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@limitknown-ar
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā FIVE Ā HARGREEVESĀ Ā fromĀ Ā THE Ā UMBRELLA Ā ACADEMYĀ
šÆš š²š¹š¹š²š».Ā Ā Ā est. march 2019.Ā Ā Ā canon compliantĀ Ā &Ā Ā headcanon heavy. Ā Ā Ā mutually exclusive.Ā Ā Ā do not follow if you ship any of the hargreeves children !
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā guidelines Ā Ā - Ā Ā playlist Ā Ā - Ā Ā board
one of my favourite five scenes, S01E02
What do you think my muse smells like?
@shallowcuts ļ½”
a hangmanās noose around his neckĀ Ā āāāĀ Ā tighter , Ā tighter , Ā tighter still .Ā Ā in the morning , Ā itāll paint a necklace of bruises , Ā black and blue and purple in the most tender areas where the leather digs in and bites cold and unforgiving Ā Ā ( Ā Ā diego doesnāt remember what itās like to choke , Ā lungs alight , Ā an inferno devouring soft flesh , Ā heating up from the inside Ā Ā )Ā Ā āāāāĀ Ā sometimes he fears heāll forget how to breathe . Ā the room tilts , Ā a constellation of lights and the echo of a fist . Ā lightning striking hard , Ā fast , Ā bursting an eruption of pain that threatens to consume it all . Ā he canāt scream , Ā or yell , Ā or even curse . Ā fiveās name is a whisper amidst grunts , Ā mental anguish that wonāt shut up .
fuck , Ā fuck , Ā fuckĀ !Ā Ā Ā
two and five , Ā winners of the shittiest lottery in the world . Ā bad luck is a tease , Ā red lips of cyanide . Ā ( Ā Ā move , Ā number twoĀ !Ā what are you waiting forĀ ? Ā Ā ) Ā Ā if the hero fails , Ā the story ends . Ā it takes more effort than it should , Ā more energy than he currently has . Ā no friction against the floor Ā ; Ā he pushes off , Ā or tries toĀ Ā āāāĀ Ā fails . Ā again . Ā tunnel vision blurs dark all edges and then thereās just him and the asshole with the snowy hair coming closer . Ā he smirks , Ā blood on his teeth , Ā waits until heās closer to push again , Ā just one second is all he needs . Ā the room tilts just enough , Ā enough for him to kick against the manās chest and push harder . Ā two bodies slam on the wall , Ā and the leather around his neck loosens .Ā Ā Ā
he doesnāt duck so much as he sways , Ā one - two step , Ā to the slow melody of his heartbeat , Ā and he strikes with the coordination of a drunk . Ā the first punch is sluggish , Ā poorly aimed . Ā the second is better . Ā the kick that follows makes up for its predecessorsā bad performance . Ā Ā ā Ā you fuckinā assholes just donāt know when to quit ,Ā huhĀ ? Ā ā Ā Ā his voice mocks him , Ā low and hoarse , Ā like spitting gravel . Ā dad always said to use the environment to their advantage Ā .. Ā so he does , Ā picking up an ornate vase by the wall and throwing it to his would - be murderer , Ā the one that colored his throat . Ā right on the head , Ā the vase breaks to pieces in a satisfying shower of glass .
one down , Ā two to goĀ Ā āāāāāĀ Ā Ā Ā
he feints left , Ā hits right , Ā another satisfying hit that makes the second swede stagger back . Ā thatās fine , Ā thatās all he needs . Ā diego turns , Ā ignoring the man Ā Ā ( Ā Ā never turn your back to the enemyĀ ! Ā Ā ) Ā Ā but five needs his help . Ā a glint of steel embedded in dark furniture Ā ; Ā he grabs it as he goes , Ā but doesnāt bother throwing , Ā not when heās close enough to stab . Ā the blade cuts into flesh , Ā scraping bone , Ā right into a shoulder . Ā the momentum is enough to shove the man away from his brother and not one to waste a clear opportunity , Ā diego tackles the asshole head on , Ā body slamming into him right in the middleĀ Ā āāāāāāāāāĀ Ā and right out the window .
