FOR YOUR LIVES! FOR ALL OF US!

ind. && priv. commander cullen. sideblog.

[lionquisition]

: RETRIBUTOR.

        humans were always so entertaining. take this one, for example – caged, treated with little more respect than an animal, stinking and surrounded by death and hopelessness…and still making commands. this spirit is more handsome than most – he looks frighteningly human, save for crimson irises – an indication, perhaps, that he is more dangerous. well, not ALL spirits hiss and intimidate; some are smart enough to persuade. he tilts his head and tuts quietly, indifference carved into porcelain skin. 

                            ❛ Envy, Desire, Despair…they’re awful company, aren’t they? ❜

                      cullen bows his head with a weak gnashing of teeth, his whole body shuddering underneath the heavy armour. this must be a demon, or a least a hallucination of one --- but cullen can’t pinpoint what SORT it’s supposed to be. it seems to be neither desire nor envy nor despair nor pride nor mere shade; it’s something else entirely, and cullen’s unsettled by how normal it looks. he’d almost prefer a slobbering, hissing monster to this charming young man. he rocks himself on his knees, moaning. 

                       “i won’t listen to you. i won’t!”

[lionquisition]

                       at this point, he’s far beyond being able to tell what’s a demon and what’s a mere hallucination. lack of sleep and food combined with the mental strain of the torture have blurred the lines between reality and fiction; he’s no longer sure that he’s really alive, much less that he’s seeing real things. when the spectral man with the black curls phases through the wall of his cage and settles down beside him, he doesn’t have the energy to try to figure out whether this is real or not. if it’s another demon, so be it --- he’s certainly grown accustomed to their COMPANY. real or not, he’ll treat this apparition the same way he treats everything else he’s seen in this hell. 

                       “leave me alone!”

@retributor ❤’d. 

[lionquisition]

                     “you should go, solona. this --- is only going to get worse.” he’s been through enough days like this through his withdrawal to know where it’s heading, and if there’s anything he doesn’t want, it’s for solona to have to coddle him through it.

@circlemageamell ❤’d.

[lionquisition]

REMINDER TO NEW FOLLOWERS --- this is a sideblog, so i can’t follow back from here!! if you get a follow from nointimidation, which is the main blog this one is tied to, consider that the same as a follow back from cullen. 

[lionquisition]

i think i’m actually gonna be here today, so like for a starter!!

[lionquisition]

: AHVIR.

@lionquisition

             “— Oh.”  WELL.  Foiled.  She’d planned on leaving these flowers on his desk and bolting, leaving something sweet for the man to return to.  Things have been TENSE since — well.  Since everything.  She’s been making an effort to stay out of his hair, to allow him to be the one to return to HER; too terrified to attempt anything and risk sending him back to THAT PLACE.  A smile quirks her lips, practiced — and then falls.  A moment later, there is something more sincere and much less sure in its place.  He deserves more than the empty placating thing she has perfected but which means NOTHING.

                                   “I — just though you might like some flowers.”  It suddenly seems ridiculously trivial, flowers.  What can they do against TRAUMA?  She glances down at the flora within her dark fingers.  “Something — nice to look at.  I — that’s probably STUPID.  I just…”  She just hadn’t known how else to remind him that she is HERE.  If he needs her.

            he’s been distant, and he knows it. it’s not fair to her, withdrawing like he has; he knows that she never meant to hurt or upset him, and he’s not at all angry with her for what she said and assumed. given what HE said, after all, it’s not as though her assumption was unfair. but however cognisant he is of ahvir’s lack of BAD INTENTIONS, he can’t quite admit that what she said hasn’t stuck with him. it’s turning over and over in his head, and he hasn’t stayed away because he’s angry with her or because he believes she bears any hatred towards him: he’s stayed away because he doesn’t think he’s good enough for this. for her. 

                     but he won’t reject an outright peace offering like this. he stretches out a pale hand and takes the flowers, forcing a small smile onto his lips. look happy. be grateful. she’s doing this for you. “it isn’t stupid. it’s--- thank you.” he doesn’t know what else to say.

[fanfoolishness]

META: On the pathophysiology of lyrium addiction and withdrawal

Mostly just used Wikipedia and my own very rusty knowledge on neurology from vet school to come up with this.  Basically I saw some fics where Cullen dies from lyrium withdrawal and I thought BUT WHAT’S THE PATHOPHYSIOLOGY?  HOW DOES IT WORK?  and my veterinarian brain started writing random meta down.

We know from Confessions of a Lyrium Addict that memory issues, cold hands, and claustrophobia can result from lyrium withdrawal.  We know from Cullen that lyrium suppresses nightmares and PTSD symptoms and without them, those things can be inescapable.  We know from Alistair that the symptoms include confusion and weepiness.  Cullen also admits to headaches, we see him stumble from weakness or dizziness, and he says there is pain that comes and goes, though he does not elaborate on the nature of it.  Going off of benzodiazepine and alcohol withdrawal, pain may include headaches, chest pain, stomach upset, electric shock sensations, or nerve pain/tingling.

How and why? Magic and lyrium are inextricably linked in Thedas but neither are well-studied.  Let’s start with some ideas on magical physiology first to understand lyrium’s role.

If we look to the animal kingdom, we have very few animals that are able to exert a measurable elemental effect on their environment.  One example?  The electric eel.  It possesses a main organ, a Hunter’s organ, and a Sach’s organ that are capable of creating a massive electrical discharge.  It’s feasible that mages possess a similar organ that is more flexible, capable of manipulating mana into various elemental forms of magic.  As with any organ, neurochemical signals dictate its use.  The body has a natural store of such transmitters, but lyrium solutions augment them; the lyrium itself may also act as a neurotransmitter in mages.

