lili @lirielthefae - Tumblr Blog

another day

By jamie

She wakes up at 4am and gets out of bed at 5:37. Every morning, every single morning, she wakes up, and her small little mind spins and spins and eventually it gives her a son, a thought. One foot slaps onto the floor, then the other. The cold tile sends a shiver from her toes up to her flat chest. Her room is covered, covered in posters of movies she know she likes but doesn't remember why. She should really rewatch them. Or something. Her morning routine is simple. Quick shower, brush teeth, brush hair, shave, bleed. Wipe the blood off her face with one gross, long finger and lick it up. It tastes warm and salty and has a hint of something else, probably oil from her greasy skin. Who cares. Her day is different, finally. She's going somewhere. She has a flight to catch, she's so ready. Finally finally finally something new. Its not like she hates her coworkers, or anything. They're fine people. They just cant understand, will never understand, never need to understand, how fucking tiring it is, listening to their bullshit all fucking day. It barely even helps the fucking time pass, stuck in that cold building, waiting for the hourly customer to come in and ask if they can substitute this, or that.

What's on the menu?

Are you illiterate? The menu's right there, glowing brightly above my head. Use your goddamn eyes.

Punch in the stomach. 10 dollars. Wow, you're such a good customer. Who's a good consumer? You are! You are!!! Click,

goes the toy, then the dopamine

hits, and you walk away happy. Great job, you pathetic little dog.

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Sweat drips down her tummy and into her bush. She can't be bothered to shave it. It's not like anyone's going to see that place any time soon. She goes faster and faster, her laptop just inches from her face, her eyes defocusing, struggling to pay attention to the porn flashing on the screen. Because who cares, right? Cum, or don't. Get it over with. Just another fucking doomer zoomer coomer gooning to whatever the fuck is the latest thing for degenerates like me and you to adore.

She does. Cleanup is nonexistent; deodorant is layered on top of it all, and nobody's ever the wiser. She thinks.

Jamie calls herself a stone cold khhv incel femcel depressed emo bitch. It's something to associate with herself, something to allow herself to enjoy, always. It's okay, this is okay, this is just who I am, being into this is okay. I'm okay. It's not like any of that really works though. In the end, the boys are always cutting each other up and licking up the blood. Drawings, of course, the real thing always makes her a little queasy. And drawings are good, they're kind, they don't actually feel any pain when you drive your knife deep into their beautiful toned tummies. Go online, learn a new word. Goon. Troon. Poon. Based. Chad. Stacy. Clicking through urban dictionary. Clicking through genius pages to understand songs she’s supposed to like. Jamie can barely keep up.

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A pile of half-read books are under her window. Sometimes, when she wants to jump out it, she grabs one and throws it out. Bonus points if it hits someone. Double bonus if you can duck and hide before they see your stupid face, all smiley and batshit insane, staring at them with a gleeful shiteating grin. The pile is all books that are full of metaphors, you hate metaphors, just speak plainly like a normal fucking person please, when I read your book I want to get fucking horny. I want your book to help me cut my leg one more time, lick the blood up again. Come on. What the hell. Kill the metaphors and give me the tea.

She picks up a crusty, sticky, disgusting remote, and turns on the tv that her mother so graciously gifted her. Thanks, bitch. Now I get a reminder of you and the world all in one spot. Then she says it out loud, to make it more real. If you don't say it out loud, then it's just in your head. if it's just in your head, it isn't real.

"Thanks, mom."

And clicks on the TV. A break-in down the street. A war finally ending, soon to be replaced by another. Another vigilante, begging for attention. A cop raping a little girl, caught and recorded in graphic detail. She bites her lip and turns the TV off. Why couldn't she just have been an abortion? Her mom could've yanked her out and eaten her. Nutritious. Fetuses are full of delicious, developing cells.

She gets tired. Almost falls asleep with the laptop on her chest. She jerks off again. She doesn’t cum.

#trans #transfem #writing #short story #oc

whatacartouchebag

Crawling out of my hole to remind people that with this current update to Firefox (version 144) they've gone and dumped in their lot with a buncha lil AI tools, namely Perplexity as a new search engine.

So if the sound of that leaves your mouth tasting of tar, here's what you want to do:

In the url bar, type in about:config

It'll give you a big scary warning page that you might poke holes in your browser. Good. You want to do that. Click continue.

One by one, you're going to need to put each of these into the search bar in the page, not up top:

browser.ml.enable browser.ml.chat.enabled extensions.ml.enabled browser.ml.linkPreview.enabled browser.tabs.groups.smart.enabled browser.tabs.groups.smart.userEnabled

Each of these are gonna have a lil toggle icon on the right hand side that looks like a funky double-ended arrow. Click that and the value next to it should change to false. It all auto saves as you go. Some of these might already be set to false by default and that's peachy.

The next best thing you can do for yourself is to set your default search engine to udm14 or Qwant, but for now, we're just tidying the garden a lil bit.

Edit: This wildly broke containment for a post that was supposed to be me basically ranting and grumbling like an old man on my porch to my homies. If I’ve inspired you to follow through with this, peachy. That was mildly intended. Better yet, I hope I’ve spurred a buncha you on to do your own bit of digging and research.

If you were one of today’s lucky ten thousand to learn something new, I hope you keep doing it. I won’t be here to hold your hand through it, as I simply don’t have the time nor spoons for it, so I implore you to go down your own rabbit hole and chase knowledge with wild abandon.

lirielthefae

alternatively: librewolf

Jamie forgets her own name

and the world spins around her

she wakes up she goes back to sleep she wakes up she goes back to sleep wasn't she supposed to see someone today, there are things to do, come on now, log in, do your assignments. she tries to go back to sleep, but can't. a beam of sunlight peaking through her curtains cuts through her flesh like a hot knife. groaning quietly, she drags her heavy bones out of bed and stumbles over to her laptop. when she moves the mouse, the screen lights back up; she must've left it on when she fell asleep. she closes last night's porn tabs, pulls up her school's website and punches in her login. she presses enter, it loads, and spits an error back at her. INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD

fuck. she quickly opens up and scrolls through her password spreadsheet, finds the correct password, and puts it in. but again, INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD that was the right password. what did she save the username as? she checks the spreadsheet, it only has the password. why didn't she write down the username too?? it must have just been her name. she tries one, then tries another but she cant remember. why can't she remember why can't she remember, thinking feels fuzzy, she imagines running her hand across a cat's back to calm down but the cat turns into a rose and the thorns tear through her soft hands and she hits her table a drink spills it gets on her mouse she pushes her laptop away so the drink doesn't get on it she quickly uses her shirt to wipe up the spilled drink it and its sticky its so sugary and sticky why did she just leave that there? forgetting about the drink, she tries another name and the goop on her fingers gets on the keys. she looks at it and its bubbling up out of the keyboard its spilling all over her table, all over her legs, and then it starts coming out of her nose its everywhere, everywhere, bubbling up and sparkling and fizzing on the carpet under her, getting on the cables that were just messily pushed against the wall. she keeps typing, trying new names but she just cant seem to get it right, INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD INVALID USERNAME OR PASSWORD and the desk is shaking from how fast she's typing, she cant even see anymore, just blindly pushing in names. suddenly, she gets up. she's not going to remember. she gives up. moves to the bathroom. washes her hands. changes her shirt.

#writing #jamies stories

lirielthefae

K1LL TH3 M3T4PH0RS (nsfw)