to the stars, the moon pleaded: stay;

one day, i’ll find her and when they ask me how i knew she was the one, i'll tell them, ❝ because she l o v e d me in spite of all the unlovable pieces she had to pick up. ❞ penned by ash, 25+, private indie rp blog

[lilyrussoxo]

untwistable‌:

“took you long enough.” kaya quipped, settling her drink onto the bar counter. “i mean, it isn’t hard to figure out your best option tonight is me.”

“not even gonna deny it,” he retorted intrigued by her forwardness. his eyes scanned the room, she wasn’t wrong. “bold of you to assume that I’m interested,” he said leaning against the bar and ordering a scotch. “we both know I'm your only option tonight.”

[lilyrussoxo]

closed starter for @untwistable

“since you’ve been eye fucking me all night I figured I would come over and say hi,” wyatt said with a smirk.

[lilyrussoxo]

untwistable‌:

it didn’t take too long for renata to be back at the hotel. what took long was building the courage to get out of the car. “okay, okay.” she whispered to herself, finally getting out and slipping back into their hotel. renata just had to rip the band-aid off. she tapped ariela awake, her throat already tightening. she loved nate, but she also knew a part of her loved ariela. though she knew now that the love she felt for ariela could never match up to the love she has for nate. “ari…” she began, letting out her emotions and finally breaking things off with her. it took about an hour of crying, soft-yelling ( as to not wake up the other tenants ), and booking flights home before renata found herself back in the car, her eyes red and cheeks stained with tears. renata had to recollect herself before driving back to nate’s house. her eyes were still puffy, but there wasn’t much she could do about that. renata took a deep breath before knocking. she waited a few minutes, her eyebrows furrowing when there was no answer, her heart dropping slightly. renata swallowed hard, exhaling a breath as she tried to open the door. to her surprise, it was unlocked ( she figured nate would lock it on her way out ). “nate?” she called out softly, unsure if he was still awake. she glanced at the staircase, hoping he hadn’t moved upstairs before fizz appeared at her feet. fizz looked up at her before running back towards the living room. “sweet?” she asked, peeking into the living room. to her surprise, he was situated exactly where she left him. as she got closer, it became evident how upset he was. “hey, sweet.” she said softly, immediately moving towards him and wrapping her arms around him securely.

he had no idea how long he had been sitting there, how long he had been crying. it felt like hours, feeling completely drained mentally, physically, and emotionally. no matter how much he tried to hold on to her saying she was coming back, he couldn’t let the fear go. he had been so sure before that she would come back and he had been wrong. and when it had hit him before he didn’t think he would ever come back from it, he hadn’t ever fully came back from it. he was so out of it that he didn’t hear the knock at the door, realize fizz had left him, hear her come into the house. it wasn’t until she was next to him and pulling him into her that her voice broke through the haze he had been in. she had come back, she was really there. and it should have been an instant relief to see her, to feel her, but instead he began to cry soft sobs shaking his body. he had known her leaving had messed him up, but it wasn’t until he had gotten her back and had to trust she would stay did he realize how much he was terrified that she would be gone all over again. he couldn’t speak, he just let himself stay in her arms. the way he clung at her made it clear that he was convinced if he let go she would disappear again.

[lilyrussoxo]

untwistable‌:

landon nodded reassuringly. he wouldn’t miss it for the world. and a part of him ( that he didn’t want to nor should he admit ), was glad for the excuse to be around them again. “i’ll be there.” he said. landon didn’t notice a’vianna come out of the store until she had snaked herself around his arm, the sudden contact alarming. he stepped back slightly in surprise, his cheeks turning red at the loud announcement of her purchase. it wasn’t like he was oblivious as to why his girlfriend had asked for him to wait outside, but with kayleigh and ryan standing right in front of him, it felt wrong and like something the whole world didn’t need to know. he glanced between avi and kayleigh. “oh, uh,” landon’s face continued to redden. what made things worse was seeing kayleigh’s reaction to it all and how she pulled ryan away from them. landon tried to reply, a little stunned as to what was happening at the moment. all he could really do was nod, his mouth slightly open as he intended to speak. “good… seeing you too.” he managed a small wave to ryan before turning his attention to a’vianna. he cleared his throat, as if nothing had happened. “you ready?”

avi watched the final exchange, glad that kayleigh departed on her own and she didn’t have to make a scene which she wasn’t above. when it was just the two of them she was annoyed at how he tried to act like nothing had happened. “no, I'm not. what was that all about,” she asked shifting so she was in front of him her eyes narrowing as something kayleigh said fully resonated with her. “wait what did she mean this weekend? are you going to hang out with her? no. landon no. I'm not okay with this at all. I don’t trust her. you can’t go,” she said with a finality in her tone as if she expected that to be the end of the conversation. 

