Linoleum Blownapart

Tracking explosions in the kitchen

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Tapas. Define.

 I couldn’t agree more with this article by gastronomy journalist Jason Wilson. In it, he discusses how the idea of tapas presented to the hungry Hispanophile is just...well...wrong. Outside of Spain, tapas has become ubiquitous for small plates. I pointed out a similar misconception in my “Vamos a tomar algo” post from January 2011.

Wilson examines different possible elements that constitute a tapa:

the ability to be eaten without silverware (hands or toothpick only!)

the ability to be eaten standing (you never sit to eat tapas)

a mixing of bold flavors (anchovies, anyone?)

serving as an accompaniment to a drink (the food pairs with the wine)

Wilson also notes that culinary elements alone do not make a tapa. I agree wholeheartedly. The cultural elements are just as important: the bars where you have to carve through the crowd, jostling elbows, to order your round of drinks; the laughter and raised voices that make you lean even closer to hear the conversation; the reaching of an arm as someone stretches across the group to spear that last patata with their toothpick; the stroll to the next bar to do it all again.

Tapas are so much more than the overpriced, under-filling servings they have been marketed as beyond Spain’s borders. In fact, if you really think about what tapas are--a degustatory way of being and interacting with others in a place with particular shared social values--it makes you wonder if you can actually find tapas outside of Spain. Are tapas in the UK an oxymoron?

I won’t go so far as to say yes (though I do think a “tapas restaurant” is an oxymoron). However, I will say that until you have tapas in Spain, you won’t really fully grasp what tapas are. They have a certain je ne sais quoi--I mean, no sé exactamente que--that can’t be captured unless you are finishing your last sip of Verdejo afoot, tossing your toothpick on the floor, and corralling your friends for another stop. La penúltima. As always.  

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Creativity Starts in the Kitchen

In professional sculptor Joshua Diedrich’s blog post “Into the Kitchen”, he describes how people start (or don’t start) creative businesses.  Instead of waiting for permission, he says people need to get out of their dining chairs, walk into the kitchen and start cooking up their meal...er, I mean, business. 

”…most people who want to start a business, or make a living as an artist…aren’t so much working toward that goal, as they’re waiting for permission to receive it. If the world is a restaurant, they’re sitting at the buffet, eagerly watching as new dishes are brought out, hoping the next one will be their novel, or their one-woman show, or their cafe… They’re waiting to be found.

And they never will be. They never will be because the mystery of creation doesn’t happen in the dining room. They will never be given permission there, or discovered, or recognized…There’s no point waiting for magic in the dining room. All the real magic happens in the kitchen. Most of us spend our lives either assuming we can’t touch the kitchen door, and never even thinking to go near it…Very few of us ever have the guts to just kick down the door. Usually, only the very entitled, or the very desperate even think to do it....

....In the end every one of us has to stop waiting for permission. Or more truthfully, everyone has to realize one day that no-one else is qualified to give them permission. None of us built the restaurant. we just work here. You choose to do the work, or you don’t.

The thing about reaching out and touching the kitchen door, is that once you’re there, you realize you don’t have to kick anything down at all. The door has been open the entire time. But it’s not a place for customers, or those who want to be waited on, or those who are hoping to receive a meal. Once you step through, you’re in the back of the house, where decisions get made, and things are created. It’s a place to work.”

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Dana Milbank, Washington Post columnist, said he would eat his words if Donald Trump won the Republican presidential nomination. Well, Trump is heir (hair?) apparent, so Milbank kept his word and ate his words--in nine gourmet courses including newspaper-smoked Wagyu steak, grilled newspaper guacamole, and even newspaper-filtered coffee.

According to Milbank, the food was better than the Trump wine he washed it down with (one step above gasoline). But the least tasty thing would be a Trump presidency. Talk about unpalatable. 

In his op-ed, Milbank indicts the Republican party for failing to field a viable alternative. He also criticizes the media for endlessly covering Trump due to his selling potential rather than calling him out for his reckless, dangerous policies. Milbank aptly closes, “if my colleagues in the media continue to treat Trump as a legitimate democratic figure — well, that would be a recipe for ruin.”

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No one has ever felt better after eating plane food. I think people only eat it because they’re bored. I don’t eat on planes. I like to arrive hungry...For a super-long flight, I’d order cheese and shit load of port. I’d eat some cheese and drink myself stupid.

Anthony Bourdain, interview in Bon Appétit

Read all of celebrated and acerbic chef and food star Anthony Bourdain’s interview here. Learn about his drinking strategy (drink where your hotel workers drink), what food he would smuggle home in his laundry (Iberico ham), and why he would never order coffee from “some man-bun, Mumford and Son motherf*cker”. Strong opinions there, Mr, Bourdain!

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Berlin's most delicious English comedy night.

I am “vegetabled” by the name of this English-language comedy group in Berlin.

PS for non-German speakers: Gemüse = vegetables and is pronounced similarly to “amuse”.

Who knew that vegetables could be so gemüse-ing!

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Nothing Beats Beets

Perhaps it is their deep, luscious red color, but I am in love with beets. They are phenomenal grated into a salad as a taste and visual accent, they pair well with chickpeas and oranges for a light entrée, and when roasted, they elegantly accompany any heartier meat. 

A friend recently told me about a recipe for beet “gazpacho” and, as I am always on the lookout for creative alternatives to tomato-based dishes, I wanted to give it a try. She gave me the basic idea of ingredients, which I have noted below. Amounts should be to taste. The soup is surprisingly sweet and refreshing.

I had leftover soup (not that much because we ate nearly all of it!) which I watered down a little to fill two bowls for the next day’s dinner. It definitely tastes better and has a more intense flavor when the consistency is left on the thicker side. Plus, if the soup is thicker, your cheese doesn’t sink. Nothing worse than sinky cheese. 

