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I just want to rest here and do nothing.

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I woke early for a Saturday, before 7 a.m. Maybe it was the anxiety of not having sent my weekly open items list to my boss before the weekend. I don't know. I got dressed and walked across the street to the nearest coffee shop, where I planned to get it done and out before starting my weekend, but it wasn't open yet, so I went to the nearest Starbucks instead and bought a red eye.

There was a black SUV parked outside. Medical Examiner, it said on the side. I hadn't read those words in almost 3 years.

A police car was parked behind it. Someone had run tape between two yellow bollards across the mouth of an alley — white background, blue text. I could see the body bag at the far end. I wondered if it had been there all night.

I paced the block, waiting for the other coffee shop to open. The activity picked up. A black van pulled in, same tint and color as the SUV, and the SUV pulled away. Then they brought the body out of the alley in that bag, and the only thing in my head was how stiff my mother's body looked in the coffin, not at peace, but completely transformed and unlike herself.

They drove the body off. Both vehicles gone. The tape stayed up. I could see the blood on the pavement where they landed. A doorman from one of the buildings told me someone had jumped that morning.

It took 3 days for it to get cleaned up.

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I feel a renaissance coming on.

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I miss my mom.

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I bought a new pair of dress shoes and I’m wearing them for the first time today. It’s supervising what a pair of soles can do for your self esteem and possession.

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Last night I dream of my mother standing over a sink in a kitchen and a dodo bird flew in through the window and she held it in her hands for me to see it up close.

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Snapshots from my run yesterday.

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Sometimes I learn new things on the job. For example, how a drapery track can be installed fully recessed in order to limit view of the hardware or use millwork infill to achieve this.

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