âmom. you need to stop worrying I'll be fine,â he reassured her. it was like this every single time he left. the look of worry, of doubt on whether he would come home was always etched on her face. it left him with a tight feeling in the pit of his stomach having to walk away from her knowing she was gonna spend hours worrying. âI hate that your father is making you do this.â he took her hand, giving it a squeeze. âitâs literally what he had me for. I'm supposed to keep the legacy going. but I'm not gonna let anything happen cause I'm gonna come back,â he said kissing her on her forehead. she gave a small nod, mixed with a weak smile. he began to walk away and she called out after him. âI love you.â he turned back with a fleeting look, âlove you too mom. I'll text you tonight.âÂ
despite this being the home he had grown up in, it had never felt like it was his home. the moment he could he had moved out, getting a small condo not too far from the house. it was far enough to be his own though, from under his fatherâs thumb. yet he made a point to come home daily to check in on his mother, his sisters, and of course ryan. his relationship with his father had always been confusing. he hated him, resented him for so much. and yet there was still an undying pull to constantly please him. colby hated himself for that need, that desire. he hated that he actually felt pride course through him in the few times his father praised him no matter how small. itâs one of the reasons he didnât fight harder for his independence from his family, he wanted to make his father proud. but he also wanted to keep his family safe, which was easier to do in the mix of things. because he had a reason to come back, he didnât fear the danger he put himself in. if anything it just pushed him to be stronger because he knew that they needed him.
as he made his way down the hallway towards the living room he could hear his niece before he laid eyes on her. colby had never had a desire to have children. this wasnât the type of situation you brought kids into, especially with how deep his job went. but when kayleigh had his niece, his whole world changed. he had never loved someone as much as he loved that little girl and she was his ultimate weakness. the moment he laid eyes on her, that steely demeanor he had would instantly melt. because in her eyes he wasnât colby, he was her uncle cole. he would do anything to protect her and her innocence.Â
âhey princess,â he said his smile widening as she smiled up at him from the couch wedged between his sisters. âuncle cole.â the small giggle that came from her was his favorite sound. âare you gonna come play with me?â his face fell at how excited she sounded with her question and knowing his answer was going to disappoint her. before he could speak though, his sister kayleigh spoke up. âuncle cole has to go to work ry.â the slight shift in ryanâs demeanor killed him, she literally had him wrapped around her finger. âbut tomorrow morning breakfast date with my favorite girl? and I'll bring you a special surprise.â ryan perked up again as she nodded and ran over to give him a hug bye. he leaned down so she could kiss him on the cheek, squeezing her extra tight. âtake care of mommy. you know you gotta keep her out of trouble,â he teased smirking at his sister. kayleigh rolled her eyes at him, but even she had a smile on her lips while harleigh giggled. âI will. I promise. love you uncle cole.â he let her go, âI love you more princess,â watching her bound off to get back on the couch cuddling close with her blanket and her favorite stuffed animal. âokay you two. you donât start any trouble,â he said pointing two kayleigh and then pointing over to harleigh, âyou donât find yourself in trouble okay?â both girls playfully rolled their eyes a stream of âyeah yeah yeahsâ slipping from their lips. he was only partially joking, the two had a knack for either getting themselves in trouble or to be the one to start the trouble.
as he made his way out the door, he glanced back one more time. deep down this wasnât really the life he would have chosen for himself. he wouldnât want to have to feel like he left the people he cared about in a constant need of worry. and yet, this was all he felt he was destined for. his uncle was the head of their operation, his father being his right hand man. his uncle not having any sons the next right of passage would be handed over to colby. he was raised to take this over one day. which meant not only did he have something to prove to his father, but he had something to prove to all the guys who felt that he was only a part of this because of who his family was. so everyday he was on edge, hard on himself when he had even the slightest slip up. even if it was due to something out of his control he was hard on himself and he never had an outlet to let that out. until her.
it was just a hook up. and yet it broke every single rule he had. mainly because she had been different from the beginning. he wasnât the type to ever repeat hookups. it was usually with one of the girls who his father threw at him at the end of the night. none of them held his interest though. his father wanted someone who was going to submit to him, but colby was surrounded constantly by people who submitted to him. he wanted a fight. someone who had their own thoughts. who knew how to push his buttons. so when he met thalia he didn't have high hopes on things being different. she proved to him though just how wrong he was. their first night together had been filled with rough passionate sex, their bodies all marked up. that was the first time he broke his rule, already wanting to see her again the next night. over time the two began seeing each other regularly and while it was still the pretense of hooking it up there was a definite shift. he allowed her to see a side of him that no one else had and surprisingly it was something he looked forward to their time together. he liked that she questioned him, she pushed him, they fought constantly about anything and everything. he craved it, the moment she was gone. it never being enough.Â
maybe thatâs why he gave her a key, because he always wanted her there. itâs not what he told her though. they never talked about feelings. he never spoke the truth. the fact that he was falling hard for her and the fact that she could technically hook up with anyone else fucking enraged him. part of him wanted to make it official, but there were too many fucking complications in doing that. first being bringing her into this fucked up world he was in. he didnât need another person to leave behind and worry. each night he saw her he told himself he was going to end it. then he would see her and their lips would touch and he would get lost in her once again. he knew the longer he stayed the harder he fell and yet he couldnât walk away. tonight was the night though. he was going to end it. for her own good. she deserved better then this fucked up world he could provide her.Â
he sent a quick text to his mother, letting her know he was okay. he made his way up to his condo, his heart racing. this was nothing new though. every time he went to see thalia she had this effect on him. the door creaked open and his eyes instantly fell on her. the way her hair fell off her shoulders. the way she gave him such an intense gaze. the smirk on her lips that meant she was already on the verge of pushing his buttons. that smirk that made him want to push her up against the wall and take her right there. he was fucking weak for her, unable to get out the words he wanted to say. he swallowed hard, gripping the counter for support.Â
âwe need to talk,â he said his gaze moving down unable to look at her as he let the words he had been dreading for so long out trying to keep his voice even. it was time to let go of her, even if it killed him.