fuck , Ā he finally spares a glance at five just to make sure heās still alive . Ā god , Ā he doesnāt remember the last time he saw five looking like that . Ā Ā ā Ā hey ,Ā Ā donāt die on me now ,Ā Ā old man .Ā Ā ā Ā Ā and there goes his voice , Ā a rasp of what it used to be .Ā Ā
VIOLENT PURPLES AND ANGRY BLUESĀ ,Ā Ā Ā the cosmic explosions of supernovas on stretched thin skinĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā meteors crash with supersonic speed in a momentum so blinding that white flames flicker before his eyesĀ ,Ā Ā Ā sight going as he miserably catches himself wishing for unconsciousness to simply swallow him wholeĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā it might as well be the endĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā what could be more fitting than the last hooray being nothing but a moment of pathetic acceptanceĀ .
there is no noise surrounding himĀ ,Ā Ā Ā not anymore at leastĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā it has been long replaced by the blood rushing in his ears and the restless pounding of his heart while it hammers against achingly tight rib cageĀ ;Ā Ā Ā seemingly screaming about being aliveĀ ,Ā Ā Ā to stay aliveĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā whatever the swede is doing now lies far beyond fiveās current state of comprehensionĀ Ā Ā (Ā or field of visionĀ )Ā .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā only the familiar feeling of a large hand gripping bony shoulder too tightly anchors him to the faint knowledge of realityĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā so he braces himself for what will probably be the last punch he may recallĀ .Ā .Ā .Ā Ā Ā Ā until with an exaggerated thud he fallsĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā limpĀ ,Ā Ā lifeless and drooping onto the floor with clumsy force and a shaky exhale of painĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā the carpet is rough and hardĀ ,Ā Ā Ā not at all softening the impact as something begins to stab and pulsate within his sideĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā tugging so fiercelyĀ ,Ā Ā Ā he absentmindedly lets hand wander to his abdomen in responseĀ .
agonised delirium makes his vest feel wet in an unappreciated act of dĆ©jĆ vu .
itās the shattering of a window that finally snaps him out of his somewhat catatonic tranceĀ Ā .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā suddenly hyper - alert of his surrounding and a fresh wave of adrenaline pushing battered body into a kneeling position before eyes can meet his brotherās gazeĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā five canāt help the stupendous feeling of relief washing over himĀ ,Ā Ā Ā though now clear mind reminds him instantly of the not - yet cleared situationĀ .
the taste of blood is too prominent in his mouth when he scoffsĀ ,Ā Ā Ā stomach wanting to be sick against the spinning motion of the worldĀ ;Ā Ā Ā axis turning anti - clockwise and upside downĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he can handle itĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā worse things have been handed to himĀ ,Ā Ā Ā worse things have happened to himĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā youāre someone who survivesĀ ,Ā Ā Ā delores had told him onceĀ ,Ā Ā Ā and all he could do was smileĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā similar expression graces his features nowĀ ,Ā Ā Ā lips curling into something contorted and wrongĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā diegoās eyes are wildĀ ,Ā Ā Ā swimming with unanticipated worry and the habitual focus of a fight or flight response in the makingĀ .
āĀ Ā Ā iām not dyingĀ .Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā words lack their usual biteĀ ,Ā Ā Ā instead echoing breathless and tremblingĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā muscles and bones protest as he slowly standsĀ ,Ā Ā Ā hand finding window sill for support when body sways and knees threaten to buckleĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā a quick glance is thrown towards the broken window then back to diegoĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā at least they got rid of oneĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he takes a moment to examine his brotherĀ ,Ā Ā Ā inspecting ugly lilac ornamentation around his neck with furrowed brows andĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā huhĀ ,Ā his voice sure didnāt sound too good eitherĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā you okayĀ ?Ā Ā Ā ā
@shallowcutsā ļ½”
āāā Ā starter ; @limitknown
EYES ON THE TARGET . Ā keeping up with number five is near IMPOSSIBLE . Ā he flickers in and out of reality , Ā a firefly that sparkles BLUE . Ā blink and heās gone Ā Ā āāāāā Ā Ā focus . Ā concentrate . Ā itās not about running after him Ā Ā ( Ā Ā the action is futile , Ā diegoās learned that the hard way Ā Ā ) Ā Ā so he has to THINK AHEAD , Ā and trying to outsmart five is like waiting for hell to freeze over . Ā itāll NEVER happen . Ā itād be easier if it was luther , Ā but sparring with five is challenging in a way thatās exhilarating .
