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[detransinfo]

@ limitthething, you can use ftm websites to find doctors who do top surgery. Most online ftm groups keep lists. Many of the plastic surgeons who do top surgery also perform gynecomastia removal, which is what you would be needing I assume. Gynecomastia removal is much more common though, so you might have some luck just searching for a plastic surgeon locally who is experienced with this. You might have a better result this way, and less waiting time.

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[limitthething]

Thank you so much!

[limitthething]

de-transitioning for the love of self, and men

I am a man. A cis gendered man. 16 years ago I woke from a dream, and knew I was transgender. I immediately went about transitioning MTF from that day forward. Today, I know that decision was the wrong one for me. 

It took me a long time to understand why I transitioned in the first place, but now I finally know why. If you guessed abuse, you would be mostly correct. 

My father treated me like I was a defect and a problem when I was a toddler. My earliest memory of my father was of him screaming at me at the top of his lungs. His father treated him the same way. I forgive him. But what my Dad gave me was a life long feeling, that no matter what I did nothing could fix me. I was defective.

Other boys picked up on my low self esteem, and smelled blood in the water, reinforcing my low self esteem even further. So, who did I turn to for friendship and safety? Girls. Women. 

My hero's became women. When women spoke I understood them. The language of feeling and emotion became my mode of communication, and my way of looking at the world. That is not a boys way. I thought boys and men where dumb and mean. Because I was a boy, on some intrinsic level knew I was dumb and mean. 

Low self esteem brought on by abuse from a man, the most important man in my life, and now the belief that all men are mean and dumb. I was a man, the enemy. 

I was primed by the time I awoke from that strange dream. I fought the tendency to transition all my life. The man within me knew transitioning was wrong for me. Even though I had done the things that most men would consider successful initiation into the brotherhood of men, because I never addressed my low self esteem, and my distorted view of men, I broke. 

Now that I have come to this understanding, I am here to share my experience for any man that is fighting the urge to transition, or for those men that are de-transitioning themselves. 

I hope it goes without saying, this note is not a judgement on those that are transgender. This note is for those that think they are, but really aren't.