[lilyrussoxo]

untwistable‌:

renata smiled as he nodded. she let her hands drop from his face, grabbing his hand for a moment to squeeze it once, and then getting off the couch. she began to walk out of the room, turning back to him. “i’ll be back.” she said, hoping he knew that she meant it this time. renata closed the door behind her before getting back into the car and driving back to the hotel. she didn’t know how she was going to explain this to ariela, but it was better to break things off now before it got worse. renata, for the first time since the miscarriage, felt like she was on the right path again and as much as she didn’t want to hurt ari, it had to be done.

he felt her hand in his, the tight squeeze should have been reassuring. however, the moment it was gone it just left him feeling lost and alone. he tried to speak at her words, tried to say anything but he knew that there was no way he could form actual words. the moment the door closed doubt, fear, and anxiety overcame him and the loss he had felt when she had left before completely resurfaced. the anguish on his face was real, as if a part of him knew she was never coming back. something would change, she would decide this isn’t what she wanted again and she would be gone. and he would be broken. his head moved to his hands, a broken sob escaping his lips. fizz padded over to him nuzzling against him with a soft whimper, something he always did when nate was upset. the dog softly licked at nate’s hand as if to console him, but nate was too far gone in this feeling of loss. he lost her again. he knew it.

[lilyrussoxo]

untwistable‌:

landon raised his eyebrows at the information. the relief flooded through him, knowing how bad elliott was to both kayleigh and ryan. he knew it wasn’t his place to say, but he always tried to intercede every time landon knew kayleigh went back to elliott - not just for his own selfish reasons that he loved her, but because he didn’t want to see her hurt. however, the relief was short lived when he learned that elliott wasn’t allowed near them, and concern quickly replaced his expression. his jaw tightened, his first clenched around a’vi’s shopping bags. landon was just about to ask what happened when ryan interrupted. landon shook his head, shaking the incoming feeling off. his gaze immediately softened when he looked at ryan, more so with what she was asking him. landon glanced between kayleigh and ryan, knowing kayleigh probably didn’t intend for him to go ( his assumption was verified when she gave him an out ), but looking at ryan and her excitement… he couldn’t turn down the offer. “of course i’m coming, sweetheart.” he smiled, shooting ryan a look of mock-hurt. “why else do you think i’m at the mall for? i’m looking for the perfect something to give you.”

kayleigh could see the inner battle going on in landon’s head when elliot had been brought up. despite his sweet demeanor, he had always been unwaveringly protective of both ryan and her. she knew her wording spoke volumes and while he may not know exactly what had happened, he could probably guess. it wasn’t something she was ready to admit, especially not to landon at least not fully. when landon’s steely gaze softened at ryan’s question, she hoped he would use her out to make it easier for both of them. his words though took her back, her daughter practically squealing with excitement. “are you sure? no pressure if you can’t. ryan would understand,” she said softly despite the butterflies in her stomach at the thought of him spending the day with them. her excitement was short lived though as another girl approached the group.

avi made her way out of the store, her bag swinging beside her. she was excited to show landon what she had gotten after dinner that night. her smile that had graced her lips seconds before quickly disappeared the moment her eyes landed on her boyfriend and the two others he was with. she rolled her eyes with a deep sigh as she approached him, moving to link her arm with his. “hey baby, I got something special to wear for you tonight,” she said kissing him on the cheek pretending as if she hadn’t even seen kayleigh. she had zero patience for this girl and all the games she used to play. if she thought that avi was going to give her a chance to snake her way back into landon’s life she was out of her mind. “you ready to go back to mine? I need you,” she said with a playful smirk determined to pretend the other wasn’t even there.

kayleigh couldn’t believe that this girl had the nerve to come over like they weren’t in the middle of a conversation AND make comments like THAT in front of her daughter. “wow,” kayleigh muttered giving landon a look of disgust at his choice of girlfriends. she took ryan in her arms protectively, but also to stop herself from reacting the way she wanted right now. “yeah this isn’t something my daughter needs to be here for. it was good seeing you landon, let me know about this weekend. completely fine if you can’t though,” she said turning away. ryan’s pout and big brown eyes were locked on landon’s her hand reaching out for him. the action just broke kayleigh’s heart. what made it worse was ryan wasn’t the only one who desperately wanted to reach back for landon.

