Be Strong.

26 Recovering from eating disorder (relapsing) and emotional abuse - let’s also add in anxiety, depression, and bpd

[lindzz831]

Weed makes me not want to kill myself so much

[lindzz831]

Shouldn’t I be happy? I have what I’ve wanted. But still I feel like things haven’t really changed. How can you achieve the things you’ve wanted to and be in a place you’ve dreamed to be and yet still fell the despair and heartache you’ve always wanted to be rid of?

[lindzz831]

I feel like my only reason to live is my dog. And I will. For her. But that’s it. If she wasn’t here, I’d do it. Because I’m so tired of feeling unwanted by everyone in my life. I’m tired of people not wanting to be around me. And I don’t know why I’m so terrible. But I guess I am if nobody wants me…

[lindzz831]

Anybody out there have any tips for throwing up? I really need to start some new “dieting” strategies but I seriously have not been able to puke. Now my throat is killing because sticking my fingers down my throat isn’t working and I’ll I feel like I’m doing is scratching it up.

[mwagneto]

"i like your personality" thanks it's professionally diagnosed

[tearstainedwrists]

[clusterb-itch]

[lindzz831]

Listen y’all I feel like I should just go off cause I know nobody on here reads this. I’m on the verge right now. Like I know I could easily get my mental health back on track and start taking my meds again before they fully wear off. I could stop my bad habits before they escalate.

OR

I could just not. My meds cause weight gain so fuck that. My bad habits are the only things I feel are keeping me alive. I know I felt better literally days ago on them. But I hate that I’m fat now. I refuse to take a pill that will make me fat, regardless of the other effects. So tonight, I started down the hole. I’ve been drinking and smoking, per usual. I took a handful of diet pills. Not sure what that’ll do, if anything (but honestly think it’s harmless). Then I cut my stomach because I hate that I’m fat now. I’m really running out of reasons not to go off the deep end...

[cannibalchicken]

[lindzz831]

Why is it that every time plans changed I want to kill myself because I feel abandoned??

[psychokangaroo]

The really weird thing about depression is that there's 2 types of "i want to die" and like some days it's "im gonna make a plan right now and execute it" and other days it's "i feel like my body is shutting down and I just want to melt into a pile of useless flesh"

[lindzz831]

Since literally no one even looks here...

I’d just like to say how badly I want to kill myself. Every fucking day. I know in my heart that everyone’s lives would be better without me. I feel bad that I would initially cause pain, but overall no one would need to deal with me anymore. I make everything worse. People would be better off without me and I know it.

[glitterysaladnightmare]

[lindzz831]

Sharing time!

I tried to kill myself mid-March. I’ve been working my ass off trying to do better, be better. I have really made good progress, but I’ve still been scared at slipping back for that dark place. My biggest fucking trigger is unexpected change. Yesterday and today plans I had been looking forward to for weeks were changed multiple times. Already, I feel like I’m right back where I started in March- wanting to kill myself and not seeing any way out. It’s really scary how fast and strong it comes on and I feel helpless and pathetic that I can’t control this. I know I shouldn’t be freaking out like this but I don’t know how not to. I really feel like this is going to end up killing me one day.

[verpasstzuleben]

I can't describe what I'm feeling. I'm not happy, and I know that. But I'm also not exactly sad either. I'm just caught right in between all these emotions and I feel so empty.

[shadowsrunning]

[emilydb]