behind an old man. âShe checked me out when we entered the cafe, saw you arm-in-arm with me and gave you the dirtiest look to ever exist.âÂ
You snorted. âLiar. You might be an eye candy but you do not command such a high level of attention.â Â
âIâm telling the truth!â he argued. âI would know because I was checking out the drink she placed on the counter. I was trying to figure out what the personâs order might have been to get something so incredibly delicious-looking. I saw her out of the corner of my eye.âÂ
âOh.â You frowned and took a step forward when the line moved ahead. âThatâs unfortunate. Should we go to another cafe and try our hand at getting something free there?âÂ
âHow about you stop being such a cheap skate for once?â
Slapping his shoulder hard, you grumbled, âI have to bear the weight of my goddamn rent alone while you share yours with three others! I need to cut down on certain things, asshole.âÂ
âMy offer to move in with you next semester still stands.â Jeno wiggled his eyebrows. âIâm a really good housemate; ask the others.âÂ
âYou live with boys. The disgusting things you do donât bother them because they do them too.âÂ
He closed his mouth and thought about it for a second. Then, âTouchĂŠ.âÂ
You rolled your eyes, but before you could make another snarky comment, a pleasant voice interrupted, âGood morning. What can I get for you today?âÂ
Jeno averted his gaze to the girl standing behind the counter and let a lazy smile take form on his lips. You raised a brow and watched in amusement.Â
âHey there. Can I get a Strawberries & Crème Frappuccino with 1 pump caramel syrup, 1 pump hazelnut syrup, and 1 pump toffee-nut syrup? Java chips too, please.âÂ
The girlâLia, according to her name tagâlooked surprised to see him blatantly flirting with you right beside him. Maybe he was right about every stranger assuming the two of you to be together, though you couldnât fathom why. âOâokay.â
âWhat do you want, friend?â Jeno stressed the last word. Refraining to roll your eyes a second time, you said,Â
âIced coffee without milk. Could you add some sugar to the brew? I prefer my drinks to be sweet.âÂ
âOf course,â she said and nodded once, unfazed even after learning of Jenoâs status as an eligible bachelor.Â
Snorting under your breath, you whispered to him, âLia doesnât give a fuck. Youâre lacking.âÂ
He scoffed and nudged you away. âNo, Iâm not,â he whisper-snapped. âGet out of here. Youâre killing my vibe.âÂ
You deadpanned and gave him a donât-bullshit-me look but retreated to your booth nonetheless. The last thing you heard Lia ask was: âAnything else?âÂ
Youâd only been sitting and scrolling through your phone for a few minutes before a hand slapped a receipt on the table in front of you.Â
Glancing up, you inquired, âWhat?âÂ
âRead the order.âÂ
Dropping your gaze to the piece of paper again, you picked it up. An appreciative frown tugged at your lips as Jeno slid into his seat. âYou managed to get us a free muffin and a free bagel?â
âDonât ever question my talents again,â he ordered and leaned back. Resting his arm on the cushion behind him and placing his ankle on his knee, his attitude was nothing short of a kingâs. âI wonât tolerate any further slander.âÂ
âUh-huh,â you muttered, utterly unimpressed. Though you admit, a smile threatened to break out on your face and you had to bite your lip to keep it from escaping.Â
Jeno raised an eyebrow, as if waiting for something. All you did was stare at him, and when he realised you wouldnât budge, he did an extremely horrible and high-pitched imitation of you that should have deserved jail. âThank you sooooooo much, Jeno! If it werenât for your flirting skills, I wouldnât have anything to eat. Youâre my one and only saviour, and I donât know what I would have done withoutââ
âOrder for Jeno!â Lia hollered.Â
Said-boy flinched and clutched his heart with his hand. âWhat the⌠That was quick.â Clearing his throat, he turned his attention back to you, the tips of his ears red and his face flushed. âWhatever. Iâll be right back. Venmo me the bill amount.âÂ
You snickered and watched him get up. However, before he could move out of earshot, you called his name. âThank you for your service.âÂ
Jeno glanced at you over his shoulder and did nothing but observe you for a moment. Then, a lopsided grin took form on his lips and he mock saluted.Â
âYouâre welcome.âÂ
02. gives good boy advice
âWhat are you doing here?âÂ
Pushing past you, Jeno strolled into your living room and plopped down on your sofa. âIs that any way to greet your best friend?âÂ
You rolled your eyes and closed the front door. Sitting down beside him, you placed your laptop on your lap again and resumed going through your notes. âIâm being serious. Were we supposed to hang out today? Because I cannot. I still have three finals left.âÂ
âNo, we didnât have any plans today,â he said, peering over your shoulder to check what subject you were studying. It was Economics. Horrible memories from the previous semester resurfaced and he shuddered before continuing, âYour text said you wanted to talk about something important?âÂ
You paused and glanced at him. âSo you came over?âÂ
âDo you want me to leave?â Jeno frowned. âI thought it would be better to talk in person.â
He stood up and dusted himself off. Eyes widening, you grabbed his wrist and forced him back to his original position. âThatâs not what I meant! I do want to talk to you butâitâs weird. I donât feel like dealing with whatever has happened right now and Iâm getting second thoughts about asking you for advice.âÂ
Concern seeped into Jenoâs face. âWoah, are you okay? You donât have to explain anything right now. Just tell me one thing: do I need to beat anyone up? Iâve got a few gym buddies who are ripped.â
You huffed a laugh and placed your laptop on the coffee table. Crossing your legs, you turned to face him. Upon watching you get comfortable, your best friend rolled his shoulders back and did the same thing.Â
âBefore I say anything, I need you to promise me that you wonât laugh. Or make fun of me. Or call me an idiot.âÂ
âI wonât,â he answered immediately, though he wondered what issue warranted you to require his word.Â
Taking a deep breath, you nodded. âYangYang asked me out a few days ago. Iâve always liked him, but not in a way thatâs not platonic. I fucked up and instead of rejecting him right there, I asked him for some time to think it over and kinda led him to believe that I would say yes.â
Jeno raised an eyebrow. âHow?âÂ
âI told him heâs my type,â you mumbled, cringing at the memories that came rushing back.Â
âWhat?!â he exclaimed. âHow the hell did you manage to do that?âÂ
âI donât know!â you whined and buried your face in your hands. âHe came up to me when I was in the library and asked if we could talk! I didnât know he was going to drop such a bomb on me so I said yes. Then he started talking about how heâs always cherished our friendship and how heâs so glad to have me.
âI started suspecting where his train of thought was headed when he added a but to his sentence. He said heâs liked me for a while now and he couldnât keep it to himself anymore. I was flabbergasted once he was done! Iâve always viewed him as a good friend and I didnât want to just turn his heart down!â
âSo you told him he was your type?â Jeno asked incredulously. âI know I promised to not call you an idiot but youâre really fucking stupid, Y/N! Itâs going to be hella awkward when the group meets up!âÂ
You groaned and closed your eyes shut, letting yourself fall on your back. âThatâs not even the worst part.âÂ
Jeno grabbed your wrists and hauled you back up. His face was barely a few inches away from yours when he ordered, âExplain.â
Taking a deep breath, you continued. âI told YangYang that he was cute and my type but I wasnât in a position to think about going out with anyone with still two weeks of finals left to get through. I thought he would drop it but he asked me if I would think about his confession after our exams and I felt terrible telling him the truth. So I said I would. Yeji called me last night and said she set me up on a blind date with this guy in her class. You know how fast word spreads here. YangYang is going to know I dangled him on strings only to go on a date with someone else!âÂ
âYouâre going on a blind date? With whom?âÂ
You flicked Jenoâs forehead. âThatâs not the issue!âÂ
âWell, I want to know!â he sputtered and slapped your hand away.Â
âI donât know! Frankly, I donât care either. I made a bet with Yeji and I lost. Now I have to spend an evening with a random guy I donât even want to seek a romantic relationship with.âÂ
Your best friend sighed in frustration. âThis might be one of your biggest fuck-ups till now.â
âI know,â you said quietly and dropped your gaze to your lap in shame.Â
âYouâll have to apologise to YangYang and tell him the truth. Heâs a good guy and he doesnât deserve any of this.âÂ
âI know.âÂ
âHey,â Jeno said softly. You glanced at him to see heâd gotten up and was holding his out for you. âCome here.âÂ
You rose to your feet and let him envelop you in his comforting embrace. Burying your face in his chest, you whispered, âI never wanted to hurt YangYang. I donât want to lose him as a friend.âÂ
âYou wonât as long as you come clean and explain everything. Donât insult him further by giving him more half-truths. Guys would rather know whatâs the real deal than be lied to and find out from someone else. Not only is it hurtful, but itâs a huge blow to the ego.â Â
Your lips curled in a small smile and you leaned back a little to look at his face. âIs this about your mom lying to you about the tooth fairy?âÂ
âDamn right it is,â he grumbled. âI gave an entire speech about her being my favourite person in the whole world. Thatâs not something you recover from easily.â
âItâs been 15 years.â
âItâll take me another 15 to come to terms with the fact that I used to rip my loose teeth out and place them under my pillow when I needed money urgently.âÂ
You laughed and pulled yourself out of his arms. âI canât believe Iâm taking guy advice from you.âÂ
âWhy?â Jeno exclaimed. âIâm a guy too! Plus, I always give good advice!âÂ
You giggled and plopped down on the sofa again. âI know. But youâre also Jeno. Iâve never thought of you as just a guy.âÂ
âI donât know if I should be flattered or offended.âÂ
âHow about you sit your ass down and help me study now that youâre here? I made flash cards.âÂ
Snatching the stack from your hand, Jeno teased, âOh, how would you survive without me?â
âI donât have to wonder about that shit.â You grinned. âThereâs no way in hell youâre getting rid of me anytime soon.âÂ
He laughed. âAnd thank fuck for that.âÂ
03. hugs always make you feel safe thanks to all the beef underneath
You were going to drag Jeno to the seventh circle of Hell.Â
You couldnât afford to go grocery shopping with him when you had a huge exam the next day. You hadnât studied shit and were one âhave you prepared for tomorrowâs final?â away from a mental breakdown.Â
It didnât help that Yeji had called you in the middle of the night to clear a doubt she had from a chapter you didnât even know had been covered.
Youâd been panicking ever since and it felt like you were going to get a heart attack at any moment. Â
âDoritos or Lays?âÂ
âKick to the nuts or knuckles to the jaw?âÂ
Your best friend tore his gaze from the rack of chips and eyed you warily. âI said Iâll help you study tonight.âÂ
âYou donât understand, Jeno!â you exclaimed and ran a hand through your messy hair, pacing in the supermarket aisle impatiently. âIâm going to fail! Fail!â Â
Groaning, Jeno grabbed your arm and forced you to face him. He held your shoulders and looked you in the eyes, enunciating each word as he reiterated, âYouâre not going to fail. Weâre going to pull an all-nighter in the library, but we need to be stocked up on food before we do that.âÂ
You sighed painfully. It burned your eyes to just focus on anythingâhow the hell were you supposed to stay awake for another day and write a three-hour-long exam after that?Â
âYou could have come here without dragging me with you,â you muttered. âI could have been studying at home instead of wasting precious time.â
Jeno frowned. âAny more time in front of your laptop and you would have gone insane, Y/N. Your eyes are completely red.âÂ
âOh, thatâs not because of the screen time. I cried before you came to check on me.âÂ
Huffing a small laugh that bordered on exasperation, amusement and worry, Jeno threw a few packets of Doritos in the shopping cart before slinging an arm around your neck. You let him pull you against him and wrapped your arms around his waist as the two of you began walking.Â
âWell, you needed to get out anyway. I donât remember the last time I saw you leave your apartment.âÂ
âI stepped outside yesterday to play with the neighbourâs cat,â you said defensively.Â
âNot good enough,â Jeno popped. âWeâre going to go get a massage once weâre done shopping.âÂ
You stopped in your tracks and peeled yourself away from him. âThe final is in twenty-eight hours!â you yelled, staring at him incredulously. âAre you fucking stupid?!âÂ
âSo you have plenty of time to de-stress before you start studying again!â he chirped, paying no heed to your concerns nor the people who had heard your outburst and were giving you odd looks. âTrust me, I went for a massage before my final and I was so relaxed. It helped me to focus too.âÂ
âJeno,â you uttered his name with barely contained impatience. âI donât have time. I need to cover a lot of shit before I go and sit in the fucking examination hall.âÂ
âAnd I said Iâll help!â he repeated, sounding almost exasperated. Pushing the shopping cart forward again, he studied the shelves and continued, âYou always do this, Y/N. You freak out before a test and act like the world is ending only for you to do super well.â
âWellââ you began, stumbling after himâ âthatâs just my coping mechanism! The more worried I am, the better I do. But Iâm screwed for real this time!âÂ
âNo,â Jeno popped, placing a 2-litre bottle of Sprite in the cart. âIâm not listening to you this time. Especially not after you stayed awake for three days straight for your midterm.âÂ
You sighed again. There was no arguing with your best friend. âHow long is this massage of yours going to take?âÂ
âWeâll be back at your place in two hours max,â he reassured you, patting your head. You swatted his hand away and gave him a dirty look. âI think we have everything we need to make it through today and tomorrow.âÂ
âWhy do we need such a big bottle of Sprite?âÂ
âParty at my place this weekend. Thereâs a discount so Iâm buying in advance.â
You frowned. âShouldnât you be stocking up on booze?â
âThe guys said I have an alcohol addiction,â Jeno said, getting in line at the billing counter. âWhich is, like, totally untrue but you know I never back down from a challenge. Iâm going to prove them wrong by staying sober for two weeks.â
âSure,â you snorted. âYouâll just find lame loopholes or cheat when no oneâs looking.â
A sly grin took form on Jenoâs lips. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and drawled, âI know what you do when no oneâs looking.â
âReally?â You feigned a gasp. âYou know I sneak over to your house and steal your food when youâre not there?â
His smile dropped immediately. âWait, what? Thatâs you? Not Hyuck?â
âThe food thief is me but the one stealing your sheet masks is Hyuck,â you admitted.
âHe steals my masks?! The ones I buy are expensive as fuck!â Jeno exclaimed, betrayal seeping into his features. His hands fell to his side and his eyes turned distant. âI canât believe heâs been gaslighting me into thinking I do an extra round of skincare when Iâm drunk.â
You giggled and pushed the shopping cart forward once the person in front of you was done. Placing the contents on the billing counter for the cashier to scan, you revealed, âHyuck saw me raiding your pantry when you were at the gym. He used that as leverage against me for weeks before I saw him stealing your sheet masks and was able to finally strike a dealâhe turns a blind eye to my robberies and I turn a blind eye to his.â
âWhyâd you team up with him?â Jeno pouted. âI thought we were best friends.â
You laughed incredulously. âSeriously? Thatâs what youâre focusing on? Not the part where Hyuck and I used your stuff without asking?â
âWell, yeah, Iâm pissed you used my shit. But I guess Iâm just a little more bothered that you guys teamed up,â Jeno said and shrugged, fetching his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. âBecause, you know, coming together to make people suffer has always been our thing.â
You raised an eyebrow, slightly amused by how he was beating around the bush. âAre you saying you wanna team up with me to get back at Hyuck?â
Jeno grinned. âIâm gonna screw over that motherfucker so bad. You get off the hook, though, because youâre cute and I need your help.â
âYouâre impossible.â You huffed and shook your head. Taking the bag of groceries, you said to him, âText me my share and Iâll Venmo the money to you.â
âYou could buy me an ice cream instead.â
âNo,â you denied immediately. âWeâre not wasting time on ice cream. Massage and then straight home so I can pick up my study material and we can leave for the library.â
Thankfully, Jeno didnât protest. He drove you to your apartment complex and waited for you while you packed your bag. Then, the two of you were off to the massage place.
