A Sad Lion's Blues

:P

[absolutegibberishandnumbers]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

[mortalityplays]

hi, a lot of you need a perspective reset

the average human lifespan globally is 70+ years

taking the threshold of adulthood as 18, you are likely to spend at least 52 years as a fully grown adult

at the age of 30 you have lived less than one quarter of your adult life (12/52 years)

'middle age' is typically considered to be between 45-65

it is extremely common to switch careers, start new relationships, emigrate, go to college for the first or second time, or make other life-changing decisions in middle age

it's wild that I even have to spell it out, but older adults (60+) still have social lives and hobbies and interests.

you can still date when you get old. you can still fuck. you can still learn new skills, be fashionable, be competitive. you can still gossip, you can still travel, you can still read. you can still transition. you can still come out.

young doesn't mean peaked. you're inexperienced in your 20s! you're still learning and practicing! you're developing social skills and muscle memory that will last decades!

there are a million things to do in the world, and they don't vanish overnight because an imaginary number gets too big

[mikufunfacts]

WHY is miku.

miku fun fact #343

miku is because the world needed a warrior.

[rnismatch]

my camel straight up told me "man i am not carrying another fucking straw" like wtf asshole its just one straw whats your fucking issue

[wellthatschaotic]

straigbt up "under it" and by "it" well lets jusr say, my blankeys

[infectiouspiss]

a second bumblebee has hit the flowers

[bulkhummus]

I LOVE BED

[bulkhummus]

I LOVE PILLOW

[bulkhummus]

I LOVE BLANKEY

[teaboot]

Dudes shouldn't have to prove themselves by having spartan greyscale homes with dollar store rubber shower curtains and a mattress on the floor. Do you know what life is like with linen

[teaboot]

Being a dude raised with a certain level of socially enforced traditional femininity has imbued my ass with great wisdom and powers

Sleeping naked is fine but pajamas protect your sheets better from your body's natural sweat and oil and dead skin and junk so if you wear clean jimjams to bed your skin won't break out as bad and your sheets will stay cleaner longer

On the topic of sheets, dirty bedsheets don't ventilate as well as clean bedsheets so washing them regularly (once every 1-2 weeks) will keep you warmer in the cold season and cooler in the hot season

If you can get your hands on linen sheets- new, second-hand, pass-down, whatever- they're incredibly sturdy, get softer and softer over time, and will last longer than your lifetime. They also wick sweat so you don't wake up wet if you're a night-sweat guy and are, again, pretty great for your skin

Getting a proper bedframe extends the life of your mattress, will keep you warm in the winter and cool in the summer, offers additional storage space, and is easier on your back.

A boxspring under your mattress will make it softer, too

You can get mattress protectors that zip over your mattress to keep it clean and bedbug-resistant, too

Your entire house will feel bougie and cozier if it smells good. Consider a reed infuser, or a plug-in wax melt. Trust me on this it turns a shitty studio apartment into a 4/5 hotel

Stick some plants around. If you can't sustain them, get fake ones. New ones are kind of expensive at home decor places but dollar stores and thrift shops have some pretty decent options usually. The human brain responds well to seeing plants around, you get depressed without plants. Stick one in your bathroom for that ritzy feel

I know you're tempted to go all black but dark colours will make your spaces feel smaller and bleak. Again, try thrifting a shower curtain in an interesting pattern, it brightens shit up

Wash your face. You don't have to do anything crazy you can just scrub some water on with your hands if you want but it feels really really good.

Keep DIFFERENT SHOWER SCRUBERS for your FACE and your ASS this one is NOT OPTIONAL I will fucking find you

Three in one shampoos are fine but it's just shampoo mixed with conditioner. Having shampoo and conditioner separate lets your hair get moisturized before the final rinse and your hair will feel silkier. Scrub your scalp a lil too bro you get sweaty during the day. Shampoo for the whole head, when conditioning focus on the ends and let it sit a sec.