Keep reading

[lionquisition]

: AEDVIR.

                    ❛ You would be correct, in that regard. ❜ In contrast to a usually warm tone ( or an attempt at one, at the very least ) his words are brittle, bitter, like ice over a lake. A fear shoots up his spine that he has not felt in some time, the sort that makes Ransford stand ramrod straight. He knows the Commander well by the angles of his face and his hair and eyes – knows of what he has done. ❛ I can only hope the same of you. We cannot have someone incompetent leading the Inquisition’s armies. ❜ He has listened to Cassandra sing this man’s praises, but all Ransford can see is the past wrapped into one man.

             cullen’s eyes narrow down into slits at that. his good will --- or his attempt at it --- dissipates immediately, and in half a moment, he’s as hard and straight as ransford is; it’s PETTY, perhaps, but if this man won’t make an attempt to overlook what cullen is, then cullen won’t extend that courtesy to him. fair is fair, isn’t it? “you won’t,” he replies curtly. “i have promised to do everything in my power to make the inquisition forces the finest they can be, and i will not give less than that.”

[lionquisition]

: MARTYRIIUM.

  “Yeah, I heard that the Chantry sisters are all getting their panties in a twist over it.” Some things never changed, such as his love for foul language. Maybe this was one of the very few things that did not change about him - even in his old armor, dented and full of scratches, he still walked with a pride he had not shown even as the wildly bold rapscallion he’d been before his fall from grace. They both had come a long way and would walk in entirely different directions. “So this is what you have been up to… that’s impressive. I always knew you’d make it far, lad.” 

            the compliment both surprises and softens him. however far samson had fallen once he’d left the order, he was still a man that cullen had once thought well of; they had never, perhaps, been very close friends, but cullen had liked and respected the man enough to fight against his dismissal from the order. a kind word from samson had been a rare thing when cullen had known the man before; it’s rather flattering to hear one now. “i--- thank you. it isn’t really much yet.” he glances behind him at the small band of recruits training outside the tents, flush with a bit of embarrassment. for the grand inquisition, their force is rather measly. “---but why have you come?” he asks, turning back to samson with a frown. “surely you can’t wish to JOIN.”

[ximisaari-blog]

                             “you have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. will you FIGHT? fight and you may die. run and you’ll live — at least a while. and dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, JUST ONE CHANCE to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!”

                                                                               ( independent && private inquisitor adaar. written by ky ) 

[lionquisition]

                “---they say that you are the one who closed the rift up on the mountain.” cullen looks for all the world like a nervous cat ready to flee; cassandra warned him, before this meeting, that the herald was not fond of templars, and whether cullen is still part of the order or not doesn’t seem to matter. once a knight, always a knight, at least in the eyes of many mages. it doesn’t exactly put them off to the best start. 

       “i hope they’re RIGHT about you.”

: @aedvir.

[cervidaeze-archive-deactivated2]

and when the dust of your rage settles you’re left in the dark palms pressed into your eyes wondering why you weren’t good enough

i blame myself. -jg (via jess-iplier)

[princessstabbity]

Cullen smiles ♥‿♥

[lionquisition]

i sincerely apologise for my absence here. it’s not that i lost muse or that i’m uncomfortable on this blog, but to be honest, i’m just a little... intimidated, i guess---? i’ve been enjoying my time on my inquisitor a lot, but through his blog, i’ve been following/interacting with several other cullens, and it’s just made me feel a bit insecure about being on here. it’s certainly not the fault of them or of anyone else!! no one has made me feel unwelcome or anything like that --- it’s just that being around lots of other versions has made me nervous about mine. i’m gonna try to kick myself back into gear here, though; after this, i’ll post a starter call, and i’ll try to force myself to be here more regularly. 

[lionquisition]

[lionquisition]

                      rise like LIONS after slumber                       in unvanquishable number,                       shake your chains to earth like dew                       which in sleep had fallen on you –

                                                you are many – THEY ARE FEW.

                                                                                      ( independant && selective cullen rutherford. )

[lionquisition]

: MARTYRIIUM.

     “Cullen.” Damn. His face did not give away his distate of running into   someone he should avoid at all cost… or maybe quite the opposite, who  could get up closer than him? There he was, the once terrified boy, grew into a hard, cold man under Meredith’s guidance, who would he become next, now that Meredith no longer had him under her thumb? Reports said that he was now the Commander of the Inquisition, and he looked the part.    “Dead? Believe me, I’m often surprised I’m still alive too. Looks like     you have gone up in the world even more since we last met. Quite a     climber you are. Is this the chantry business that made you leave?” 

       cullen’s face sours a little at the question. he’s not particularly fond of the tone samson’s adopted, but he forces himself to overlook it; after all, it’s not as though the man has no reason for general bitterness, and if some of that’s directed at cullen, the commander cannot exactly complain of it. “the inquisition can hardly be called ‘chantry business,’” he points out. “you might not wish to say that too loudly, or chancellor roderick will see it as a chance to tell you exactly what the chantry thinks of the inquisition. but this is --- the reason that i LEFT the order, yes.”

[lionquisition]

        “---samson?”

        there’s naked surprise in his voice as he halts on the spot and    says the name. this samson is certainly a far cry both from the    samson that cullen knew in the order and the samson who was    begging on the street for lyrium; this man stands taller, prouder,    but with something UNNATURAL in his eyes that cullen doesn’t    remember ever seeing there before. “i --- thought you might be    dead.”

: @martyriium.