Beet Gazpacho

Put 4-6 cooked beets (depending on size) in a blender. You can use pre-cooked beets or you can boil raw ones and slip the skins off. If you do boil them, reserve the beet water. 

Add a little bit of water/reserved beet water to the blender. Mix. Add vinegar and salt to taste to the mixture. if the mixture is too thick to blend well, add liquid by the spoonful, making sure the soup’s consistency remains similar to a smoothie’s. Pour into bowls (or small glasses) and top with crumbled feta and cucumber. 

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German cutlery famously spans the whole gamut of gender roles: Das Messer (knife) may be an it, but on the opposite side of the plate lies the spoon (der Löffel) in his resplendent masculinity, and next to him, bursting with sex appeal, the feminine fork (die Gabel). But in Spanish, it's the fork (el tenedor) that has a hairy chest and gravelly voice, and she, the spoon (la cuchara), a curvaceous figure.

Guy Deutscher, Through the Language Glass

Unlike in English, German and Spanish nouns have genders: masculine, feminine, and in the case of German, neuter as well. This means that in German and Spanish you will always be sitting down at the table with “hims” and “hers” as long as you are using Western utensils.  So next time you want to indulge in a meal alone but are embarrassed to admit it, just tell the inquirer, “I’ll be dining with him at 8pm today.” They don’t have to know the him is your spoon or fork, as the case (or rather as the linguistic gender) may be!  

Rodgers and Hammerstein may well have written, “You’ll never eat alone!”

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18 Cheese Jokes That Are So Dumb They're Actually Genius

Gouda few of these jokes.

I’ve always had a cheesy sense of humor. 

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For some reason, fish frequently frightens even the most enthusiastic of cooks, especially when it still looks like...well...a fish. It has scales! It has eyes! It has fins! Yet it can be surprisingly easy to prepare well and makes a very  impressive main dish. The key is get good, fresh fish. Fresh fish should not not smell fishy, so if you can catch a whiff of the daily catch outside the door of your fishmonger, you may want to take your business elsewhere. Your fishmonger should be able to advise you on taste, texture, best cut and possible methods of preparation. Butterfly, steak rounds, and filet are all common cuts. If you get the fish de-headed in store, ask to the head and use it to make a tasty fish broth. Consider keeping the head on, though, as it makes for great presentation. Then all you will need to do is invest in a set of fish knives and your guests’ mouths will open like a codfish in astonishment at your elegance!

Here is an easy recipe which works great for a small white fish like bass (lubina) or hake (merluza).

Ingredients

white fish like bass or hake, butterfly cut (you should be able to open it like a book)

roasting potatoes

white onion, 2

olive oil

salt, pepper

parsley

Instructions

Pre-heat the oven to 30F/180C. 

Peel and slice onions into thin slices. Peel the potatoes and cut them into rounds 1-2cm thick. Put olive oil in a pan to coat the bottom. Add the onion slices and potato rounds and brown over low-medium heat, turning the potatoes to coat them evenly in the oil. 

While the potatoes are browning, open the fish, rinse it, and pat it dry. Set aside.

Transfer the potatoes, onions and oil to a baking dish. Add a generous sprinkling of salt and some pepper. Lay the fish open (on the potatoes or on a work space), sprinkle salt and pepper on the flesh, toss in some parsley and drizzle with oil. Fold the fish closed and place atop the potatoes. Drizzle all contents with oil. 

Bake in the oven for around 30-40 minutes, until the flesh is solidly white. (Alternatively, if you bake it open, you can reduce baking time to around 20 minutes, but I think the fish stays moister closed.) 

Remove from oven and serve. With fish knives.  

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There are, indeed, many things in England that make you glad to get home; bathrooms, armchairs, mint sauce, new potatoes properly cooked, brown bread, beer made with veritable hops - they are all splendid, if you can pay for them.

George Orwell, Down and Out in Paris and London

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Avocado toast...In France we didn't know anything about it. But it's popular in Los Angeles. And now via Instagram it's in trendy places in Paris

Julie Zwingelstein in Prospect August 2015 edition

My question is: has avocado toast not ever been a thing? And by thing, I mean bread being a practical way to deliver a delectable edible to one’s mouth on a stable platform? 

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I think I could live off of bread, fruit and cheese.

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There is something elegant yet silly about open-faced sandwiches. I think the visibility of the toppings spurs you to pay more attention to colors and shapes. Your bread becomes a canvas to show your ingredients off. At the same time, not having to smush your bread slices together makes you (or at least me) run the risk of creating ridiculously high sandwich halves that could topple like a Jenga tower at the slightest shake of the hand. 

I topped this halved baguette with avocado (mashed up and then spread), raw radish slices, thinly cut spinach and ribbons of basil. For seasoning, I drizzled a little olive oil on top and dusted it off with a pinch of salt. No pepper needed--the refreshing bite of the radishes provide that nicely against the cool creamy avocado. 

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I have a small love affair with large salads. Here is another easy summer one, using that quintessential summer fruit: watermelon. Just mix melon cubes with black olives and some Greek-style cheese and then top with basil ribbons. Kalamata olives work very well as their slightly sharp, rich taste contrasts nicely with the cool sweetness of the watermelon. If the cheese is salty (like a feta), then serve as is. Otherwise add a sprinkling of salt to the salad. Makes a great side dish to a grilled meal!

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#5minutefeast #2hot2cook

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There is no blanket ban on mite cheese, a spokesman for the United States Food and Drug Administration said this month.

“When Taste is a Trade Issue” NYTimes.com

As TTIP attempts to knock down trade barriers between the US and Europe, food regulation underpinned by cultural preferences are a sticking point. Cheese is proving a particularly potent problem.  

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Credit Marc Johns