Kugui 鵠 @lisanamazu - Tumblr Blog

tokiwa05311

HANYU YUZURU

X

NINAGAWA MIKA

AERA 2023

yuzuteashop

Yuzu's off-ice training (2024 addition)

yuzuteashop

Yuzu's off-ice training (2024 addition)

yuzu-all-the-way

Quadruple Axel Magazine Yuzuru Hanyu Special Issue

yuzu-all-the-way

Megalovania - RE_PRAY Miyagi Day 2

yuzu-all-the-way

A Dream that Will Someday End

yuzu-all-the-way

Megalovania - RE_PRAY Saitama Day 1

yuzu-all-the-way

New Yuzuru Hanyu photobook to be released on 12th Dec - "Y"

sywtwfs

A schedule of major shows taking place during the 2023-24 season. This is not a comprehensive list. More information will be added to this p

A schedule of skating shows taking place during the 2023-24 season is available on our website. This post will be updated as more information becomes available.

lisanamazu

I looked at my hands and saw the hands of a thirty-year-old woman.

This formulation can be understood both in a good light and in a nightmarish one. I saw the hands of a thirty-year-old woman who didn't really do anything. It is not known what she fought for and whether it can even be called a struggle. With every passing day, what I'm still trying to do seems more and more pointless to me. We talked with my Japanese teacher, who is Japanese. She is over fifty, she is cheerful, lively, energetic and she still has half a life ahead of her. I'm thirty in a year and a half. On average, by the age of 60 I will be absolutely sick, old, decrepit and infirm. And at 70 I won't be. She is over 50. She has half her life ahead of her. And I'm not even thirty and my half is on the threshold. And there is nothing behind. And beyond this threshold is emptiness and darkness.

lisanamazu

I compare myself to a hollow papier-mâché or a Kinder Surprise without a toy. It seems to keep its shape. But if you grab it a little inaccurately, the shell falls apart. Here I am sculpting this shell for myself, sculpting, sculpting, in the hope that it will become so thick that it will crush the void, or at least this void will sink into the bowels, but if I create or repair one layer, the other one becomes thinner / breaks somewhere, as if I simply did not have enough material even to completely cover the entire form with this shell, it will always be thinner somewhere, or even a hole.

lisanamazu

this emptiness sucks everything good into itself, leaving the obligation to do something, otherwise it will suck you in. As a result, you are left with a bunch of things that you have to do because otherwise you will not exist, they are your shell, depicting your form. As a result, subject to this obligation, you feel more and more empty, because the exhaust for you in what you do is less and less.

lisanamazu

I looked at my hands and saw the hands of a thirty-year-old woman.

This formulation can be understood both in a good light and in a nightmarish one. I saw the hands of a thirty-year-old woman who didn't really do anything. It is not known what she fought for and whether it can even be called a struggle. With every passing day, what I'm still trying to do seems more and more pointless to me. We talked with my Japanese teacher, who is Japanese. She is over fifty, she is cheerful, lively, energetic and she still has half a life ahead of her. I'm thirty in a year and a half. On average, by the age of 60 I will be absolutely sick, old, decrepit and infirm. And at 70 I won't be. She is over 50. She has half her life ahead of her. And I'm not even thirty and my half is on the threshold. And there is nothing behind. And beyond this threshold is emptiness and darkness.

lisanamazu

I compare myself to a hollow papier-mâché or a Kinder Surprise without a toy. It seems to keep its shape. But if you grab it a little inaccurately, the shell falls apart. Here I am sculpting this shell for myself, sculpting, sculpting, in the hope that it will become so thick that it will crush the void, or at least this void will sink into the bowels, but if I create or repair one layer, the other one becomes thinner / breaks somewhere, as if I simply did not have enough material even to completely cover the entire form with this shell, it will always be thinner somewhere, or even a hole.

#borderline disorder

I looked at my hands and saw the hands of a thirty-year-old woman.

