but first let me take a selfie

Link VISTA. 16. claw. O shit whaddup, it's dat boy Link! I'm the son of BuzzTube which means I know if that video of your cat rolling over will go viral - spoiler alert: it won't. I'm probably only a Claw because of my social media know-how tbh. Catch me forever wishing the castle had faster Wifi and more flattering uniforms. If we had yearbooks, I'd go down as the most likely to break the Internet #sorrynotsorry.

[linkyesss]

text ✉️$ lake

Jake: ...

Jake: then what was it about?

Jake: first, im not a monkey guy, my family's gorillas. And second, I didnt mean to say that, not like that. and its not like an offense thing I just didnt want you to think I thought you slept around a lot! and its totally cool if you! or dont! its your body!

Jake: ...im gonna put my foot in my mouth and just be quiet now

Link: It's more fun not telling you and having you assume I'm talking about anal tbh.

Link: You didn't mean to say "Ur obvs not a virgin, dude, no offense"? Weird, because that's somehow exactly what you typed on accident. Wild! My autocorrect never steers me that wrong lol.

Link: You're going to need to work on that latent judgement there lol. It's 2019, wake up and smell the sex-positivity!

[linkyesss]

TEXT ✉️✿ KINK

Kally: All right... It would probably be redundant to tell you that that sounds A LITTLE FRIGHTENING but I guess I'm on board! Where do we start?

Link: If it's not scary, it's not revolutionary! And we start with some of my favorite BuzzTube happy lifestyle videos - we've got some tutorials to watch and follow, girl! I promise I'll make it as painless as possible.

[linkyesss]

mkhood:

Okay, it’s not like people who grew up in the United Kingdom have a ton of experience with palm trees anyway, where do they thing we go to school, Jamaica? Okay, am I about to lose cool points if I tell you I don’t actually know what edging is? I just started thinking about like emo kid edgelords and that doesn’t seem like the appropriate answer here…

Right? I wouldn’t have thought of palm trees for a good long while, personally, even if a vacation does sound mighty nice. And oh, sweetie. You won’t lose cool points but it does definitely help me gauge your relative innocence. It’s decidedly a sex thing. A kink, really, where someone wants to be taken to the edge of orgasm and then have it shut down before they arrive and then start all over again - I personally don’t get it but it’s a thing! 

[linkyesss]

TEXT ✉️ø PHINK

Phil: You've got a point, but I guess I still like things that I can touch with my own two hands. Places I can go, exploring beyond just my computer or phone screen.

Phil: I guess there was the issue of things going out of date, but still! Some of the things you find online are just so wrong it's crazy, and even once they get corrected, people have seen them and believe them and it's too late.

Link: So if someone invented a way for you to go inside the Internet, you'd actually take these mysteries seriously?

Link: That's not fair to pin on the Internet! People have always believed things that are so wrong it's crazy and refuse to change their mind even after finding out the truth. There was no Internet during the Salem witch hunt!

[linkyesss]

TEXT ✉️% CANK

Cal: I like 'You're a might fine Valentine' better but I see where you're going with the rhyming here!

Link: When in doubt, rhyme! It makes things sound a billion times catchier than they are.

[linkyesss]

text ✉& calink

Cal: Dad said Ralph did them for good reason but that he wasn't proud of them and that we should get to see Ralph as he wants to be seen. But I have to say now you've got me a little curious!

Link: That's sweet of your dad but you're a big boy! You know someone isn't defined by their online persona - and besides, you have YEARS of knowing Ralph as he wants to be seen, these videos can't undo all of that!

[linkyesss]

text ✉️# linksper

Casper: can i manage it? i'm a genius level prankster, of course i can manage it. don't you worry your pretty little head about that.

Link: I never worry, it ages you :-P And good. Because I need a viral hit, it's been far too long.

[linkyesss]

text ✉& calink

Cal: People like seeing things get destroyed? Well that I just can't understand! I know Ralph said he's been in a fair few videos for your mom but well, I was never allowed to watch them.

Link: People LOVE it. You don't have to understand why they like something to know they do, trends don't lie. Oh sweetie, you've never seen the Ralph videos? You haven't lived! BuzzTube classics.