You don't HAVE to do a bunch of fashion research but in general sticking to clothes you Like The look Of, not just "whatever was on sale at target", and spending some time planning out your appearance will make you feel better about yourself.

What haircuts look best for your face shape? What glasses make your cheekbones stand out, or make your head look taller, or whatever? What are your options for facial hair? What's your body shape, and how do you estimate flatter it? You don't gotta, but it's fun. It can be so so fun

If you can see your veins, green means warmer skin tones and blue means cooler skin tones. This can help determine what colours look best on you. Your skin may also come off as cooler or warmer-toned in neutral light, too, if you can't shortcut

Stop buying white light bulbs for your house. It feels cold and depressing and washes you out so when you look in the mirror you feel sick. Stop it. Get warm-tone or yellow lights and feel warm and cozy. I want this for you

There's nothing illegal about using a lil concealer if you wanna cover up discolored spots.

Skin products with salicylic acid kill off zits and junk. Like not 100% but definitely a game changer

Nobody in the world has naturally bleach-white teeth, that's a marketing lie, but you DO still have to brush regularly and toothpaste comes in a bunch of flavors now not just nasty mint. I personally am fond of strawberry

This was a post for dudes but it's actually for everybody now so if you weren't raised with girl rules have at er

[anarchapella]

Please fucking lie to your employer. Like they don’t need to know your mental health issues or what drugs you do. Ffs

[thecolorsfucked]

its not lying if its to employers or cops

and look up ur rights on what they can and cannot ask u many places ban asking about ur record and transportation status and things like that resources will also tell u how they reword sketchy questions so ur prepared

[mixingpumpkins]

Hey. Take it from a former HR person… this goes double right now. I just spent some time putting in some job applications myself (not for HR, lol) and got about 15 interviews. And idk if it’s because of COVID uncertainty or if places just don’t fucking care anymore because they know people are desperate for work, but the amount of straight up illegal shit my interviewers asked me was appalling. (That’s not even counting the questions that were technically legal but clearly fishing for information they’re not legally allowed to ask.)

A tame example? Two questions into a phone interview, the guy on the other end of the line asked: “How old are you?” I said “Excuse me?” - giving him a chance to rethink that. He didn’t. “How old are you?” “Sir, you are not allowed to ask me that question.” “Well, I want to know. I’m asking.” “And you’re legally not allowed to ask me that. I’m not required to tell you my age.” At that point, I guess he managed to remember an old HR bulletin or something (I hope to god he wasn’t actually HR himself), and he said, “Well, I need to know if you’re over the age of 18.” (Which is what he should have asked in the first place… or not, since that was in the application that he could have read.) “Yes. I’m over the age of 18.”  And we moved on. Two questions later, he tried another illegal question. I called him on it again and ended the interview, citing that a workplace with such a clear disregard for the law, especially upon first contact with a potential employee, was not going to be a good fit. (They offered me the job anyway, lol. I didn’t send a thank-you or a response.)

At a different interview, the majority of questions were “fishing” questions - just looking for that info they’re not actually allowed to ask. (This person was also either not really HR or an HR person who was exceptionally bad at their job.)