he clutches a knife in one hand , Ā eyes narrowed , Ā waiting for that first spark . Ā their father used to SUPERVISE them before , Ā when they were younger , Ā barking instructions as he judged Ā ; Ā every move , Ā every punch and kick , Ā every feint and tackle . Ā now , Ā theyāre alone . Ā they know the DRILL . Ā Ā ā Ā what are you waitinā for Ā ? Ā ā
THE HERE AND NOW BLURS TOGETHERĀ ,Ā Ā Ā space stretching into an open chess field of possible movesĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā a jump can be simple if done rightĀ ,Ā Ā Ā though time is of essence and it tends to waver his own focusĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā nothing is happening yetĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā neither of them movesĀ ,Ā Ā Ā merely staring from both ends of the roomĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā something curious captures him about diegoās hesitationĀ ,Ā Ā Ā the watchful eyes and prepared stanceĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā heās learned his lessonĀ ,Ā Ā Ā knows not to stab in the dark when light is fading in and out unexpectedlyĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā it makes things more interestingĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā perhaps it makes them harder tooĀ .
a grin spreads across fiveās face as he rocks on his heelsĀ ,Ā Ā Ā hands in pockets and itching to summon blue portal into non - existenceĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā patience is the keyĀ ,Ā Ā Ā their father would remind him oftenĀ ;Ā Ā Ā something he lacks drasticallyĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā iām waiting for youĀ ,Ā Ā Ā dumbassĀ .Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā snide remark comes far too easilyĀ ,Ā Ā Ā the words uttered in means to get a reactionĀ ;Ā Ā Ā pull diego out of his oddly zen state and force him back into old habitsĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā or am i meant to dodge the airĀ ?Ā Ā Ā ā
Are you killing for yourself or killing for your savior?
Beth Revis, A Million Suns
GRAVITY Ā FALLS Ā SENTENCE Ā STARTERS , Ā PART Ā TWO .
āĀ Ā thereāsĀ Ā aĀ Ā burningĀ Ā questionĀ Ā myĀ Ā heartĀ Ā longsĀ Ā toĀ Ā askĀ Ā ofĀ Ā youĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā leaveĀ Ā thatĀ Ā thingĀ Ā aloneĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā arenātĀ Ā youĀ Ā supposedĀ Ā toĀ Ā beĀ Ā onĀ Ā lookoutĀ ?Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā areĀ Ā youĀ Ā scaredĀ ?Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iĀ Ā runĀ Ā awayĀ Ā fromĀ Ā nothingĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iĀ Ā donātĀ Ā oftenĀ Ā doĀ Ā this ,Ā Ā butĀ Ā iĀ Ā feelĀ Ā theĀ Ā needĀ Ā toĀ Ā giveĀ Ā youĀ Ā anĀ Ā awardĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā didĀ Ā youĀ Ā hearĀ Ā thatĀ ?!Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā butĀ Ā whatĀ Ā wasĀ Ā thatĀ Ā noise ,Ā Ā thenĀ ?!Ā Ā iĀ Ā justĀ Ā heardĀ Ā aĀ Ā monsterĀ Ā noiseĀ !Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iĀ Ā justĀ Ā realisedĀ ā¦Ā Ā iĀ Ā loveĀ Ā youĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā comeĀ Ā checkĀ Ā thisĀ Ā outĀ !Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iĀ Ā justĀ Ā wantedĀ Ā attentionĀ !Ā Ā nobodyĀ Ā paysĀ Ā anyĀ Ā attentionĀ Ā toĀ Ā meĀ Ā anymoreĀ ā¦Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā inĀ Ā retrospect ,Ā Ā myĀ Ā planĀ Ā seemsĀ Ā aĀ Ā littleĀ Ā contrivedĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā well ,Ā Ā timeĀ Ā toĀ Ā getĀ Ā backĀ Ā toĀ Ā workĀ Ā onĀ Ā myĀ Ā deathĀ Ā rayĀ .Ā Ā youĀ Ā gotĀ Ā aĀ Ā screwdriverĀ ?Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā fiveĀ Ā bucksĀ Ā saysĀ Ā youĀ Ā canātĀ Ā doĀ Ā itĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā fiveĀ Ā bucksĀ Ā saysĀ Ā youĀ Ā canātĀ Ā doĀ Ā itĀ Ā withĀ Ā yourĀ Ā eyesĀ Ā closed ,Ā Ā PLUSĀ Ā meĀ Ā singingĀ Ā atĀ Ā theĀ Ā topĀ Ā ofĀ Ā myĀ Ā lungsĀ !Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iĀ Ā haveĀ Ā veryĀ Ā keenĀ Ā powersĀ Ā ofĀ Ā observationĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iĀ Ā wasĀ Ā cleaningĀ Ā upĀ Ā whenĀ Ā iĀ Ā foundĀ Ā thisĀ Ā creepyĀ Ā roomĀ Ā hiddenĀ Ā behindĀ Ā theĀ Ā wallpaperĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iĀ Ā likeĀ Ā yourĀ Ā gumption ,Ā Ā kidĀ !Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iĀ Ā thinkĀ Ā itĀ Ā needsĀ Ā moreĀ Ā glitterĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā youāveĀ Ā broughtĀ Ā everyĀ Ā threatĀ Ā toĀ Ā myĀ Ā powerĀ Ā togetherĀ Ā inĀ Ā oneĀ Ā easyĀ Ā toĀ Ā destroyĀ Ā circleĀ !Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā youāveĀ Ā goneĀ Ā tooĀ Ā far ,Ā Ā _____Ā !Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iāmĀ Ā notĀ Ā scaredĀ Ā ofĀ Ā youĀ !Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā donātĀ Ā youĀ Ā toyĀ Ā withĀ Ā me ,Ā Ā _____Ā .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā niceĀ Ā shot ,Ā Ā pumpkinĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā wait ,Ā Ā noĀ Ā āāĀ Ā itāsĀ Ā tooĀ Ā dangerousĀ !Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iāveĀ Ā gotĀ Ā someĀ Ā childrenĀ Ā iĀ Ā needĀ Ā toĀ Ā makeĀ Ā intoĀ Ā corpsesĀ .Ā Ā seeĀ Ā youĀ Ā realĀ Ā soonĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā whenĀ Ā iĀ Ā getĀ Ā myĀ Ā handsĀ Ā onĀ Ā you ,Ā Ā kid ,Ā Ā iāmĀ Ā gonnaĀ Ā disassembleĀ Ā yourĀ Ā moleculesĀ !Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā youāveĀ Ā trickedĀ Ā meĀ Ā forĀ Ā theĀ Ā lastĀ Ā timeĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā youāreĀ Ā aĀ Ā kidĀ .Ā Ā youĀ Ā donātĀ Ā knowĀ Ā anyĀ Ā betterĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā areĀ Ā youĀ Ā honestlyĀ Ā tellingĀ Ā meĀ Ā thereāsĀ Ā nothingĀ Ā elseĀ Ā weĀ Ā canĀ Ā doĀ ?!Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā myĀ Ā brainĀ Ā isnātĀ Ā goodĀ Ā forĀ Ā anythingĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā whatĀ Ā otherĀ Ā choiceĀ Ā doĀ Ā weĀ Ā haveĀ ?!Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iāmĀ Ā startingĀ Ā toĀ Ā thinkĀ Ā thereāsĀ Ā noĀ Ā wayĀ Ā outĀ Ā ofĀ Ā hereĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā whenĀ Ā oneĀ Ā doorĀ Ā closes ,Ā Ā chooseĀ Ā aĀ Ā nearbyĀ Ā wallĀ Ā andĀ Ā bashĀ Ā itĀ Ā openĀ Ā withĀ Ā bruteĀ Ā forceĀ !Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iĀ Ā thinkĀ Ā iāmĀ Ā gonnaĀ Ā killĀ Ā oneĀ Ā ofĀ Ā youĀ Ā now ,Ā Ā justĀ Ā forĀ Ā theĀ Ā heckĀ Ā ofĀ Ā itĀ !Ā Ā eeny ,Ā Ā meeny ,Ā Ā miney ,Ā Ā moĀ āĀ Ā ā āĀ Ā youāreĀ Ā goingĀ Ā down ,Ā Ā _____Ā .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā letĀ Ā meĀ Ā outĀ Ā ofĀ Ā hereĀ !Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā youĀ Ā madeĀ Ā aĀ Ā fatalĀ Ā mistakeĀ .Ā Ā youĀ Ā messedĀ Ā withĀ Ā myĀ Ā familyĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iāllĀ Ā giveĀ Ā youĀ Ā fame ,Ā Ā riches ,Ā Ā infiniteĀ Ā power ,Ā Ā yourĀ Ā ownĀ Ā galaxyĀ !Ā Ā āĀ āĀ Ā wouldĀ Ā youĀ Ā beĀ Ā aĀ Ā dearĀ Ā andĀ Ā fetchĀ Ā meĀ Ā theĀ Ā sawedĀ Ā offĀ Ā shotgunĀ ?Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā weāreĀ Ā madĀ Ā withĀ Ā powerĀ !Ā Ā ā¦Ā Ā andĀ Ā loveĀ .Ā Ā ā āĀ Ā iāveĀ Ā comeĀ Ā thisĀ Ā farĀ .Ā Ā iāmĀ Ā notĀ Ā givingĀ Ā upĀ Ā nowĀ .Ā Ā ā
šššššš”šššā ļ½”
āSTOP WITH ALL THIS BULLSHIT.āĀ Ā ā±Ā Ā @limitknownāā
he canāt tell him the truth because that would mean admitting that heās terrified. it would mean admitting that heās haunted by what happened back at home Ā ā- Ā how it keeps him up every night, Ā how it replays in his mind every time heās in the ring, Ā how the guilt eats away at him, Ā how seeing his brother should bring him relief, Ā but it only brings him more anxiety at the thought of having to do this all over again. Ā SAVE THE WORLD Ā āā Ā ? Ā it used to be the only vision in lutherās mind, Ā written in everything he did. Ā he had a goal, Ā and he devoted his life to it Ā ā- Ā but when the time came, thatās not what he did;Ā Ā he failedĀ Ā ( Ā ā the stench of failure encircles you, ā Ā his fatherās words still ring in his head Ā ā- Ā it only hurts because he feels it himself, too. ) Ā heās not the right person to save the world, Ā the fear of hurting someone he loves again in the process choking him at the mere thought. Ā