An hour later, you were done and forced to admit that the massage had indeed helped you. It felt like all the stress had left your body. Thinking about the final didnât make you want to cry anymore and things were actually looking up now that you were rested.
You were able to retain the knowledge better and it was easier to understand the concepts. Jeno quizzed you and provided you with an endless supply of coffee throughout the night.
Right before lunch the next day, however, the panic resurfaced as you were revising your syllabus for the last time before your final at 3. You couldnât seem to remember anything you had studied the previous night.Â
You could feel another breakdown coming, but before you could hyperventilate, Jeno scooped you up in his arms.
You hadnât even realised when heâd come back from picking up your food. One minute, you were trying to control your breath and the next, your face was buried in his hard chest.
You held onto his shirt as his hands rubbed soothing circles on your back and he rocked you from side to side.
âShh, donât cry,â he mumbled and kissed the top of your head. âYouâre gonna ace the final like you always do. You were able to answer all the quiz questions, so keep in mind that you are prepared. The pre-exam anxiety is just clouding your thoughts. Everythingâs gonna come back to you when you sit down to write, alright?â
Nodding, you clenched your eyes shut and bit down on your lip to keep a sob from escaping. Jenoâs presence kept acting like a tether for you. It always had.
Maybe he was right about the final. Maybe he wasnât. But at that moment, engulfed in his warm, safe embrace, it felt like everything was going to be okay.
đđđđđđđđđ !
01. having to deal with a narcissistic asshole.Â
It was an especially sweltering day.Â
You were being baked inside-out despite wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts, your hair tied in a messy high bun. Adding to your torment was your broken A/C. Youâd requested your landlord to fix it several times but your efforts were to no avail.Â
You would have kept bothering him incessantly and gotten the job done if you werenât so intimidated by him already.Â
Sighing, you eyed your bathroom. A cold shower sounded like an amazing idea. Jeno wasnât supposed to come over to watch the movie for a while anyway.Â
Deciding to cool yourself and get rid of the sweat sticking to your body, you entered the tiny bathroom. A high-pitched squeal left your mouth the moment you turned the shower knob and the cold water hit your skin.Â
âFuck,â you cursed and flinched, turning the knob the other way immediately. Your shitty apartment didnât even have a valve to adjust the temperatureâthe water was either mildly hot or ice cold. Showering in summer was always a big problem.
âGod, I donât wanna keep doing this,â you mumbled to yourself and stepped into your room again.Â
There was thisâŚÂ thing youâd been doing ever since you moved into this apartment. Whenever it was hot, youâd work out so youâd get more sweaty. That way, when you showered under the ice-cold water, it didnât feel as unbearable.Â
It was weird and there probably was no science behind it, but you didnât care as long as it worked.Â
So, you rolled out your yoga mat on the floor and began warming up.Â
Within no time, your skin was glistening with sweat and your hair was damp. You were struggling to complete the last push-up of your final set when someone knocked on your door, causing you to lose your focus. Your arms gave out beneath you, and you collapsed to the ground.Â
âWoah, itâs boiling in here,â Jeno pointed out intelligently. âAnd you look like youâre one move away from dying. God, I canât even breathe Why the fuck are you working out with the windows closed? Are you stupid?âÂ
Groaning, you rolled on your back and watched your best friend as he moved to the windows and threw them open. âHey!â you protested weakly and raised a trembling arm in a pathetic attempt to stop him. âIâm trying to do something!â
Jeno raised an eyebrow at you and grabbed your hand, hauling you up effortlessly. âOh, yeah? Pray tell.âÂ
You crashed into his chest and rebounded, but he tightened his hold on you. His palm hovered over your back in case you lost your balance. Steadying yourself, you glared at him and snapped, âNo. Youâre gonna make fun of me.â
âI wonât!â Jeno laughed, his eyes crinkling.Â
âStop, youâre doing it already!âÂ
âOkay! Okay, Iâm sorry. I really do wanna know what you were doing.âÂ
You eyed him for a moment, waiting for him to slip up and start laughing again. But Jenoâs face remained mildly curious. Satisfied, you explained, âWell, because I was feeling hot, I decided to take a shower. The water here is very cold, though, so I decided to work out in a closed room because that would make me even hotter. If I get in the shower now, it wouldnât feel as cold because my body temperature has already increased, and the water would be sort of neutralised.âÂ
A beat of silence passed. And then, âI know I said I wouldnât make fun of youââ
âThen stop talking.â
âBut did you not realise you could have mixed the hot and cold water in a bucket?â Jeno continued, clearly still talking. âOr, I donât know, come over to my place to shower?âÂ
âYou live with three other men.â You deadpanned. âI was not going to shower in your apartment with Jaemin, Renjun and Hyuck there. Also, I donât have a big enough bucket, so I will be buying one today,â you added, muttering the last bit.Â
Jeno rolled his eyes. âGod, Y/N, I would have kicked the guys out.âÂ
âWhat makes you think they would have listened to you?â you asked amusedly.
âOkay, true,â he agreed. âThey would have listened to you, though. If thereâs anyone whoâs bossy enough to get them out of the house on a hot Sunday afternoon, itâs you.âÂ
âAre you calling me bossy?âÂ
âAre you going to shower now?â he deflected. âYou stink.â
âShut up!â you exclaimed and slapped his shoulder hard, but laughed nonetheless. Moving away from him, you kicked him off your yoga mat and said, âYou opened the windows and interrupted my workout, so I donât feel as hot anymore. I think Iâm gonna exercise a little more so I donât die of hypothermia in the shower. You can take my laptop and choose a movie till then if you want.â
âHow about I work out with you?â Jeno suggested. âWe can have our gym bros moment.âÂ
âI donât wanna have a gym bros moment with you.â
âWhy?â he whined.Â
Flicking his forehead, you said, âBecause I know youâre gonna turn this into a competition, and Iâm not in the mood.âÂ
âScared?â
âYou wish,â you scoffed. âIâm tired from all the working out I did before you came, and Iâm not going against you when you have that advantage over me.âÂ
âThat still means youâre scared. Pussy.â
Letting out an exasperated sigh, you got into the position for a plank. âGet out if youâre going to keep being annoying and not contribute shit to our gym bros moment.â
âI knew youâd come around,â Jeno replied smugly. You practically heard the grin in his voice when he said that.Â
You closed your eyes and laboured your breathing as you felt your abdomen begin to burn almost immediately. âHad to, or I knew youâd keep irritating me.âÂ
Opening your lids, you turned your neck to see if he was doing the exercise with you.Â
Your arms gave out the moment you saw Jeno shirtless, his bulging biceps on full display.
âDamn, you lost quicker than I thought,â he commented.Â
âWhy are you naked?!â you demanded in a shrill voice.Â
Still in position, Jeno only glanced at you like you were out of your mind. âI was wearing a hoodie, Y/N. Did you expect me to do a plank in that furnace?âÂ
âYeah!â you exclaimed. To your dismay, your eyes kept drifting to his well-defined muscles no matter how much you tried to focus on his face.Â
To make things worse, Jeno noticed. And smirked. âStop complaining if youâre enjoying the view so much. Itâs okay to admit you have a hot best friend.â
Flustered, you scrambled to your feet and looked at the ceiling. God, you felt like a stupid middle schooler. It was insane how much of an effect Jeno was having on you. What was weirder was that your mind was drifting to places it had never been before. At least where your best friend was concerned.Â
âNarcissus has nothing on you,â you muttered under your breath, and tried to gather your bearings.Â
âBesides,â Jeno continued, having not heard you. âI do send you pictures sometimes. I donât know why youâre acting like youâve never seen me like this.âÂ
âYour phoneâs camera is fucked, Jeno,â you grumbled. âThe photos you texted me didnât capture half of whatâs actually there.â
No matter what you hadnât seen, youâd felt whenever you hugged each other. It didnât take away your surprise upon seeing the 2440p quality visual though.Â
âIs that disappointment I hear?â he taunted.Â
âNo!â you exclaimed and finally looked at him again. At the sight of his working muscles, you muttered, âCan we stop now? You won.â
âAh!â Jeno dragged the word as if he had just stumbled upon a revelation. âYou want me to stand up so you can get a better view of my abs? Got it.âÂ
Your eyes widened, and before you could deny his ridiculous accusations, he was towering over you. Wiggling his eyebrows, he gestured towards himself and flexed dramatically.Â
âYouâre an idiot,â you huffed, unable to help yourself.Â
âYeah? Then I guess an idiot just managed to fluster the shit out of you.â Jeno smiled and ruffled your hair. Bending, he picked up his discarded hoodie and shrugged it back on. âIâll go and get you a bathing bucket from the supermarket around the corner. Donât freeze yourself to death.âÂ
You rolled your eyes. âI wonât.âÂ
âAlso, do you remember the shirt I forgot here all those months ago after I got wet in the rain? Can you find it so I can change into it when Iâm back?â He frowned and looked at himself. âIâll eventually toast myself if I watch the movie in my hoodie.â
âSure, but youâre stupid for wearing warm clothes in summer,â you commented. Â
Jeno gave you a dirty look. âSorry for assuming your A/C was in working condition. Besides, you always want to cuddle when we watch movies, so I figured youâd be more comfortable if I was wearing a hoodie.âÂ
Your cheeks warmed at that, your heart stumbling a beat. What was wrong with you? Youâd always known Jeno was caring and went out of his way to do nice things for you.
Typically, youâd have felt grateful for how thoughtful he was being.Â
Now, though, you felt that and⌠something else that you didnât really want to acknowledge.Â
âWhatever,â you said instead, trying to sound dismissive. Pushing him out of your room, you continued, âIâll find it. Just hurry up with the bucket.âÂ
A few minutes after Jeno was gone, a notification popped up on your phone.Â
[jeno]: clearer picture that i clicked on jaeminâs phone for your viewing pleasure :â)Â
You blinked in confusion and opened the photo that was attached below, your eyes widening the moment you saw it. It was a zoomed-in gym mirror selfie of Jeno wearing nothing but sweatpants and shoes, his muscular abdomen on full display.Â
[you]: did you crop jaemin?Â
[jeno]: ????
[jeno]: wdymâŚâŚ.
[you]: the photoâs dimensions are weird
[jeno]: oh
[jeno]: what the fuck
[you]: LMFAOOO
[jeno]: STOP I DIDNâT WANT YOU LOOKING AT HIM INSTEAD OF ME IâVE GOT A BETTER BODY ANYWAY AND IâM GONNA BUY A NEW PHONE SO I CAN SEND YOU CLEARER PICS WITHOUT HAVING TO CROP THAT FUCKER OUTÂ
You bit down on your lip to keep yourself from smiling too wide. Right before you were about to type a reply, you received another text from your best friend.Â
[jeno]: so are you gonna tell me what you think
[you]: FINE youâre hot.
[you]: happy?Â
[jeno]: euphoric
Finally laughing out loud, you shook your head.Â
Narcissus had nothing on Jeno indeed.
02. female friends ask you to be their wingwomanÂ
You didnât think youâd ever accompanied Jeno to a party without having someone ask you to set them up with him.Â
âPlease,â Yoo Jimin begged for what seemed like the thousandth time. âYeji said he was single!âÂ
Sighing, you mentally cursed Yeji for inviting Jimin to Jenoâs party. âHe is, but Iâm not setting you up with him.âÂ
âWhy?â Jimin demanded rather aggressively, making you wonder what it would take for her to quit nagging you. âDo you like him or something?âÂ
It took a concerning amount of effort for you to refrain from rolling your eyes. âI do not.âÂ
âThen whatâs the problem?âÂ
âI donât know, Jimin!â you finally burst and gestured at your surroundings. âMaybe Iâm not too keen on helping you out because you followed me into the washroom and cornered me! Maybe I feel used because youâve never shown much interest in me even though Iâve tried striking up a conversation with you several times before!â Â
Jiminâs features softened, and she looked away. âYouâre right,â she muttered, guilt and shame evident in her voice. âIâm sorry for jumping on you like that.âÂ
You immediately felt bad for snapping at her. Pursing your lips, you tried to cheer her up. âDonât worry about it. You donât need me to set you up with him anyway. I know we havenât hung out much, but based on what Iâve heard about you from Yeji, youâre smart, funny and social. You have no reason to be nervous while approaching Jeno.âÂ
For some reason, you regretted encouraging Jimin to pursue your best friend. A gaping hole formed in your heart, and you wished she would go for someone else instead.Â
âThanks, Y/N.â Jimin smiled gratefully. âI know Iâve been a shitty person, but could you give me another chance? Iâd really like to get to know you more.âÂ
And just like that, the hollowness in your chest was gone. You gave her a genuine smile of your own and said, âI gotta pee right now, but does lunch tomorrow work for you?â
Jiminâs eyes widened. âShit, Iâm so sorry. I forgot where we were.â Rubbing the nape of her neck sheepishly, she replied, âLunch works. Iâll text you tonight so we can talk about it.âÂ
The two of you exchanged your goodbyes, and then she was gone. A few minutes later, you exited the washroom as well and headed back to the party.Â
âI missed you,â a voice slurred in your ear. Arms circled around your waist, and a face buried itself into the crook of your neck.Â
You laughed. âYou failed the challenge, Jeno.âÂ
âWhere were you?â he demanded in an almost whiny tone. âItâs your fault! I wouldnât have lost at beer pong if youâd been playing with me.âÂ
Patting Jenoâs back in consolation, you replied, âIâm sorry you have zero self-control and commit to things you know you wonât be able to do.âÂ
Jeno peeled himself away from you and pouted. âYouâre mean.â
âThanks. Letâs get wasted together,â you said, but then added upon looking at his already tipsy condition, âOr I can get wasted, and your ass can keep me company.â Â
âDonât you think one of us should be sober?â Jeno asked as you pulled him along.