[linkyesss]

TEXT ✉️% CANK

Cal: I think I'd be wanting to wish people a splendid Valentine's day most of all, although alliteration's great, my dad always says! Maybe a vivacious Valentine's instead!

Link: That's good!!

Link: Ooh what about "Have a Very Fine Valentine"?

[linkyesss]

TEXT ✉️ø PHINK

Phil: I like curse breaking, it's not quite the same! I mean, sure, it's a little bit like a mystery, but I think of it as more similar to a puzzle.

Phil: There are also so many made up things on the internet. I almost miss the days of hard copy books as our definitive sources of information, there was so much more fact checking involved in those.

Link: There's a finding element involved; lots of people go searching for the OP, original poster, on weird stuff like this. Or the original post that brought up things like Candle Cove, and its definitely not easy to find. It's like a puzzle that's also a journey!

Link: Please. There's also so much more information at the ready now, AND fact checking at the ready, because of the Internet. Books were fine but ultimately a stepping stone to where we are now. Its progress.

[linkyesss]

mkhood:

Okay, you can’t just say something like that and not give me an example, you’ve got me seriously curious about what kind of answers you’ve tried to give before. Huh… I don’t know if I could for sure pick your second house, but guess I’ll just have to spend more time with you and find out.

Okay, so there was this time the door asked “What kind of tree can you hold in your hand?” and I gestured to my pants and said ‘my great big oak!’ and it ignored me! Never mind the fact that it makes technically more sense than their answer ‘a palm’, or at least I think so. Or, oh, ‘what is always coming but never arrives?’ ‘Edging’ totally works as an answer but oh well. And perfect! I’ll leave my secondary sorting in your very capable, very pretty hands. 

[linkyesss]

text ✉️$ lake

Jake: IM NOT A PERVERT YOURE THE PERVERT YOURE THE ONE WHO TEXTED ME!

Jake: it was a "congrats on the sex" thing not a "congrats on losing your virginity" thing. ur obvs not a virgin, dude, no offense

Link: ON ACCIDENT! AND IT WASN'T EVEN ABOUT SEX! YOU'RE THE PERVERT WHO ASSUMED IT WAS!

Link: ...Okay, Monkey Man, and be careful not to slut-shame any more than you already have, but HOW exactly would it be offensive for anybody to not be a virgin???

[linkyesss]

TEXT ✉️✿ KINK

Kally: Sometimes! Okay, most of the time. I just get really nervous about things going wrong because in the past they've gone wrong enough to make me worry, is that a crime?

Link: Not a crime, but DEFINITELY a shame. You're young, pretty, smart, and hilarious - you deserve better than being nervous most of the time. That's it, I'm officially dragging you on a "The Power of Positive Thinking" journey.

[linkyesss]

text ✉️# linksper

Casper: damn, i'm liking this idea more and more. alright then. just tell me when you're looking to shoot this thing and i'll have an idea by then. be ready to be wowed.

Link: We have till the end of the week! Beyond that and I won't have time to edit it and upload it while it's still fresh! Think you can manage that?

[linkyesss]

text ✉& calink

Cal: Jee willickers! That's even worse, Mr. Link, what if I ruin your lovely face?

Link: I totally consent to having my face ruined lol. THAT'S what gets views and hearts, Cal, that's the whole point!

[linkyesss]

TEXT ✉️% CANK

Cal: Do people say Merry Valentine's Day? They don't seem to be as into synonyms on this go round!

Link: No they don't, BUT that just gives you an opportunity to be creative!

[linkyesss]

TEXT ✉️ø PHINK

Phil: Wow, that's... wild. And a lot to process. It really makes me wonder why people are like 'this' sometimes.

Phil: If Candle Cove wasn't real, though, do you think it could have been like that... oh, what's it called? Someone told me once about some movie where there were subliminal messages embedded in the music that were brainwashing people. Maybe the plot of Candle Cove was that sort of message.

Link: Its a mystery! I heard you like those 😋

Link: Maybe it was! We'll never know! And that's what I call a modern mystery - things that come and go, that live on in the Internet but also just in our memories. I'm telling you, there's a lot of material there!