youāre better off without me, Ā he wants to tell him Ā āā Ā but thatās not what he wants to hear. Ā itās easier to deflect, Ā to pretend he doesnāt care at all, Ā than it is to admit that his life-long goal of saving the world is now what terrifies him the most.
ā Ā no, Ā itās not bullshit. itās normal, ā Ā he claims Ā ā- Ā something neither of them truly know anything about. Ā forcing himself into his life here where he has his own place to live and a job and a mentor he believes in where he isnāt known as number one and isnāt bowing to a father that only wishes to trap him feels like normalcy. Ā itās the first taste of it luther has ever had, Ā and thatās why itās so scary to think about losing it Ā ā- Ā what if he canāt find it again? Ā what if he has to face the fact that maybe, Ā the idea of a normal life just isnāt for him? Ā thereās nothing he wants more than to be there for his family Ā ā- Ā but he canāt stop wondering if the best way to help them is to stay away from them. Ā ā Ā we couldnāt stop this last time.Ā what makes you think weāll do it now?Ā ā Ā
HE UNDERSTANDSĀ ,Ā Ā Ā AND IT INFURIATES HIMĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā longing for a placeĀ ,Ā Ā Ā a timeĀ ,Ā Ā Ā peopleĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā to belongĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā to not be aloneĀ ,Ā Ā Ā to not be a stranger in a world once so familiar yet disconnected from a lifeĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā they had always longed for normalcyĀ ,Ā Ā Ā but it had never been in the cardsĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā five knows of the desperationĀ ,Ā Ā Ā the desire for fate or hope to put puzzle pieces back together and bring balance to the universeĀ ,Ā Ā Ā those sleepless nights of wishing upon a starĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā the sensation is not an abstract construction to himĀ ,Ā Ā Ā but one of the strongest drives that has kept him alive for so longĀ ;Ā Ā Ā a means to save his familyĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he isnāt going to throw it all away just because his brother decides to have a pity party for himselfĀ .
āĀ Ā Ā last time we didnāt know what the hell was going to happenĀ ,Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā even now he canāt say for certainĀ ,Ā Ā Ā though jaw clenches with stubborn persistenceĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā at least now they have an inkling of what went wrongĀ ,Ā Ā Ā they know more than he has in decades of pure speculationĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā vanya may be the bombĀ ,Ā Ā Ā but they collectively lit the fuse without ever acknowledging their mistakesĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā traversing through with deaf ears and blind eyesĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā but now we do and what we have to do is find the othersĀ ,Ā Ā Ā stick together and figure it out from thereĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā the world isnāt save just because you decide to turn your back to itĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā if we donāt help vanya and get back to where we belongĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā this world will be doomed one way or anotherĀ .
perhaps heās said too muchĀ ,Ā Ā Ā voice more desperate than he would prefer and fingers twitching suspiciously where they continue to hold on to lutherās sleeveĀ ,Ā Ā Ā holding him in placeĀ Ā Ā (Ā refusing to let him leaveĀ )Ā .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā guilt is a company he grew accustomed toĀ ,Ā Ā Ā the unremitting terror in his chest of being to blame for what is nowĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā we were never meant to be normalĀ ,Ā lutherĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā you know thisĀ .Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā i canāt do this by myselfĀ .