[lilyrussoxo]

kayleigh leaned in to kiss the other girl, muffling her own moans against her lips. it had been a hour of the two getting lost in each other. kayleigh desperate to have anyone creep into her mind, even if it’s only for a small moment, other than him. “oh fuck,” she cried out her body giving in to her second orgasm as the other girl succumbed to her own pleasure shaking beneath kayleigh. the brunette panted softly, trying to catch her breath her eyes closed soaking in the pleasure. the moment her eyes flutter back open, they locked with reagan’s and it hurt. those weren’t the eyes she wanted gazing back up at her, her heart sinking as she realized not even sex with the other girl could erase him from her mind.

she forced a weak smile leaning down to kiss reagan’s cheek before climbing off of her. those intense eyes followed kayleigh as she began to get dressed again. “so you gonna tell me what’s going on,” reagan asked tilting her head to the side as she covered herself with the sheet. kayleigh glanced over at her, trying to give off a look of confusion, but she knew reagan knew better. the two had been friends and fuck buddies for as long as kayleigh could remember, but reagan could always tell when it was casual sex and when it was about way more than that. “don’t psycho analyze me rea. i'm good. and as much as I would love to keep you naked in my bed all day I need you to get dressed before ryan gets home with my sister,” she said tossing the other’s clothes at her. she turned with the pretense of putting her hair up in a messy bun. in actuality she was trying to give herself a moment to try and push down her emotions. she had been on the verge of tears for two days and nothing she normally did seemed to be helping.

kayleigh had gotten so caught up in her own thoughts of him, she didn’t realize how close reagan had gotten to her. she jumped as reagan wrapped her arms around her kissing her shoulder lightly. “kay I don’t mind being used for sex, cause truth be told it’s a win win for me. but there’s obviously something bothering you so talk to someone. and if you need someone killed it’s not like colby won’t handle that for you,” the blonde said teasingly. kayleigh rolled her eyes at the other leading her out of her room. she didn’t say much, just gave a small wave goodbye before collapsing on the couch of the living room.

she quickly pulled out her phone, her background a picture of her and ryan. it shouldn’t have brought the tears to the surface again, but it did. cause he had taken it. she swallowed hard, knowing she was only torturing herself by her actions as she clicked on the instagram icon. she felt her heart begin to ache because he had posted a new picture. and it was with her. the way landon’s gaze was on her, his girlfriend, it was too much. she had lost him because she had been scared. she had held on to something for so long with Elliot because it was safe. it was never gonna truly happen. and as stupid as it was that was safer than giving in to the way landon made her feel. because when she was with him it was like she slowly lost control. fell harder into the idea of him, the idea of them together. ryan, landon, and her. this little family. the family that ryan deserved. but it all scared her so much.

now she didn’t have to worry about it, because she had lost him for good. someone else was making him smile. he was gazing at her in the same way he had gazed at kayleigh. just the thought of that was enough to push the tears over the edge because none of this was supposed to be like this.

the door opened and kayleigh quickly tried to hide the fact that she had been crying. she was surprised when ryan didn’t come running into the room. she glanced back and saw her twin sister carrying her daughter into the living room fast asleep. “so I'm taking it she had fun at the park,” kayleigh said with a weak smile as harleigh laid Ryan down on the couch her head resting on kayleigh’s lap. “she was all over the place. she made so many friends and I'm pretty she has a boyfriend now. so basically she’s you,” harleigh teased sitting on the other side of her sister. harleigh shifted reaching underneath her and grabbing her sister’s phone which was still up on instagram. she glanced at the photo, up to her sister, and then back down at the photo.