âIâm not gonna hold back from drinking!â you exclaimed. âLet me remind you that you were supposed to be the sober one today and make sure I didnât do anything stupid. Iâm blaming you if I get naked in the yard.âÂ
Thanks to the music that was gradually getting louder as you approached the main party area, you didnât hear your best friendâs response. You tightened your grip on his hand when the crowd thickened. Wading your way through the dancing throng, you finally reached the table lined with alcohol and food.Â
You chose a bottle of Romanov and popped it open, drinking straight from it. Youâd barely taken a few gulps when Jeno snatched it from you and put it to his own mouth.Â
Throwing him a dirty look, you picked up another bottle for yourself. âDo you wanna dance?â
âI wanna throw up.âÂ
âSuit yourself.â You shrugged and aimed for the dance floor. A smile crept on your face upon seeing Jaemin; you were not in the mood to dance alone.Â
âY/N!â he hollered when he noticed you. Stumbling towards you, he pulled you in a quick embrace. âI havenât seen you in so long!âÂ
âFinals!â you answered. Jaemin nodded in understanding and ran a hand through his hair, taking a swig from his beer. âDo you wanna dance?âÂ
You grinned. âYou know I do.âÂ
The next few hours were a complete blur. The bottle in your hand was replaced by more one after the other, and when Jaemin deemed youâd had enough to drink, he gave you a red solo cup filled with water instead.Â
It felt good to finally unwind after the horrible few weeks youâd had. There was no academic stress weighing down on you anymore, and though you were low on sleep, you didnât want to stop partying.Â
You just wished you and Jeno had gotten wasted together. While you were having fun with Jaemin, partying with Jeno was a different experience entirely.Â
Right as you were about to take a sip from your cup, you felt an arm being thrown around your neck. The touch was so familiar that you recognised who it was immediately.Â
âI missed you!â you exclaimed. Jeno looked down at you with a grin on his face, a pair of black party glasses sitting on his nose. His hair was damp and fell over his forehead. Maybe it was the liquor in your system, but you could have sworn he never looked better. âLetâs dance.â
âDance?â Jeno laughed. âHavenât you been doing that for the past two hours? Donât your feet hurt?âÂ
Frowning, you glanced at your legs. âThey do!â you exclaimed, and looked back at him again, your bottom lip sticking out in a pout. Feeling tears beginning to pool in your eyes, you mumbled, âBut I still want to dance.â
âHow about we go on the roof instead? The stars look pretty tonight,â your best friend suggested, trying his best not to laugh at you. âI didnât drink at all after you left me. Iâm sober enough to take care of you now.âÂ
Your eyes lit up at that. âWow, thatâs such a good idea! Youâre so smart, Jeno. I love you.â Â
Jenoâs lips finally twitched up in a smile. âI love you too, silly.âÂ
Plucking the solo cup out of your hand, he offered you an arm. You looped yours through it with a soft thank you and leaned on him as he led you upstairs.Â
The two of you entered his dark room, and Jeno shut the door behind him. Only when the loud music was muffled did you realise your head was throbbing. Â
He unhooked your arms gently and grabbed a warm blanket off his bed. Throwing open his window, he jumped out on the flat roof and looked at you expectantly.Â
You staggered behind Jeno and took the hand he was holding out for you. His other hand hovered over your waist as you climbed on the sill.Â
Thanks to the alcohol in your system, your balance was non-existent, and your legs turned to jelly the moment they made contact with the roof. Fortunately, your best friend was there to catch you.
You bumped into Jenoâs chest instead of falling to the ground. He wrapped his arms around you and steadied you, laughing a little at your antics.Â
âGod, how much did you drink?â you heard him wonder to himself. You mumbled an incoherent response and leaned against the outside wall of his room, watching him lay the spread on the floor.Â
The two of you usually climbed the ladder that led to the slanting roof at the very top of the house, but you reckoned the boy in front of you didnât want to risk taking you up there when you were so wasted.Â
Jeno sat down on the blanket once he was done and peeked at you over his shoulder, patting the space beside him. âCome on.âÂ
Pushing yourself off the siding, you stumbled to him, tripping over your feet a bit. You were able to keep your balance, though, and a moment later, you found yourself lying on the blanket next to him.
Your shoulders brushed against each other, the warmth from his body seeping into you. It was summer, but the night air was still chilly, especially now that you were on the roof. You were thankful for the protection Jeno offered against the mild cold.Â
The music was blaring once again now that you were outside, and there were no barriers to deafen it, but the volume barely bothered you. Your eyes were on the stars, trying to identify the constellations.
âI see Orion right there,â Jeno said, pointing at the sky. You followed his finger, and sure enough, there it was. âAnd thereâs Ursa Minor.â He moved his hand after noting that you had recognised Orion.Â
âI donât see it,â you muttered, blinking heavily to clear your sight.Â
âCan you see Polaris?â he asked, glancing at you for a moment.Â
You raised your hand and pointed it at a random star that was nowhere near the one Jeno was referring to. âThere.âÂ
Jeno snorted. âYou could spot Orion, but you canât identify the brightest star in the sky?â Without waiting for a response, your best friend grabbed your arm and directed it to the right star. âThat is Polaris.âÂ
âWoah.â You gaped and lowered your arm. âItâs so shiny.âÂ
Jeno laughed again upon hearing the child-like wonder in your voice. You stargazed often and always challenged each other to see who could identify the most constellations in a minute. He knew the night sky was familiar to you, but seeing you like this reminded Jeno of the first time he brought you to his roof and introduced you to his favourite hobby.Â
âDo you want it?â he teased.Â
Eyes widening, you turned your neck to look at him, your faces so close you could count his lashes. âReally?âÂ
âReally,â he said and pinched your cheek, unable to help himself. âIâll get it for you.âÂ
A wide smile immediately broke across your lips, and you threw your arms around him, hugging him tightly. âThank you!â you squealed.Â
Jeno chuckled, a little surprised that you had practically climbed on top of him, and part of him was caged under you now. He didnât mind the sudden intimacy. It had always been his love language; any sort of physical contact with youâbe it comparing hand sizes or carrying you on his backâwarmed his heart.Â
Patting your head, he asked, âYou want me to show you the rest of Ursa Minor?âÂ
âYes.â You nodded into the crook of his neck and peeled yourself away from him, but your head still rested where his shoulder met his arm.Â
Brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen on your face, he averted his gaze to the sky. âPolaris is the tail of The Little Dipper. Now we move towards the left. See the star thatâs above the brightest? Thatâs Delta. Epsilon is above Delta too, but the distance between them is not as much as the distance between the first two. Zeta is belowââÂ
You tuned Jeno out. He was still showing you the stars that made up the constellations, far too invested to notice that you were no longer paying attention to what he was saying and were looking at something much more beautiful instead.Â
Youâd always known your best friend was attractive. Youâd have to be blind to not notice his striking featuresâthey were sharp with a certain softness around the edges. His face always stood out in crowds and demanded peopleâs undivided attention.Â
Rightfully so, you thought to yourself as you admired his perfectly straight nose and the shape of his soft lips, diverting your gaze to his eyes. Youâd always thought they were his best features. They were warm and open and felt like home. It deserves to be appreciated.Â
âPherka, Eta, Kochab and Zeta form aââ
âYouâre prettier.â
Jeno glanced at you, your faces mere inches away and those beautiful eyes peering into yours with slight confusion. âWhat?â
âYou said the stars looked pretty tonight,â you whispered. âI think youâre prettier.â You paused for a moment, as if rethinking your words. Then, âI think youâre the prettiest person in the world.â
A fond smile crept on your best friendâs face, and maybe it was because your ear was in the vicinity of his heart, but you could have sworn you heard it thumping loudly against his ribcage. Lightly bumping his forehead against yours, Jeno whispered back,Â
âI think youâre the prettiest person in the world too.âÂ
03. itâs very easy to fall for them, especially when theyâre always so sweet and caring
The first thing you felt upon regaining your consciousness was pain.Â
Your skull was splitting apart, the little bit of sunlight creeping in through the closed curtains rendering you blind. Nausea was beginning to set in, but your body was so weak that you werenât sure you could make it to the toilet in time.Â
You should have never drunk so much. Not only had you not taken any proper rest after working yourself to exhaustion during your finals, but had also danced to the point you couldnât move your legs. Heck, you couldnât even remember much of the party. You recalled leaving Jeno behind to party with Jaemin, but everything after that was a huge blank slate.Â
The toilet was far away, but you could try reaching the dustbin near the study table instead of just throwing up on the carpet. Groaning, you tried to push yourself up. When that didnât work, you put all strength in your abdomen and threw yourself off the bed.Â
A shockwave of agony passing through your body rendered you immobile on the ground. You moaned in pain and curled in on yourself, covering your mouth with a hand upon tasting bile on your tongue.Â
The door was thrown open, and a worried Jeno gaped at you lying on his roomâs hard floor motionlessly. âWhat the fuck?âÂ
âDustbin,â you croaked with much difficulty, tears springing to your eyes. They hurt so much you wanted to rip them out.Â
Your best friend moved into action immediately. âI kept the dustbin right beside the bed in case you got sick, you blind twat truck. Along with painkillers and water on the table.â Â
You found it in yourself to glare at the boy, but he ignored you. Placing the waste basket in front of you, he helped you up. You gripped the rim as he gathered your hair in his hand and held it up to avoid it getting in the way of your vomit.Â
Right before you emptied the toxins in your body, you managed to say to him, âHow capable do I look to you right now, you stupid toe-licking grinch man?âÂ
Jeno rolled his eyes and rubbed your back with his other hand, patiently waiting for you to finish. Once your heaving stopped, you took the tissue he was holding out for you and wiped your mouth. You felt much better after throwing up but you were still so tired.Â
âCome on.â
You swatted Jenoâs hand away and rested your back on his bed, tucking your legs under your chin. âToo much effort,â you muttered and closed your eyes, willing the headache to go away.
âI was going to carry you to the bed, Y/N,â he said in exasperation.Â
âI just need a moment,â you whispered almost incoherently, wishing he would stop asking you questions when you had no energy to answer. âA moment and an Aspirin.âÂ
There was some shuffling, and then you felt a hand brushing your matted hair out of your face. âHere.â
You peeled your lids open to see Jeno crouched in front of you with water and the painkiller you had asked for. Taking it from his hand, you popped it into your mouth and gulped down some water.Â
For a few moments, you tried to regulate your breathing and calm yourself down. Jeno could tell you were gathering the willpower and strength to climb back on his bed. He wanted to help, but you clearly didnât want it. So, he just watched you silently struggle.
He should have been with you last night; he hated that he wasnât when he had promised to be the sober half. As far as Jeno was concerned, Jaemin was going to get an earful about keeping tabs on how much his friends drank. Never in the two years of friendship had he seen you with such a huge hangover.Â
âFuck,â he heard you curse under your breath. You moaned in pain as you pushed yourself up on trembling arms and fell on his mattress. Sighing, Jeno tucked you in and pressed a chaste kiss on your forehead.Â
âSleep well,â he said and made his way to the door. âIâll wake you up for lunch. Renjun is making grilled sandwiches.âÂ
Your eyes flew open again. Fuck. You were supposed to meet Jimin.Â
âJeno, wait,â you blurted, and he stopped in his tracks. âI was supposed to meet a friend for lunch, but I donât think I can make it. Can you cover for me?âÂ
Your best friend leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms over his chest. âWhich friend?âÂ
âJimin.âÂ
âI thought she ghosted you.â He frowned. âNow youâre meeting her for lunch?âÂ
âNo, you are meeting her for lunch. I donât wanna be rude and cancel at the last minute. What if she already left?â
âItâs 10 in the morning.â
âWell, what if she turned down other offers because of the plans we made?âÂ
âShe left an hour ago with Mark after passing out on the couch in Hyuckâs room last night. I doubt sheâs had the time to turn down any other offers. Actually, I think sheâll be glad you cancelled. She looked pretty hungover when she left.â
âWhy are you being so difficult?â you whined, wincing when the throbbing in your head responded to the sudden increase in the volume of your voice. âIâm only asking you for a small favour.âÂ
âIâm not being difficult,â Jeno defended himself and took a few steps towards you. âIâm trying to tell you that you may be overthinking this. Let me send her a text from your phone asking for a reschedule, and we can have some homemade lunch with the guys.âÂ
Sighing heavily, you averted your gaze from his and stared at the ceiling. âI just donât wanna blow this. I think sheâs really cool and Iâd like to get to know her more. Iâm good friends with everyone in our social circle except her. Itâs awkward.âÂ
Jenoâs eyes softened at that. âY/N, youâre not blowing anything. Rescheduling lunch because you both partied till you collapsed is not going to take away any points. Trust me.âÂ
Your best friend was right. You were overthinking this, but you didnât exactly blame yourself. All your efforts to befriend Jimin had been futile till now. You didnât want to do anything that could mess up the friendship that had begun to bloom last night.Â
âFine,â you finally relented. âShoot her a text from my phone. I think itâs in my clothes bagââ you paused, your eyes widening. Lifting Jenoâs duvet in panic, you looked down at yourself. âWho changed my clothes?âÂ
âNingning did!â Jeno answered quickly, the tips of his ears turning a bright red. He couldnât understand why he was freaking outânothing happened.Â
You exhaled in relief, trying to get rid of the alien tingling feeling spreading throughout your body. Your cheeks were hot with embarrassment. âOkay. Well, my phoneâs in my clothes bag.âÂ
Jeno busied himself, rummaging through your backpack that was on his bedside table. What you didnât know, however, was that it was just a front for him to calm himself down. âGot it.â He waved the phone at you. âWhatâs your pin?â
âYour birthday.â
His eyebrows disappeared into his hairline, and a seed of warmth sprouted in his chest. A dizzying sense of affection for you washed over him, drenching him in happiness from head to toe. âReally?âÂ
You nodded and closed your eyes. Turning on your side to get into a more comfortable sleeping position, you buried yourself deeper under his sheets. Yawning, you mumbled, âDay-Month-Year with leading zeros.âÂ
âMy password is your birthday too,â he said quietly after sending Jimin the text. âA lot of them are. Itâs the easiest set of numbers to remember.â
You didnât respond. Jeno didnât mind. He knew youâd already fallen asleep. Keeping your phone on the table, he smiled sadly and stared at your resting figure in longing. âEverything about you is so easy to remember.â
Jeno closed the door behind him as he left, none the wiser about the fact that you were still awake and had heard everything heâd said, your heart beating so fast that you thought it was going to leap out of your chest.Â
Your best friend left, completely unaware of the fact that you were now entertaining the possibility of being in love with him.Â
đđđđ đđ đ đđđđ !
01. the green-eyed monster you resent makes an appearance more than youâd like
You genuinely couldnât believe your friend group and their seemingly never-ending social battery.Â
One would think that after a long night of partying, a person would stay at home the next day and take some much-needed rest. Your friends, however, thought it was a good idea to meet up for dinner and decide what to do over the weekend.Â
You didnât bother to remind them of the wonderful invention that was group chats.Â
âWe should drive up to the beach,â Mark suggested, flipping through the menu. âSummer just started, so I donât think there will be a lot of people.âÂ
All of you were seated in a round booth at the back of a diner Chenle said he frequented. You werenât going to lie; you could see why. The setting was very homey, and the cushioning of the sofa was very cosyâyou were almost sure you were going to fall asleep even before your food arrived.Â
Ningning, who was sitting beside Mark, peeked over his shoulder to see what was listed. Minjeong said, âThatâs stupid. The start of summer is exactly when beaches get overcrowded. Most donât get to visit the ocean during the year, so they make a beeline for the beach as soon as break begins.â Â
âTrue,â you heard Jeno say. He leaned back in his seat and put his arm on the cushion behind you. You resisted the urge to lean in. Taking a sip of his water, he continued, âBesides, weâre already going to Jeju Island for a week next month. I donât think we should drive three hours to go to the beach right now.âÂ
âWhat about karaoke?â Jimin piped up. She was sitting on the other side of Minjeong, opposite from Chenle, who was on the other side of the table.Â
âWe donât need an entire weekend for just karaoke,â Chenle pointed out. âWe could do it whenever we want.â
âWell, what aboutââÂ
âHey, can I take your order?â a female voice that was a combination of annoyed, upbeat, friendly and polite interrupted Minjeong. The girl looked a little flustered at being cut off, but she cleared her throat and mumbled a small yeah, just give us a minute.
