Lily Lived

[lilylived]

I get soooooooo irritated when someone crosses my boundaries..... thank u to my body for the overwhelming signals I guess 🫡

[lilylived]

I was walking down the street the other day and a baby put her hand on my elbow exactly like this meme

And the exact same smile too 😭😭😭

What did she want to tell me?? Her mom got embarassed and quickly stopped her, so I will never know

[lilylived]

The cognitive dissonace of loving new york but hating america.....

[lilylived]

Walking past a scarecrow and accidentally leaping in fear..... sometimes you just have to take it on the chin 😔

[resqectable]

“I can walk alone for hours and enjoy it.”

— Marilyn Monroe, Motion Picture Magazine, Januar 1954

[lilylived]

I wonder if I should be more confrontational. I used to be confrontational in my early 20s. And of course if I see someone else get bullied, I step in

But I just don't feel the rage anymore. And I think especially after the genocide started, I feel like muslim pr is fruitless.... if someone watched the last 3 years and still hate muslims with that much virtiol, you are a different type of animal imo. Now, the context is very different. It's not random hate happening in a vacuum. These are people who enjoy watching the genocide and that still isnt enough for them.

The same way I don't engage with zionists, I don't feel like engaging with that kind of energy.

[lilylived]

I would recommend doing your adkaar though. Today, I just happened to do mine on the train right before the #incident (usually I delay it lol) and I kept repeating the evil eye dua without knowing why.

I suspect a lot of these outbursts are envy and spite based. That's what could actually be harmful imo

Dua under the read more:

[lilylived]

I wonder if I should be more confrontational. I used to be confrontational in my early 20s. And of course if I see someone else get bullied, I step in

But I just don't feel the rage anymore. And I think especially after the genocide started, I feel like muslim pr is fruitless.... if someone watched the last 3 years and still hate muslims with that much virtiol, you are a different type of animal imo. Now, the context is very different. It's not random hate happening in a vacuum. These are people who enjoy watching the genocide and that still isnt enough for them.

The same way I don't engage with zionists, I don't feel like engaging with that kind of energy.

[lilylived]

I walked into the subway today and there was a SEA of people on the platform, like at least 300 of them & barely any room to stand. I looked up the date and it looks like the world cup fanatics are trickling in 😬

[lilylived]

I've heard multiple times from bengalis in my age group that "gossip shouldn't be demonized" and it protects women.... like that's their new justification

These ppl are from muslim backgrounds, so they say this in response to the fact that backbiting (not "gossip") is a sin.

Warning people about abusers, predators, and other evil is NOT backbiting. That's safety and it's something you need to do in Islam to protect the community. Talking about abuse or injustice is also not backbiting.

Backbiting is the gossip people do for fun, to ruin someone else's reputation. People can have all sorts of delusions about it, but in reality when you have a victim blaming, misogynistic, status obsessed culture..... it's not the abusers or the men who ever get gossiped about. It's women and other victims, almost exclusively. Let's not act like this is social justice.

One thing I noticed is that a lot of people have a really bad/shakey sense of discernment. They are always confused on how to read someone. That's why they feel like they have to rely on gossip to make up their minds on how they feel about people. If someone (anyone) says it, then it's true. It's a gold nugget of valuable information. How else are you going to have an opinion when you are blind.

[boschintegral-photo]

Spring In The Countryside

[lilylived]

I had a wild experience today

For the past couple of days, I was doing someone a small favor. I did my part of it, but the person fumbled their part.... and then as a way of dealing with their own disappointment, they lashed out at me semi publically. Tried to unfairly deflect blame onto me.

A certain group of people are just like that... if you are agreeable to doing people favors in general, they deem you weak. And then when they need someone to lash out at, they pick you.

(And you usually have no way of identifying these people until they lash out like this)

So doing people favors can become cumbersome. I try to be nice for the sake of Allah honestly, but this type of occasional backlash is still difficult to deal with. Especially in my current mental state.

Normally, I just fully ignore these types of people as much as possible. This time I politely pushed back, but then left the convo when they kept trying to argue.

One person who witnessed all of it thankfully defended me, and that was a huge relief.

As I was going about the rest of my day, I felt sad and maybe it showed on my face. Because 6 (or maybe 7) strangers went out of their way to be super nice to me for no reason, in a way that really stood out. One of these strangers was an elderly woman who I briefly passed by on the street.

All of that made me feel much better. The earlier incident probably got to me bc it's a deep family pattern for me.

Then I when I got home, I was reading the Quran and by fate came across this verse from Surah Baqarah:

One act of kindness was literally returned to me in 7-8 more acts of kindness, Alhamdullilah 😭 It's really amazing.

This is the answer to how to do favors for people despite the backlash, I suppose. Try to still be kind.... and protect yourself when needed... and trust that the return will come from Allah in a different and better way.

[lilylived]

I noticed that some men have a problem where if you say something remotely smart, they will immediately repeat your exact thought back to you (but in a worse way) and act like it was their own idea. As if I will just forgot that I was the one who said it

A mental health crisis

[lilylived]

Me journaling

[christianrichardrice]

Vincent Van Gogh, Patch of Grass, 1887.

[lilylived]

I saw a woman yelp and run away when a pitbull came out of a store (!!) and crossed her path unexpectadly #relatable #myfriend

[lilylived]

A little while ago, I went to a talk about how people are dealing with the genocide & what to do about it. It's something called vicarious trauma when you watch world events such as this

Anyway, everyone there was bascially verbalizing what I already felt inside. People go about their day as normal, but just under the surface is the knowledge of the genoccide. (Most people there were muslim, so maybe that was why it was like that)

The #1 emotion everyone felt about the genocide was guilt & shame for not doing more to stop it. And in new york, many people go about their day working with very vocal zionists, so there's a weird dissoance.

Secondary emotions are anger, horror, and grief ofc.

But I was surprised at how big the sense of guilt in everyone was. And it's valid.... we should feel guilty. I'm talking about this now because when I was making dua earlier, guilt over this was the biggest emotion that came up.

Instead of covering up the emotions & trying to live a sterile american dream life, I feel like the right thing to do is use these emotions as motivation to be better people. More helpful, charitable, selfless, brave, outspoken, etc. With the long long term goal of fixing what is wrong with us, for letting this happen. That includes raising the next generations to be better as well bc I doubt it will just be fixed with us.

[rosieandthemoon]

in Tintagel, Cornwall