“so I saw reagan when we pulled up,” harleigh mentioned casually as kayleigh kept her gaze down on ryan lightly running her fingers through her daughter’s hair. when kayleigh didn’t answer harleigh let her head rest on kayleigh’s shoulder. “you know it’s okay to be upset kay,” harleigh finally said softly to her sister. kayleigh bit her lip trying to keep back the tears once again. she bit so hard, she was surprised she didn’t cause it to bleed. “I mean you and landon had a thing for awhile. when you get comfortable with someone it’s hard to lose that. especially you who doesn’t get comfortable with anyone,” harleigh said half teasing in hopes that it would break the silence. “it’s not that har,” she said softly a tear trailing down making her instantly angry. harleigh shifted, taking her sister in fully without saying a word. when kayleigh finally glanced up at her and their eyes locked a look of surprise spread across harleigh’s face. “kay oh my god. you love him,” harleigh said and kayleigh instantly realized it wasn’t a question it was a statement.

kayleigh felt herself give in fully to the tears, shifting her daughter’s head to the couch so she wouldn’t wake her as her body shook uncontrollably. harleigh pulled her sister in to a hug and kayleigh clung to her, her sobs muffled against her shoulder. “I've lost him harleigh. he’s gone. he was the best thing that’s ever happened to me, to ryan and I lost him cause I was too scared. I'm..I'm in love with him and he’s gone because I fucked up,” she whispered her voice quavering. harleigh made a soft shushing sound as she gently ran her fingers up and down her sister’s back trying to calm her down. “kayleigh it’s okay. things will work out. you just...you have to be honest with him. you have to tell him.”

kayleigh pulled away shaking her head and wiping her face with the sleeve of her hoodie, which in actuality is landon’s hoodie. “I can’t tell him harleigh. I-i can’t. I hurt him for so long. he’s happy he deserves to be happy. not having to deal with another headlock like me,” she whispered wiping her eyes again. “I just...I have to let him go,” she said taking her phone back and exiting from the app. no matter how much this hurt, she needed to do right by landon for once. she owed him at least that.

@untwistable

[beersmadison]

[dailyhailee]

[lilyrussoxo]

untwistable:

thalia sucked in a breath as soon as she was pushed up against the wall. a smirk painted itself across her lips, reacting immediately to his descent down her neck. her fingers went to run through his hair, tugging roughly as he worked on removing their pants. “always, baby.” she responded into the kiss. thalia wrapped her legs around his waist, biting her lip in anticipation. she loved when he got like this, the darkness in his eyes making her ready for him. “fuck, colby.” she moaned loudly, throwing her head back as he pounded into her. the walls of the bathroom were paper thin, though that didn’t stop her from vocalizing just who she belonged to.

when he got like this, there was absolutely no stopping him from needing her now and there. the way she screamed for him sent a heat through him. “that’s my girl,” he growled gripping her hips as he went harder biting his lip hard as he let out a deep groan. he pulled her closer kissing her deeply. there was no one who got him this worked up. he pulled back slightly increasing his speed with a devilish smirk knowing she loved it when he got rougher. she was so tight around him his own moans were mixing with hers. “fuck thalia all mine baby,” he said he her back being pushed up against the wall harder as he went harder his breathing coming in with shallow pants.

[lilyrussoxo]

untwistable:

“don’t i?” thalia scoffed, his anger only making her desire to egg him on increase. she walked closer to him. though their height difference was drastic, the way thalia held herself resulted in the her aura feeling as if she was taller than she actually was. “that would have been appreciated, actually.“ she said, following him to his room. “oh, man, what do i want from you? the list could go on, but it definitely starts off with wanting you to stop wasting my fucking time.” she yelled, letting out a short laugh. “you’re acting as if we were together. you think giving me a key to your place changed the fact that this was just casual sex?” she argued, rolling her eyes. “there was nothing that started for you to end, bud.”

“didn’t I tell you to fucking leave, who’s wasting your time now,” he growled turning around getting inches away from her his eyes narrowed. despite her words, despite his own words he was sure there was something here on both of their ends. “so what are you here for? what are you still here and in my face for since it was just casual sex? if it doesn’t mean anything and nothing fucking changed thalia then fuck off,” he dared her. because part of him wanted to see if he was right. if she did care if even part of her wanted this too. but if she didn’t then they both could end it before it got more complicated.

[lilyrussoxo]

untwistable:

thalia raised her eyebrows. “yeah, because walking in as if you’ve just killed my mother isn’t making a big deal out of this. ever heard of this cool, new thing called a phone? it has this thing called texting.” she said, rolling her eyes. maybe it was the fact that she had spent more time with him than every before, but she could tell there was more to this. “you and i both know you aren’t above blowing ‘sex’ off through that nifty device. cut the crap, colby.”