The waitress did not move, so all of you awkwardly picked up the menu cards and began flipping through them.Â
âThe usual for me, Yuna,â Chenle said, smiling up at her. To diffuse the sudden tension created in the air, he began making small talk with her as she waited.Â
âWhat are you eating?â Jeno asked. He was closer to you now, his eyes scanning the contents of the menu card in your hand over your shoulder.Â
You shrugged. âI donât think Iâm eating anything. Iâm not very hungry.âÂ
Jenoâs eyebrows creased, and he glanced at your face in worry. âYou havenât had anything since lunch. At least drink something.âÂ
âItâs fine.â You dismissed him with a wave of your hand and pushed the card in his direction so he could order whatever he wanted. âI wonât be able to finish anything by myself and I donât wanna waste food.âÂ
âHow about we share?â he insisted. âYou eat however much you want, and Iâll finish the rest. Donât go to sleep on an empty stomach.âÂ
An internal battle began. While Jenoâs suggestion was sensible, you knew he didnât like to share his food with anyone. You remembered a time when he had refused to go on a second date with a girl because she kept nibbling on his meal. You didnât want him to do something he hated just for your sake.Â
âReally, itâs fine,â you repeated. âYou go ahead andââ
âHey, Y/N,â Yeji called, making you divert your attention to her. âYou wanna share a triple-decker chicken sandwich? Chenle said this place is famous all over town for that dish.âÂ
You had to admit, a triple-decker chicken sandwich did sound tasty. But youâd just turned down Jeno, so you didnât wanna say yes to Yeji. Shaking your head, you once again said, âIâm not hungry.â
âWhy arenât you hungry?â Mark frowned, overhearing your conversation. The rest of your friend group looked at you in concern. Ningning asked, âAre you okay?âÂ
You groaned. The last thing you wanted to do was explain to everyone why you didnât have an appetite. âIâm okay. Iâm just not hungry because I had a lot for lunch.â
âThatâs a lie,â Jeno commented unhelpfully, and you smacked his shoulder hard in retaliation. He winced, rubbing the area of attack. âHey!âÂ
âShut up!â you exclaimed. Taking a deep breath, you said to everyone with as little annoyance in your voice as you could, âPlease just order what you want. I still feel a little weird after last nightâs party, and I donât think I can stomach anything right now.â Before anyone could reply, you added, âIâm going to the restroom. Be right back.âÂ
Yeji looked a little stunned, but she got up from her seat and let you leave the booth when you requested her to move. Locking yourself in one of the stalls, you clutched your stomach and curled in on yourself, closing your eyes.Â
Your period cramps were especially painful this time. Maybe it was because of last nightâs exertion, but your cycle was early too. Your stomach was in too many knots for you to even think about eating anything.Â
The washroomâs door opened, and you heard soft footsteps trudging towards you. Knocking on the only occupied stallâs door, a female voice asked, âIs everything okay, Y/N?âÂ
âYeah,â you croaked, feeling tears burning your eyes. âEverythingâs fine, Jimin. I just have period cramps, thatâs all.âÂ
âOh.â There was silence for a moment. âI have painkillers. Do you want them?âÂ
Exhaling through your mouth, you wiped your moist cheeks and stepped out of the stall. âSure.â
Jimin smiled at you reassuringly and handed you a wet wipe, looping her arm through yours. âDonât worry. I got you.â
Your heart swelled with happiness and gratitude. Youâd wanted to connect with her for so long, and it finally felt like you were getting somewhere this time. Maybe you were being overemotional due to your fluctuating hormones, but you wanted to pull her into a hug.
âOh, also,â you started a little sheepishly, âI wanted to apologise in person about cancelling on you earlier today. I drank and partied more than I should have. I thought about sending Jeno to cover for me, but he pointed out that it would have been awkward for you to see him when you were expecting me.â
âWoah, wait!â she gaped and took a step away from you. The shock on her face surprised you for a moment, but the feeling didnât last long. âYouâre kidding me! You should have kept insisting, Y/N! A lunch date would have been the perfect way for us to get closer!â
âI donât think he would have considered the lunch a date because he was just a stand-in for me,â you said awkwardly, and threw the used wipe in the dustbin.Â
Jimin waved you away as you walked out of the restroom and back to your booth. âI mean, yeah, it wouldnât have been an official date, but it would have given me the opportunity to ask him out on a real one.â
âRight.â Â
You hated the way you sounded. You hated the way your stomach churned, and your mood dropped. You hated that someone was pursuing Jeno. You hated that you were being forced to play Cupid, all thanks to your strong refusal to admit your feelings and the friendship you wanted to build with the girl next to you.Â
âOh, my God!â Jimin exclaimed, too immersed in her own fantasies to have noticed the change in your tone and demeanour. âI can make up for the missed opportunity by sitting next to him right now! You wouldnât mind, would you?âÂ
You did mind. The idea of her making a move on your best friend made you want to dig a hole and cry. God, you were being so pathetic. This was completely unlike you, and you despised the way you were acting. You had to pull yourself together immediately.Â
Besides, it wasnât like you were ever going to explore these newfound feelings you had for Jeno. The last thing you wanted to do was ruin your friendship. Forcing an encouraging smile on your face, you said, âUm, sure! Thatâs a really good idea.â
âTook you guys long enough,â Chenle commented once you returned.Â
You raised an eyebrow. âDid you have any other places to be?âÂ
âI mean I was worried.â He rolled his eyes. âWe ordered food while you were gone. You sure you donât want anything, Y/N?âÂ
âYep,â you said, popping the last letter. âScoot over and make space for us.âÂ
Yeji got up again and stood to the side as Jimin, and you slid into the booth. âThe two of you better not make me get up again. Iâm not budging even if you need to take a big dump.âÂ
âSorry,â you muttered, smiling at her sheepishly. Making yourself comfortable, you grabbed your glass of water and dipped a straw in it, idly sipping the liquid.Â
Jenoâs gaze caught yours from behind Jiminâs back. He pointed at her with a frown on his face and mouthed, âWhy is she sitting beside me?âÂ
You waved him away and turned your attention to the rest of your friends. âPlease tell me you guys finally decided what weâre doing over the weekend.â
âWe did,â Mark piped up. âWeâre thinking of going to an amusement park and then a water park.â
Jimin frowned. âWonât those places be crowded as well?âÂ
âWe just need to accept that most destinations will be. Everyoneâs on break, so it doesnât matter where we go. There will be people everywhere.âÂ
You agreed with Minjeong. âAmusement park it is. Can we hit the bars at night?â
âIt wonât be much of a trip if we donât.â Ningning grinned. âYou sure you want to go clubbing so soon though? You were completely wasted when Jeno called me to his room and made me change your clothes last night.â
Mark snickered. âAre you scared of changing your own girlfriendâs clothes, Jeno?â Â
Silence. No one spoke.Â
NingNing was staring at Mark incredulously, and Yeji seemed to be suffering through an extreme case of second-hand embarrassment. Chenle pretended to flip through the menu while Minjeong grabbed her phone and scrolled through the apps on her home screen in an attempt to look busy.Â
Jimin whirled to face you so fast that you wondered how her neck hadnât snapped. You couldnât even dare to look at Jeno to see what reaction Markâs words had evoked out of him.Â
Laughing awkwardly, you asked, âWho said weâre dating?âÂ
âYouâre kidding me, right?â Mark scoffed in disbelief. âYou guys are so bad at keeping your relationship private. Everyone knows thereâs something going on between the two of you.âÂ
âIs that true?â Jeno asked, but no one present at the table dared to meet his gaze. âDo all of you think thereâs something going on between Y/N and me?âÂ
âI meanâŚ.â Chenle began, dragging the word out. âYou both are very close. People who claim to be just friends donât cross the boundaries you two step all over everyday. But weâve never seen you kiss either, so weâre not sure if youâre dating secretly orâŚâÂ
âYou guys are crazy,â you interrupted. âStop speculating about our relationship. Itâs weird.â Turning to face a very betrayed-looking Jimin, you enunciated, âJeno and I are just friends. Thatâs all there is to us.â
âYeah,â Jeno added, glancing at you. âY/N and I will only ever be friends. Thereâs no way I would date her. I donât find her attractive in a romantic way.âÂ
Feeling a knot form in your heart and anger bubble in the pit of your stomach, you snapped, âSame. Jenoâs not even my type. I wouldnât get together with him if we were the only people left on Earth.âÂ
Your friends exchanged knowing glances, and poor Jimin, who was stuck sitting between Jeno and you, made an attempt to diffuse the tension. âOkay, guys. We get it.âÂ
âIâm not sure you do,â Jeno hissed, staring all your friends down. âI can see your damn faces. The only way youâre going to believe Iâm not into Y/N is if I prove it to you by going out with someone else.âÂ
Minjeong began, âThatâs notââÂ
âNo, heâs right,â you fumed. Under the table, your hand curled into a fist. âThe only way you guys are going to get this stupid image of Jeno and me being together romantically is if we date other people.âÂ
âThe two of you are overreacting!â Yeji exclaimed. âThereâs no need to get so defensive! We were wrong for assuming, and Mark was an idiot for opening his fat mouth. Iâm sure you both would have told us if there was something. Weâre all sorry.âÂ
There was a chorus of agreement on the table. Everyone genuinely seemed to be apologeticâexcept Mark, who was glaring at Yeji and looked mad for being called an idiot. His eyes met yours, and a sheepish smile took form on his lips.Â
You huffed a small laugh and shook your head, but your heart was still in knots. There was a certain hollowness in the pit of your stomach. You felt sick and anxious.Â
Did Jeno really have to say all those hurtful things just to convince your friends about your platonic relationship? He didnât need to sound so offended and make your mutual denial a competition.Â
Sure, you were the one who had declared there would never be anything more than just friendship between Jeno and you, but he didnât have to cross the line by saying you werenât appealing to him.Â
Besides, youâd said what youâd said for Jimin. You didnât actually mean the words that left your mouth. Considering the emotions youâd been feeling recently, it would be a lie to claim you didnât hope for a different sort of future with Jeno.Â
It didnât matter anyway. A romantic relationship between the two of you wasnât practical. Your best friend had never so much as hinted at wanting something more.Â
In a twisted way, you were glad he said those wounding things. You needed to be pulled back to reality.
âHey, Jeno,â you heard Jimin say once the food arrived and everyone started eating. âI was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch and watch a movie sometime this week?âÂ
Bile rose to your throat. You hoped to God he would say no. You didnât care if you were being a shitty person; you didnât think you could take any more of this torture.Â
âAre you asking me out on a date?â
Your eyes were trained on your glass of water, but you didnât need to look at him to know he was surprised. As much as you hated eavesdroppers, you couldnât stop yourself from wanting to learn where this conversation was going.Â
âI am.â Jimin chuckled nervously.
Jeno didnât reply immediately. The rest of your friends were engaged in their own discussions with the people sitting next to them. The table wasnât silent by any means, but the only things you could hear were Jimin waiting for his answer with bated breath and the pounding of your heart in your chest.Â
Then, âI would be honoured.â
Oh, you were most definitely going to throw up.
02. you fall for them
You hadnât talked to Jeno ever since dinner with your group.
He hadnât reached out to you, and you hadnât tried to contact him either. Youâd received a text from Jimin the next day about the specifics of her date with Jeno. They were supposed to meet up for lunch at a restaurant near your college campus and then go out to watch some sappy rom-com.Â
He didnât even care for rom-coms. Youâd begged him to watch one with you countless times and heâd always turned you down. Part of you wondered if he knew Jimin was updating you about everything and he was purposely pulling this shit to get back at you.Â
But you dismissed the notion immediately. No way were you so dense and self-centred. Maybe Jeno genuinely was into Jimin.Â
Your phone began ringing, and you rolled over on your bed, blindly searching for it on your bedside table. God, you hated being woken up in the middle of your afternoon naps. It almost always guaranteed a headache.Â
âHello,â you said groggily, your throat raw and dry. âWho is this?âÂ
âOh! Did I wake you up?â It was Jimin. She sounded upbeat. Your heart sank. âIâm so sorry!âÂ
Pushing yourself up, you rubbed the gunk out of your eyes and made your way to the window. The darkness made you bump into the corner of your study table, and you bit down on your lip to keep a yelp from escaping. Hobbling, you threw the curtains open and said, âNo worries. My alarm was just about to ring. How was the date?âÂ
Laughter bubbled from the other end of the phone line. âIt was cool! He is a really good guy. No wonder everyone is head over heels for him. He opened the door for me, didnât let me spend any money even though I asked him out, was an excellent listener, called me pretty and beautiful, and drove me back home. Oh, God, and the eye-contact? It made him a hundred times sexier.âÂ
Seems legit, you thought to yourself. Jeno had always been a gentleman. The other girls youâd set him up with had pretty much given you the same feedback. Part of you felt relieved that this date hadnât been any different than the others heâd been on.Â
Except the rom-com part, of course. For the life of you, you couldnât figure out why he would agree to something he hated.Â
âAh, Iâm happy for you, Jimin!â you exclaimed, trying your best to mean what you said. Your own words tasted like ash on your tongue. âAre you guys going on a second date?âÂ
âIâm not sure, to be honest. He said he had a great time with me, but when I tried to ask him out again, he just hugged me. That took me by surprise, and I kinda just forgot.â She laughed. âI know good dates usually end with a kiss, but the fact that he didnât go for one didnât bother me.â
âOh,â you mumbled. Sitting on the ledge of your window, you asked, âThat sounds nice. Do you think youâll try asking him again?â
The last thing you expected her to say was no. And the way she said it⌠she didnât sound sad or upset or disappointed. She sounded like herself. She sounded the way one would when they talked about the weather.Â
It confused you. Didnât Jimin just say the date was really good? She sounded so happy and delighted. Why was she backing out now?
âIâI donât get it,â you sputtered. âI thought you were into him. I thought you had a great time today. Why arenât you going to ask him out again? Did something else happenâ?â
âCalm down.â She chuckled. âNothing happened.âÂ
âHuh? Then whatâs the problem?â
âNothing happened,â she repeated. âThatâs the problem. I like Jeno. Heâs attractive, funny and caring. Heâs everything a girl would want in a guy. But there was no spark between us. I had a great time with him, but hanging out today didnât feel any different than usual. It felt like I was hanging out with a good friend, not with a potential romantic interest.
âI was looking forward to exploring what I felt for him. Turns out, it was just physical attraction. It also turns out that he wasnât into me at all. If it wasnât obvious the night we all went out for dinner, it was glaringly clear today. I think part of the reason he said yes was that he didnât want to hurt my feelings,â she added. âThe otherâmajorâpart was that heâs in love with someone else, and I would rather die than be a homewrecker.â  Â
âOh,â you said again. You didnât know how to respond to that. What did she mean Jeno is in love with someone else? You didnât dare focus on the last part of what sheâd said. You didnât dare hope that the person she was referring to was you. âWell, Iâm sorry it didnât work out between the two of you. Iâm sure youâll find someone else easily. Youâre a delight. Anyone would be lucky to date you.â
Jimin laughed again. âIf you werenât in love with Jeno too, Y/N, I would have thought you were into me.âÂ
It took a second for the words to register, but when they did, you felt your heart drop to your stomach. Forcing yourself to laugh, you croaked, âWhatever do you mean?âÂ
Saying that was a mistake. You should not have asked her to elaborate. She was going to make you come to terms with your feelings, and all the time and effort youâd spent denying and trying to get rid of them was going to go down the drain.Â
Before she could speak, you made a static sound with your mouth. Then, you pretended that the connection was really bad. âWhaâhearâyou. Tryâback. Hellâ?âÂ
You hung up before Jimin could call you out on your bullshit. A moment later, you saw a text pop up.Â
[jimin]: that was soooo unsubtleÂ
[y/n]: idk what ur talking ab!!!!!!!
[jimin]: sure
[jimin]: also a tiny heads up
[jimin]: i told jeno to stop being a pussy and an asshole so heâs on his way 2 ur place now
[y/n]: WHAT THE FUCK
[jimin]: iâm going 2 pretend u said thank u
[jimin]: donât forget ab our dinner date tmrw
[jimin]: have fun <3Â
It was crazy how the bell rang almost immediately after you read the last text. You wondered if the timing was planned and that Jimin had told Jeno to wait till she gave him the go-ahead.Â
You trudged to the front door and took a deep breath before opening it.