ššššššššššā ļ½”
āāĀ Ā Ā what do you meanāĀ Ā Ā āāĀ Ā thereās urgency in his voice ,Ā Ā making it sound almost like a shriek.Ā Ā fingers digging into his brotherās slim ,Ā Ā prepubescent-boy shoulders.Ā Ā oh ,Ā Ā the view from the outside was probably something to be alerting the cops about ,Ā Ā but in a city where six children once were exploited and exposed to all kinds of dangers ,Ā Ā and nobody did anythingĀ Ā ā¦Ā Ā well ,Ā Ā a scrawny thirty-something man shaking a boy was just another thursday afternoon. Ā āāĀ Ā āyouāveĀ Ā LOST the lottery ticketĀ ?Ā Ā Ā Ā āāĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā (Ā @limitknownāĀ Ā said:Ā Ā š¬Ā )
āĀ Ā Ā KLAUSĀ ,Ā Ā Ā Ā iāll say this once and your pea - sized brain better understand meĀ :Ā Ā Ā get your hands off me right now or iāll rip your vocal chords outĀ .Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā deadpan expression and voice dangerously close to a growlĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā to say he isnāt fazed by his brotherās visible distress would be an understatementĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he couldnāt care less about some irrelevant lottery ticket when the entire world was about to be destroyed in merely a few daysĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā stillĀ ,Ā sudden priority is to prevent further unwanted physical contactĀ Ā Ā and a possible homicide within the familyĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā is that seriously all thatās alarming to you right nowĀ ?Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā after everything i told you dumbassesĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā all you care about is some goddamn lottery ticketĀ ?Ā Ā Ā ā
Lori Gottlieb, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed
ššššššššā ļ½”
ā«. ] SILLY / a fitting adjective to describe such an useless way of wasting precious time. Regardless of any endeavor, their petite acts of escapism: there is a reminder on SIR HARGREEVESā agonizing words hanging betwixt the two of them. ā to not linger too often here; barked numbers & commands & an insult slipped in-between; thinly veiled, FATHERāS specialty. ā she dares not to approach them; figures it would be unfair to punish any other with own inadequacy. ā timid & diffident & how-to-disappear-into-the-background, with no word mumbled other than some soft apology. For existing, perhaps; for greedily annexing; to breathe in & out despite dear brother deserving it so much more than she ever could. ā [Ā chorus: ordinary, plain & dull girl; you are not worth the very air you breathe. ]
Ā Ā Ā Ā āIām sorryā¦ I shouldnāt have āĀ ā said anything. ā there is a pause; cue the shift of posture / the art of sitting perfectly STILL, immersed, open book moved with dominant right / if only to dig short-cut nails into pristine pages. ā backtrack; as if correcting a butchered tremolo. As if dropping bow in resignation so as to start again. They say: REPETITION STUNTS / yet itās the only way someone as mediocre as her could ever hope to learn.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Eyes find his; for a moment, a mere instance. ā in-between tea & sandwiches she had forgotten to simply inquire; did he mind? To listen, to merely sit [fool, he hates when you ask]. A pang in her chest, glance flickering aside. ā aye, remember: he hatesĀ when you get like this; sorry for yourself, shamefacedly picking up vowels & syllables; to take them back, somehow / ashamed & pusillanimous & ā¦ ā !
Ā Ā Ā Ā She bites her bottom lip; at the corner. Aye, he hates; when you remind him on his wounds, his weaknesses, his frailty. Worry, sure, but package it differently. Through gestures rather than words, why, you are inapt at expressing yourself anyway. ā change strategy, careful now; if only to see himĀ smile.Ā āāĀ sometimes I think youāre just like the heroes in my books. They ā they like to deny too, you know? To not makeā¦ to not conjure up any worry.ā
VISION OF APOLOGY APPEARSĀ Ā Ā before stuttered words are even formed on her lipsĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā her worldĀ ,Ā Ā Ā it seemsĀ ,Ā Ā Ā is filled with landmines and each step is another risk of setting them all offĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā it doesnāt matter how cautious she isĀ ,Ā Ā Ā how slow and quietly she moves forwardĀ ;Ā Ā Ā the mere motion will wake beasts and have them race across the field to get to herĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā left behind is nothing but chaos and destructionĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā to vanya onlyĀ ,Ā that isĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā time and time again he told her not to apologiseĀ ,Ā Ā Ā to not backtrack and hide behind her book or violin or quite literally the door to her roomĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā you did nothing wrongĀ ,Ā Ā Ā he would remind her in an awfully gentle voice that no one else but her and ben knowĀ ,Ā Ā Ā you donāt have to be sorry for being goodĀ .