“you always fucking think you know everything,” he said shaking his head huffing out his frustrations. he was getting angry and maybe that would help me get this over with. “you know you’re right. fucking leave and I'll send you a text telling you to fuck off okay. that what you want to hear? what the fuck do you want from me thalia? you know what I don’t care. this is over,” he said as he moved away from the counter, walking away from her and towards his room.

[lilyrussoxo]

untwistable:

thalia could handle herself. despite what agents, random people at bars, and basically everyone she came across thought, she wasn’t afraid to fight back. in fact, the annoyance she felt when other people stepped in for her was always at a high. except whenever colby stepped in. he was different – he was aware of her abilities and his actions to protect her was never condescending. so when he swooped in to back her up, she tilted her chin up, an expression of both amusement and pride, and watched him take care of the sleaze. a spark ignited in her as colby continued to shout at his dad. there was no question of what extent colby was willing to do to protect her, and the thought of that made her hungry for him. she never had a partner willing to do anything for her, especially one like colby. thalia slipped off the bar stool, leaning down to the bloodied guy on the floor. she smiled before reaching into the guy’s pocket and taking the cash ( and some more ) that had started it all. “you know, maybe i do need to be spoiled. thanks, dickhead.” she said, shoving the money into her pocket before stepping over him. thalia welcomed colby’s possessive arm, immediately wrapping her own around his waist. “let’s get you cleaned up.” she said, leading him to the nearest convenience store’s bathroom. the brunette slipped a twenty to the cashier who tossed them the key. she unlocked the door, tugged colby inside, and locked it once again. “that was hot.” she said, already scanning his bloodied knuckles. “your dad’s a dick, though.” 

he held her ridiculously close as the walked out of the bar. not because he thought she needed protecting, but because he felt the need to remind everyone she was his. he let her lead him to a convenience store, his knuckle beginning to ache unsure if it was his blood or the guys. he gazed down at her when she said it was hot, his knuckle pain was soon far from his mind. he pushed her against the wall, his mouth instantly moving to her neck sucking and nipping at the skin roughly. he needed her. he needed to make her scream his name so there wasn’t a single doubt that she was his. he tugged roughly at her panties, moving to capture her lips in a deep kiss. “you still my girl,” he asked tugging at her lips roughly already undoing his pants. he lifted her up against the wall wrapping her legs around him already unable to control how bad he needed her. his eyes were still dark, but now they were dark with lust and need for his girl. “fucking let everyone know baby. let everyone fucking know you’re mine,” he said pushing into her as he began a hard and deep pace.

[lilyrussoxo]

untwistable:

thalia had used her key to get into his condo, expecting the night to go down just as every other night did. however, the fact that he didn’t immediately capture her lips into his was the first sign that something was off. she stood from the couch, crossing her arms over her chest as she processed his words. “so, let me get this straight: you’re making a big deal of wanting to end… great sex?” she asked, his explanation not making sense.

okay so he probably should have found a better excuse because she was already seeing through his bullshit. “no one’s making a big deal. I'm just saying this shit needs to end it’s not working for me anymore,” he said taking a chance at looking at her but he knew there was emotions and feelings apparent in his eyes. he just hoped she didn’t see them. 

[lilyrussoxo]

untwistable:

thalia practically growled as he encouraged her movement. when colby’s father called him over, she didn’t want to let him go. thalia rolled her eyes at his father clarifying they needed to speak alone. she could feel the room tense whenever she showed any sort of disrespect to colby’s father, but she had never found him scary – more so an annoyance. “i won’t.” she smiled at colby, leaning back in the chair he positioned her on. she kissed him briefly, enough for her teeth to graze the bottom of his lips teasingly. she watched her boyfriend walk towards his dad before turning back to the bartender. she rested her elbows on the counter as she ordered herself a drink. before she could pull out her wallet, a guy ( who she had recognized as one of  many of colby’s father’s minions ) approach her. his arm grazed hers as he slid the cash towards the bartender. thalia furrowed her eyebrows, making a point to move her arm away from him. “i can pay for myself.” she scoffed, pushing the cash back to him and replacing it with her own. the guy shrugged, an attempt of a smirk on his lips. “hey, c’mon. i just wanted to pay for you, pretty lady. you deserve to be spoiled like a princess.” thalia scoffed at his words. she had never heard such a terrible pick-up line, let alone from someone who had the audacity to hit on her meters away from her boyfriend. how stupid can someone be? – she was sure their public performance wasn’t hard to miss. “i’m not sure how stupid you are that i actually have to say it out loud for you, but i have a boyfriend. so could you just, you know, fuck off?” she said bluntly, cutting directly to the chase. she nodded to the bar tender before taking a sip of her drink. most guys would take the hint and move on, but the fact that the guy had a hundred bucks and his life on the line, he continued his advances. the guy swung his arm over her, rubbing her bare shoulders while his other hand rested on her thigh. “what’s the problem? you don’t even know what i have to offer, princess.” he flirted. the moment he felt his hands on her shoulder and thigh was probably the end of this guy’s confidence. she glared daggers at him, slapping his hands away before swiftly aiming her drink at him. “don’t touch me, asshole.”