âHey,â Jeno mumbled with a small smile. His hair was ruffled, as if he had run his hands through it several times. âCan I come in?âÂ
Biting the inside of your cheek, you nodded and moved out of the way to make space for him to step inside. He shoved his hands inside the pockets of his jeans and stood awkwardly.Â
âYou can sit,â you said, feeling the corners of your lips curl up in amusement.Â
He sighed and wove his fingers through his strands again. âNot before I apologise for my behaviour. I was completely out of line that day,â he said. âI shouldnât have said those things. I didnât mean them.âÂ
âSo you donât think Iâm unattractive?âÂ
You meant to tease him, but the next thing you knew, he was standing toe-to-toe with you, a desperate and guilt-ridden expression adorning his face. âGod, no. Youâre the most beautiful person I have ever seen. I only said that because⌠because I knew it would hurt you.âÂ
Jeno was standing too close to you. You could barely breathe, much less think. But that didnât stop you from asking, âWhy would you want to hurt me?âÂ
He didnât answer for what felt like an entire minute. He only kept staring at you, an internal battle raging inside him. Then, he let loose a breath of frustration and moved away. He refused to look at you, and your patience kept slipping with each moment that passed.Â
Right when you thought it would snap, Jeno spoke up, âIt hurt me when you said you and I would only ever be friends. I know how stupid it sounds, but it really did. For years, Iâd been pining after you and hoping that maybe we could be something more in the future. I felt like an idiot when I realised wouldnât ever view me in that light.Â
âYou got so defensive when Chenle said all our friends were suspicious of us being in a secret relationship. I couldnât help but wonder if you felt disgusted at the idea of us being together. I got angry at myself for being naive and said those horrible things without even realising.âÂ
You didnât know what to say. This was the second time youâd been rendered speechless in the past thirty minutes. It was one revelation after the other; you were having a hard time keeping up.
âYouâyou like me?â you stuttered.Â
Jeno laughed humourlessly and looked you dead in the eyes. âI love you, Y/N.âÂ
âNo.âÂ
âYes.âÂ
You took a step back. âNo, no, no, noââ
âYes,â he pressed. âIâm sorry that I do. I know this changes everything, but I couldnât keep it in anymore. I justââ
âWhy would you go out with Jimin if you⌠if you love me?â you whispered.Â
âPartly to see your reaction and partly in an attempt to get over you,â he admitted. âIt didnât work. I justâI just couldnât stop thinking about you the entire time I was with her. I felt so guilty for saying such terrible things because I couldnât deal with my emotions and come to terms with reality. Iâm really sorry, Y/N.âÂ
You swallowed the lump in your throat. âIâm sorry too.â
âYou donât have to apologise for not loving me backââ
âThatâs not what Iâm apologising for,â you interrupted and walked towards him until your abdomens were touching. âIâm apologising for not seeing it sooner. Iâm apologising for encouraging Jimin to ask you out even though it killed me. Iâm apologising for denying my feelings time and time again. Iâm apologising for saying we would only ever be friends. The last thing I want is for our relationship to be platonic.âÂ
Jeno was barely breathing. âWhat are you saying?âÂ
âIâm saying I love you too, Lee Jeno,â you mumbled and stood on your toes, cupping cheeks with your palms. âIâm saying I want you to kiss me.âÂ
The words didnât register immediately, but his lips were on yours the moment they did.Â
Jenoâs arm snaked around your waist, and he pulled you closer. His hand grabbed your neck from behind, and he tilted his neck to the side, deepening the kiss.Â
Your breath hitched in your throat. All you could feel was him. Your nerve-endings were short-circuiting, and pure adrenaline was coursing through your veins. You didnât think youâd ever been as satisfied and euphoric as you were right now.
Jenoâs lips slotted with yours perfectly. You smiled to yourself upon realising he tasted like chocolates. Your best friend always ate a piece before any event he deemed to be very important. He claimed they gave him good luck.Â
Letting go of one of his cheeks, you grabbed the round collar of his shirt and pressed your mouth harder against his. The nights youâd spent wondering how kissing him would feel and then hating yourself immediately for having such thoughts amounted to this.Â
You didnât want to hold back.Â
But you had to ask him a question. It didnât matter how stupid or ridiculous it was; you wanted to know the answer. So, you broke the kiss and inquired with your body still tangled with his, âWhy the hell did you agree to watch a rom-com with Jimin?âÂ
âReally?â he asked exasperatedly. âYou wanna talk about Jimin while weâre making out?âÂ
âI wanna know why you watched a rom-com with her when Iâve been begging you to watch one with me for so long,â you corrected.Â
Jeno was silent for a moment, as if contemplating whether or not to tell you. You raised an eyebrow. âWell,â he started, blowing out a breath. âShe told me you set her up with me, and it pissed me off even more. I knew sheâd tell you all about our date, so I suggested we watch a rom-com. I knew youâd be riled up once you realised.âÂ
You snorted. Who knew? You werenât actually being a self-centred narcissist when you suspected the same. âYouâre an idiot. I was already riled up you were going out with her.âÂ
âOh, yeah?â he teased. âWhyâd you encourage her in the first place then?â
âHonestly, at first, I thought I could use you to further my friendship with her,â you admitted. Jeno scoffed in disbelief. âYeah, I know. That was kinda shitty of me. But when I realised I was falling for you, I pushed her to pursue you in an attempt to convince myself I was not into you. That obviously backfired and did the very opposite. I was horribly miserable. I wanted to shoot myself everytime I heard her gush about you.âÂ
He smirked. âShe gushed about me?âÂ
âOh, get over yourself.â You shoved his shoulder playfully. âHowâd you end up here after your date? Jimin texted me that you were coming.â
âTough, but Iâll try.â He laughed. âShe was probably able to tell how disinterested I was. After the date when I dropped her home and hugged her instead of kissing her, she just confronted me and asked if I was in love with you. Then told me to not bother answering because it was obvious. She said she didnât want to get in the middle of us and threatened to kick my ass if I didnât come here to make amends immediately.âÂ
You grinned. âOh, the things I would have done to witness that scene.âÂ
âIt was scary.â Jeno frowned. âShe hit my shoulder really hard when I said I was in love with you and called me an idiot for going out with her. I think she was angry at herself too for being oblivious to our situationship. It was one of the weirdest dates Iâve ever been on.âÂ
âJimin actually said she had a great time with you. She told me it was nice.â
âReally?â he asked, sounding surprised.Â
You placed a chaste kiss on Jenoâs mouth. âHmm, I wonder how good the best date youâve ever been on would be then.âÂ
He chased your lips and kissed you back deeply. Caressing your cheekbone with stars twinkling in his eyes, Jeno said, âI guess weâll know when I take you out.â
âNo way, are you officially asking me out on a date, Lee Jeno?â you asked, and let out a fake gasp.Â
âDamn right I am,â he declared. âI donât want the amusement park trip with our friends to be our first day out as a couple. Do you wanna grab some food tomorrow afternoon? We can go to the trampoline park before that.âÂ
You smiled softly. âThat sounds wonderful. But,â you added. âNo more flirting with restaurant staff for free food, or Iâll go ballistic on you.âÂ
Jeno laughed, and you thought it was the most beuatiful sound you had ever heard. His chest rumbled with the force of it, his eyes creasing to look like small crescent moons. Slipping his hand into yours, he squeezed once.Â
âWouldnât even dream of it.âÂ
note: THANK U FOR READING TILL THE END WHAT ??? loads of hugs and kisses :â)) also i know i said this before but posting after a rlly long time has lowkey made me anxious LOLL i think i could have done better with the fic esp the end bc itâs a little rushed. honestly speaking i am ready to move on to my next wip and i donât wanna spend more time rewriting this one :(( i still love this piece though and i would definitely love to hear your thoughts amigos!! stay healthy and hydrated <33
thank you to mira for coming in clutch and helping me out with the plot when i was stuck + giving me her honest opinion! thank you to dori too for reading parts of this fic and giving me her opinion as well! i love you both :D
genre; not-quite-friends to lovers, older brother mark lee, brothers best friend lee jeno, light angst, yn is a menace to society, story/character driven
warnings for this chapter; none
chapter wc:Â 11k
a/n: i don't even have an excuse. when i tell you i was struggling with this... anyway, to not dwell on the bad, lets talk about the good; i rewrote the ending and finally feel excited about it, so hopefully i dont face another deeply evil and unforgiving block again. thank you for sticking around :)
OF ALL THE THINGS A GUY COULD CATCH YOU FAKING, BEING ASLEEP USUALLY ISNâT THE MOST MORTIFYING.
Usually, you take care to point out.
Because nine times out of ten, getting called out for pretending to be asleep is something to be mulled over with a laugh. Like when you pretend to doze off in the middle of a boring story to make your friends roll their eyes and get to the point, or when youâre young enough for it to still be feasible, in an attempt to get your parents to carry you to bed after a long car ride home. You know. That type of cute, charming thing.
But when thereâs nothing cute or charming about the night youâve just had, Jeno telling you point blank that he knows youâre awake (and has known you were awake the entire time) feels less like a joke that youâre both in on, and more like youâve just been dropped naked into the middle of Times Square.
âPizza doesnât stay hot forever you know.â
Mortification rips through your body like a live current and you jerk around as if someoneâs just cocked a shotgun behind your back.
You freeze afterwards, your head only turned enough just enough to peek over your shoulder, like thereâs still some speck of a chance that Jeno isnât actually talking to youâ but that speck is swiftly sucked into the vacuum of reality when your eyes meet.
Heâs smiling right at you. Eye-crescents and all. Arms folded over his chest, leaning back into the couch cushions like heâs just asked for you to change the channel instead of rouse from a fake nap.
âI was starting to think Iâd have to roll you over.â
God forbid.
âHowââ Your voice is several octaves too high for the feigned nonchalance youâre trying to push. You swallow. It doesnât help. âHow did you... know?â
âWhen I used to sleep over at your parents house Iâd hear you snoring through the walls when I passed your room. Even through a foot of wood and plaster it still sounded like you were choking to death right out there in the hallway with me; after the pizza guy left I realized it was way, way too quiet in here. Put two and two together.â
On a different day this answer wouldâve made your face burn for the next half an hour but considering the other bomb heâs just dropped, it doesnât even register on the radar.
After the pizza guy left?
âYou knew I was awake the entire time you were talking?â
âOf course.â
For five too-many beats, youâre staring at him like heâs just started speaking Simlish.
Your first instinct is to grimace, hard. Because how fucking stupid you must've looked curled up on the couch like that when heâd known from the very beginning that you were awake, stone still and pretending you couldnât be seen like a toddler hiding behind the window curtains, Jesusâ but before the embarrassment of that can really take shape and cringe you into a coma, the actual problem with his confession comes to light.
He⌠knew. He said all of that knowing that you were listening. High school, the graduation, the day you both met, everything.
He said he liked you back.
âWhat?â you finally manage. âButâ Why? Why would you tell me all of that? Now?â
âBecause after what happened on Saturday, I felt like I was beingâŚâ For the first time all night, maybe all week, Lee Jeno breaks eye-contact first. âIâm still having trouble figuring out the specifics but âunfair', might be the best fit. You told me how you felt and I only stood there and listened even though I knew I couldâve told you that it wasnât nearly as unrequited as you thought, but I got nervous and then said something dumb and everything fell apart. Even if you still never talked to me again afterwards I needed to explain. To make sure you understood that it wasnât just you who felt how you did.â
He laughs a little, sheepish, like heâs embarrassed. âI guess I overdid it with the trip through history, though. Just wanted you to know I was looking at you, too.â
Youâre staring at him and heâs staring at the ground, neither of you seemingly knowing what to say to fill the following silence, when you see another thought shadow over his face and his gaze find you again.
âAnd I didnât want you to think it was because of Mark.â
The mention of your brother snaps you out of your stunned reverie in an instant. "What?"
âI was scared of changing things between both me and you and me and him, back then. He didnât tell me anything about you. Iâ Thatâs something I needed to say no matter what. I didnât want you to think heâd do something like that.â
Without really meaning to, your eyes narrow.
Because. Well. Despite the words that have literally just left his lips about why you werenât supposed to blame Mark for Lee Jeno never telling you how he felt while he still felt it, Mark Lee is already not your favorite person right now, and tar-like agitation bubbles to the surface anyway.
âSo he might not have said anything to you. Okay. Sure. But because of the way he acted, you were under the impression that youâd lose him as a friend if you did like me. Right? You told me that yourself. You refused to even acknowledge the idea that you mightâve âliked me like thatâ because it was clear how Mark felt about anyone who showed even the slightest interest in me. You said you âknew better.ââ
You try to scoff. It comes out a little more like a sad, tired huff instead. âSo yeah, actually, I think I will continue to think that Mark is the reason you didnât say anything, because thatâs the truth. He spent years and years and years finding something wrong with every guy who looked in my direction and because you felt like heâd throw you away too, you knew how I felt and did nothing when you felt the same way. No matter how you slice it, thatâs what happened. Thatâs why Iâmâ Thatâs why I was so upset on the balcony. You understand that, right? Because if he hadnât, Jeno, then things mightâveââ
Worked out for us, is what youâd been about to say, before you caught yourself.
Chills blossom up your spine. Wow. If those words arenât a shrapnel-loaded bomb of obvious longing and regret, a flashing neon-sign clear with your inability to get the hell over the past, then you donât know what is.
You must still be drunk. Or exhausted.
âHeâs your best friend. Weâre never going to see it the same way.â
The next words feel so heavy on your tongue, but you manage a smile anyway. âBut you can forget about it now, if thatâs whatâs been keeping you up all week. Everythingâs out now, right?â
Everything is clearly not out, if his split-second-too-long beat of silence means anything. But for your own sanity you pretend you donât notice it. You pretend you canât feel the tension underneath his perfectly blank expression, you pretend that your own secrets arenât heating up in your mouth like hot coals, you pretendâ like youâve been doing a lot in his presence latelyâ that youâre completely fine with everything and anything and all of this especially. Youâre fine.
You will be fine.
âRight,â Jeno says. âAll out. So weâre⌠okay?â
âWeâre okay.â
âNo more avoiding?â
âAvoidâ?â
Avoiding. Yeah. The past few hours have been such a clusterfuck that you nearly forgot the last six days of pointedly being anywhere other than where he was, pawning off the âcoincidenceâ on preparing for the showcase.
âI wasnât⌠avoiding you. Not totally. Not explicitly. I was busy.â
âCouldâve fooled me. You havenât looked in my direction once since last weekend. I was starting to think youâd seriously never talk to me again.â
You scowl. âAre you going to sit here and tell me youâre confused about why I might not have wanted to see you so soon after what happened on the balcony? Embarrassment was eating me alive. You should be lucky I stuck to being busy, instead of going with the Plan B of faking my own kidnapping.â
He laughs. Your eyes flicker back to him. The sound is soft and muted but itâs real; his eyes disappearing with it, the first time in what feels like days that the smile has really reached the rest of his face. Itâs more reassuring than it has any right to be. When he says his next words, standing up to head for the kitchen, you can even manage a genuine smile in return.
âYou didnât sleep away your appetite, right?â
And of course you didnât.
Actually, once youâre reminded of the pizza sitting on the coffee table (this time without anxiety subduing the hunger in your stomach) you realize that youâre properly ravenous; the last things youâd consumed today were a chocolate muffin and four cherry-flavored jello shots. And the hunger is clear, probably, in how youâre already halfway through a slice when Jeno returns with a pair of plates and two popped soda cans.