ā Ā Ā noĀ ,Ā itās fineĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā didnāt mean to snapĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā justĀ .Ā .Ā .Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā fingers wiggle against the tingle of numbnessĀ ,Ā Ā Ā muscles contracting in painful manners as any small movement threatens to tear them to piecesĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā how frustrating it is to wait for this fragility to passĀ ,Ā Ā Ā to do and be better next timeĀ Ā Ā (Ā to stop being fragile one dayĀ )Ā .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā morbid curiosity watches limbs struggle to relaxĀ ,Ā Ā Ā cramping and twitching against the pressure he forces on themĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā just tiredĀ ,Ā yāknowĀ ?Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā itās difficult to admit the obviousĀ ,Ā Ā Ā trembles rooted so deeply they shake him from the coreĀ ,Ā Ā Ā but his sister isnāt stupidĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā always too aware of when the lies begin to spillĀ .Ā Ā
do the heroes in her stories feel this shitty tooĀ ?Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā five wonders childishlyĀ ,Ā Ā Ā envying how easy they like to make it seemĀ ;Ā Ā Ā how easy his own siblings tend to make it seemĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā perhaps he is bitterĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā noĀ ,Ā scratch thatĀ !Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he is absolutely furious over the factĀ ,Ā Ā Ā exhaling a huff of air with idle roll of his eyesĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā tone of voice falls quieter this time aroundĀ ,Ā Ā Ā well aware of how new bursts of negativity may impact herĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā that is absolutely not what iām doingĀ .Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā syllables spoken playfullyĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā furrowed brows meeting her gaze as if to challengeĀ ,Ā Ā Ā though part of him does disagreeĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā name one time i actually gave a reason for worryĀ .Ā Ā Ā ā
" tell me whatās wrong. ā
EVERYTHINGĀ ,Ā Ā Ā AND NOTHING AT ALLĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā a simple answerĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā merely one wordĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā no pompous explanationĀ ,Ā Ā Ā no fancy descriptionĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā everything is wrong and nothing at the same timeĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā itās walking into your house and feeling as if something is out of placeĀ Ā Ā (Ā though you always fail to pinpoint itĀ )Ā .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā perhaps the silence is too loud or a floorboard creaks in a way you never heard it beforeĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā smallĀ ,Ā Ā insignificant changesĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā you get used to themĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā you get used to the silenceĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā that deafening lack of noiseĀ ,Ā Ā Ā a sea of cacophonous quietĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā itās shrillĀ ,Ā Ā Ā ghosts singing between ribs as something hammers against the wallsĀ ,Ā Ā Ā panicked screaming and runningĀ ;Ā Ā Ā racing against a body of bloodĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā but just because you get used to things doesnāt mean theyāre okayĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā rightĀ ?
vanya is engulfed in heavy fog when he looks upĀ ;Ā Ā Ā all - consuming his sight as it swallows her wholeĀ ,Ā Ā Ā pulling her further and further awayĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā until eventually sheāll fade away like the feeble memory heās held of herĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā until the expression on her face becomes unreadableĀ ,Ā Ā Ā features unrecognisable as they turn into someone elseāsĀ ;Ā Ā Ā a strangerĀ ,Ā Ā Ā just like the rest of themĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā and he knows the look she gives himĀ ,Ā Ā Ā that empathetic stare with furrowed brows as concern creeps in nervous waves into every softly spoken syllableĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā tell me whatās wrongĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā tell me how i can helpĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā can anyone helpĀ ?
the wind is cold where they standĀ ,Ā Ā Ā too cold for april and the cityĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he remembers it to be so much hotterĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā burning clothes and skinĀ ,Ā Ā Ā everlasting smell of decay imprinted in his memoryĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā april really is the cruelest monthĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā fists clench and loosen rhythmically to the steady beating of his heartĀ ,Ā Ā Ā the calculated inhales and exhales automated reflexes manageĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā itās all a mess and he doesnāt know how to fix itĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā the words uncomfortably stuck in his throatĀ ,Ā Ā Ā eyes staring ahead as mind flickers between his family being stuck in another wrong timelineĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā and an alive ben not recognising themĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā if he looks at her nowĀ ,Ā Ā Ā she will knowĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā nothing i canāt fixĀ .Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he says instead as though the answer is obviousĀ Ā ,Ā Ā Ā and the hint of a smile on his lips is almost genuineĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he canāt fix thisĀ .