it was clear the moment that colby was in front of his father that there was nothing to talk about. it was a ploy to separate the two because his father hated seeing him like this. he didn’t know if his father hated the fact that he thought colby was parading some random hookup around and being so public. or if he was more scared that colby has actual feelings for someone. he was still listening to his uncle rambling on the importance of his job tomorrow, something they had gone over already countless times when he heard thalia’s voice her tone harsh. his gaze fell on a guy with his hands on his girlfriend. thalia threw a drink in his face, but colby was already on the move ignoring his father who had tried to stop him. “are you fucking stupid,” he growled pulling the guy away from thalia. he saw red instantly punching him repeatedly in the face, the guys head bouncing off the bar as colby slammed it there with each blow. no one moved, no one dared to get that close to colby when he was that angry. they knew there was no stopping him in that rage and anyone who attempted would become another causality. after one final blow, his knuckles bloody, he let the guy fall to the floor barely breathing as he turned on his father. his adrenaline was pumping and his eyes were black. his uncle told him not to do anything stupid but colby didn’t care he was tired of the fucking games. “you fucking leave her out of this you fucking understand me? you want to play these bullshit head fuck games with me fine, but you keep her the fuck out of this. if i see any of them fucking near her again i’ll fucking killing them. and i will walk the fuck away from this. from you. try me,” he yelled at his father some of the guys moving forward as if they were gonna break them up and others terrified to get in between. sam stared at his son, neither of them saying a word but colby knew his father saw the passion in him to know he would fucking do it. because thalia wasn’t just anyone to colby and if there had been any question of that before for his father there was none now. colby turned away and wrapped his arm possessively around thalia his blood still pumping with anger as he steered them out of the bar.

[lilyrussoxo]

“we need to talk,” the words echoed inside of his head already doubting what he was doing, but deep down knowing he knew it needed to be done. “look this has been fun, but we need to stop. I mean this has definitely run it’s course. it was great sex, but all things come to an end eventually,” he said knowing that if he looked up at her she would see that this was fucking killing him.

@untwistable

[lilyrussoxo]

“mom. you need to stop worrying I'll be fine,” he reassured her. it was like this every single time he left. the look of worry, of doubt on whether he would come home was always etched on her face. it left him with a tight feeling in the pit of his stomach having to walk away from her knowing she was gonna spend hours worrying. “I hate that your father is making you do this.” he took her hand, giving it a squeeze. “it’s literally what he had me for. I'm supposed to keep the legacy going. but I'm not gonna let anything happen cause I'm gonna come back,” he said kissing her on her forehead. she gave a small nod, mixed with a weak smile. he began to walk away and she called out after him. “I love you.” he turned back with a fleeting look, “love you too mom. I'll text you tonight.” 

despite this being the home he had grown up in, it had never felt like it was his home. the moment he could he had moved out, getting a small condo not too far from the house. it was far enough to be his own though, from under his father’s thumb. yet he made a point to come home daily to check in on his mother, his sisters, and of course ryan. his relationship with his father had always been confusing. he hated him, resented him for so much. and yet there was still an undying pull to constantly please him. colby hated himself for that need, that desire. he hated that he actually felt pride course through him in the few times his father praised him no matter how small. it’s one of the reasons he didn’t fight harder for his independence from his family, he wanted to make his father proud. but he also wanted to keep his family safe, which was easier to do in the mix of things. because he had a reason to come back, he didn’t fear the danger he put himself in. if anything it just pushed him to be stronger because he knew that they needed him.

as he made his way down the hallway towards the living room he could hear his niece before he laid eyes on her. colby had never had a desire to have children. this wasn’t the type of situation you brought kids into, especially with how deep his job went. but when kayleigh had his niece, his whole world changed. he had never loved someone as much as he loved that little girl and she was his ultimate weakness. the moment he laid eyes on her, that steely demeanor he had would instantly melt. because in her eyes he wasn’t colby, he was her uncle cole. he would do anything to protect her and her innocence. 