The game show (apparently European in production and definitely weirder than previously assumed) somehow becomes the main entertainment while you both eat; X-Men First Class isnât brought up again despite it still clearly spinning around in the DVD player.
Things stay quiet.
Not the loaded kind of quiet, or any sort of painfully awkward silence. Just⌠quiet. Oddly relaxing. Much too comfortable. Once youâre done stuffing yourself, your fingers wiped of tomato sauce remnants and soda long ago finished, the couch pulls you further and further into its pillow-like cushions with every passing minute.
The first thing that either of you say after half an hour is when Jeno asks you for a translation for an English thing a contestant says that the subtitles don't catch, and your response comes after a badly stifled yawn. He, unfortunately, notices this.
âWhy are you torturing yourself by staying up to watch this? If youâre tired, go to sleep.â
âMâ not that tired,â is your automatic reply. âAnd I want to know who wins. Cassandra needs that Prius.â
He sniffs under his breath, quietly, like youâre already asleep and heâs trying not to rouse you. You probably look half goneâ youâre staring at the TV through slits, your posture on his couch closer to horizontal than verticalâ but you donât want to admit that youâre running on empty. Maybe itâs residual little-sister-ism, refusal to agree simply because someone else suggested it first, but admitting that youâre spent feels like defeat when he still looks completely conscious.
âThis is a rerun.â Jeno clicks something on the remote. âOf a show from 2012. You could just look up what happened to Cassandra.â
âNot the same. I need to see her win live, so she can rub it into Helenâs face. Sheâs so snooty.â
A beat, and then Jeno hums. âShe is snooty, yeah, but the show has another ten minutes left. Sheâs going to be snooty for another five of those before the finale. Why donât you brush your teeth in the meantime? Since youâre not tired?â
The lilt of his voice makes you glance at him. Itâs familiar. Mark trying to convince you not to eat an entire bag of candy at once, Mark trying to bribe you with a popsicle to get you to do your homework, Mark trying to trick you into accidentally getting ready for bed by challenging you to a race.
Distantly you wonder if this tone, too, is another thing Jeno has subconsciously picked up over the years from watching how your brother interacts with you.
âYou donât need to baby me, you know.â
âOf course I know. Only babies make up reasons to stay up when theyâre clearly exhausted. Youâre not a baby. Right?â
You canât even glare. It would give away that heâs completely onto you. And yet, he smiles like heâs already got you in the bag.
âExactly,â you mutter, âNo babies here.â
âSo you understand that Cassandra will still be around when youâre done washing up?â
âYes.â
âGreat. Come on.â
And heâs up off the couch before he can even catch your rolled eye. Annoying.
Even more annoying is the fact that heâs right. He didnât say as much when heâd suggested you brush your teeth sooner rather than later, but you knew it was because he thought you didnât have much longer in you, that you were going to be too far gone in fifteen minutes to have any energy left to get to your feet and wash upâ once you get through opening the new toothbrush he gives you, speeding through scrubbing each of your molars with his absurdly fancy toothpaste (because of course he has Premium Ultra Mega Super White Charcoal Anti-Cavity in Spearmint and Sunshine sitting on his counter instead of a regular manâs Colgate, considering all of the perfect teeth sitting in his mouth)â and as soon as you flop back down onto the couch just in time to watch snooty Helen get her comeuppance, a physical weariness settles into your bones and all but cements you to the couch.
Itâs so serious that you donât even realize your eyes have closed until they fly open again at a shifting of the cushion beside you; Jeno, dropping a giant gray duvet on the couch after returning from the bathroom himself. A duvet. A blanket. Sweet, sweet, sleepy salvation.
âThanks. This looks perfect.â
âOnly one of those is for you.â
âOne? Thereâs more than one here?â
âYeah.â
You blink up at him. âWhy?â
âBecause Iâm sleeping out here too?â
Holy crap. What? This almost makes you sit all the way up. âWhat sense does that make, in your own house? Why the hell would you sleep out here when you have a perfectly good bed twenty feet away?â
âBecause itâsââ Only now does he seem to realize how odd this looks, âItâs sleepover etiquette.â
âSleepover etiquette?â
âI donât know,â he says quickly. âI didnât make the rules, Iâm just used to it happening like this. The only time I sleep in my own bed when someone is over is when Jaemin is here, because heâll sleep in it even if I donât, but anyone else, we just divvy it up on the couch. Sleepover etiquette. No one gets the bed, or everyone gets the bed.â
As crazy as it sounds right now, it rings true. At your own sleepovers, anything under five friends and youâd all be piling into the bed of whoever hosted the event: squishing together like giggly sardines, waking up and not knowing where one of you ended and the other one began. But Jeno equating thisâ your definite last-minute intrusion in his houseâ to a sleepover? Like this is some every weekend thing?
âAs noble of a sacrifice as that is, I canât ask you to sleep out here. You realize that Iâm an interloper, right? That youâre doing me a favor by letting me crash here? Hardly the circumstances of a normal sleepover.â
A long second passes as he appears to genuinely think about this, and for a moment you think heâs going to take your advice and try to get a good night's rest after everything else youâve demanded of him today, butâ
âItâs normal to me. Youâre sleeping here tonight. That makes it a sleepover. Which one of these do you want?â
Non-negotiable, he's saying. Weâre both sleeping out here, take it or take it, punctuated by him flopping down onto the couch beside the pile of blankets. You want to sigh but you shouldâve known. Itâs chivalry until the end with Lee Jeno.
So you ignore your brain screaming about how weird this is, you and him out here bunking like buddies, and just take the blanket he hands you. You settle in underneath it, cozier than youâre willing to admit, and refocus your attention on the next thing thatâs started on TV after the game show; something just as foreign and bizarre but entertaining enough to keep your attention until the near silence weighs down your eyelids instead.
Markâs apartment is never this serene. Whether itâs the jet-like humming of the fridge out in the kitchen, or the noisy college students below you and their random but guaranteed twice-a-week smash tournaments, or the rattle of the air conditioner above your bed that youâve been meaning to look at for nearly a month now.
The quiet is⌠nice. Weird, but nice. You can hear your own breathing. You can hear Jenoâs breathing too; shallow, slow, and even.
Itâs how you know heâs still awake twenty minutes later.
He commented on your snoring but little does he know, he snores tooâ just not as violently. For the premier of Spider-Man Homecoming coming out on DVD, Mark had a celebratory sleepover in the basement of your parents house that you were cordially invited to (along with two of your own friends,) back in your sophomore year. You all huddled up amongst the couches and recliners with millions of blankets and billions of pillows, everyone just falling asleep wherever they laid; and though you couldâve sworn heâd been halfway across the room when you closed your eyes that night, youâd woken up the next morning with Jenoâs forehead pressed into your shoulder and nearly screamed.
You didnât, though. You sucked it back down just in time.
Instead, you sat there and ogled him in the still-blue sunlight, reveling in how it was even possible for a human with such sharp bone structure to look so squishy when he slept.
It was also how you noticed that, when heâs asleep, his nose makes this tiny but unmistakable whistling soundâ like a tiny person is up there blowing through a kazoo whenever he exhales.
Thereâs no whistle sound now.
âWhen did you stop liking me?â you ask.
And to his credit, even though youâre listening very hard for any sort of change, Jenoâs breathing doesnât miss a measure. Thereâs just a second of silence before a quiet shift of fabric, maybe like heâs rolling over to face you, but youâre not sure because youâre staring at the ceiling like you might explode if your eyes meet. Which you might.
âI donât know,â he says, just as plainly as youâd asked. âI donât remember there being a day where I decided I should.â
âOkay.â
âWhat about you?â heâs surprisingly quick to add. âWhen did you stop liking me?â
â...Would it be a cop out if I just said the same?â
âWithout a doubt.â
You manage to crack a smile, but a yawn cuts it off. âSometime after your graduation, I think. I donât have a concrete day for it or anything. I only remember realizing that while you were gone, I was thinking about you less and less. After a while the idea of you stoppedâŚâ Hurting, as much. âHovering.â
âRight,â he says. âYeah. That makes sense." He clears his throat. "That youâd forget me a little, I mean. Once you started going out more.â
Another yawn on your end. This time your eyes arenât as eager to reopen, and the exhale saps the very last ounce of energy youâve got. What time is it? One? One-thirty?
Majorly past your bedtime.
âI didnâ forget you,â you reply belatedly, but it comes out more like a murmur, a little lost in the noise of you shifting around to get more comfortable. âThereâs no forgetting someone like you.â
If he said something in response it was either too quiet to be heard through your cocoon of blankets or simply came after you fell too deep into the first REM cycle. Distantly you thought you heard something, a breath of an answer, but by the time you placed it as a possibly whispered, âYou either,â you were already much, much too far gone.
Pancakes.
You wake up to the smell of pancakes.
Jenoâs apartment looks so different in the sunlight that for a second, even though the memories of last night trickle back faster than expected once you open your eyes, you almost donât recognize the place when you sit up.
Snapshots pop into your brain like fireworks as the seconds tick on; the showcase, the party, punching Jeon Soyeon in the face. Your brotherâs best friend driving you to his house as you cried in the aftermath, confessing his feelings two years past the expiry date, the both of you falling asleep out here like youâre a couple of old pals who do this sort of song and dance all the time.
In the span of 24 hours, youâve faced more highs and lows than you have all year.
And before you can even wipe the crusties from your eyes, the worry sets in.
Soyeon wasnât popular for no reasonâ would her minions be coming after you, now? Had they already started? Bombarding your social media, spreading rumors, flocking protectively around their Queen Bee after you dared to lose your temper on her last night? What fresh hell would you be walking into when you finally checked your phone?
And what about Somi? Youâd probably left her with quite the mess after causing such a scene; did the party continue alright? Did you ruin the cheerful atmosphere? You didnât even get to say goodnight.
And⌠And Mark, too.
But you werenât even sure where to start when it came to him.
God. Maybe for the sake of your currently-not-awful mood, you should just not start. About him, or last night, or any of the things that are surely going to be a pain in the ass to deal with in the following days. Those headaches will still be there in a few hoursâ sorting out the most immediate issue of the person whoâs house youâre hiding in, will not.
Itâs a sunny, cloudless morning in Seoul.
You turn to the smell of the pancakes and find Jeno standing in his kitchen with one earbud in, back to you. Heâs bobbing his head and murmuring under his breath as he flips the batter in the pan, head to toe in what looks to be work-out gear; black leggings under charcoal basketball shorts, one of those skin tight athletic tanks stretched taut across what you can see of his shoulder blades from your dent in his couch.
Youâre in the middle of being annoyed at how broad he is when, despite being careful to not to ruffle the blankets or anything, Jeno glances behind him. Youâre caught off guard by itâ because what the hell? Does he have a secret eyeball hiding amongst those locks of inky black hair?â but then you belatedly understand that itâs the lack of noise thatâs tipped him off. With how violently you snore, a sudden silence is basically your jingling cat-bell of attention. Annoying.
âI was just about to wake you up,â he says. âDo you mind flipping the last few of these so I can take a shower really quick? Breakfast is just about done.â
âYou went to the gym?â
Itâs less a question, more of an observation, but Jeno hums in agreement. âThe one in the building, I didnât leave you for too long. I wouldâve waited until tonight if I didnât already know that you never wake up before 11.â
Thereâs a momentary blip of something odd in your brain at the concept of him just knowing something like that about you, but itâs goneâ by forceâ as fast as it appears.
âOkay. Just have to flip?â
âJust have to flip.â
And so you just flip. Jeno passes you with a smile as he leaves the kitchen, looking the perfect picture of casual, as if this is an everyday experience. Itâs so casual that it makes you wonder how this might look to an outsider, someone with no context for what last night was likeâ and then it makes you acutely aware of how loudly the 15 year-old version of you would be hollering right now if she could see five years into the future and witness this scene herself. You, in Jenoâs clothes, flipping pancakes in his kitchen on a beautiful Saturday morning, as he showers in the bathroom youâd shared last night, washing the toil and sweat of physical exertion off of his body.
Yeah. Without context? 15 year-old you probably wouldâve screamed until her head exploded.
Jeno thankfully isnât gone for long, and by the time you hear the faucet turn off, youâve finished with the very last pancake. You pile it on top of the half a dozen others, a beautiful stack of fluffy dough and sugar. (And, okay, sure, youâd gotten a liberal with the chocolate chips on the last few after realizing youâd misjudged the cooking time on some of the earlier ones and left them chocochipless, overcompensating by pouring all of the remaining dollops into the last two or three for the sake of not wasting themâ but whatever. Even with the gooey, more-chocolate-than-bread pancakes sitting on top, your work could surely still make the cover of a Martha Stuart cookbook.)
You donât see him come out because youâre moving the plate of food to his dining table, but you know heâs close because he laughs when he spots the brown pancakes. You know heâs laughing at the brown pancakes, because:
âYouâre really pushing the limit of what can be considered breakfast with that last one there, donât you think?â
âYouâre not going to care what meal of the day this is once you actually taste it.â
âWhy? Because itâs hard to tell the time when youâre in a sugar-induced coma?â
You sniff. âIf youâre so worried about your health you could always let me have it. I made a few that donât have any chips. You can have those sad ones then.â
A moment passes and you turn to look at him. Bad choice. Hip bones and pale skin everywhereâ itâs like a flash-bang of narrow waist, courtesy of Jeno raising his arms (and therefore the hem of his t-shirt) to dry the last drops of water from his hair with the towel heâs brought out with him. You rip your eyes back to setting the table before he notices, feeling like your eyeballs have just been physically zapped.
âI never said I was worried about my health,â he replies, wandering a little further into the kitchen. âSplit it with me?â
Thereâs no need for that. Thereâs like, three of them. We can each have one. But for some reason you instead say, âOnly if I get the half that has more chips.â
âI thought that was already obvious,â he smiles in return.
Fifteen minutes later, with two-thirds of your stack messily decimated and his entire plate basically as clean as it was when it came out of the cupboard, Jeno must decide that your morning of peace has gone on for long enough.
âMark called me last night,â he announces.
(Technically he says it very normally, at a perfectly acceptable volume for general conversation, but because youâd both lapsed into silence after a few sentences of small talk at the tableâ a compliment from him about your showcase, about how cool youâd looked up there, how impressive your choreography was; a mumbled thanks from you, that there was another one happening after winter breakâ it comes out like an announcement anyway. An announcement youâre none too happy to hear.)
Youâre hoping he doesnât notice how your face goes a little stiff. âDid he?â
âMm. He said he got worried because you werenât answering your phone.â
You probably wouldâve been dodging his calls regardless but the truth is that your phone is still somewhere in Gawonâs car and has probably been since before the party even started. Youâd realized that last night, after changing your clothes in his bathroom and not finding it in any of your jacketâs nooks and crannies; seeing in your mind the exact door pocket youâd left it in, then thinking youâd definitely remember to grab it before you got out. You didnât.
You could only imagine the carnage of notifications youâve amassed since last night.
âAnd?â
âAnd, once I told him you were alright here, he said heâd leave a voice message that he wanted me to pass on to you. I told him Iâd let you hear it in the morning once you had the energy, after you slept off whatever was in your system.â
Hesitantly, you meet his eyes.
âAre you ready for that?â he asks carefully. âI havenât listened to it, if you want to be alone when it plays.â
âWhatâs the point in that? Itâs not like he isnât going to relay my scolding to you later anyway. Press it.â
âHeâs not going to scold youââ
You flick your gaze at him, silently asking if he really wants to get into this again, and apparently he thinks better of whatever gushingly optimistic sentence heâd been about to follow up that observation with. âPlease just press it.â
He presses it.
