SFAWTDE P2 made me remember how long I've been neglecting this account lol. It's been like 3 months? So much has happened since then. Some bad, some worse and some just... happened. And then I gotta go back to uni, it was just a lot of mental exhaustion day after day.
Then P2 just come out one random day. I watched it. And it was a rollercoaster of emotions I didn't expect a MC ARG I liked just last year could evoke in me. It reminds me of the joy I once felt connecting with others in this fandom, as well as my aspiration to continue creating art.
What I didn't expected the most was how SEEN I felt while watching it. Especifically in Avery.
As someone who struggle daily with depression, constantly conscious of myself. That I'm not good enough. Not strong enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not enough. I'm scared everyday of being useless, talentless, maybe even forgotten. Scared of being left behind by friends I've watched change and grow to be better, while I still feel like a kid stuck in adolescent.
That scene of Avery stuck in a daze for 12 hours, doing the same monotonous tasks hit ways too close to home. Days where everything feel the same, look the same, done the same. Just a routine done over and over and over again. Drowing myself in my own sorrow and apathy.
But not everything is hopeless. Sometime, you just need a guide. A breadcrump trail to lead you to the right direction. An encouraging word. A sign.
Maybe I'll never be as good as I want to be. Maybe I'll be something different. But it take bravery to make the next step. To get better. To BE better.
To leave my mark somewhere in the world.
I might not have all the courage to make a huge positive change right now, but I'll try. One step at a time.
For now, I feel better just letting my feelings out somewhere on the net about Minecaft of all things. Maybe I'll come back one day with new art.
Hopefully soon. Or just hopeful.
(Anyway yaoi so doomed I have to recreate them in Infinity Nikki so they can live out their peaceful YURIFUL life they oh so deserve 🥲🥲🥲)