“hey princess,” he said his smile widening as she smiled up at him from the couch wedged between his sisters. “uncle cole.” the small giggle that came from her was his favorite sound. “are you gonna come play with me?” his face fell at how excited she sounded with her question and knowing his answer was going to disappoint her. before he could speak though, his sister kayleigh spoke up. “uncle cole has to go to work ry.” the slight shift in ryan’s demeanor killed him, she literally had him wrapped around her finger. “but tomorrow morning breakfast date with my favorite girl? and I'll bring you a special surprise.” ryan perked up again as she nodded and ran over to give him a hug bye. he leaned down so she could kiss him on the cheek, squeezing her extra tight. “take care of mommy. you know you gotta keep her out of trouble,” he teased smirking at his sister. kayleigh rolled her eyes at him, but even she had a smile on her lips while harleigh giggled. “I will. I promise. love you uncle cole.” he let her go, “I love you more princess,” watching her bound off to get back on the couch cuddling close with her blanket and her favorite stuffed animal. “okay you two. you don’t start any trouble,” he said pointing two kayleigh and then pointing over to harleigh, “you don’t find yourself in trouble okay?” both girls playfully rolled their eyes a stream of “yeah yeah yeahs” slipping from their lips. he was only partially joking, the two had a knack for either getting themselves in trouble or to be the one to start the trouble.

as he made his way out the door, he glanced back one more time. deep down this wasn’t really the life he would have chosen for himself. he wouldn’t want to have to feel like he left the people he cared about in a constant need of worry. and yet, this was all he felt he was destined for. his uncle was the head of their operation, his father being his right hand man. his uncle not having any sons the next right of passage would be handed over to colby. he was raised to take this over one day. which meant not only did he have something to prove to his father, but he had something to prove to all the guys who felt that he was only a part of this because of who his family was. so everyday he was on edge, hard on himself when he had even the slightest slip up. even if it was due to something out of his control he was hard on himself and he never had an outlet to let that out. until her.

it was just a hook up. and yet it broke every single rule he had. mainly because she had been different from the beginning. he wasn’t the type to ever repeat hookups. it was usually with one of the girls who his father threw at him at the end of the night. none of them held his interest though. his father wanted someone who was going to submit to him, but colby was surrounded constantly by people who submitted to him. he wanted a fight. someone who had their own thoughts. who knew how to push his buttons. so when he met thalia he didn't have high hopes on things being different. she proved to him though just how wrong he was. their first night together had been filled with rough passionate sex, their bodies all marked up. that was the first time he broke his rule, already wanting to see her again the next night. over time the two began seeing each other regularly and while it was still the pretense of hooking it up there was a definite shift. he allowed her to see a side of him that no one else had and surprisingly it was something he looked forward to their time together. he liked that she questioned him, she pushed him, they fought constantly about anything and everything. he craved it, the moment she was gone. it never being enough. 

maybe that’s why he gave her a key, because he always wanted her there. it’s not what he told her though. they never talked about feelings. he never spoke the truth. the fact that he was falling hard for her and the fact that she could technically hook up with anyone else fucking enraged him. part of him wanted to make it official, but there were too many fucking complications in doing that. first being bringing her into this fucked up world he was in. he didn’t need another person to leave behind and worry. each night he saw her he told himself he was going to end it. then he would see her and their lips would touch and he would get lost in her once again. he knew the longer he stayed the harder he fell and yet he couldn’t walk away. tonight was the night though. he was going to end it. for her own good. she deserved better then this fucked up world he could provide her. 

he sent a quick text to his mother, letting her know he was okay. he made his way up to his condo, his heart racing. this was nothing new though. every time he went to see thalia she had this effect on him. the door creaked open and his eyes instantly fell on her. the way her hair fell off her shoulders. the way she gave him such an intense gaze. the smirk on her lips that meant she was already on the verge of pushing his buttons. that smirk that made him want to push her up against the wall and take her right there. he was fucking weak for her, unable to get out the words he wanted to say. he swallowed hard, gripping the counter for support. 

“we need to talk,” he said his gaze moving down unable to look at her as he let the words he had been dreading for so long out trying to keep his voice even. it was time to let go of her, even if it killed him.