This formulation can be understood both in a good light and in a nightmarish one. I saw the hands of a thirty-year-old woman who didn't really do anything. It is not known what she fought for and whether it can even be called a struggle. With every passing day, what I'm still trying to do seems more and more pointless to me. We talked with my Japanese teacher, who is Japanese. She is over fifty, she is cheerful, lively, energetic and she still has half a life ahead of her. I'm thirty in a year and a half. On average, by the age of 60 I will be absolutely sick, old, decrepit and infirm. And at 70 I won't be. She is over 50. She has half her life ahead of her. And I'm not even thirty and my half is on the threshold. And there is nothing behind. And beyond this threshold is emptiness and darkness.

#life #the end #time

givememtnspls

Corfu, Greece

Or old age or something. Or maybe old age And "something".

Today I read a tweet that amuses me in a good way: "Biologically, by 30, people have already given birth to children and died in the teeth of a predator, so after 30, everything in our body starts to fail in unison." Scientific-unscientific is not the point, it just triggered once again to think about what kind of shit has been happening to my mind in recent years.

Procrastination reaches terrifying proportions. I might not be able to just post a show schedule or wash the dishes for WEEKS. The tab/dishes will dangle in front of my eyes, I will sigh heavily looking at them, tell myself "must" and … do nothing about it.

Fine motor skills. Or rather, WRITING. Yes, for me, as a writer, this is a terrible scourge: not just typos, I sometimes write WRONG WORDS. I think it would be more correct not to throw it off on motor skills, since I can typo between Q and L, but on the brain in general and its understanding of what it is doing. Seriously, sometimes I just write WRONG WORDS.

Spontaneous stuttering. Everything is fine with my speech, I never had any problems with it: neither dyslexia, nor dysgraphia (to point 2), but here, it happens, I talk, I talk, and suddenly I CANNOT go through some kind of sound. As a rule, not a sonorant consonant, that is, one of those on which stuttering usually occurs. Well, I can't at all. Moreover, in the same word, there may be the same sound before it, and it is pronounced normally. It only helps to urgently choose a synonym. Jumps out like a jack-in-the box absolutely randomly.

Symptoms of ADHD, which I do not have (not diagnosed, not tested, we will assume that it is not). I'm talking about keeping fucking attention. I used to have some difficulties, yes, but I could complete part B or part C or write 5 pages of text before I needed a distraction. Now I'm starting to feel this need much more often. If you think that now I need to be distracted after each exercise, then hell there. Not even after the written word. I CAN FALL OUT OF THE WORK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIEROGLYPH. LITERALLY.

"reading a scroll but getting a funk hole". I'm having trouble reading. Most notably in Japanese, ゆ and よ, especially after [i] (i.e. ゅ and ょ), don't want to be read correctly. ゆ instead of よ, よ instead of ゆ. や does not join the party, but this couple resists both reading and writing, substituting each other. It also happens with kanji: I see one thing, I read another. And no, this is not about underlearning, this happens precisely with well-known elements of the language (come on, try to give me at least a hint that I just don’t know the や column, take a chance XD). In the native language, it manifests itself less due to the fact that we, as a rule, do not "read" literally, we "shoot" entirely, without reading the characters, that is, it flies directly to the reading / writing mechanism, and not to recognition.

And all this is connected with classes that give me the feeling that I live. I want to do them well. In addition, the counting in my mind also flies into hell, I used to count relatively quickly, but now … in the middle of counting, the thought just stops. Banal division/multiplication by 10 can stop me, can it be worse?…

And it all seems like such a small thing, but it affects areas of my life that are important to me and … makes me feel like a fucking unfit and helpless. I seem to be drowning in this, and in the presence of a rotten desire to scoop out, I just go to the bottom.

“Just doing the exercises” become not enough for me. I decided to practice translation at the same time: you can understand what to put without knowing the meaning of the sentence, but translation requires it.