âHeyâ Hey, tiger.â
And then Mark is here. Vocally. In the flesh. Through the uncomfortably clear speakers in his best friendâs phone.
âI hope youâre doing better than you were when I last saw you.â
The cadence of his voice twists up your lungs for a reason you canât immediately place, and then you realize itâs because heâs speaking in English, which he only resorts to when he has too many things to say and not enough ways to say them. This makes your insides sink even further.
âListen, before I get sidetracked, I want you to know that I know what I did was⌠stupid. The last thing I shouldâve done was help her up after what she said, but Iâ I was so angry that I wasnât thinking straight. I didnât know about any of⌠that stuff, you and her hanging out or whatever, until she said it, and that probably wouldâve ticked me off anyway because of some other things I had going on with her, but then she mentioned whatever happened thereâ that she apparently left you at some night club, alone, with some fucking guyâ?â
A sigh and a ruffle this time, like heâs passing his hand over his face in agitation. It takes so much for him to curse in front of you and yet heâd just dropped the most serious one of them all like it was nothing. But while this would usually send your blood running cold, it doesnât. Because it⌠it kind of doesnât sound like heâs actually mad at you. What?
âI asked her if it was true because I was so... Honestly I didnât realize how it looked until after you left, you know? Like I was siding with her or something? I asked her if it was true because I couldnât believe that sheâd do something like that to you. Not because I wouldâve ever trusted her word over yours or something, sheâs already proven⌠God, okay, this message is already at like, two minutesâŚâ
Another sigh. This one is much more miserable than the previous.
For some stupid, distant reason, as the shock wears on from the realization that he isnât mad at you, you find yourself wondering if Jeno is having a hard time following along. The only class heâd ever come close to failing in high school was English.
âCan you just call me? Please? Or better yet, can you just let Jeno drive you home? Iâll explain everything so much better once youâre in front of me. Mâ sorry, again that I⌠Youâve got a great right hook by the way. You shouldnât have punched her, violence is never ever the answer. But she was leaking like a faucet for long after you left, Tigerâ mightâve snapped something in there. Really laid her out.â A short, weak laugh, and then,âYeah. Please call. Or come home? Please.â
The message ends with a cheerful beep.
And you sit there in silence for a good, long moment.
Because that wasnât anything like the drawing-and-quartering you were expecting.
If anything, Mark actually sounded angry on your behalf. Heâd helped Soyeon up, probably without thinking, because he was asking her if sheâd really done something that awful to you. Not because he actuallyâŚ
âYouâre gonna let me do what he wants right?â
Jenoâs expression had, at some point during your staring off into space, contorted the closest you think youâve ever seen it get to an outright, I told you so. And you guess he did. You didnât get scolded.
âIâ I was going to stop at my friend's house to get my phone,â you say, still a little shocked. âLeft it in her car last night before I got to the party.â
âWhere does she live?â
âGamyeon.â
Jeno only shrugs. âWe'll pitstop then.â
âYouâ Youâre going to drive me all the way to Gamyeon?â
âIsnât it only twenty minutes out of the way?â He blinks. âHow were you going to get it before I was going to take you home?â
âI⌠I was pretty gungho about sneaking out of here at the crack of dawn via Uber, last night?â It comes out like a guilty question. âI had a bit of a plan of action. But that was before I woke up to the smell of pancakes, of courseâŚâ
âThe pancakes you didnât know I was making until half an hour ago? At 11AM?â he asks innocently. âIf what you really mean is that getting up at the crack of dawn turned out to be a little ambitious for you, you can justââ
Jeno laughs as your hand shoots out to swat him. He smartly decides to change the subject, and this new topic ends up being about the dishes; specifically about him loading them into the dishwasher while you go and gather your belongings into the little drawstring book bag heâd left by the bathroom for you. When you ask him why you donât just change back into what you had on last night so he doesnât have to go without his hoodie and sweatpants for however long it takes you to do laundry, he shrugs it off. âYou look more comfortable in this than the dress. And Iâm at your place more often than Iâm in my own, itâs not like Iâll miss it for too long. Keep it for now.â
(And you canât argue with that. Especially not when heâs right. These sweatpants are way nicer than the tightly ribbed-nylon of Gawonâs mini dress.)
While brushing your teeth, you wonder what to do with the toothbrush.
Leaving it feels⌠odd. In a stupid way it almost feels like youâd be leaving it to return to. Like thereâs any chance that after today youâll ever be spending another unannounced night in this apartment, which there isnât if youâll have anything to do about it. But taking the toothbrush with you, or throwing it away, feels weird too.
In the end you decide to just toss it in your bag and take it back to Markâs. Jeno wonât say anything about it, you know he won't, but if he miraculously does seem to care, you can just say that youâve been meaning to get a new toothbrush and that itâs not like he has any use for this one anymore anyway. Maybe youâll even offer to give him five bucks to make up for the thievery. (God, why are you thinking so hard about this? Like he's going to waste his time chasing you down for a fucking toothbrush?)
And after all that brainpower he doesnât even say anything. Once he comes out after using the bathroom himself, if heâs even noticed it missing he doesnât let it show. He just asks if youâre ready to go, and when you nod, thatâs the end of it. He leads you out, follows you down the corridor, and then pushes the button for the elevator to come and pick you both up. Easy as pie.
Itâs only when youâre in the descending cabin that it hits you, that this is the last time youâll be here.
You try not to think too hard about why your lips inherently want to frown at that idea.
Twenty minutes to Gamyeon feels more like five, with how much catastrophizing youâre doing in the passenger's seat. Soyeon and her crew will have surely started the city-wide search for you by now, right? Should you be telling Jeno to take back roads? To roll his windows up on this beautiful late August afternoon, so no one from SNU recognizes either of you from the party and tries to run you both off the road? God.
âCan I borrow your phone?â you blurt.
And even though youâd literally asked him for it, youâre a little astounded when he just hands the thing over without question. You shouldnât be though. Heâd done the same thing with the music change request three weeks ago.
(Still no password, either, when you swipe at the screen. What is this guy's problem?)
âDo you need to call someone?â
âNo,â you murmur, already scanning through the pages to find Twitter, âI want to see if Soyeon put a hit out for me yet.â
âWhat? Why would she do that?â
You blink over, a little dubious that even someone as sweet as him canât fathom why Soyeon could have it out for you after what you did, but he doesnât look like heâs joking.
âUh, I donât know, Jeno. Thereâs a possibility that she might be a little upset since I punched her in the face a few hours ago.â
âYou didnât even hit her that hard.â
You balk at him. âDid you not hear the part where Mark said I mightâve broken her nose?â
âI did.â
âAnd itâs confusing to you that she might be really, really mad at me for that?â
âNo,â Jeno mutters. âItâs confusing to me that you think she wouldnât have come to her senses by now, considering how close she came to getting her ass kicked last night. As far as she knows the only reason you didnât get to finish her off was because I got in your way. If Soyeon isnât stupid, sheâll understand that itâs in her best interest to stay off your radar from now on.â
He sounds so unsympathetic that your jaw nearly drops. And heâs not even done. Like your worry has uncorked his own agitation, now.
âI wouldn't have pulled you off of her if Iâd known that she was the one who sent that freak out after you behind the bar, by the way. I didnât hear anything either of you said before you hit her. if I knew why, I wouldâve let you get a few more swings in, at least. Sorry.â
âSorry! Youâre apologizing for not letting me beat someone else up?â
âYes,â he says unflinchingly. âThis once. Donât go around getting in fights for the hell of it though, I wonât be there to haul you to the cool-down corner every time.â
Heâs joking now, lightness returning to his smile as he turns into Gawonâs neighborhood, but youâre still a little stuck on how serious heâd gotten just now. Never in your life would you have expected Jeno to be in your corner when it came to your less than stellar impulse control; and not only condone it, but applaud it, just because Soyeon had done something that couldâve gotten you hurt.
...Jeez. Something like appreciation (but more ravenous and embarrassing) worms its way into your heart. You allowed it to simmer there for a one warm, full second before stamping it out with the heel of self-preservation.
You donât even get to check Twitter. Gawonâs apartment building is more squat than most, only four cozy stories all encapsulated within an open-air stairwell, which means you can keep an eye on Jenoâs car all the way up to your friendâs front door. Coming unannounced, youâve already prepared yourself for the possibility of her not being home (and therefore having to deal with her scary roommate instead) but thank God, itâs her round sleepy face that opens the door after your quick three knocks against the wood.
She doesnât remain sleepy looking for long though.
"Holy shit!â And without greeting, Gawon yanks you into her house. âYouâ Well, first things first, youâre here for your phone, right? Let me go and get it, I brought it inside, but bitch, you have some explaining to do!â
Considering how loud sheâs being, the scary roommate must not be home this weekend. You wince. Youâll be getting the full degree, then.
âPeople are texting me that I havenât talked to in months just because they know Iâm friends with you! Does that make sense?â
âItâs that bad?â you ask warily, as she disappears into her bedroom.
âBad? Is what bad?â
âSoyeonâs warpath.â
âSoyeon?â Gawon returns to her living room with your phone in hand, eyes wider than youâre expecting. âUh. No. After last nightââ She frowns. âYou havenât talked to your brother yet?â
âNo? I havenât been home since before the showcase. And your car ate my phone so I havenât really talked to anyone else since last night either.â
But her eyes get even bigger, if thatâs possible.
âSo you have no idea what happened after Lee Jeno plucked you out of there, then?â
âNo.â Your grimace is nearly audible as you sit down, sensing trouble. âYou guys didnât just laugh, turn the music up, and party even harder? You know, like I was hoping youâd all do after that mess I caused?â
âOh, yeah, we did that,â Gawon says with an unconvincingly casual shrug, before finding your eye and trying (and failing) to hide her widening grin. âAfter your brother tore Soyeon apart in front of everyone for fucking you over!â
âHeâ What?â
âDude, it was crazy, Markâ I donât think Iâve ever even seen him raise his voice even once but the second the door shut after Jeno took you away, whatever it was she said that made you punch her finally seemed to compute in his head, you know? And he just went, âYou left her alone with someone she told you was creeping her out?â like, so loudly that youâd swear it was just the two of them in that whole house!â
For the second time in ten minutes, your jaw has hit the floor.
âAnd I thought Soyeon would start yelling back at him or something, but sheâs just standing there staring at him like sheâs stunned, probably that itâs him of all people laying into her, saying that he almost can't believe how selfish and pitiful she is, but oh yeah, yes he can, because only someone that doesnât have respect for themselves would do she did to him last year; that he wouldâve helped her if she just asked. And you shouldâve seen her face when he said that. It looked like sheâd seen a ghost.And he didnât even air out whatever it was that she did, which Iâm salty about, because⌠What did she do, you know? Iâm so curious! But whatever, thatâs not even the best part.â
Not the best part? How? This is pretty fucking insane to you already.
âMark backed up after dropping that bomb like he was about to leave, to go after you maybe, but then he turned and got right back in Soyeonâs face, and said, âI donât want to see you in front of her again, Soyeon. Take this advice as my parting gift, yeah? Because sheâs not going to let you get away with only a graze next time, and you better believe that Iâm not going to get in her way either.ââ Gawon squeals. âAll badass like that, I almost fucking screamed! He and all his friends left after that but I swear everyone was talking about it for the rest of the party. Your brother probably has quite a few new admirersâŚâ
Youâre staring at her in an awed silence. Mark stood up for you, too. After hearing everything Soyeon said, he still stood up for you. It really wasnât like how you thought it went at all.
A few hours ago youâd thought your brother was done with you for real, and that Soyeon would be coming for you with pitchforks for embarrassing her in front of all those people at Somiâs party. And now youâre learning that, without your input at all, those two problems have sort of canceled each other out. Your brother threatened Soyeon into leaving you alone on your behalf.
(And if you werenât so weirdly flattered, you mightâve been incredibly offended. What is it with him and Jeno and talking like youâre some sort of rabid dog that goes around fucking people up for fun? Youâre not that violent!)
âThatâs⌠kind of awesome,â you admit, trying not to smile as you stand up from her couch. âAnd very, very reassuring. Thanks for the rundown. Maybe Iâll actually be able to show my face on campus on Monday without worrying that Iâm about to be struck by a G-Wagon.â
Gawon laughs as she follows you back to the entryway. The two of you chat about a few smaller things before you tell her you have to go, mostly about the plans for dance class on Monday now that the showcase is over and how worried Somi was about you after you left in such a tizzy last night, when she stops you right after cracking open her front door.
âBut you know,â she begins, âNone of that was what I was referring to when I said you had some explaining to do, missy.â
âIt wasnât?â
âNo! Well, people were talking about it, sure, but not nearly as much as the other thing you did in front of everyone last night.â
âWhich was?â
âElope.â
You blink at her.
âIâm talking about the denim-wearing superhero that swooped in to save you from yourself. Hello? Lee Jeno?â
Oh. Your expression flips from confusion to alarm in the blink of an eye.
âPeople were talking about that? What is there to talk about? Heâs my brother's friend!â
âDuh. Thatâs why people were talking about it. You know how much they love to make up stories about who-was-seen-doing-what-with-who. And honestly even as your friend I have to say that it was pretty fucking crazy last night watching this guy practically teleport across the room to get to you. And yes, you argue that heâs your brother's friend, blah blah, itâs obvious that heâd help, blah, but you fail to notice that Lee Jeno was standing around in a group of all your brother's other friends too. Why didnât any of the others do something, then? Why specifically Lee Jenoâ especially when that guy is the most quiet and subdued of the lot of them? Everyone was tittering about that.â
Her face slips into something a little more suspicious when you only swallow unsurely. Unsure, because you actually donât know either. You, obviously, had been a little preoccupied before Jeno appeared behind you; you had no clue what he or the others had been doing in the moments before he hauled you outside. Learning that heâd been the only one out of all of them to jump into action makes you feel off-center.
âBut as the awesome friend that I am, I told all the people who came up to me looking for details to get lost, because Iâd obviously be one of the first to know if you had something going on with Basketball Hottie, and I donât. And I was telling the truth, right? I would know if something was going on there. Right?â
âOf course!â you reassure quickly. âWhich is why you donât know. Because nothing is going on there. Nothing will be going on. Ever.â
She squints.
âIâm serious! Jenoâs just a really good guy. Super chivalrous, down to the bones. He takes his duty as Markâs best friend very personally, so he gets involved in stuff with me that the others might not figure out as fast. Itâs nothing crazy.â
Another beat passes before she unfurls her arms. ââŚOkay. I mean, I assumed as much. It makes sense. Especially since Somi said youâve all known each other for something like, a hundred yearsâ no wonder that heâd basically see you as a sister too after so long, I guess.â
Youâre not at all expecting that statement to sting, but it does, in a surprisingly raw way.
At least Gawon doesnât notice your smile falter, because sheâs too busy asking her final question as you step out past her front door. âHowâd you get here this early, anyway? Cab?â
âAh, no. Jenoââ
It comes out without thought, a millisecond before you realize the mistake youâre about to make. Both you and Gawon freeze, staring at each other in the silence that follows, before she goes, âJeno brought you here? But you said you didnât go home last night.â
Then, as your head swung back and forth in refusal but no explanation came out with it, she tilted her own head in disbelief. âWhere⌠Where did you sleep, then?â
And the final killing blow comes as her eyes drift down almost absentmindedly to the chest of your gray sweatshirt. Jenoâs sweatshirt. Seoul National University Basketball, it says, splashed boldly across the front. Direct. Recognizable. Unmistakable.