I could tell they were getting frustrated when I dodged answering the personal stuff, and they actually got extremely upset when I mentioned later in the interview (re: less relevant work experience) I had worked in HR. They were super flustered for the remainder of our time, and I watched them skip over questions on their sheet they had clearly planned on asking. They KNEW they were being sketchy and were counting on me not knowing anything about HR - or my rights - and so they got upset when I did. These were super tame examples. I’m begging you, if you’re job searching right now, PLEASE know your rights. Please know what interviewers are allowed to ask. Please don’t volunteer information or elaborate more than you’re required to about personal things. Save your words (and everyone’s time) by elaborating why you’re good for the position/what you can do. I may create a resource list on this shit later but PLEASE PLEASE KNOW THIS STUFF BEFORE YOU TALK TO AN EMPLOYER. This goes for anywhere you’re interviewing as well as your current employer. This also goes for HR. HR may be the person you go to when shitty stuff happens, but that doesn’t mean they’re your friend (or competent). They don’t need to know your age (beyond 16+, 18+, or 21+, depending on the job). They don’t need to know your medical history. (For the love of god, do NOT answer the “have you been diagnosed with depression?” question.) They don’t need to know if you have kids or whatever. They don’t need to know a LOT of those things that may appear on an application, including your veteran status, whether you’re on/have been on unemployment, etc. They’re not entitled to know specifics about your transportation (unless you’re using that transportation for the job, like Uber/delivery drivers). Look this up for your state/the job’s state. Beware questions like “What year did you graduate?” if you’re like me and don’t put dates on your resume (I just put amount of time spent at employers, not dates of employment). They’re fishing for your age. It’s “Oh, you know, 100 years ago,” if you feel comfortable making a joke, or “About [generic number, like 5 or 10] years ago” if not. Also beware things like the “What do you do in your free time?” question, even if you already work there. This is not a friendly getting-to-know-you question. This is a basis for judgement. Not up to an invisible standard? They’re going to be biased against you for pay raises, promotions, etc. Mention kids/lots of family/social engagements? That’s a tick against you for not being the kind of person who lives to work (yes, it’s gross and stupid). Mention lots of solitary things? Cool, that’s their mental note to ask more from you because you’re “not doing anything anyway.” By all means, be friendly with your coworkers/talk about shared interests if you want, but it is none of your boss’s business, and be aware what could get back to them.  Don’t. Tell. Employers. Shit.

[bitchesgetriches]

We wrote up a handy list of those illegal questions here:

10 Questions You Should Never Be Asked in a Job Interview 

[intj-confessions]

Hopefully people already know this by now, but I saw way too often back when I worked in retail. Don’t add your coworkers or boss on social media. Yes, your coworkers too. You don’t want to accidentally say something to them or have them see a post and mention it to your boss. I’ve seen it happen.

[cynicalclassicist]

Just putting this out there.

[thememedaddy]

[elliespectacular]

I may be fucked up in the head but at least I'm tucked up in the bed

[huyandere]

perceive

[arttla]

uuughhhhhh

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I was baking a strawberry shortcake for my mom when I realized that I forgot the baking powder. I began to panic so I pulled the cakes out of the oven; they were already completely baked but they rose just fine without the baking powder? I was staring at them in confusion, trying to remember if I accidentally put yeast in the batter, when I felt a shadow loom over me. I looked over my shoulder only to find Luigi. Luigi tenderly took my hands and told me, “You need not worry, for I will accompany you in any and all of your baking endeavors.” I have never felt more loved in my life. I cried.

[chronicintrovert]

i can't do this anymore! i mean i can, and i will, obviously. but i can't fucking do this anymore!

[rot-topic]

I lied. I don’t know how to stop the yearning for dumb things like love and hand holding

[pyrrhiccomedy]

Wait, sorry, I have ADHD. are the rest of you thinking thoughts in complete, articulated sentences? Like seems to be implied in most media with telepathy in it? Like are people really out there thinking "I should make a sandwich," or "She's so cute, I wish I could tell her that" like with words, in that order, like someone is talking?

I have never had a thought with words in it in my life. Not unless I'm, like, mentally rehearsing a phone call I have to make. I have no idea how my thoughts turn into sentences when I'm speaking or writing I just figured that was part of the miracle of consciousness.

I don't believe it. I don't believe it. That's too fucked up. No way people are thinking in words.

[pyrrhiccomedy]

I am learning a lot of things in this thread, like that this isn't related to ADHD, it's just a difference in how people think, but also that yes, quite a lot of you literally think every thought in actual words.

That's horrifying to me. That's so dark. in words? in words? Girl why. Words all the time?