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā & Ā Ā , Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā @violncā Ā ļ½”
šš¢ššššššššā ļ½”
Ā Ā Ā šššĀ Ā šššššĀ Ā šššĀ Ā ššššĀ Ā ššĀ Ā ššš Ā ,Ā Ā Ā Ā ššĀ Ā ššššĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā &Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā hereĀ fallsĀ noĀ different .Ā Ā Ā Ā aĀ boyĀ underĀ hisĀ deftĀ fingersĀ ,Ā Ā Ā Ā aĀ tongueĀ sharperĀ thanĀ knives ,Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā withĀ aĀ lookĀ inĀ hisĀ eyesĀ thatĀ tellsĀ moreĀ storiesĀ thanĀ perceived .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā stillĀ ,Ā Ā Ā Ā heāsĀ notĀ theĀ adultĀ hereĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā youĀ canĀ goĀ homeĀ afterĀ weāveĀ checkedĀ youĀ overĀ andĀ fixedĀ thisĀ woundĀ Ā ,Ā Ā Ā Ā anyĀ contactĀ informationĀ forĀ parentsĀ orĀ guardiansĀ wouldĀ beĀ veryĀ helpfulĀ thoughĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā eyebrowĀ raisesĀ ,Ā Ā Ā Ā challengeĀ presentedĀ yetĀ withĀ aĀ softĀ tone .Ā Ā Ā Ā heĀ worksĀ toĀ wipeĀ bloodĀ fromĀ theĀ boyāsĀ headĀ ,Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā practisedĀ andĀ carefulĀ ,Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā frownĀ tuggingĀ hisĀ lipsĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā whoĀ Ā wouldĀ Ā attackĀ Ā aĀ Ā boy ?Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā worldĀ provesĀ itselfĀ cruelĀ againĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā thisĀ isĀ aĀ prettyĀ nastyĀ gashĀ ,Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā canĀ youĀ tellĀ meĀ whatĀ happenedĀ ?Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā didĀ someoneĀ doĀ thisĀ toĀ youĀ ?Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā sometimesĀ hisĀ hopeĀ inĀ peopleĀ leavesĀ himĀ onĀ calls ,Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā evenĀ ifĀ heĀ clingsĀ toĀ itĀ ,Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā forĀ protectionĀ andĀ aidingĀ isĀ whatĀ heāsĀ hereĀ forĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā thisĀ boyĀ goesĀ noĀ whereĀ elseĀ aloneĀ ,Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā notĀ withoutĀ himĀ inĀ towĀ .Ā
LET HIM TURN HIS BACK ON MEĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā all it will take is a secondĀ ,Ā Ā Ā a mere moment to prepare and vanish in a flashĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā hopefullyĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he cannot say for certain how reliable his powers are at this pointĀ ,Ā Ā Ā still feels shaky and unfocused despite sharpness lacing the words resting on the tip of his tongueĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā no oneās home right nowĀ .Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā to his own surpriseĀ ,Ā Ā Ā five catches himself considering naming one of his siblingsā namesĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā but vanya is a terrible liarĀ ,Ā Ā Ā klaus too useless and diego a risk of asking too many questions and getting himself into trouble insteadĀ Ā Ā (Ā luther and allison barely even cross his mindĀ )Ā .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā in the end itās best to simply play stubbornĀ ;Ā Ā Ā push and refuse to cooperate until the patience rips like a thin threadĀ ,Ā Ā Ā forcing the man to seek help among his colleaguesĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā hopefullyĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā the wound stingsĀ ,Ā Ā Ā though he doesnāt flinch at the touchĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā merely glares before forcing plastic smile to take over his featuresĀ ,Ā Ā Ā dimples showing but no warmth behind green eyesĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā i tripped and fellĀ .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā clumsiness is a very unfortunate trait we all inherited in the familyĀ .Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
Mary Oliver,Ā āThe Moths.ā
it's been almost two months, but i'm still emo over the fact that no one seemed to notice or care how five was doing. let alone that it's been two weeks for him, back to back apocalypses and death and fighting and he didn't even get to talk to ben...