You turn around and start to run right as Gawon gasps in pure, wanton betrayal. Thereâs no explaining this. Not now. Not today. Even if you had an hour to spare right now to sit down and relay every second that passed last night in a way that made her understand this absolutely isnât what it looks likeâ which is that youâre totally lying about nothing going on between you and Lee Jenoâ Gawon only believes what her eyes physically see in front of her, and even you arenât naive enough to think that this wonât be the most glaringly suspicious thing she has ever seen.
Youâre halfway down the stairs when her voice catches up with you.
âItâs nothing crazy, huh? Itâs nothing crazy, you liar! Just wait until I catch you on Monday, girl! Weâll see exactly whatâs not crazy between you and Mr.Chivalrous!â
Approximately two minutes after closing the front door behind yourself after walking into your brotherâs apartment, youâre crying again. Mark is too. Heâs the one that started it. Itâs just a lot of tears all around.
Everything kind of comes out at once. It begins as spewed apologies on both ends for last night specificallyâ him for ever letting things get bad enough that youâd genuinely think heâd ever choose someone else over you, and you for being such a brat for the last few weeks (the last few months) when youâd always known deep down that he only ever did the things that annoyed you out of desire to keep you safeâ and then it unfurls into apologies for everything, eon-old grudges that were held for no other reason than something to lord over the others head, grievances that turned out to just be the miscommunications, the type of things that immediately stop mattering in the long run when people remember that they can lose each other easier than they think.
After about a half an hour of this (what Mark used to call âcoming homeâ when you were younger, the inevitable rekindling after a period of heightened fighting between you both) you both come away with a few things to think about.
For him? Itâs official. Youâre not a kid anymore, and he shouldnât still be treating you like one. No more attempting to put curfews on you, or telling you where you can and canât go, or telling his friends to censor themselves when theyâre over because of your precious and innocent ears, amongst his other million older-brother-isms. Youâre both adults now. He can suggest things. He can speak to you like he would his friends about the things you do that worry him. No more lectures. (Unless you do something really, unarguably stupid, he caveats.)
For you? A serious, genuine attempt towards better decision making.
Youâve been bestowed a new motto to ponder every time an opportunity arises for mischief in your life. What Would Mark Lee Do? A question meant to make you really think about whether the thing youâre thinking about doing is going to make your brother crazy. And if it is? Then you have to tell him about it in advance, so he can at least bail you out if it goes belly up.
And thatâs honestly perfectly fine with you.
The last rule he slips in revolves around your tendency to disappear without warning. Absolutely no more sneaking around, he says. If you exit this apartment when heâs not home, he gets to know about when and where. Not because I don't trust you, heâd been quick to add, but because the world itself can be a scary place sometimes. Which you donât exactly⌠disagree with. Especially after this most recent incident at Nabi Bar.
Youâd pushed back a little bit on this one though, preemptively annoyed by the thought of having to text him every single time you leaveâ your friends liked spontaneity, early morning brunches or midnight-sets at EDM pop-upsâ and you were a chronic charger-forgetter, often running out of this place with only thirty-percent or less to your name. You didnât like the idea of his trust teetering on nothing but your (admittedly sub-par) ability to remember to do certain things before you left the house.
Mark only pulled his own phone out in response.
You watched him tap a few things, swipe, and then turn the screen around to show you the order heâd just placed for two succinct little items: a brand new Apple AirTag and a cute, neon-green pom-pom keychain to stick it into.
âTo match the color of your phone case,â he said cheerily. âPut it on your keys, and youâll never have to worry about forgetting! Perfect, right?â
Yep, you smiled sarcastically. Perfect. Like one might an excitable dog, or a toddler with a tendency to run, youâve been given your very own tracker.
(He knows youâre kidding. Itâs built into the Little Sister Gene to complain, but in the grand scheme of things, youâre actually rather pleased by the compromise. Less secrets means less stress, and itâs not like heâs doing it so he can watch you like a hawk or anythingâ itâs for those times he canât reach you and just wants to know where you are. Youâll wear that pretty little piece of technology on your wrist like the hottest new Cartier bangle if it means going where you want, when you want, without worrying about worrying your brother.)
Itâs half past one when the conversation loosens up to other things, like you demanding the play-by-play of what heâd said to Soyeon and him flushing up to his ears as obliged, embarrassed in hindsight by how angry heâd gotten (but not regretting it, heâd sheepishly admitted), and then to the concept of lunch, Mark offering to fry something up while you get a head-start on the mountain of homework youâve been neglecting for studio time ahead of the showcase.
Itâs a quiet afternoon, which youâre thankful for. Whether itâs because Mark simply hadnât planned for the others to come over or because he expressly told them not to, it ends up just being you two, a family-sized bag of Doritos, and a few episodes of Running Man.
(You hadnât realized just how much you missed it until then. How much you missed him. How long itâs been since youâve done something like this without waiting for the other shoe to dropâ for him to get mad at you for something you did or didnât do, for you to get mad at him for getting mad at you. And itâs kind of embarrassing tearing up while people fall and slip and slide through an obstacle course covered in dish soap, so you tell Mark that itâs because you got a fleck of cool ranch dust in your eye when he turns to look at you after your sniffle comes out a bit wet.
Itâs obvious that he doesnât believe you, and a week ago you canât help but think that this wouldâve led to an interrogation. Is something wrong? What happened? Did something happen? Are you in trouble again? What did you do?
But today he lets it go. He stares at you for a second, hands you a napkin, pinches your cheek, and then lets it go.
And that almost makes you cry again for real.)
The evening sun creeps down in the sky like a thief, a cloudless day melting into a brilliant dusk; all of the windows in Markâs apartment are drawn and the living room is lit up like the inside of a tangerine lamp. Youâre lazing around on the couch while your brother showers, deeply entrenched in a Cup Pong battle Somi (which had only come about after she facetimed you, demanding that you spill all detail about what the hell happened while she was down in the car park last night, to which youâd somewhat begrudgingly relayed the story yet again: Mark, Soyeon, The Punch, Jeno, Jenoâs apartment, etc., and sheâd cursed at you for being apologetic for causing a scene in her house because âthat bitch totally deserved it,â she insisted) when an unexpected name pops down from the top of your screen.
An unexpected name boasting an even more unexpected message.
[Lee Jeno, 7:12PM] Found your earring in my bathroom
[Lee Jeno, 7:12PM] Guess it fell out sometime last night
[Lee Jeno, 7:12PM] You want me to come drop it off tonight?
[You, 7:12PM] ???
[You, 7:12PM] what sense does that make
[You, 7:12PM] you would come over here just to drop off a singular earring??
[Lee Jeno, 7:12PM] Juyeon is throwing a house warming party three blocks from you guys, I'm already in the area
[You, 7:12PM] oh. well. itâs not like you donât come over every other day anyway
[You, 7:12PM] just bring it with you next time
[You, 7:12PM]âŚthank you for finding it though
[Lee Jeno, 7:12PM] No problem
Thatâs more definitive of a metaphorical hanging-up of the phone than anything, isnât it? You thought so for about thirty solid seconds, scrolling back over to your thread with Somi and distractedly taking another shot at Cup Pong, before you were proven wrong.
[Lee Jeno,7:13PM] Okay I was also asking because I wanted to see if you were alright
[Lee Jeno,7:13PM] You and Mark, I mean
[Lee Jeno,7:13PM] After I dropped you off this morning I already felt a little bit like Iâd thrown you into a pressure cooker with nothing but a thumbs up
[Lee Jeno,7:13PM] Then he texted the group chat an hour later to tell all of us to get lost, that his place was off limits for the rest of the day even though heâd already had a movie night planned. I figured that meant your chat with him either went really, really poorly, or that you two were just catching up and didnât want to be interrupted
[Lee Jeno, 7:13PM] I thought if I saw you with my own eyes Iâd know the difference, but with just the text alone, Iâm having a hard timeâŚ
Oh. Wow. Heâs never texted you this many words or this many times before. And just to check in, too?
[You, 7:14PM] no need to worry !! we made up in a pretty big way actually
[You, 7:14PM] after you left we had the big sit-down and figured a lot of things out
[You, 7:14PM] he probably told you not to come over because he has like eight million Tiktoks heâs been wanting to show me that he couldnât because we were fighting, and now that weâre okay again he plans on holding me hostage until I laugh at every single one
[You, 7:14PM] these last few hours have been a bit of a nightmare in that sense but otherwise itâs
[You, 7:14PM] good?
[You, 7:14PM] weâre good
[You, 7:14PM] thanks to you
[Lee Jeno, 7:14PM] Iâm just happy to be the chauffeur. Nothing to thank me for
Well⌠Not quite. Usually you can let the bone-deep chivalry slide, itâs his âthingâ after all, but this time the consequences of what couldâve happened are too big to ignore.
[You, 7:14PM] there really is, though
[You, 7:15PM] i don't think Mark and I wouldâve gotten out of this as intact as we are without you this weekend
[You, 7:15PM] i really, really do need to thank you
[You, 7:15PM] for this morning
[You, 7:15PM] and for last night
More memories flutter by, different iterations of Lee Jeno unarguably saving your ass from some sort of peril, and you grimace further.
[You, 7:15PM] and two weeks ago, for Nabi Bar.
[You, 7:15PM] and last week, for Wooyoungâs party
His bubble comes up for a long, long time after your last message. You watch it disappear and reappear at least twice before his next message comes in⌠and even then itâs woefully short for how long heâd taken to type it.
[Lee Jeno, 7:16PM] What do you mean?
[You, 7:16PM] i mean that Iâm happy Mark⌠has you
[You, 7:16PM] there arenât many people that would be nearly as cool as youâve been about babysitting their best friends sibling so many times, is what Iâm saying
[Lee Jeno, 7:16PM] But I wasnât babysitting you.
Oh. Is that what this air of confusion is about? Semantics? Jeno, the thoughtful guy that he is, not wanting you to see what happened this weekend as babysitting because he doesnât want to hurt your big-girl feelings?
[You, 7:17PM] ah
[You, 7:17PM] okay
[You, 7:17PM] we wonât call it that, then!!
[You, 7:17PM] Mark is still lucky to have you though
[Lee Jeno, 7:17PM] I didnât do anything that I did last night because I was thinking about your brother
Again, you can only blink. A reply from Somi pops down for half a second before you swipe it away to reread Jenoâs last text, sitting up in confusion.
[You, 7:12PM] then why did you do it?
[Lee Jeno, 7:12PM] Because it was you
[Lee Jeno, 7:12PM] Nabi Bar, Wooyoungâs, last night, all of it. Everything. The only thing I was thinking about was you.
[Lee Jeno, 7:12PM] Mark didnât have anything to do with it. He stopped having anything to do with it the second you came back to Seoul.
In the minutes youâve been focused on the screen, the sunset has bled away most of its brilliant orange. Now the sky is more purple than anything, pale lilac peeking through the buildings across the street. Along with the lack of sunlight, the temperature seems to have dropped in the apartment; the air conditionerâs breeze threatening to raise goosebumps along your cheeks and thighs and knees now that the sun isnât here to combat it.
But youâre not feeling cold. Quite the opposite, actually.
In a matter of seconds youâve actually begun to emanate enough heat to rival your elderly Toshiba laptop from 2012.
Your brain kind of feels like that Toshiba too. Like youâve just clicked the left mouse one too many times and now 100 tabs have all opened up at the exact same instant, all playing the same snippet of audio at maximum volumeâ You. You. Thinking about you. About you. Worried about you. Just about youâ all of them desperately trying to frame those words in a way that doesnât set off the crush of childhoodâs past laying dormant in your head.
But even the delusional part of your brain is pulling a blank on this one.
Because while you may be unhinged about Jeno most of the time, you are not unhinged about Jeno all of the time, and there are moments when even you canât rationalize your way out of whatâs staring you right in the face. Sometimes, however rarely, you see things for what they really are. Or what they are not.
And the string of texts that Jeno has just sent to your phone is not, in any conceivable way, a conversation that makes sense, when not even 24 hours ago you and Jeno essentially shook on the fact that everything would be going back to normal after last night. So weâre okay, he asked. Weâre okay, youâd said. And you took that to mean things were on track to return to status quo. Youâd go back to greeting each other when he came over, the occasional small talk and string of jokes, nodding at each other on campus, that sort of thing. Youâd go back to just being the peripheral little sister. Heâd go back to just being your brothers friend. The way life was before that night at Nabi Bar.
But in what world does, âHe stopped having anything to do with it the second you came back to Seoul,â fit into that equation at all? In factâ doesnât that break the equation entirely?
Because what⌠what would you be to him then, without Mark?
Your lungs stutter a little wantonly. You donât think youâve ever asked yourself that question. And now that you have, your mind is prodding at doors itâs never acknowledged the existence of before. When you imagine yourself in his eyes, itâs only ever been through the relationship you have with his best friend; and that, in turn, has colored the way that you react to every single thing he does or says.
If heâs saying now thatâs not how he sees you and thatâs not how heâs been seeing you, then that re-contextualizes⌠quite a few things, doesnât it?
The last three weeks of him going out of his way to help you, for one?
Your phone buzzes again in your palm.
[Lee Jeno, 7:14PM] Things are getting kind of crazy over here, Juyeon just brought out a t-shirt gun so I think I have to go
[Lee Jeno, 7:14PM] Mark moved movie night to Tuesday. Iâll bring your earring over then, so make sure youâre home. Maybe you can also explain why your toothbrush is missing from my bathroom.
Sure. Perfect. Any way to avoid replying to the previous batch of texts, youâll accept in a heartbeat. You fire off some half-baked response, a few âha-ha, yeah, totallyâs, to disguise just how hard the gears in your head are spinning, though nothing feels very ha-ha yeah once you fling the phone away. You slump back against the couch cushions, even more mentally exhausted than youâd been a few hours ago with Mark.
The only thing I was thinking about was you.
What an insane thing to say, you miff, belatedly embarrassed. You can almost see his mouth forming the words, his voice as deep and annoyingly honest as always. What the hell are you doing, Lee Jeno?
Shit. Are you just reading way too far into this? Or are things really not nearly as okay between you both as he wants you to think they are?
a/n: please let me know what you think, this chapter beat my ass left right and sideways... ontwards ch7 my friends...
a/n ii: this chapter is dedicated to @jnnul btw their mention of misdial on their tumblr wrapped cheered me up enough to force myself to sit down and figure this fucking story out LOL
[â ]; YOU'VE ALL HEARD THIS STORY BEFORE. The brothers best friend, the little sister, the googly, starry-eyed crush for the one guy she can never have. In the movies, her years of emotional turmoil are always rewarded with the romance to end all romancesâ spur of the moment declarations of love, whirlwind 'i've loved you all along's... but for you, your crush on Lee Jeno more or less fizzled out like the aftershocks of a seltzer in milk. When you don't talk to someone for a few years that's bound to happen, you guess; it only makes sense that those feelings dissipated into nothing but an embarrassing memory the moment you grew up a little.
But old habits apparently die pretty damn hard. And as you're about to learn, one accidental misdial is going to remind you just how long a first love can last.
info;
lee jeno x fem!reader
college au
chaptered
very slow burn
genre/about; not-quite-friends to lovers, older brother mark lee, brothers best friend lee jeno, light angst, mc is a menace to society (chapters 1-3 edited and rewritten on 12/20)
warnings; chapters will have all warnings as they're posted! but general warning for cursing and other college-aged shenanigans, drinking and such
the problem is that I want to know everything in the world but also I can't seem to do my laundry when I'm supposed to, rendering me absolutely useless
